The next thread for friendship, advice and support if estrangement has affected your life

Morning all

Jaffacake you are very selfless to give your D your car for 3 weeks! Does she not have a free curtesy car with her insurance? and not nice she hasn't been in contact with you the whole time!

I picked up my bi-focals on Tuesday, cannot get used to them, especially on my laptop. Anyone else tried them?

Your first post made me laugh Whiff about your wedding and your little GC saying they would be bigger than you soon with the youngest only 3yrs . My wedding reception [first one in '79] was at home too, that's what we all did then. My Hen-night was making the sandwiches etc. for the reception, all the baking done by my mum, luv her. We had 2 wedding cakes; my mum made the traditional one and my f.i.l bought us a roulette wheel cake as we were both croupiers then.

Hi no she didn't have a curtesy car as it's a mechanical issue not an accident. It's hopefully being fixed today.
I have a good friend coming to stay from Ireland tomorrow who has known my family for the last 10 year's and is like a grandad figure to the GC.
He sent a text to my daughter to say looking forward to seeing her and the kids and that we will be over Saturday evening to pick up mums car so that we can do some trips whilst he is here. Strangely she immediately phoned him and invited him over for dinner Saturday evening. His reply was mum and I will look forward to that !
Don't think I was actually invited but who cares ?

Whiff - I wear DHs wedding ring on a neck chain, but, luckily, my own still fits ok on my finger. I think I will need to have my engagement and eternity rings resized though.

My worry is that you have to leave them so that the jeweller can send them away for resizing. I couldn’t bear losing them.

Hope everyone has a nice day. x 💐

Hi everyone- I been having a social media detox , so not on here much . Read the last few day’s posts . @Jaffacake I’d add that if your daughter does suffer from mental illness that’s no excuse to treat you badly . I suffer greatly with my mental health but would never use it to excuse bad behaviour or nastiness towards others . @Whiff you made me lol with the tale of your wedding and @yogin yours sounded like good fun . @smiles and @DiamondLily hope you’re both doing well today ! Yes Smiles I often wonder how any of us managed to raise such self- absorbed self-entitled children. How does life just go so wrong hey ? I’m not bothering ringing / texting my AS during the week- I know he will ignore them and I got enough on my mind at the mo . I’ve put plans to move to the flat on hold for a few weeks, I’ve been suffering immensely with anxiety and I’m worried if I go on like this I’ll end up in the psych ward ( again) . So I’m taking stock . If it’s the right thing it will still be there after a 3 or 4 weeks pause . There’s a lot of downsides . It’s very isolated- did a drive out with a friend and it’s a long way to my dads , no buses , taxi costs £12 each way , and psychologically being this far from everyone will probably make my anxiety worse . I do have a flat despite staying with my dad atm . It’s small and I’ve never been happy there . But I have said my preference is to go back to “ our house “ . This is the lady place I saw my partner alive and I’m feeling the attachment. The LL said he will accept me back - they’re just messing about in the estate agent not updating me on the works being done . I been chasing them up a bit too much , so I’ve backed off . I messaged the LL directly this morning to see if he could help with timescales, but given he doesn’t really want direct contact, I realise this was my one chance to ( professionally and politely) try to explain I’m having difficulty getting info . He politely told me to chase the agent 😂😂
So it’s a waiting game . I won’t do 2 moves , hence the pause on the flat . They’ve told me could be up to 6 weeks to move in which is ok . That’s after getting an email last Friday telling me it would be 3 ….never mind . I’m going to wait for the work to be done . I realise it’s got downfalls , but I’d rather live there than in total isolation from anyone I know . I don’t fancy this . I have a tenancy support worker because of my mental illness - she’s helping me by organising a meeting to look into all possible housing options. She’s mindful of yet another tenancy failing because I can’t settle following the loss of my msn . Also this business with my son has made me so ill - these AC who treat us so badly have a lot to answer for . My worse case scenario is going back to the flat if all options fail . She tells me all options will not fail and sit tight with my dad for the time being. So I’m doing this . Trying not to worry excessively, being optimistic that the house will be ready sooner rather than later ( and that I definitely move in ) and trying to think that somehow things will work out fine . I have to learn optimism. After what life has dished out over the last year , I’m keeping everything crossed that something will finally go right for me . I hope for some good luck . Take care everyone xxx

Jaffa I’m sorry you’re feeling so sad. Your daughter is being very selfish. I’m afraid when you pull back she won’t be pleased, they feel entitled, there are so many lovely caring daughters out there, In future I would tell her you can’t manage without your car , take the bull by the horns and good luck, before my daughter got fed up with me I must say she was very caring and loving I thought the world of her and thought she did me.

Yogi, i found i had the same problem viewing the computer screen with bifocals.
i had a separate pair of glasses made, like reading glasses but slightly farther distance, computer distance.
these have solved the problem.
opticians are used to making these.

wellbeck when I needed to wear distance glasses as well as readers which I had needed since I was 19. My optician asked if I wanted bifocals I said no . He said good because he wouldn't like prescribed them for me. I am disabled and have mobility problems and have to look at the ground as I walk with my stick as I fall. When at home I sometimes for get to take my readers off and start to walk and then realise why I can't see properly to walk in them. I have 2 pairs of readers and 2 for distance. I always go to Specsavers . Have different shapes so I know which is which. Mind you have tried to put my readers on while still wearing my distance ones 🤦🤦🤦.

I have a friend who loves her bifocals but not for me .

Morning everyone. It's actually rather nice here this morning with some sunshine after yesterday's rather grey day.

Yes he was in a strop last week Whiff and was lucky to get away without getting thumped. The new opera piece is going well, with just a small section that I'm struggling to fit the words with the music, so will have to keep practising.

I can't use bifocals when I'm on my laptop or our computer Yogin so I have a pair of bifocals for reading, watching tv if I need them and driving, and reading glasses when I'm on my laptop.

I did try but just couldn't focus and found they made me feel dizzy.

"Mum and I will look forward to that" what a great response from your friend to your D Jaffacake, at least you'll get to see them. It might advantageous having someone else there with you as your D might want to be in her best behaviour. I hope it goes well.

It's just so hard to get your head around isn't it Allsorts. Like your D, our ES was very loving and caring, and we thought he thought the world of us, just as we did of him .

FWIW I think you've done the right thing putting the new flat on hold Ladysu. It was a good idea going to the area, finding out about public transport or rather the lack of it, and the cost of taxis.

Whatever you decide, it will be an informed decision and they're always the best ones where it's possible to make them.

Messaged DS yesterday to wish him a happy birthday and make sure he'd received his card, and when he replied he said he hadn't checked his post box for days and my message prompted him to do so!!!

I do wonder if he'd even realise if we didn't send him a card for his birthday or at Christmas, if I didn't ask if he'd got them. It does explain why he forgets our birthdays, mothers and fathers days and doesn't think to send a card at Christmas.

I usually get flowers sometime in May when he remembers he forgot both mothers day and my birthday; better late than never.

@Smiles yes I’m taking a break from the frantic decision making. I’m having difficulty getting updates from the estate agent on the last bit of the bathroom renovation in the house . Not sure if I ought to call them again today ? Spoke on Monday, lady was rude and no news . I just want to try to work out where I go from here ? My son thinks it’s a bad idea to go back , but hey I’m not asking for his blessing!!

That's good Jaffacake enjoy your friends visit and the lovely meal from your DD, you'll get to see your GC too.

Thanks for that Wellbeck I phoned Specsavers this morning and said I want my second pair to be just reading glasses, as can't use bifocals for my laptop or putting my classes together as I flick up & down page to page when making up a new class, I felt like I was going to get a vertigo attack! trying to get the bifocals to focus, same on laptop.

Thank you Whiff & Smiles I was so looking forward to getting my new glasses, so was quite disappointed with them to start. They are good for driving, have that anti-glare on them, and good for taking my class register and then looking up to chat with students before starting class, so really like that. Tried wearing glasses [not the bifocals] to do my yoga and teach with them on but can't do it.

Good idea to wait Ladysu as you are unsure. Good luck x.

Hello everyone,
I have posted a couple of times but not for ages. I wanted to give people a little bit of hope this morning (I hope it doesn’t upset anyone)….it is my birthday today and I have had a lovely birthday text and a card from my son for the first time in 4 years!!! Considering that they had a baby on Tuesday (their 3rd), I am so incredibly touched that he found the time to do this, as well as sending photos of the baby. I know that we’re not there yet, but it feels huge to me and has given me such a boost!! Maybe I will have my family back together after all 🩷

stillawip congratulations on being a nannie again . Why would your good news upset anyone here. We aren't like that. Pleased for you and hope you do reunite but don't let your guard down.

Personally if my son got in touch I would think what does he want. But I know I will never forgive or forget what he and my daughter in law have done nor trust my son ever again. But that's me.

Hope you get to see your grandchildren soon .

Stillawip, I don't often post here either, but read regularly and get encouragement and support from the others who do post. I just wanted to say how wonderful that your son got back in touch after 4 years, especially on your birthday. And you got pictures of your newest grandchild, what a wonderful birthday present. Happy birthday!

So pleased for you Stillawip 🙂, I can feel your smiles here !

Oh, thank you so much everyone - you are so kind , especially coming from those who are estranged. I have actually just had a lovely message from my daughter-in-law too, wishing me a happy birthday too, and asking whether I'd like more baby photos & to feel free to share them online!! I am so very touched & chuffed. So what with a beautiful chocolate cake baked by my husband this morning, lots of lovely cards & gifts, & dinner in London with my husband and daughter tonight, it's a wonderful week for me.

That's wonderful stillawip. Fingers crossed that this heralds a new chapter in your lives. 'Happy Birthday'
.

Thank you so much x

@yogin yea I’m very undecided. I’m contemplating coming up with a plan where I can keep my options open but it would involve possibly moving twice if I change my mind and take the flat then the house is suddenly ready !! What a nuisance xxx

stillawip

Oh, thank you so much everyone - you are so kind , especially coming from those who are estranged. I have actually just had a lovely message from my daughter-in-law too, wishing me a happy birthday too, and asking whether I'd like more baby photos & to feel free to share them online!! I am so very touched & chuffed. So what with a beautiful chocolate cake baked by my husband this morning, lots of lovely cards & gifts, & dinner in London with my husband and daughter tonight, it's a wonderful week for me.

Well done. Enjoy yourself! 🍾

StillWip, I’m so pleased your son and dil have been in touch. Do you know why they haven’t contacted you in 4 years. I wonder if the birth of their third child made them realise they missed you.

Oh, we have had sporadic contact over the last 4 years, but all occasions have gone past unacknowledged, so this is a first! Yes, it's complicated, as always, but I know I behaved badly at times & was too needy & insecure over a few things, & I have now had a long, hard look at myself, wrote & apologised genuinely for things I got wrong & explained how I am determined to do things differently going forward. I can't control how they think & behave but I can control how I do, & I recognised that that needed to change. As my name says, I believe that we are all still a work-in-progress until the day we die, so it's never too late for me to change things about myself!

Ooh, sorry, just reread my post from yesterday - I think I was on a bit of a birthday high & it sounds a bit preachy and evangelical!! It’s just what I had realised for myself & my particular situation, & absolutely not meant to be a judgement on anyone else in theirs 🩷