The next thread for friendship, advice and support if estrangement has affected your life

Morning all. 🙂

It was sunny, warm and lovely down here until about 4pm yesterday. It really felt as though the weather was improving. I sat out in the garden for hours.

Todays, it’s back to pouring rain, damp and horrible.😑

Oof, I hope it improves. My son and co are over from the States next week.🙄

Hope everyone has a nice day.💐

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SMILES

Enjoy your holiday Whiff

Allsorts I never fancied a cruise, but when invited by my sis.i.l & m.i.l many years ago I went as I had no other plans for a holiday that year. It was an Norwegian Fiords trip and it changed my mind about cruises as I had such a lovely time.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend all xx

DL enjoy your son's visit from the US x

Thanks. It’s a bit full on, but lovely to see them all. 🙂

This thread is nearly at capacity already.

Happy belated birthday Smileless, I hope you had a lovely day 🎂🍸
Enjoy your break Whiff,

Just a quick pop on. Having a lovely time . Meet up with one of the Gransnet crowd and her partner and her partner plus their whippet. She and her partner are just as lovely as I thought they would be. And their dog is a sweetheart . They are taking me to Lindisfarne today. Did say I didn't expect them to take me anywhere. But they said it had been a while since they had been . Take care all. Assistance room perfect for my needs good old premier inn. 😊

Glad you're having a good time Whiff and that all of your needs are being met.

Glad all well Whiff and it’s everything you wanted, you deserve it been such a long time since you had a holiday. How lovely another Gransnetter has welcomed you and showing you the sights. Even better.
Happy belated birthday Smileless 💐

Smiles I always feel very anxious when going away, not sure if it's age or the estrangement. I'm ok when I go away with my family and little doggie though, in this country, just when I'm setting off on my own & meeting up with others elsewhere for the trip. I did vow not to go abroad again and aside from the Disney trip I do intend to stick to this, leaving UK and flying off to another country feels a bit freighting now. Yet I've been very well travelled all my life until the lock-down

Hello everyone. Hope everyone is having a nice day - it’s lovely to sit in the garden (down here) and finally get some warmth and sun.👍

I’m not much good either at travelling, as I just feel better here. I don’t know why.🤔

But, I’ve got an American crowd descending on me next week, so I’d better get my Mrs Sociable hat on.😗

Have a great end of day. 💐

It's probably a combination of getting older and being estranged Yogin. When you're rejected by your own child and kept away from your GC, to say that knocks your confidence is an understatement so thinking about it, I think for me it's that more than getting older.

It's been lovely here too DL and we've been enjoying our roof terrace for the first time this year. All walls freshly painted and the baskets planted out.

How lovely to have them over to visit; how long are they staying?

Lunch out today as Mr. S. is bowling this evening and we treated ourselves to a few things for the summer. It's always nice to have one or two new things to wear isn't it.

I am just bumping my post out of the
way as when I saw page 40 of 40 I thought it was at maximum, I have been told it’s after 1000 posts,

Smiles - they’re over for nearly 3 weeks. It is nice to see them, but I find it hard without DH here as well.

I don’t know, since DH died, everything seems hard work. Even stuff I used to do I find a struggle now. I suppose the confidence issues have an impact with estrangement and bereavement. Both change your life.😗

My total lack of appetite isn’t helping - going out for a meal is now an expensive chore, instead of a pleasure. Still, this bereavement diet is impressive with its weight loss results lol 😉

But, I can, if I have to, just plaster a smile on, and appear to be enjoying it all.

Hope everyone has a nice day - sunny and warm again here.🌞

DL are your family all staying with you?

I remember hearing an article, years back, of ladies that wouldn't go on holiday, I thought 'how can anyone not want to go on holiday' and now that's me in respect of going abroad. I like a little holiday here in UK, with my DD & GDs, so I can take my little dog too.

Next week will be my estGC birthdays. One will be 14yrs the other 13yrs, last saw them when they were toddlers. Should be a happy occasion, but for me & my DD a very sad one .

Birthdays can be very hard Yogin . Our GC are growing up and we have no idea what they look like or the people they're becoming.

For me, they're no longer the heartbreaking days they used to be. It will register but just momentarily now and it's the same now for our ES.

Time does help to heal eventually, but the scars will always remain.

Yoginimeisje - no, there’s a few Americans coming over, so they’re staying at a hotel close to me and DD.

I’ll see them, but I’ve not got room here, and I still need my quiet times anyway.😉

Some days I still find hard, and they’re best dealt with on my own.

I’m sure all this will pass, but I’m doing what I need to do.

Be lovely to see them all though.🙂

Scars do remain Smileless. I find it hard in some ways as it’s so lonely when your loved one isn’t there, despite friends and being busy the majority of time on you are your on you own with your thoughts, I like my own company and couldn't stand 24/7 with anyone now. My gc came back to me but it’s still moms rules and she didn’t like it so I get to see them occasionally

Good morning all.

Another lovely sunny day here, although I think it’s due to end next week, for a while.

Still, making the most of it - I’m going to a barbecue tomorrow, and then again on Sunday.

These things are difficult without DH, but I’ve got to press on.

I wasn’t too happy this morning - I put on 4 skirts, that had fitted, and they all promptly fell straight back down. 🙄

So, I’ve had to order some new clothes, which I didn’t really want to do.

Ah well, that’s life.🙂

Hello, may I join this thread please? My daughter decided she would have no proper contact with me about a year ago. I’ve posted on Mumsnet and was told about this thread so I hope it’s ok to be here

Hi, Bluesky. All are welcome, although I’m sorry your daughter chose to estrange you.💐

We’ve all experienced estrangement, from various people, and it’s a nice supportive place to have a friendly chat/advice.

More people will be on later, but I guess many are enjoying this glorious weather.

Tomorrow, I think it’s rain again.

Anyway, hello again. 🙂

Hello Bluseky and a warm welcome to the support thread. I'm glad you've found us but sorry for the situation you find yourself in with your D.

Even after a year the pain is raw and it isn't easy talking about it even on a forum that gives you anonymity. You have friends here who will do all the they can to support and help you on this difficult journey.

Another lovely day here, just a bit cooler than yesterday. We had our first BBQ of the year on Friday and our gorgeous girl and her new partner came. Well, our lives wouldn't have been worth living is she'd smelt the BBQ and hadn't been invited .

Last night we went to a Michael Jackson tribute, I was a little dubious to begin with but when it got going it was fabulous. He was very good as were the musicians and the four female dancers were exceptional.

Another BBQ for us this evening, well we have to make on while we can don't we.

Hope you're all OK and enjoying this spell of lovely weather.

Welcom Bluesky, sorry you find yourself here but you will get lots of support.
BBQ sounds great Smileless and DL.I can smell them from my garden.

Welcome Bluesky. I’m sorry for the situation you find yourself in. Be assured so many of us understand what you are going through….so many questions, the fear, sadness, despair. We all have our own story, as we try to make sense of what has happened. Even after a number of years I can still hardly believe it has. I hope your situation is not permanent, but if there is no reconciliation everyone on here is proof that you can rebuild your life and live contentedly. Acceptance of what is, is the key, but this can take time. Sending hugs.

DiamondLily after your other half of you dies you are never whole again. As together you made a whole. You knew the real him and he you. I felt like walking through treacle. After years being a couple and it's worse for you as you had more years together than I did. You go from one minute making decisions together to suddenly it's all down to you. Yes you can ask others for advice but it's you who has the final say and it's hard. There is so much to deal with on top of your bone crushing grief. Saying your skirts fell off it's what I call grief weight loss even if you eat the weight drops off. I lost 2st without trying but of course it went back on and more. My mom lost 3 st and never put it on again .

Having the Americans over will distract you but at the end of the day you go to an empty house. The moment my husband died my home was just a house . As home was him . I didn't have a home until I moved here and am happy . But it took me 15 years to achieve that . As I have said had others dependent on me. And I lost me but thankfully moving here changed all that . Took me from the age of 45 to 61 too be happy again and living the life my husband wanted for me. While the estrangement is a negative I have far more positives in my life. The pain of my husband dieing far out weighs what my son has done.

It's very early days for you . Just take it one day at a time look after yourself and don't try being brave I foolishly thought I had to be but hurt myself.

As I have often said grief is the price we pay to love and be loved in return by the person who completes you . Two halves that made a whole. But we are lucky some people live their whole lives and never find the other half of themselves. But we and others here did . And that is precious.

Bluesky glad you found this thread . Smiles and other long time posters here have made this a safe place to talk about whatever you need. It doesn't have to just be estrangement but anything you like. There is no judgement just support,advice if you need it , understanding and most importantly of all friendship. There will be the occasional nasty posters who try and disrupt this thread but it has endured for over 11 years so please ignore them if they appear. Plus don't take any notice of any poster who pops on saying you need counselling or tries to blame you and make out you know why your child no longer wants you . Your daughter has chosen her path and it's not your fault. Never blame yourself for what your adult child decides to do.

Still haven't caught up reading your posts properly yet. But will get round to it. It's 23.5° already in my living room. Was 24° at 10 last night and that's after the storms we had. Thankfully it wasn't that hot last week when I went away.

Had a wonderful time . MayBee70 from the pears thread and other places said she and her partner and dog would be at their home there. And wanted to meet me. My description of myself must have been spot on as she looked and shouted my name. I had pre booked my taxi to the hotel before I travelled. And because my room was ready paid £10 for early check in. Room was perfect for my needs. Went with them for a drink and they said they would take me to Lindisfarne the next day . I had mentioned on the pears thread things I wanted to see but never expected them to take me anyway.

It was thrilling going across the causeway and Lindisfarne is beautiful . Went to the ruins and walked around part of the village but the castle was to far to walk. We then went to the honey place. The cafe was closed but they had brought some sandwiches and coffee with them. The shop was lovely and the story book of Woytek( probably spelt that wrong) the bear was fascinating as it was a true story . They had a copy of the book written in English and Polish and a photo of him helping the troops.

Wednesday had the day to myself so explored Berwick upon Tweed. My legs had forgotten what it was to walk up and down hills 😁. But had a lovely day and as per me talked to a lot of people.

Thursday MayBee and I went on a 2 hour trip round the Farne islands. The sea was calm . Fun getting on the boat but the deckhands helped. Taking photos and videos I realised my hands had stopped trembling. I think it was the engine that counter act my tremors. Very weird. Saw Puffins and didn't realise how little they are and how red there feet are. Saw lots of other sea birds and lots of seals in and out of the water. The time flew by. So glad we did it and was lucky with the sea .

Went to their home it's in a beautiful place dunes to the front and fields at the back. MayBee make a delicious tea bread.

The staff at the hotel where lovely. And will go back to Northumberland but a different part another year. My first holiday for 19 years now thinking about next year but will do more research and find somewhere flatter.

Spend the weekend resting . I have the freezer defrosting and want to get into the garden today. Tomorrow Sainsbury's delivery, Wednesday my window cleaner is coming to paint my fences and going to my daughter's for tea, Thursday craft group and Friday off to the Brain Charity exercise tester classes. Love my sit fit group but interested to see if I can do something else.

Anyway rambled on as usual. Bet you thought you had gone deaf 🤣🤣. Take care all especially in this heat.

Whiff - glad you had a good time, it sounds lovely.

Yes, you are right - nothing is ever the same again. I’m looking forward to seeing DS and co, but it won’t be the same. DH loved them, they loved him, and we used to all have a great time.

But, I’ve got to plough on, because I know my DS worries about me, and being so far away makes it worse.

The weight is still coming off, although the hair loss has stopped. Until my appetite improves I don’t suppose it will.

Sleep is another issue - not sure what to do with that.🤷‍♀️

My SIL commented, yesterday, that with how little I eat, it’s only wine calories stopping me fading away completely lol 😉

Still, it was a nice afternoon, sitting in the garden. Very warm though. The GCs are at Uni, until the summer, so they weren’t there though.

Ah well, these things pass, and it feels better being able to get some sunshine, although it’s cloudy today.

Anyway, hope everyone has a lovely day x 💐