Estranged daughter and my will

Smileless2012

Well if that's the message an EAC wants to take then they will take it BlueBelle. It's their decision to estrange and if EP's decide to disinherit them, that is their decision to take.

A legacy of hate is the legacy our son has left for us, not what we have and will leave for him.

Exactly! My daughter used to mock me being so forgiving to my husband when he would act up. She used to say that I should not reward bad behavior.

Well, maybe if I am the last man standing and have the control of all the money, I might leave it all to son and grandkids and the note may read You were right, I should never reward bad behavior.......

Whiff

User you never have a nice word to say to anyone on the estrangement threads .

Best if you keep your opinions to yourself. And stop blaming parents . It's their children who make the choice to estrange their parents . And when people like me do not know why stop calling us liars. You may sugar coat it but that's what you are doing.

100% you are right!

User14823

BlueBelle

Smileless2012

That's been the case for others who have estranged too, and it makes sense to me DL. I wouldn't dream of inheriting anything from someone I'd decided I didn't want anything to do with.

But surely its the message left behind which if left out is ‘you were right to disown me, I don’t love you as much as I love your sister ‘
The daughter can refuse it if she feels that strongly but surely you want to leave the message ‘no matter what you are both my girls ’
Help the kind daughter now and that ll make what you leave behind smaller but the estranged daughter will never know that
You gave birth to two girls they have your blood running through their veins. They are both part of you good and bad
I couldn’t leave a legacy of hate leave a message of love, its all we have left

Agreed.

Leaving them out of the will out of spite only proves that they were right all along about their parents.

Their love was always superficial and conditional. Unlucky.

You can love someone unconditionally but still not reward them for bad behavior. At least, that's what my daughter used to say when I would be willing to forgive my husband when he would act up.

So perhaps that's the note I will leave when I give everything to my son and grandkids......whatever is left, that is. I intend to not do without anymore, like I did when my kids were young so they could have things. Plus, money will be no object with my grandkids. If I am so blessed with extra dough, they both will be going to the college of their choice.

We do pretty good financially, which is no guarantee these days as older years bring more medical, dental needs and prices continue to rise in the US, but, if so lucky to have some extra, I have no hesitation blowing it all on the grandkids. My son also needs some help, he'll get it. .

So maybe they'll be not much anyway left. But the note will read something like this...... you were right, I shouldn't reward bad behavior.......

User14823

BlueBelle

Smileless2012

That's been the case for others who have estranged too, and it makes sense to me DL. I wouldn't dream of inheriting anything from someone I'd decided I didn't want anything to do with.

But surely its the message left behind which if left out is ‘you were right to disown me, I don’t love you as much as I love your sister ‘
The daughter can refuse it if she feels that strongly but surely you want to leave the message ‘no matter what you are both my girls ’
Help the kind daughter now and that ll make what you leave behind smaller but the estranged daughter will never know that
You gave birth to two girls they have your blood running through their veins. They are both part of you good and bad
I couldn’t leave a legacy of hate leave a message of love, its all we have left

Agreed.

Leaving them out of the will out of spite only proves that they were right all along about their parents.

Their love was always superficial and conditional. Unlucky.

If an adult child really dislikes a parent enough to estrange them, then surely it would be that they wouldn’t want anything from them at their death. 🤷‍♀️

Inheritance is a privilege, not a right.

You would think so wouldn't you DL and there have been EAC who have said they want nothing from their parents when they die.

It always amuses me to see things along the lines of 'leaving a legacy of hate' and the AC will be left thinking that you don't love them etc. I remember a conversation with our DS several years ago now (nothing to do with wills and inheritance), during which he said his brother didn't know if we loved him!!!

I told him that if the first 27 years of his life weren't evidence of our love, there was nothing we could do or say now, to prove that we do.

Just as being a part of our adult children's and their children's lives isn't a right, which is something constantly reiterated on these threads, neither is an inheritance.

Well, yes, if ACs throw a fit if their estranged parents send card, gifts, letters etc, whilst alive, I can’t imagine why they would want anything from beyond the grave.

To accept anything would surely smack of hypocrisy. 🤷‍♀️

Your daughter cut you off,,doesn't want reconciliation, how does that mean you don't love her, quite the reverse. It's a cruel and cowardly act she made of her own free will, so respect her wishes let her go and have her freedom.,
Spend your money as you wish, I would leave a sum to my grandchildren, then the rest to children's causes. to help those who have not had priviledges of mine. She won't know you've gone anyway as she s not bothered. If possibe spend it now. It's a hard lesson realising are not wanted or loved but,it's easier when you accept ut.

Agree totally here with Smileless, DiamondLily and Allsorts on this.......perfect.

Even better the day when you realise you don't care anymore, takes time though.

It is up to you who you leave money to. I would give it to the youngest one.

As an EAC myself, I think when you cut a parent off you obviously forfeit your right to inheritance.

There are options to distance yourself without completely cutting contact if the inheritance is so important.

I made the decision for my health and healing from trauma, and I wouldn't imagine either of my parents think much of me anymore. Choices have consequences. I feel I made the right one and I accept the consequences of that.

Money/stuff isn't a substitute for a loving connection. If the love isn't there, inheritance (and approval of my choices) is meaningless to me. I'm not sure why any EAC would expect anything else (unless there was some aspect of financial abuse).

I don't want anything from them.

Also if it was me being imitated that's weird. I did just use a generic username so maybe that's how it happened.

It's a hard lesson realising you are not wanted or loved, but it's easier when you accept it. So true Allsorts.