Estranged daughter and my will

I have experienced both

An abusive childhood was the much harder to recover from

It must be difficult to be around people who are bitter, angry and dissatisfied I agree VS and like you, know we are blessed for those we do share our lives with.

You may be right User, but I suppose the only way anyone could know for certain would have to be unfortunate enough to have experienced both.

It must be difficult to be around people who are bitter, angry and dissatisfied

I count myself blessed for the people around me who are the wonderful family I found for myself after estrangement

Toxic is a word like many others used to convey meaning. I can say I had a toxic mother rather than sit for some time and describe all the ways she hurt me every time it comes up in conversation

It's not a label and it's not a diagnosis.

People do not walk into a friend's house and say "I brought eggs flour, sugar and butter that I put in a bowl, mixed until light and fluffy, placed in 2 tins, cooked for 36 minutes at 180 degrees, waited while it cooled, placed jam and cream between the 2 layers then dusted with icing sugar... Enjoy" They say "I brought cake!"

I can think of much worse stressors than estrangement. For example, prolonged abuse from a loved one is worse than estrangement.

Life is a juggling act at times it certainly is DL and it's not always easy keeping all the balls in the air. I agree that People often do seem more bitter, angry and dissatisfied with life and like you, I don't know why but I do think it's sad.

even moving home you're right about that DL as we are finding ATM. My exceptionally well organised brain has gone to mush since we made our decision on Friday.

I even managed to go out last night wearing only one dangling ear ring . When we got in I realised I wasn't wearing one and assumed I must have lost it. It was only when I saw it in the bedroom that I realised what I'd done .

There's no stress like being estranged except bereavement you're right Allsorts.

Allsorts

Toxic is a word I hear a lot about, what exactly is it. Is it someone one getting on your nerves, saying the wrong thing, neglecting you, abusing you? I know there's bitter people and cruel ones it’s in the papers all the time. I do wonder if it’s used to describe someone you’ve just grown out of or that you consider a nuisance who irritates. This is not aimed at any individual as its mothers as well as daughters that estrange as the person was toxic.

Well, I don’t label people, as I’m not a qualified psychiatrist - some are nice to be near, others are not.

People often do seem more bitter, angry and dissatisfied with life, but I don’t know why.

Any major stress can trigger physical problems - whether that’s divorce, bereavement, estrangement, homelessness, debt or even moving home. It happens.

With most stress, a way of dealing with it can usually be found, and then (hopefully), the physical symptoms subside.

Life is a juggling act at times.🤷‍♀️

There’s no stress like being estranged except bereavement.

Toxic is used in this context to describe someone who is... In the most basic terms, unhealthy to be around.

Because our body's are complex, someone who is hurting you on an emotional level can also impact your physical health. Things like Reflux, IBS, fibromyalgia and many many autoimmune conditions can be triggered by stress. It's widely known to be fact that too much emotional trauma in early life impacts brain development and our bodies ability to heal or be resilient to certain addictions. These problems can be healed to a certain extent in later life but not easily while in contact with the toxic person that poisoned them during key stages of development

So in the same way we would deem certain plants (as one example) to be toxic and harmful to our health... So are some people

As far as I can tell southwestgran doesn't have a favourite D and the D she remains in contact with isn't a golden child SMA.

The estrangement is her D's choice, not her's.

Toxic is a word I hear a lot about, what exactly is it. Is it someone one getting on your nerves, saying the wrong thing, neglecting you, abusing you? I know there's bitter people and cruel ones it’s in the papers all the time. I do wonder if it’s used to describe someone you’ve just grown out of or that you consider a nuisance who irritates. This is not aimed at any individual as its mothers as well as daughters that estrange as the person was toxic.

I am estranged from my Toxic mother, and I certainly hope she has written me out of her will. I do not want anything from her, nor would I expect it. She dangled that will over me so many times when we were still in contact it was just exhausting the games people play with the wills.

One thing I would not do is tell your estranged daughter or your favorite daughter what you plans are. It is just another way to hurt your daughter and empower the golden child. Take it all to the grave unless you are looking to be witness their reaction which isn't healthy.

It isn't an easy decision as you say Allsorts and for us and I'm sure for many, wasn't made until we knew that our relationship was over and nothing could change that.

I have known of two men upon remarriage after the death of a partner, who left everything to the new partner, despite always previously had a good relationship with their children. I got nothing off my own father for that reason, but I had no animosity as we had always been close and the new wife was in control from day one. I and my siblings never challenged it.
Fast forward twenty years, my only daughter whom I always adored estranged me. Nothing I did would bring her to discuss it with me. A few years later I went to a solicitor to change my will but cancelled it as I was in floods of tears, the lady solicitor was so upset and she said leave it a while it's too raw, I left it two years and went back to her and finally did it. After, she told me it was far from uncommon, that more arguments came after will reading than you would think. She then added, I can't think how you must feel but know you're not alone.
I've never forgotten her kindness.
It's a huge step for any parent to take, we shouldn't be judged, I didn't judge my father, he was a good man who unfortunately made a bad choice of wife, he had said that to me but couldnt face a divorce as he wasn't in the best of health, he married too soon after my mother died.
At the end if the day it's just money, no one might get anything if we live long enough to use it all up on care. If there is any spare cash help them now whilst you can is my thoughts on it but it's up to the individual.
Some estranged parents are bad but so are some estranged children.

I don't know what it means in the context of this thread Iam because there hasn't been one. Unfortunately the polarisation will always continue if there are those who are unable or unwilling to look beyond their own experiences.

Iam64

Smileless2012

I'm like the meat in the estrangement sandwich awww Namsnanny it can't be easy for you and no one's saying how terrible EAC are anyway, if anything it's the opposite.

I’m sad that the polarisation continues. What does a pile on mean in the context of this discussion. It’s not like politics, where opposite views can result in a ‘pile on’. This is real life, with real feelings and experiences

I suppose politics are simple - everyone can disagree, shrug and move on, even after a “pile on”.

I haven’t seen any evidence, on here, of any sort of pile on. People just have their strong views because emotions are involved.😗

Smileless2012

^I'm like the meat in the estrangement sandwich^ awww Namsnanny it can't be easy for you and no one's saying how terrible EAC are anyway, if anything it's the opposite.

I’m sad that the polarisation continues. What does a pile on mean in the context of this discussion. It’s not like politics, where opposite views can result in a ‘pile on’. This is real life, with real feelings and experiences

Smileless2012

That's the thing with estrangement DL other family members can end up being collateral damage, especially children.

Yes as I’m finding out with Miss D and the baby.🙄

Hopefully, the judge will sort it out. The social workers are backing us.

Wearing though. 😖

That's the thing with estrangement DL other family members can end up being collateral damage, especially children.

Smileless2012

No body has piled on User and no one is claiming to be a victim. When someone puts on one liners, it's understandable that they're queried.

so you all can continue to talk about how terrible we are a good example of being dramatic.

Even though estrangement was never anything we'd have wanted DL, when I read some of the posts from parents, p's.i.l. and GP's I can see how our lives could have been had we not been estranged and are thankful that we were at least spared that.

No, I do get both sides. I struggled with my mother (a totally awkward women) when she contracted Alzheimer’s and I had to help look after her (mainly to support my dad).

But, I gritted my teeth and got on with it. I’m perhaps a product of my generation. I didn’t particularly mourn her death, but I just nodded and smiled, and got on with it, for the sake of my Dad, and my adult ACs, who were all devastated when she died.

Life’s never easy at times, but sometimes, you just have to suck it up for those you love.

But, I won’t appease anyone else’s bad behaviour if it only affects me.🙂

I'm like the meat in the estrangement sandwich awww Namsnanny it can't be easy for you and no one's saying how terrible EAC are anyway, if anything it's the opposite.

...^so you can all talk about how terrible we are^ ...

My circumstances don't allow me to be in one group against the other, as I have a mother who I am low contact with (trying to do my best for her at 89y through gritted teeth🤣) and have been estranged.
I'm like the meat in a estrangement sandwich🤣😂🤣

No body has piled on User and no one is claiming to be a victim. When someone puts on one liners, it's understandable that they're queried.

so you all can continue to talk about how terrible we are a good example of being dramatic.

Even though estrangement was never anything we'd have wanted DL, when I read some of the posts from parents, p's.i.l. and GP's I can see how our lives could have been had we not been estranged and are thankful that we were at least spared that.

I wasn’t aware of anyone taking about anyone terrible, but yeah, whatever floats your boat.👍🍾

I didn't clarify because everyone piles on. The comment wasn't for your benefit. I explained because someone said they were genuinely worried.

You are not all victims of people who disagree on an open message board. The dramatics are too much and I will disengage (for now) so you all can continue to talk about terrible we are. Enjoy!