Estrangement advice

I know it's written for parents VS.

But it is written for parents, not adult children

You feel that the onus is being placed on the parents when the characteristics of behaviours that cause issues in relationships are clearly defined in the article?

Or do you think the issues themselves unfair?

It's the role of both the parents and the AC to want to fix the relationship and work together to do so. There didn't for me appear to be anything being asked of the AC. As I've said the responsibility for the strained relationship and repairing it is being given to the parents.

That's not what I am asking, I am asking, what is the parents role in fixing a strained relationship, which is what the article is about

VioletSky

No

What is the parents role in fixing a strained relationship?

I already told you! It is not possible to fix a relationship with someone who doesn't want it fixed - and in many cases refuses to communicate with you. The parent is powerless

Pipps

Thank you.
I would never have treated my mother like this and we had many arguments over the years. We just said what we had to say, left each other to stew for 24 hrs and then carried on like nothing had happened.
This generation are totally different.

Well thank goodness this generation is
Different. Carrying on like nothing happened is terribly unhealthy. Frankly I’m very proud of anyone who refuses to rug sweep problems. Our generation spent far too long putting up with All sorts of misery becahse we were taught it was the right thing to do. Rather than demand better of ourselves and for ourselves.

No

What is the parents role in fixing a strained relationship?

I presume you mean what is the parents role in causing the problems? As has been said many many times - they very often have done nothing to cause the problems. Their "role" in the future is to try to survive with a broken heart

Ok, so what is the parents role in that?

You can only "fix" a relationship if the other person wants it to be fixed. If they don't, everything you try to do is pointless

So obviously I don't understand the issue with this article but it's obviously one that would prevent many passing it on

How would you guys advise someone on fixing a strained relationship with a child and preventing estrangement?

Doing the right thing leads to happiness for me, even when it is hard

If everyone prioritises their own happiness who looks after those who can't look after themselves - which is often a thankless task? I was my father's main carer for the last 4 years of his life - it brought me very little happiness but it was the right thing to do. If I had prioritised my happiness I would have left him in his care home and forgotten about him- but I knew that would distress him

So no issue that the article states that younger people tend to do that a bit more than older people?

Exactly, VS, we agree! Everyone should prioritise happiness, theirs and that of others.

Everyone should prioritise happiness

I don't see the issue

A lot of older generations spent a great deal of time setting themselves on fire to keep others warm... Much to their own detriment

Actually, happy people are better friends, better colleagues, better parents and also better children...

It's unhappy people who hurt people

Yes, VS, I understand what the piece is about and that’s why I’m questioning the phrase “today’s young people prioritise their happiness”, in the context of conflicting parties coming together. How much will that help in steps towards reconciliation, do you think?

Pipps, 18 months isn't a very long time. Do you think you can reconcile? You say her husband is abusive, so it sounds like she needs you - maybe more than she knows?

Did you ask her to choose between you and her husband?

It's an article about repairing strained relationships... So it's not relevant but no, none of my 5 children are estranged from me

I don’t think you’re an estranged parent are you, VS? Perhaps you don’t see it from that point of view?

I'm really surprised, as a parent myself, I find it really well worded and helpful to avoid potential mistakes/pitfalls

I don't know what else to say really

If one side’s priority is their own happiness, the implication is that the other party’s happiness isn’t considered, not a good recipe for bringing people together.

It doesn't come across well does it Delila.

VS, surely it’s rather important that in a piece advising people on healing division, more attention should be paid to the terminology used.

Prioritising happiness is a more inclusive aim I agree Delila.

I don't entirely agree that it's an article to help people mend relationships. As I've said, it's too one sided with all of the emphasis placed on parents.