Support and friendship For Those Estranged

Glad you had such a lovely holiday Whiff. Have always wanted to visit Lindisfarne. Enjoy your time with your relatives DL. Am sure you’ll have plenty to catch up on, and hopefully some nice days out. Well done Bluesky for sorting some time off. As others have said, getting your mind round estrangement is emotionally exhausting. An interesting thought Smiles about thinking you now have one son not two. A while back I’d not have entertained the thought, but recently have been thinking less and less about EC. Inevitable really I suppose as we haven’t had any shared history for some years. Seems they wanted complete detachment and now this is happening not just physically but emotionally too. So sad nevertheless….

Hi, Spring20. - yes, we will. Have caught up with him by phone, but they are knackered, so will all meet for a meal tomorrow night.

Jet lag is exhausting.

Sorry that you are estranged - it cannot be easy. Since my DH died, last year, I’ve estranged my stepkids and family, plus my brother. I do feel a bit sad, but as it’s my choice, not that sad.

I’m sure they’re not that bothered either.

A pity we can’t all get along, but that’s life, I suppose.😗

Afternoon everyone.

Just got in after walking into town for a spot of shopping and lunch out.

Had to replace my electric toothbrush boooooring, so treated myself to some new clothes. Two light weight cardigans, two linen tops and a pair of linen trousers and saved 20% off the final bill .

Why don't men get it, and recognise the fact that when we shop when there are offers to be had, we're actually saving money.

You must be so looking forward to meeting up with them all this evening DL; have a lovely time.

It took me a while Spring and started when I realised if people we were meeting for the first time asked the usual questions, it was just easier to say we have a son in Aus. and no GC.

As time has gone on, well it has been 11.5 years for us now, it really does feel as if we only have one son. It is sad and I think that once the physical detachment has happened, the emotional detachment at some point is inevitable.

Thanks, Smiles. Yes, I am looking forward to seeing DS and co, although it’s a bit sad without DH.

We finally have a court date for the contact etc with my family and my great GD - it’s on June 21st. We’ve all got to attend, as it’s not via Teams or anything. I just hope it gets settled and no more postponements.😗. That poor child needs stability.

I’ve got no direct experience, but I guess, from reading on here, that estrangement, by an AC is a bit like bereavement.

In that, at first, the emotional pain is raw and all consuming, but, as time wears on, the edges smooth and slow adjustment and acceptance creeps in.

(I could be wrong, of course, so feel free to tell me.💐)

Although, I suppose, people don’t come on bereavement sites to try and metaphorically blame and kick the person struggling.😗

But, hey ho, there’s no accounting for strange people. 🙄

Your new clothes sound lovely, and, no, you’re right, men never quite understand how money saving works for women.😉

You're spot on DL which is why it is referred too as a living bereavement; we grieve for the loss of the one we love who still lives.

I would say you're right that on a bereavement site, you wouldn't have anyone trying to metaphorically kick and blame the person struggling, just because they are also suffering and their experience is different.

I've been educating Mr. S. on my money saving techniques for 44 years!!! Clearly my work on this particular is not yet done .

It’s funny now. I’ve had to buy some new clothes because of weight loss, but it’s strange getting stuff without anyone rolling their eyes and sighing at me lol

Funny the things we miss.😉

Hope you had a lovely meal DL and enjoyed catching up. Also good that the date re ggc has been fixed. Really hope a good solution is reached and things get settled finally. I can’t imagine what it’s been like for you all living through this.
Someone asked the other day if I have gc. For a split second I caught myself not knowing what to say. Feels huge not to acknowledge their existence, but the practical reality is that I don’t have gc. Interesting thread on X today - apparently is an article in a magazine encouraging young people to ditch their families. As we know reasons are v diverse, but the statistic given was 26% have now done so, and that it’s part of a cultural trend, encouraged by malign influencers.

Glad you found some nice new clothes Smileless - I’m struggling to find anything I like. Can’t fathom why so many shops sell jersey summer dresses!

Spring20 - thanks, yes, it’s been a long drawn out saga. All parties are agreed that the birth mother can’t be allowed unsupervised access to the baby. It’s just a case of sorting out residence (with the birth mother’s adopted mother), and regular contact with my side of the family.

The judge wants to rule on the whole thing in June, so hopefully, it will be settled. We have the support of the Guardian Ad Litem, CAFCASS and the social workers, so it’s looking ok.👍

Yes, it was lovely to see them last night. Today might be more strained. My DS and his Dad (my ex) have fallen out again (silly stuff), and they’re both standing on their dignity lol🙄

But, ex phoned me yesterday and we had a chat. I spoke to my son last night, so hopefully, they’ll both stop it, just enjoy the time and get on with life.

I don’t know- sometimes, with my lot, it’s like herding kittens crossed with Whack-A-Mole. 😑

Hope everyone has a lovely day x💐

'Have you got any GC?' is a hard one Spring I answer with 'yes two, but we're not allowed to see them'. It's a bit of a conversation stopper because I don't think I've ever been asked why.

Perhaps that's because of what you've posted Spring. More and more are becoming aware that estrangement is part of a cultural trend encouraged by malign influencers, so if I say we have GC but aren't allowed to see them, they put 2 and 2 together and make 4 .

I love the way you talk about your family DL, despite everything that you've all been through and continue to go through, your posts conjure up a picture of a close, loving and caring family and that makes me .

Overcast and chilly here this morning. I was going to put my winter pj's away and start wearing my summer night ware but I think I'll wait a little longer .

Smileless - Oh, well, I just told DS and ex to both put their big boys pants on today, have a drink, have some food and shut up.🙄

So, we will see - hopefully me and DD can keep them in line 😉

It was nice at the pub last night though. My step grandson came over with his new husband. I did meet the husband last year, when they came over for the funeral, but it obviously wasn’t a happy time. Nice to meet him under jollier circumstances. He’s a very quiet chap, and looked slightly bemused at our family. Can’t think why.🤔

When SIL and I decided it would be a good idea to play some old Carpenters tracks, on the phone in the beer garden, and duet to them (we were well lubricated, in our defence lol🍾), he looked positively alarmed.

Some of the others, in the garden, joined in, and it was fun.

DH used to love it all, and I missed him being there, 😗

Ah well, new husband will get used to it.

We are close, as a family, but I suppose a lot of it is that we all know each other’s quirks, faults and shortcomings, but we just accept them, and have a lot of laughs.

If anything goes wrong, we thrash it out, there and then, and no one sulks or festers.

I guess all families operate differently though - what works for one lot wouldn’t work for another.

Hopefully, your DS can come over soon. These long distance things aren’t easy. x

I agree with Smiles - it is so refreshing to hear how your family interacts DL. I think you’re a great example to them all!

When I read about how your family interacts DL, it reminds me of how the four of us used to be before we were estranged. Now it's just us three and I don't think any of us will ever be able to completely come to terms with our ES no longer being here with us .

Well it's like pea soup outside this morning with the sea fret, not that I have plans to venture out this morning as DS has sent his second paper for his university course to read through before he submits it.

I'm very impresses, not by his work because I haven't seen it yet, but because he's broken a life long trend of leaving these things until the last minute, and this doesn't have to be submitted for a further 9 days .

He sent the previous one a few weeks ago and I received it @ 11.00 pm UK time. It had to be submitted that day as he's 7 hours ahead, so I had to sit there when I was ready for bed, to go through it.

Church choir practice last night was disappointing. Only 4 of us and G the tenor, wasn't there and wont be on Sunday. When we practised this Sunday's anthem last week, he was counting us in so now the organist P, a great guy, is having to nod his head 4 times before each verse, to bring us in on time.

The Psalm is very difficult and will be more so without G, so I've brought it home in the hope I can find it on line to familiarise myself with it.

The problem with some of them is the melody (such as it is) doesn't always go the way you expect, and I do have a tendency to go up or down according to what my ear tells me would be right and not how the music's been written .

Morning all

Beautiful sunny dry day, looking forward to walkies soon.

DL your meal in the beer garden with your own music playing and you all singing along sounded wonderful! I'm sure your 'spirits' will be lifted by the end of their visit. Good to hear the court case went well for you all.

Spring how awful to read that on X, it's a dreadful new phenomenon this 'cut out your family and you will be better for it'. Wonder how they will feel when it's their turn!

Smile It's nice to hear how well your singing is going, you have found your new happy place in life. When I am asked about GC, I always say 4, then talk about the 2 in my life. Well done on all the money you have saved on the purchase of your new clothes, they sound lovely.

Just bought a pigeon proof bird feeder, I was getting more and more pigeons, some like Freddie & Fredrika are lovely and quite tame, I could go right up to them and have a little 'chat' I love the doves and the squirrels are very entertaining, but word is getting about which garden to go to get your breakfast & lunch! I hope to get more little birds in the garden once the big fat pigeons have gone elsewhere, fingers crossed.

Smileless - glad you liked his dissertation. My middle GS, who is due to graduate soon (as a teacher), sent me his for opinion. It looked fine, but I’m no expert.😗

(Perhaps you should do one on “cultivating positive relationships”….and, yes, I am teasing lol 😷🤐)

Yesterday went fine. I felt really unwell yesterday, (hands up - too much wine 🍷 the night before - my fault.🙄)

But, I ploughed on yesterday, just drinking coffee and water all day (all good now). Ex and DS are now mates again, so it worked.👍

I did say to DD this morning, that I’ve only been trying to achieve 2 things since Xmas - for ex and I to be able to attend family stuff together, without trying to kill one another lol, and for ex and son to sort out their differences.

Both done, so I’m stepping away from ex now a bit. He still reminds me of why I divorced him, and I’m weary of pandering, laughing and coaxing.🙄. DD agrees, as she knows this has been a bit of a strain. Ex really is irritating. He can’t help it, he’s as he is, but I’ve moved on.

Yesterday, to add to the fray, was DH’s birthday. I’d sooner spend these days alone, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t even mention him with ex there, and I don’t want this regularly.

Still, a couple of days off, and then a barbecue on Sunday (no ex), so time to chill and do some housework.

So, rest of trip and then onwards and upwards for the court hearing. 🙂

Morning everyone.

It's good that your son and ex have sorted their differences DL. I can understand why you'd have preferred to have spent yesterday on your own. It must have been difficult keeping your feelings under wrap with it being your DH's birthday.

Does he know what the family is going through and about the upcoming court case? Everyone's support is needed at such a difficult time isn't it. This is about his GGD, GS and D after all.

You must be looking forward to a more relaxed get together on Sunday, fingers crossed that the weather is decent for the BBQ.

Well I was thinking about doing a dissertation on cultivating positive relationships, just not sure if I'm sufficiently qualified to do so though .

Seeing Freddie and Fredrika's names in your post made me Yogin. You'll have to let us know if the pigeon proof bird feeder is a success, and if the pigeons begin to look a little trimmer.

Need to email DS this morning with my feedback. I've already told him how well written it is, the only real issue being commas or rather the lack of them . So I'll have to give him each main heading, then sub heading so he can find the places I'm referring too and insert them.

I'm hoping to be able to find the music on line for tomorrow's psalm so I can listen to it over and over again, until it's firmly implanted in my brain. At least I know the anthem we're singing tomorrow evening like the back of my hand, so no worries there.

Not too bad here weather wise this morning and it looks reasonable for the weekend but no BBQ for us because it's not that good .

Good morning all. Mild but a bit cloudy down here - they forecast better tomorrow.

Aw, Smiles you know we all need to foster positive relationships….🤐

I might suggest, tomorrow, a group hug, around the garden table, and singing Kumbaya, just to be sure lol

But, if I’m honest, the threat of me singing would drive them away screaming.😂

Yes, ex does know about the court case. His view is that we fed and clothed our kids until they were 18, and nothing else with them need concern us…..I view it differently. I’ve always been close to the kids and GCs. But, you know, all part and parcel of why I divorced him.🙄

Hope your singing goes ok. x

Hope everyone has a nice day, whatever you’re doing.💐

Sounds like a plan DL we have group hugs all the time. They do though consist of Mr. S. and myself with the two dogs and we have to be mindful of tongues; the dogs not ours just to be clear .

Bugger, can only find the written music but no audio available .

That's a pain, could Mr. S. hum it for you ? 🙂

Smileless2012

Bugger, can only find the written music but no audio available .

If it’s a common song, would it not be on one of the music apps or You Tube.?

Smileless2012

Sounds like a plan DL we have group hugs all the time. They do though consist of Mr. S. and myself with the two dogs and we have to be mindful of tongues; the dogs not ours just to be clear .

Is that viewed as canine abuse? 😂😂

I very much doubt it Bridie should I ask him?

It's not common because it's for a responsorial psalm DL. I've found the composer's other work but not the one I need.

Well is should be especially if their tongue inadvertently goes in one's mouth

1🤣🤣🤣🎵🎵
Would the vicar/ church be able to help ?

We practised on Thursday and we'll go through it on Sunday before the service but its a tricky one. I just hate having to sing anything I'm not confident about; makes me nervous.