Support and friendship For Those Estranged

Whiff

Shows how much this thread helps people as I have had to read back 3 pages to catch up. Been AWOL having problems with water retention and my legs swell and get painful but have had pain in my legs all my life . If I was pain free then I would know I was dieing 😂. Pain I can handle it's how tight my skin gets that really bugs me. Plus sticking to my cal allowance and my weight goes up. Really annoying. Phone surgery on Monday and got face to face appointment same day. GP referring me back to cardiologist for echocardiogram as my last one was 2020 and had a bubble echo few months later. Had MRI on my heart in 2021 so know the connections between the chambers of my heart are intact just a small hole in the side of my heart but having medication.

Having to take my BP twice of a morning and evening for a week as GP wants the readings. She wrote it down but didn't read it until I got home why she put 4 x7 =28 readings I don't know I learnt my times tables years ago.

This GP has been with the practice years but first time I have seen her. She had me in earlier than my appointment as I am always early. Had 20 mins with her and she listened to me . Saud you are over weight I said I know but lost 7st still trying to loose more but my legs swelling makes my weight go up. Had to stop having coconut milk as she said it was to high in sugar . She had asked me what I ate and explained how I have to have my meals. She asked lot of questions about my HPX but always glad to spread the word about it because it's rare. Because of my falls and my mom having osteoporosis refering me for bone scan she is worried about my hips and wrists. But in my 66 years not broken a bone yet. Anyway that's why I have been AWOL.

Babs you will love down sizing I did it 5 years ago and moved 100+ miles to the north west and have a 2 bed bungalow which I have had adapted to make it safe for me. I found decluttering my big 3 bed house decluttered it but also decluttered my mind and was ruthless in getting rid of things . I even sent my wedding dress to the charity shop. To old fashioned but plenty of material for people to use. As I know people buy things just for the fabric. Let go of the condolence cards and letters but hadn't read them since my husband died and no intention of reading them again.

I love it here never met such caring people and love my bungalow as it's my home . My house stopped being a home the moment my husband took his last breath and I just existed . Took me 15 years to get a home again . From my first time I slept apart from loo visits but got back straight to sleep. Even as a teen never slept well .

I missed my husband more as the years go by and even after 20 years the grief can still overwhelm me but I don't fight it and cry ,scream shout whatever makes me feel better.

Moving I can finally do what my husband wanted for me and that's live the best life I can. Time flies here and my week soon fills up . Bills are cheaper and better healthcare. And have true friends I can call on. Live close to my daughter and family who I see usually weekly . Used to see my son and my 2 grandson with him every week for 7 months until covid. Then still have text ,calls ,pics and videos. Last saw him on my birthday in 2020 covid rules in place so we couldn't touch and sat apart. 4 days later a text telling me he sent me and email and his sister and the rest is history.

The hardest thing about estrangement isn't just missing the kind loving son I had for 32 years or missing my now 3 grandson's but finding out my son is cruel and a coward. Who breaks up via email and follow up letter. But he just hasn't thrown me away but our side of our family.

Sorry to hear about ongoing health probs Whiff. Looks like you are going your level best to battle this.
Your story of moving and Smileless, has given me a boost. Is hard but I know we are doing the right thing.
Am so glad I discovered this thread, as you say is helpful and healing. Enough with the judgy comments elsewhere, we’ve been judged and found wanting by our own flesh sand blood, no need to take it from anyone else.
Time to breathe.
Take care x

Morning all

Had a lovely time at the concert in the park, I've never seen it so crowded, the Jaz band were really good, so that's why, Regretted taking Joey as it was too loud & busy for him, know for next time. We ended up going to a lovely Thai restaurant afterwards, such a treat! Took Joey home first of course.

Oh dear, such a dilemma Jaffa, definitely not the laser party, it will busy & nosey even if you can sit in a separate room, the boys will be so excited and I don't think your GS with have any time for anything other than his friends. Could your D not bring him to your house, where you can have some birthday cake and give him his present, on another day to his laser party, that would be best for you, and him, I would have thought. Good luck.

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Shows how much this thread helps people as I have had to read back 3 pages to catch up. Been AWOL having problems with water retention and my legs swell and get painful but have had pain in my legs all my life . If I was pain free then I would know I was dieing 😂. Pain I can handle it's how tight my skin gets that really bugs me. Plus sticking to my cal allowance and my weight goes up. Really annoying. Phone surgery on Monday and got face to face appointment same day. GP referring me back to cardiologist for echocardiogram as my last one was 2020 and had a bubble echo few months later. Had MRI on my heart in 2021 so know the connections between the chambers of my heart are intact just a small hole in the side of my heart but having medication.

Having to take my BP twice of a morning and evening for a week as GP wants the readings. She wrote it down but didn't read it until I got home why she put 4 x7 =28 readings I don't know I learnt my times tables years ago.

This GP has been with the practice years but first time I have seen her. She had me in earlier than my appointment as I am always early. Had 20 mins with her and she listened to me . Saud you are over weight I said I know but lost 7st still trying to loose more but my legs swelling makes my weight go up. Had to stop having coconut milk as she said it was to high in sugar . She had asked me what I ate and explained how I have to have my meals. She asked lot of questions about my HPX but always glad to spread the word about it because it's rare. Because of my falls and my mom having osteoporosis refering me for bone scan she is worried about my hips and wrists. But in my 66 years not broken a bone yet. Anyway that's why I have been AWOL.

Babs you will love down sizing I did it 5 years ago and moved 100+ miles to the north west and have a 2 bed bungalow which I have had adapted to make it safe for me. I found decluttering my big 3 bed house decluttered it but also decluttered my mind and was ruthless in getting rid of things . I even sent my wedding dress to the charity shop. To old fashioned but plenty of material for people to use. As I know people buy things just for the fabric. Let go of the condolence cards and letters but hadn't read them since my husband died and no intention of reading them again.

I love it here never met such caring people and love my bungalow as it's my home . My house stopped being a home the moment my husband took his last breath and I just existed . Took me 15 years to get a home again . From my first time I slept apart from loo visits but got back straight to sleep. Even as a teen never slept well .

I missed my husband more as the years go by and even after 20 years the grief can still overwhelm me but I don't fight it and cry ,scream shout whatever makes me feel better.

Moving I can finally do what my husband wanted for me and that's live the best life I can. Time flies here and my week soon fills up . Bills are cheaper and better healthcare. And have true friends I can call on. Live close to my daughter and family who I see usually weekly . Used to see my son and my 2 grandson with him every week for 7 months until covid. Then still have text ,calls ,pics and videos. Last saw him on my birthday in 2020 covid rules in place so we couldn't touch and sat apart. 4 days later a text telling me he sent me and email and his sister and the rest is history.

The hardest thing about estrangement isn't just missing the kind loving son I had for 32 years or missing my now 3 grandson's but finding out my son is cruel and a coward. Who breaks up via email and follow up letter. But he just hasn't thrown me away but our side of our family.

I have migraines and when a child suffered from seizures up until my teens. Both are neurological and in my case a laser display would cause me to suffer a crippling migraine. If your problem is neurological please don’t go to this laser quest thing.
Your daughter sounds as though she can be unreasonable anyway so be prepared, perhaps if you can manage to go there if they don’t come to you but don’t go to the laser quest, have cake with your GS and give him his present.
All the best and hope you get help with whatever is causing these worrying symptoms 🤞

She does know that I am waiting on a diagnosis but has either ignored or sent me unpleasant texts since I was ill 2 months ago. Her attitude is that although I am ill I should still be supporting her,emotionally and physically looking after the children. I don't know what to do.

Hello jaffa my thought is maybe you could go to the laser party. You wouldn't have to participate in the laser quest at all. But might be nice to see him enjoying himself with his friends and enjoying them all eating the cake u bought. I'm sure there is always a party room at theese things and u can sit and have a cuppa while waiting for them to finish then enjoy watching the bit after. Just my thoughts rather than something separate if u don't feel u can manage it

I’ve got a neurological complaint, so I see the problem. I certainly wouldn’t be doing a laser party!😳

Unless you can get to him, and stay indoors, doing something nice, there doesn’t seem to be many options.

If your daughter knows about your health, can’t she help accommodate something safe that your GS would enjoy? She surely wants her son to be safe.

Jaffacake2

Early evening sunshine here ,hope everyone on this thread is well.
My ongoing saga continues unfortunately.
Health wise I still have weakness on my right side causing balance issues and momentary loss of speech. Waiting to be seen by neurologist at St George's hospital looking into multiple sclerosis diagnosis.
My eldest daughter who has been abusive to me text me today about my grandsons birthday next month, asking whether I am going to be involved. I replied I would love to and perhaps buy the cake. She then informed me that it is at laser quest with 10 other 9 year old boys or I could do a separate activity with him as a birthday treat.
She just won't talk to me on the phone or travel the 20 miles to see me. So she doesn't,and wont, acknowledge how bad my health is. I can't take the boy out as I don't feel safe and often lose speech,he would be terrified. I can't face a laser party either.
I am trying to work out how to communicate this to her without causing more distress.
Any ideas ladies ?

Does she know you are waiting to be seen by a neurologist at hospital looking into the possibility of MS?
If not I think you need to let her know and then say that your health isn’t really up to doing much atm but you really want to sue your GS to celebrate his birthday. Float the idea of them coming to you for a birthday tea with a nice cake.
Am so sorry your health is bad right now, this must be such a worrying time for you 😞

Early evening sunshine here ,hope everyone on this thread is well.
My ongoing saga continues unfortunately.
Health wise I still have weakness on my right side causing balance issues and momentary loss of speech. Waiting to be seen by neurologist at St George's hospital looking into multiple sclerosis diagnosis.
My eldest daughter who has been abusive to me text me today about my grandsons birthday next month, asking whether I am going to be involved. I replied I would love to and perhaps buy the cake. She then informed me that it is at laser quest with 10 other 9 year old boys or I could do a separate activity with him as a birthday treat.
She just won't talk to me on the phone or travel the 20 miles to see me. So she doesn't,and wont, acknowledge how bad my health is. I can't take the boy out as I don't feel safe and often lose speech,he would be terrified. I can't face a laser party either.
I am trying to work out how to communicate this to her without causing more distress.
Any ideas ladies ?

Smileless2012

Afternoon everyone.

Hope you enjoy the concert Yogin and the theatre on Wednesday. I used to love seeing the pelicans flying just above the sea when we were in Florida.

The move will be beneficial Babs . We're counting down the days now and this last bit, wanting to take as much to the lodge as I can before Friday is the hardest for some reason .

The buyers were here this morning taking measurements and surprised at just how big the house is, now there's not much left to be moved, especially the basement.

I joked with them and told them I'd changed my mind . They said they wouldn't let me and I said we couldn't afford to replace all the furniture we'd parted with. Could go the auction and buy a lot of it back I suppose ...... no I really am joking and hardly wait for next weekend.

So glad you are nearing the end of your move, it gives me hope that ours will soon happen.
Hope the back is recovering.
X

Afternoon everyone.

Hope you enjoy the concert Yogin and the theatre on Wednesday. I used to love seeing the pelicans flying just above the sea when we were in Florida.

The move will be beneficial Babs . We're counting down the days now and this last bit, wanting to take as much to the lodge as I can before Friday is the hardest for some reason .

The buyers were here this morning taking measurements and surprised at just how big the house is, now there's not much left to be moved, especially the basement.

I joked with them and told them I'd changed my mind . They said they wouldn't let me and I said we couldn't afford to replace all the furniture we'd parted with. Could go the auction and buy a lot of it back I suppose ...... no I really am joking and hardly wait for next weekend.

@DiamondLily,
Thanx.
Am also sure the move will be beneficial.
Here’s hoping 🤞

Yoginimeisje

Off to a concert in the park with a friend later, Picinic chair at the ready

Going to see Matilda at the theatre on Wednesday, preceded with a visit to the park [in London] that has Pelicans!

Enjoy.
Still sunny and quite hot here.
Have been gardening but given up and intend to sit in the shade for a bit.
Xx

Yoginimeisje

Good luck with your move BABS

Thanx.
Am excited and also anxious.
🤞

Off to a concert in the park with a friend later, Picinic chair at the ready

Going to see Matilda at the theatre on Wednesday, preceded with a visit to the park [in London] that has Pelicans!

Good luck with your move BABS

Babs03

Yoginimeisje

I'm definitely a different person than I was before the estrangement. It hit me so hard, I feel I have not fully recovered & know I never will.

It changed our whole family. We are not only estranged from our eldest daughter but my sister and most family on my side.
We are lucky to have three daughters their husbands and grandchildren keeping close to us, they are also estranged from their oldest sister and my side of the family.
None of us will ever be the same.
Is a loss that never eases, a pain that you learn to live with but always hurts.
But we move on, we have to, cherishing the love we have and gaining strength from it.
We are moving from our family home, downsizing, has been hard to let go but also cathartic. Hopefully we will start a new chapter now, a new life. Has been too long and life is too short x

I’m sure you’ll feel better when you start a new chapter in your life.💐💐

Yoginimeisje

*DL*: Forums are funny things at times. You get all sorts of people, slinging in responses - some with their own agendas.

Yes, we see the posters acronym, but don't know or see who it is that's posting. On another thread, the OP, I wondered if she/he was a drag queen or transvestite, as she/he was banging on so much about the aforementioned.

No, we don’t. I’ve been on various forums for a long time. Some posters are genuine, some are “keyboard warriors”, some are flamers (just out to start an argument), and some are just out and out fantasists.

If I think some are genuine, I’ll always respond honestly - but, as for the rest, I let them carry on, arguing with their own toenails, and go and do something useful. Real life has enough going on without all the online nonsense.🙄

The problem is that these people can upset the more vulnerable, which makes them deeply unpleasant.☹️

Sad really, that people need to do this.

Yoginimeisje

I'm definitely a different person than I was before the estrangement. It hit me so hard, I feel I have not fully recovered & know I never will.

It changed our whole family. We are not only estranged from our eldest daughter but my sister and most family on my side.
We are lucky to have three daughters their husbands and grandchildren keeping close to us, they are also estranged from their oldest sister and my side of the family.
None of us will ever be the same.
Is a loss that never eases, a pain that you learn to live with but always hurts.
But we move on, we have to, cherishing the love we have and gaining strength from it.
We are moving from our family home, downsizing, has been hard to let go but also cathartic. Hopefully we will start a new chapter now, a new life. Has been too long and life is too short x

Once on here, many years before, I was convinced a poster was my estD, first she was attacking me, but then when others joined in, over many days/weeks, she suddenly started to defend me and was pm me a lot too. She disappeared as swiftly as she arrived. She said in her pm I'll help you and she did. Still wonder

Sorry if my posts seem out of synch, I'm reading then posting as I go

I'm definitely a different person than I was before the estrangement. It hit me so hard, I feel I have not fully recovered & know I never will.

Yoginimeisje

*DL*: Forums are funny things at times. You get all sorts of people, slinging in responses - some with their own agendas.

Yes, we see the posters acronym, but don't know or see who it is that's posting. On another thread, the OP, I wondered if she/he was a drag queen or transvestite, as she/he was banging on so much about the aforementioned.

Ha ha, yes anonymity makes it hard to guess who people really are, I subconsciously have an image in my mind when getting to know posters. But would never say what those images are cos would probs be way off the mark. 😂

DL: Forums are funny things at times. You get all sorts of people, slinging in responses - some with their own agendas.

Yes, we see the posters acronym, but don't know or see who it is that's posting. On another thread, the OP, I wondered if she/he was a drag queen or transvestite, as she/he was banging on so much about the aforementioned.