Support and friendship For Those Estranged

Caleo we do talk about estrangement but also other things going on in our lives . This is not a doom and gloom thread . Yogin was being kind not pitying you she isn't like that . I talk about anything and everything I call the rambles. Estrangement has been said is a living grief no matter what what form the estrangement is or how long or short it has been . This thread has been a lifeline for me and so glad I have got to know everyone .

Just write what you feel and you will be listened to and get support and friendship.

To tired to write more today . Been up since 5 and out at 7.15 finally got home at 3.

I have to say it gives me strength to come on here and just chat with those who get what I have been through. It really helps. Indeed sometimes I find it hard to post on threads about estrangement, reading about somebody else’s despair does bring it all back, and I also fear the judgemental tone of others. However, I do post because I feel I have something to say that could be helpful.
But on here is a safe space and sometimes I think we all need that.

Caleo

Diamond Lil, pity is good. I was at one time in a pitiable state and no doubt will be so again.

However feeling one is being pitied , although pity is akin to love, is not good for someone who can rise above a bad situation. As were you apparently.

I did so too in my own way. I did welcome help from others, The help I received was positive, reassuring, and realistic.

I'd like to bring these qualities to help others enduring the unpleasantness of estrangement.

I have looked for the first time at this topic on Gransnet, and the topic sometimes does not seem to be estrangement but chit chat.

Well, my divorce was at my instigation, so I was just relieved when the Decree Absolute came through - It had been a long, expensive slog.

I remarried to who was the love of my life. When DH died, last year, I was on my knees (still am some days), and support, on here and in real life, was lovely.

But, I knew what I needed to recover was to find some positivity, smiles and even laughter. I didn’t want any sort of counselling (fine for some, just not for me), so I gravitated towards those things and people that could lift my day.

I also had an ongoing two year court saga going on, which distracted me, if nothing else. 🙄

We all handle pain and stress in our own ways.🙂

This thread is generally about our day to day lives, and coping with all that life throws at us. Which can be anything really.

Other threads, on this section, started, by various people, tend to be more about individual estrangements, and people asking for advice/support, but they keep getting derailed, which is a shame.

Anyway, hope everyone well and that you all have a nice day. 💐

Yes it is a shame when other threads about estrangement are derailed DL which is happening ATM. Even when a new poster is encouraged to post here I think they've been discouraged by the unpleasantness they've encountered, so leave altogether.

A recurring attempt to insult us is that we want to exist in an echo chamber . Maybe there's a degree of about the longevity and success of this particular thread and of the friendships that have been made here.

Maybe there are some who resent seeing that EP's can re build their lives, move on and be happy again because they prefer to think of any parent whose been estranged, spending the rest of their lives in perpetual misery .

I think those of you who have kept this thread going for so long have done a great job. For me, relatively new, has been reassuring to come on here and meet others who know what I am talking about, and am sure has been the same for others.
Is peevish and cruel for posters to come along and seek to sabotage threads aimed at helping those who feel despairing and vulnerable.
🥺

Nice to hear you have everything done in your new place Smiles As Babs has said I too thought everything is on a cloud for all medical professionals to see, so when you go to the hospital and change doctors, it's all there

Glad you are recoverying from your bout of Covid, I believe; myself and close family had it before the alert was put out, so Xmas 2019. Never had it since.

Yes my nasty neighbour definiatly gets off on the bullying, wish we had sorted this out as soon as we moved in, but couldn't with upstairs neighbour not giving consent to knock the little wall down. My son has work for the next 3 weeks, just hope he has some energy left at the weekend to finish the job he started on the driveway. I'm sure we will still need to get the council to put an 'H' bar over the drive, which I believe cost £250!

Yes I agree about it being so upsetting when a new poster gets pleasure in trying to goad us and scaring off newly estranged GP. It's helpful to read others stories on the same subject, many sounding so similar to your own. Getting lots of advice, sympathy & friendship on here.

For me this is my counseling session, but it is also nice to hear about posters day to day lives, so getting to know that person in full, not just about how the estrangement from their DAC & GC has wrecked their lives.

I question if they are new Yogin.

An 'H' bar is a good idea, well worth the cost.

Over the years this thread has been counselling sessions for me too, it's a great thread and will continue to do what it does best.

Feeling much better, no negative reading yet and don't want to keep using tests, not many left, so will wait until the weekend now. Definitely haven't had it as bad as last time. DH doing much better as well but his sinus trouble has kicked in so imagine that will rumble on.
Bless your son Yogi, he is doing a good job. As for your nasty neighbour, would like to say that what goes around comes around but am afraid I see far too many nasty people dodging any comeuppance.
xx

Yes your right Smiles some keep coming back for another dig! I only come on this thread and know, by what you & others have said, that it kicks off on the other estrangement threads too, from time to time.

I googled and found out that my neighbour needed consent from whomever was here before me, to put those white lines over our property, also looks like it cost £120 for just the 'H' bar. I sent the article to the highways, hi-lighting the 'Need consent' bit. My son said you've jumped the gun a bit, as need to finish the drive before anyone comes to take a look, true! but normally these things move slowly don't they.

Thanks Babs. Nice to hear you are feeling better today.

That blooming rain! Can't take Joey out in this!

A friend of mine is having a hip op. [no, that's not a dance] today, hope all goes well for her.

@Yogi, hope your friend’s hip op goes well. My hip is giving me trouble but I think will creak on for a bit longer.
Lots of rain here and temps have really plummeted. Would normally resist putting heating on but DH still poorly so had it on early morning for an hour to take the edge off.

Like many others this thread has been a lifeline for me . What my son did I didn't even know it was called estrangement. This is a safe haven away from the viciousness some other threads on this forum can descend into . Sadly many start threads to get help and get a lot of support and help but then it attracts negatively and back biting and the person who started the thread never posts again . I often wonder what happened to them and if they got help elsewhere.

I wonder why people think they can have a go at new and long term posters and would they do that in real life face to face . I doubt it very much as they like hiding behind a username and get away with murder and unless someone reports them they are given free rein by GNHQ.

Case in point the thread started by EleanorRose has deceased into chaos and only just had a few posts deleted. Plus seems there is a nasty element of new posters coming out of the woodwork just to have a go at various people .

Thank goodness for this safe haven . I am a couple of pages behind so as per usual my ramble will be all over the place .

Smiles glad your house is now empty. When I left my house I looked around and felt nothing but relieve I didn't have to live there anymore . Once my husband died it was a house and not a home . Didn't feel a bit sad locked up and pushed the keys through the letter box. The estate agent had a set of keys and I left all the spares with notes how to work the boiler and the manuals for the hob and built in oven , bin days and few quirks the house had. Never even looked back when my brother drove away as I was spending the night at my brother and sister in law's house. Completion was the next day but the removal company was going to store my things for 2 weeks while I had new carpets and few things done to the bungalow before moving in. First order was get pest control in to get rid of the mice . The bungalow had been cleaned but they didn't do anything about the mice in the loft and kitchen 😱.

Completion didn't take place until 3pm the next day. The estate agent who sold the bungalow phoned me to tell me it and told them I would collect the keys the next day. Then my solicitor phoned but I didn't let on I already knew as the first thing my solicitor said are you sitting down and said congratulations completion has gone through and thank her very much . Should say my house sale had fallen through twice and both my solicitor and estate agent had me in their offices in tears. I joined GN after the second sale fell through and found I wasn't alone . But I was lucky I had thr solicitor I had as she didn't charge me extra when the sales fell through unlike some on the thread did . What she quoted at the start was what I paid and had fixed rate with estate agent as I wanted to know what I would be paying at the end in advance. Both firms earned their money as my house when on the market March 2018 and the bungalow was mine August 2019.

Luckily I found my bungalow July 2018 and should have moved September 2018 but the sale fell through day if exchange . I thought I had lost the bungalow but they kept it for me and where happy to wait. I fell in love with it from the outside and felt at home moment I step in the front door . Good see straight away what needed doing but knew it was my forever home .

Had that feeling with my house but my husband was with me and we both loved it . I lived there 34 years before moving but I existed and had no life after my husband died.

Moving gave me a life and found me again . I am living my life to the full just like my husband wanted for me but couldn't before .

I got to see my children and grandchildren weekly instead of every few months since 2006. And I was happy again . Found joy in life again . That's why I will never understand why my son estranged me . He came every week with his 2 eldest for 7 months and we had lunch and playtime . Last time I saw my grandsons they where 4&2. Covid stopped the visits but still had contact videos and pics. Phone calls and texts . And the rest is history.

I often wondered if Covid hadn't hit would he have dumped me and all over side of the family. Nearly drove myself mad wondering in the days ,weeks and months after his email in May 2020. If it wasn't for Smiles answering my PMs and reading everyone else's post don't know where I would have turned. But I always knew I hadn't done anything wrong . And it was my son's choice .

Estrangement is called a living grief but it pales into comparison to the grief I feel for my husband. That has gotten worse as the years go by and it's a pain that will never heal or get better. But the pain from what my son has done has lessoned . I do miss him but the son I knew for 32 years not who he is now he is a stranger but I never deny I have a son . I miss seeing my grandsons growing up the eldest will be 8 next month his brothers are 6 &4. The 2 eldest would have forgotten me by now and the youngest I have never seen or now his name or exact date of birth.

But I am not alone in that respect as I know how little time Smiles and Mr S had with their grandchild . So I am lucky I had the time I did.

Luckily I have my daughter and family I see regularly. She has booked for our yearly visit to see Santa in December. She text couple of weeks ago to see if I wanted to go . The first time they took their eldest to see Santa didn't go well he screamed the place down and didn't take him the next year. Can't remember if this is 3rd or 4th time I was asked to go with her. My son in law has a season ticket for he's football team had one since he was 8-9 and goes with his dad still.

Good to see your morning rambles Whiff, as usual you speak a lot of common sense.
Some threads lately have been cruel and nasty and not really moderated well , in my opinion by GN.
I love that you are so open about your estrangement and how you have finally moved forward to a fulfilled life.
Like you I don't know reasons for my estrangement, and even after these last 4 years it breaks me down, and although I carry on for those who still care for me I can't seem to move on from that gaping hole where others are missing.
It's sad, cruel and painful.
just reading these threads helps just knowing it's happening sadly to others and seeing how they cope.
Great that you have finally moved on with your new home Smileless, I hope life is happy and peaceful there for you and Mr.S, your input into these threads are valued and helpful, just keep on keeping on.
Hope all have a good weekend and this dam rain stops 😆

Babs hope you are covid free . Got my flu jab booked a few weeks ago having it in a couple of weeks once I can book my covid one I will . Had my pneumonia one last year so don't have to have that again . My daughter will make sure she has a flu jab this year as she didn't last and had flu.

Yogin hope your friends hip op went well . It's painful to do the exercises but vital she does them to aid recovery and get full movement in her hip. Does she do yoga? If so once healed she will see a different in how how much more movement she has pain free.

Glad you are pro active about your contacting highways department and found out about the H bar. A friend of my from craft group has had the same nasty neighbour for 30 years but with her door cam has been able to record all his antics. Plus she has always kept a log of all his anti social behaviour. It's gotten worse over the last 2 years and she had to contact the police and they have been round and warned him about his behaviour he was even nasty to them . They have footage of him keying her car and he denied it was him . He's daughter doesn't believe her dad does anything wrong but my friend has noticed she no longer visits regularly.

I could have been dead for a week in my old house and my old neighbours wouldn't have noticed . But here if they don't see me for a couple of days one of them knocks to check I am ok
so glad I moved to the north west.

Hopefully Yogin it stays dry and Joey can go for his walk soon be time for his winter coat. It is differently chilly of a morning . Plus we alter the clocks next month so darker nights.

Was my last gel printing class this week but putting on our exhibition on Tuesday until 12th . I will go and help set it up along with those that are free. I will take tea , coffee,sugar and milk with me plus my entries the library will supply hot water and mugs . It will take longer to put up than take down which I will also help with. Still think it's hilarious me in an art exhibition. 🤣.

Everyone who can't come in Tuesday plus the rest of us are all meeting at the library on Wednesday and probably go out for a cuppa or lunch. So everyone can see the finished exhibition. Our teacher has written a bit about our work and the Brain Charity and about the fact we have various disabilities.

A craft friend gave me some stencils to take to class as she had never used them. One of the class asked if she could take them home I said yes as she loves using them and she is going to start painting at home. She has a hereditary eye condition and has triple lens in her glasses because of her eye sight doesn't go out once it start getting darker as she can't see as well. I will miss going each week even though it was long journey there and back . Will keep my eye out incase something else takes my fancy .
Caleo I hope you keep posting and as you see I ramble on . Estrangement is hideous but it doesn't mean your life has to stop . Love to hear more about you and things you like to do .

Thanks Babs my friends op. was canceled last minute, same happened to me with my wrist op., canceled 3 times! Problem with my friend is that the hospital is in Sussex, she stayed with her nephew the night before and now he is picking her up this morning without the op. being done. I suggested she's best to stay put with her nephew till she gets her next op. date, hopefully in a few days time.

I'm creaking a bit too, my left leg hurts, sometimes when sitting or lying for a long time, or going up the large flight of stairs, twice per week for my yoga classes. Something isn't right, hope it's not my hip!

My upstairs neighbours are moving in today! Looks like it's the young blonde women with 3 children, hope I'm wrong about the 3 children, can't see how they will all fit into a 2 bed upstairs flat, the second bedroom is tiny! They did stop and remark about the front garden, one saying was it like that? the other women answered don't remember. Oh dear, my son is working again today, but promised to get out there tomorrow and sort it out so it looks good.

Unbelievably Dickhead next door, started chating to them and when they mentions they didn't know where they would park their van, he said they could park over his driveway as he'd be at work! Just hope he's shot himselve in the foot, as if the move is anything like ours: arriving at 2pm van leaving at 9pm! The ladies now think him a brilliant neighbour

Whiff I don't think any of us estranged on here know the reason 'why', aside from jealousy. You were lucky with solicitor not charging more, I was charged for the 2 that pulled out, which I thought very unfair and that the ones pulling out should have got the bill.

Love your rambles whiff, agree about those sabotaging threads when posters reach out for help, is horrid, just wish the posters came on this thread first, that’s what I did and am not sure I would have posted again if my thread had descended into chaos.
As for moving, what a headache, only one buyer has pulled out but we are effectively back to square one and the bungalow we wanted has now been sold.
Estate agents and solicitors are a breed apart, thankfully.

@yogi we were charged when our buyer pulled out. It really stings when not only are you disappointed but out of pocket too.

Great weather here today so out for a walk later. Hope is nice where everyone else is, so you can get out with the dogs Smileless and you can take Joey out Yogi.
Do miss not having a dog, but still on a fence about getting another. Is it fair at our age?
X

Whiff it was a good day when I installed my door-Cam, can see & record all. It's quite unsettling to see him being so friendly with my new upstairs neighbours, as he was with me when I first moved in, but knowing how nasty & foul mouthed he will become if crossed.

No, my friend doesn't do any yoga, I'll have to do some gentle yoga with her once she's back home after her op.

Babs nice and sunny here too, looking forward to walkies in a while, hanging washing on the line before I go as looks good enough out there. You're not too old to get a dog Babs, maybe try the dog rescue centres for a dog out of puppyhood. That's where I got Joey from and he is the most loving of dogs.

OMGG! I clicked on the ad for those back support vest, thought I could get one for me & my daughter, till I saw the price £99 each! But going back into my emails I've somehow joined mumsnet . Looked to see how I can unjoin without success. I always thought that odd, how clicking on one of the ads or a 'top thread' on the GN email, it throws you over to mumsnet!

Yoginimeisje

Babs nice and sunny here too, looking forward to walkies in a while, hanging washing on the line before I go as looks good enough out there. You're not too old to get a dog Babs, maybe try the dog rescue centres for a dog out of puppyhood. That's where I got Joey from and he is the most loving of dogs.

We have been thinking of a more mature dog, our last one ‘Scout’ was a rescue dog.
Think we will have to get another.

Btw both got negative readings for covid today. Yay! Still feeling tired but hoping we can manage a gentle walk rather than our usual treks. X