Support and friendship For Those Estranged

So good to hear you enjoyed your wedding Spring and found a lovely outfit to wear. Yes, it gets easier to push the sadness of estrangement aside and enjoy ourselves again.

Well done Smiles Mr.S*. Are selling your original Lodge, or do they take as part exchange?

Morning everyone.

Such a lovely and positive post Spring . Your wedding outfit sounds just right and I'm glad that there was no sadness about your EC not being their and that despite the sadness many of you share, you had fun.

so guess that chapter really is closing now. We've had a chapter closing moment too. Storage is the big issue which is why we have to let go of so much and that, which has come as a big surprise to us both, includes the memory box and contents that we have for our EGC.

This radical down sizing certainly focuses the mind on what really is important in the present. What may or may not be important in the future, might not even be wanted, is no longer important to us.

Living in the present and making the most of what we have is all that matters.

Yesterday afternoon was very difficult as we asked our lovely girl to come round so we could tell her about our move. She came with her new partner and I struggled to get the words out as the tears got in the way.

K spends more time away as when she's not working she goes to stay with K (yes we have two K's now), and when she is here, K is usually here too. So we know that she's not going to be on her own. Had that not been the case, we may well have never thought about moving.

The love and bond that we share I know will endure and they are looking forward to coming over once we are settled and we'll still get together to go out for meals as we'll stay at our flat, just half an hour's drive away.

I had a better night's sleep last night as breaking the news has been on my mind and we had to wait until she was here before breaking the news. The tearful hug we shared said more than words could ever say.

Squeeze the joy out of every moment, friends yes Spring, that's something each and everyone of us must do.

Delighted for you Smileless - a new adventure! I hope you meet and make some lovely friends in your new place. And a home with a view sounds wonderful!
Wedding was lovely (wore a plain cobalt blue dress with accessories!!!). For first time didn’t feel sad about EC not being there, so guess that chapter really is closing now. Realised most family members carry a painful reality, so we had good honest conversations. No blaming, no excusing, just accepting life has its tragic side. Which somehow made the opportunity to celebrate a wedding and have fun being together, even with our sadnesses, more precious. Squeeze the joy out of every moment, friends.

Morning everyone.

Yes Yogin it's wonderful that we're able to give him a helping hand. He 'phoned last night and said we were a couple of angels so I said 'well I am anyway' .

Everything's falling into place far better than we could have hoped for. Mr. S. went to a local auctioneers who are coming on Wednesday to assess everything else that we wont be keeping, including pictures, mirrors, crockery, glasses and ornaments.

They'll give us price for the lot after deducting their costs for taking it all away. I had no idea it could be this easy!!!

We've ordered packing boxes and loads of bubble wrap so should be able to get everything in the lodge packed this week, ready for two weeks time when Mr. S. will have the van we're hiring.

It will be sad leaving there. It was a life saver for me especially as it got me out of the village where we used to live and away from ES before we moved here.

Thanks everyone for your support and friendship xx

Congratulations Smiles & *Mr.S

Your friend is lucky to get the offer of all your stuff, it will do him & D a good turn and I think it will make you happy knowing all your stuff has gone to a good home and well received I'm sure.

Smiles so glad for you and Mr S . You will be very happy there. I didn't sell any of my things . My brother and nephew had a few things but rest I have to charity. But found the larger charities very picky. Homeless charity wouldn't take my single duvets as they said they didn't take second hand but if I gave them money they would buy new
But a local animal charity snapped them up as they had a lady who made old washable duvets into the right size for the dogs. They had towels,blankets and duvet covers .

All the furniture when to a charity which helped homeless people set up homes. Even though some was over 30 years old they where pleased as the things where in good condition and could be painted.

Emmaus here had a lot of things all my cookware that was to heavy for me. They had my old washing machine,upright freezer even they the handle had a crack and the fridge even though it had a little dent in the door. I had taped the instruction manuals to the front of the things. When I had my new kitchen .

I am excited for you both . 🥂

Smileless2012

Thank you all for your thoughts. We've made our final decision and are going ahead with the purchase .

I 'phoned my BF down in Portsmouth and she said her lovely brother is waiting for imminent news about a new home for himself and his D. He left his partner her mother, several months ago with just a couple of suitcases between them, so has nothing.

He's just over an hour's drive from us so I've said to let me know when he wants to come and have a look and he's welcome to anything he wants; a suite, beds, wardrobe, table & chairs, fridge, w/m, dishwasher and I'll be packing up the contents of the kitchen at our existing lodge so he can have all of that too.

She said their mum will give us something for it but TBH we'd have more than likely ended up giving it away to charities anyway, so I'd just be happy knowing that someone I know, whose been through such a difficult time, will benefit.

So it's a win win and I couldn't be happier

Seeing your son even infrequently is a positive Portstew4rt but heartbreaking none the less. As long as this continues there is hope that the situation may improve .

Well, then, I hope it works out really well for you.🙂

Right decision Smileless. I dont sell anything I think I’ve had my use out of it and what goes round comes round, how exciting for you,

Good decision Smiles, keep moving forward, wishing you both every happiness in your new home .

Thank you all for your thoughts. We've made our final decision and are going ahead with the purchase .

I 'phoned my BF down in Portsmouth and she said her lovely brother is waiting for imminent news about a new home for himself and his D. He left his partner her mother, several months ago with just a couple of suitcases between them, so has nothing.

He's just over an hour's drive from us so I've said to let me know when he wants to come and have a look and he's welcome to anything he wants; a suite, beds, wardrobe, table & chairs, fridge, w/m, dishwasher and I'll be packing up the contents of the kitchen at our existing lodge so he can have all of that too.

She said their mum will give us something for it but TBH we'd have more than likely ended up giving it away to charities anyway, so I'd just be happy knowing that someone I know, whose been through such a difficult time, will benefit.

So it's a win win and I couldn't be happier

Seeing your son even infrequently is a positive Portstew4rt but heartbreaking none the less. As long as this continues there is hope that the situation may improve .

Portstew4rt Sorry to hear you only see your GC on birthdays and your son not much more than that. Maybe things will get better in time, at least you do see them, but not enough I know.

As for the lodge depreciating, I'm not sure that they do, the normal ones do I know, but the newer ones, like you're buying, I was told hold their value.

Oh Smiles go for it! It sounds wonderful to me, surrounded by countryside, lovely for your little doggies. Your town house is too big for you, all those stairs, which are dangerous as you get older. It's not easy getting rid of all your furniture, but once you've settled into your new lodge you won't give them a second thought. I think you would be very happy there and I think you may be able to put a little picket fence or the like up, so your doggies can be safe in the garden.
Good luck

Just general stuff. I moved, in 2003, to be with DH - lovely village, glorious countryside etc.

BUT - shops were a distance away, no near GPs, no near hospitals etc.

If one or both of us couldn’t drive because of age/health, and it happens, or when one of us died, it would have been a disaster.

So, we went back to more central.

So, think carefully about the practicalities. 🙂

Smiles 4 years ago we sold our farm and crumbling farmhouse and moved to a bungalow 40 miles away. OH was then 66 and I was 63. Just yesterday we were saying how pleased we were that we did it then because now we would find it all too physically and mentally demanding. I strongly believe that it is best to move Before you actually need to. So, go for it! I would suggest that you check out how close you would be to things like doctors and dentists. Sadly these things become more important as we age - especially if we don't want to drive so much

Smileless I think you and Mr S must ask yourself where would you want to be in 10 years, would you need the flat and shop then? If the life on site is better for you, go for it, you’re in the fortunate position of being able to move if it wasn’t right, not that you’d want to. Just look at what you want. I would miss a garden for example, mine too big but when I’m down I get out there, potter about listen to birds singing and I’m happy. I wouldn't be bothered about three spare bedrooms, I have two spare and never go in them.What’s right for one couple doesn’t suit another. As I get older the time speeds past. Good luck.

I’m so sorry to hear about your estrangement with your son. I too have a daughter in law who rules the roost. I’m lucky in that I see my son occasionally and I also see his children at birthdays ( I helped to rear them ). Once my husband died my DIL pulled away from me - worried my son might gave to help me??? It’s very hard and as MILs we get so much blame! I only ever wanted what’s best for my family. Keep the door open - he can get another wife but only had one mother.

Smiles I would move to the double lodge and sell your house. Down sizing is hard but well worth it. Neither of you know what health problems you encounter in the future. And if you wait 5 years you may not but well enough to do it .

When my husband died it was no longer a home it was just a house . When the children left like I wanted I rattled round my house . I wasn't happy I didn't want to live there . I existed . But couldn't move because I had people depandant on me. . I didn't have a life .

I know my situation is different to yours but moving to my bungalow heading towards 5 years was the best thing I could have done . I have better health care and have a home again yesterday I moved to be closer to my children it's what they had both wanted for years as I lived over 100 miles from them . Even though my son decided to dump me in May 2020 I don't regret moving here. I am happy and living the life my husband wanted for me . I have wonderful friends at my craft group and we look out for eachother. Wonderful neighbours . My daughter lives less than 10 mins away but I am very independent. They where busy the weekend and I have been busy all week so couldn't see her Monday morning as she was hoping I was free but I had planned to go too the Brain Charity coffee morning as my sit fit class was cancelled. Wanted to go for ages but it's on the first Monday every month and I wouldn't get back in time for my sit fit class.

You really love your time at the lodge and are happy there . Plus it would be cheaper to run than a 4 bedroomed house . Also you have to think about both your mobility. As no one knows what will happen in the future. You will still have your flat.

You have talked before about wanting to live where your lodge is full time before . Nows your chance . Go for it you can still do all the things you do now . You your singing and Mr S his bowling and as you got older do you really want clutter. I had a large 3 bed house and getting rid of things decluttered my mind as well as my house. I love my pared downed living . Mind you my craft and book collection is growing but have storage boxes under my bed and the spare room.

You both know what you want and I know it will be hard getting rid of things but I found it freeing mentally as well as getting rid of things. Plus all the things you have done to your home and where you live your house will be worth a lot and soon snapped up. I know you say you can buy the lodge without the sale of your home . So I would go for it. And get your house valued and decluttering while it's on the market . This is the perfect time of the year to sell and buy.

Would have broken my heart if I had lost my bungalow but I was lucky when my house sale fell through twice the executors of their mom's will kept the bungalow for me. The daughter said mom would want you to have it.

I love my home and am happy. Yes I am lonely only because I want and miss my husband. I am not lonely because I live on my own .

Do what will make you both happy and also look ahead . As we age health problems raise there ugly head. And none of us know how long we have on this earth. I never thought my husband would die at 47 I was always prepared to die first. But life's not like that.

As said before no what ifs or if onlies . Live for the now and long to the future . Also think about if one of you are left on your own where would you be happier and able to cope better. I know it's not nice to think about but it's life. 💕

Morning everyone.

Back home now and I would greatly appreciate your thoughts. This is going to be along post and I hope you can stick with it because I want to give you as much information as I can.

Some of you may remember that last year we considered buying a double lodge and selling our home, which would require drastically downsizing, getting rid of virtually everything we currently own as the lodges are fully furnished.

A couple who were on the site we're on at the moment moved last week to another, owned by the same family so on Tuesday we went to have a look round.

It's as near to our flat as our current home and is open for 12 months of the year so would be our main residence. The lodge overlooks a 9 hole golf course on a newly developed site, not yet completed. There are two lakes (one for fishing) and beautiful country walks in, and around the entire site.

Decking is included and is a larger area then we currently have with glass panels at one end so not to obscure the view of the golf course. There's a brick paved parking area big enough for two cars which will be for our use only.

There is a separate area for touring caravans which is well away from where we will be and as it is where we are now, the lodges and static caravans are owner only.

It's beautiful. Plenty big enough and I would say is actually slightly bigger than a 2 bedroom bungalow we used to own and rent out.

It can't be fenced off but the garden area is large and Mr. S. can do what he wants in terms of flower beds which is something he misses here as we only have a roof terrace, and the garden we have with our current lodge is really rather small.

We will check of course, but are pretty certain that we'll be able to have a patio laid to the front. We've secured the lodge for two weeks with a fee so it's currently off the market.

We know that unlike our house, the vale of the lodge will depreciate but we're not bothered about that as it's the relaxed lifestyle in beautiful surroundings we'll be going for and of course we will still have property with our flat and shop.

The site is 4.6 miles from our favourite old market town which we only go to when we're at our lodge and is less than an hours drive or us to come back here to visit friends, and for friends to come to us.

We're very fortunate that we don't have to rely on selling the house to raise the money, so wont have the usual pressures of buying and selling property.

It does sound great doesn't it, so what if anything is giving us pause for thought. It's a head and heart situation TBH. Our broken hearts led us here 7.5 years ago to a house that we love, so when we returned home yesterday, the doubts crept in.

The situation is ideal, we can walk to shops and restaurants within 5 to 15 minutes depending on where we want to be. We do love living so near to the coast but the weather often lets us down with cold winds and sea frets.

This is far and away the best house we have ever owned but it's huge and that's the problem. 4 bedrooms, large bathroom, shower room, large kitchen diner, separate utility room, 2 living rooms and a study area.

I often hear from people who wished they'd moved earlier and/or when they still had their husband/wife/partner, and it does play on my mind what the one of us who was left would do with such a big house and so much stuff.

I was 63 last month and Mr. S. will be 71 in November. I certainly don't consider him to be old and we are both blessed with good health. We could as we've talked about wait another 5 years but who knows how we'll be then physically.

Between the new lodge and our flat those really precious items including art work can be accommodated, everything else has been nice to have over the years but no tears would be shed to see any of it go.

So dear friends, what would you do? Would you go with your head, securing a lifestyle better suited to getting older or let your heart talk you into staying put?

What a frustrating shopping trip Yogin! Hope you see some things you like soon. I’m not sure many people can wear long dresses well - and not sure how practical they are either!
Hope you enjoy the last few days at your lodge Smiles - guess you’ll be back there again before too long. How lovely to have a place to retreat to….

Fab suggestions Allsorts, and I love turquoise blue too, but sadly not a lot around in that colour. Interesting to see so many shops discounting occasion wear dresses now - not the styles/colour I’d choose though!
Is lovely to hear about members pets - they obviously are very much loved and great companions I’m sure. Hope everyone’s had a good day.

Spring good luck with buying your wedding outfit. I went out yesterday to buy a few new things, came back without buying anything! The only thing I liked was a long dress & as I'm only 5ft 1inchs I don't look too good in long dresses, same with trousers, they are always too long. I used to shop in Debenhams petite range, but they are gone now, maybe try M&S. Buying on-line is a bit iffy.

Allsorts get a little rescue dog, Joey is a rescue, I got him when he was 2yrs and a more loving little doggie you couldn't hope for.

A Crow Yogin!!! and here I was hoping you had something rare and beautiful in your garden I Thought the same thing Smiles

I'm the same with my little dog Smiles I vowed not to leave him when I first got him, reluctantly did when I went to Paris, but knowing he was in his own home & with my son whom he adores, thought he would be ok, but my son did really long hours that week, when I thought he's work was slowing down, but my park friend took him out for about 4hrs, so not too bad. I'm about to book a long weekend away which will include little Joey

Smileless, of course you can’t leave your dogs, that bond is very powerful, if they are not happy you can’t be. They bring you such joy every day.
Spring, a classic dress, trouser suit can be dressed up or down, pretty heels, I liked wedges as more comfortable, don’t do high heels although I love them, neat bag, complimentary necklace, then after the wedding white trainers and a regular bag and you’ve outfits you can continue wearing, I only suit certain shades of green, so many shades to look at, my go to is that turquoise blue, my happy colour.
Strange thing although I’ve owned a cat since I was a tiny child, never had one that bought a bird into the house or I witnessed killing one, I don’t say it didn’t happen but I never saw it.