Putting myself on the chopping block ...

eazybee

^engaging in too many arguments here and hurt my mental health until I could learn to cope with it.^

If it damages your 'mental health do not engage.
This thread is not about you.

This is a good example of what I am talking about

It doesn't bother me any more but new posters encountering this sort of hostility may struggle

The solution to the issue is to take personal responsibility and ensure the behaviours pointed out and reacted to by the OP are not the experience of new posters in the future

engaging in too many arguments here and hurt my mental health until I could learn to cope with it.

If it damages your 'mental health do not engage.
This thread is not about you.

To be honest, I don’t know if the original post was even genuine. But, it seems not.

I took it as genuine, as did others, but as the day wore on, it seemed more and more “odd”.

As the OP said she’s estranged her MIL, she appeared to have solved her problem anyway. I would have said that estranging an in-law, or being estranged by one, would have a much lesser impact than being estranged from your own family.

Finally, Ihatehypocrites exposed the poster as someone that appeared to be posting, on here, just to distress others. I just don’t see the logic of apparantly asking for support, then dashing back and forth on other sites, gloating that “she’d got them all going”.🤷‍♀️

I don’t know about previous deleted threads, before my time. I know that some posters have been banned for disruption, and I know that some have been told, by GNHQ, to stay off of the support thread itself, again, because of disruption.

But, as the whole thing has been exposed as a sham, in my view, I wouldn’t engage further with the OP anyway.🙄

I'm only saying what I have personally experienced and pointing out that we can all have a little empathy and patience for those who need it

If you read DiamondLily's post @ 06.56 yesterday maxiepants she did not say that the OP claimed to be healed she referred to "some" who have done so.

The OP is happy with her partner and children and all of them being estranged from her m.i.l. so the question remains as to why she would want to create a post to instigate confrontation with other EP's, EGP's and m'si.l.

I can understand her not being happy that it has come to this, but what has that got to do with the aforementioned who post on this forum? As was posted earlier, we are not an estrangers mother or mother in law, so why the desire to put us in our place.

No, that is incorrect VS. Entire threads have not been deleted because they talked about EAC. The support thread has been active for more than 11 years and was once deleted, because it was suddenly inundated by a series of very unpleasant posts from 'new' posters directed at me, because having investigated what led up to me setting up a second account which I should not have done and being banned, I was reinstated.

I did not do so to say mean things so I could look innocent. I was once again being followed and goaded by a poster who had previously made my GN experience extremely unpleasant, and wanted to be able to post in peace. None of those posts were deleted.

There have been deleted threads but that is not because of what's been said about EAC, it's because of what some EAC and others who are not estranged or have estranged, have said about and too EP's and EAC.

And the main thing I took from OP posting elsewhere is that she was recieving hurtful comments or witnessing them to others and that is something that previously drove me to engaging in too many arguments here and hurt my mental health until I could learn to cope with it.

Maxiepants good catch

This thread has been a real disappointment really. I've been here for a long time and I have seen similar things to what the OP did done by people here willing to denounce her... For example, posting about specific threads or groups of people unkindly on other threads or agreeing with those who did. Whole threads have been deleted because they talked about EAC here (granted, this is a DIL not an EAC but we are all lumped into the same category, especially if we are female, sons don't get the same level of ire).

Some of us work very hard to keep this space friendly and inclusive to everyone touched by estrangement and try to show empathy and understanding in the face of some very strong feelings that can impact the person posting in their behaviour.

I have seen so much here I don't know how many can hold the moral high ground. I have even seen second profiles set up to say mean things so the original can look innocent.

This place needs so much work to be a support space for everyone where sometimes the hard things need to be said and heard

Many people in this thread have said they don't understand why someone who is 'healed and happy' would come to this forum to stir up EPs.

Can someone show me where the OP claimed to be 'healed'?

She talks about being happy with her partner and family, but she clearly isn't happy with the MIL situation (she says she's reached out a few times since MIL cut her off) and I read it 3 times and can't see any mention of being 'healed'.

In any case, healing isn't a straight line. And DiamondLilly it's not a binary choice - estrange or don't - there is a world of nuance and many steps back and forth between those two states of being.

Well, hopefully, these respective counsellors can work on it.

All good. 👍

Well I agree with you about unnecessary digs at people which obviously isn't healthy VS, but I doubt we'd agree about whose made those digs and who they've been aimed at.

I think what was happening was some unnecessary digs at people which obviously isn't healthy at all and can be worked on with the right help

Well, I suppose it’s a choice based system. There are plenty of counsellors/therapists around, so for those that want to see one of them, it’s no problem.

And, those that don’t, aren’t compelled to see any.

We all make our own choices. 🙂

Good counsellors and psychotherapists can do a lot of good but the bad ones can and do cause a lot of harm to those they're purporting to help.

eazybee

And quack therapists, of whom there are many, also do more harm than good.

And, therein lies the problem.🤷‍♀️

A psychiatrist is subject to monitoring, as a doctor, is medically qualified, and are more effective.

“The term counsellor is not legally restricted in the UK. Always check their credentials.”

“ There are currently no laws in the UK regarding counselling and psychotherapy.”

www.counselling-directory.org.uk/profquals.html

And quack therapists, of whom there are many, also do more harm than good.

No one is mocking those you have listed VS, you are twisting what others have posted. It is the irony of those who say they are healed and happy, yet post with anger and hostility aimed at those who have been estranged, seeking confrontation with people they have never met that is being discussed.

Your way of dealing or handling things does not dictate others, just as your situation is not an indication of what others have been through DL hasn't claimed it does; she has talked of how she handled her own situation, and how she feels about the result which is positive.

A quack doctor, which is someone non medically qualified, wouldn’t be able to help with a broken leg.

A medically trained doctor might though.🙂

Unfortunately it is the case that many children are getting the therapy now that actually their parents needed.

Children who grew up in neglectful households

Children who grew up in addicted households

Children who grew up religious extremist households

Children who grew up in abusive households (sexual, physical or emotional)

Those are the people who are most likely to end up with long term mental health problems that need professional support.

It is actually quite shocking and appalling that anyone would mock them for seeking that support or in anyway try to rubbish a lifeline of support to those who need it.

And in the context as written, a bit like saying "I would run screaming from any quack doctor who wanted to help me with my broken leg, I would rather limp for the rest of my life and declare myself fine"

DiamondLily

I’m genuinely not clear as to why it’s needed.

If I’ve estranged someone, which I have, what does counselling bring? I’ve thought about needing to estrange, I’ve done it, and I’ve moved on. I’m better with them out of my life, so I’m not sure what healing is needed.

I don’t need validation.

If I wasn’t happier with them out of my life, I’d reconnect.

There are only two choices - estrange or don’t.🤷‍♀️

Your way of dealing or handling things does not dictate others, just as your situation is not an indication of what others have been through.

Besides, no way of knowing if something you haven't tried would be beneficial or not to you or anyone else

MissAdventure

Nobody is rubbishing therapy.
It is meant in an ironic way, that people say they have been to therapy, are healed, and are happy and healthy, then spend their evenings trying to cause arguments with mother in laws.

What a pity, when they have partners and children, but still feel the need.

It would be like a victim of some sort of crime seeking out people who are a similar demographic to the perpetrator, just so they could "put them in their place."
Silly.

Here comes the old echo chamber again.

Women here are not your mother in laws, you have no idea whatsoever about them, baiting them, and having a go at them will not punish your own mothers or in laws.

I think you should read the comments before mine as my response was to it was justified

I'm happy I haven't "learned" to not take posts at face value.

Obviously witchy voodoo posts excepted!

I have learned not to take unsubstantiated posts at face value; the affected language in these very long initial posts is generally an indication.

LO, baby, little people, children, motherhood experience, pregnancy, waited 9 months to meet the child who(m) I had grown inside me, birth, negatively impacted on me, upset me, and of course all the therapy-speak.

To be fair, I hadn't realised it was the Estrangement thread, where there is sometimes real anguish; I just clicked on an interesting title. Would have been better in Relationships.

real life can be stranger than fiction it can indeed NotSpaghetti.

I think I will respond with my initial reaction too, easybee and take everyone at face value. After all, many strange posts are genuine and real life can be stranger than fiction.