DIL ignores sister

I suspect the sister’s standards of hygiene are not the best. And it is unforgivable to post a photo of a child on social media without the parents’ permission (which if I were the parent would not be given). Is the OP able to look objectively at her sister and her sister’s house and consider this?

A similar thing happened to my sister. Her DIL had made it clear her family had priority and I do recall her sitting in the car a few times when my nephew 'needed' something from the house.

My sister didn't push the issue. When they needed a baby sitter she babysat, it was the only way she got to see her grandchildren although her husband resented their being 'used'.

A few years later and DIL has mellowed- my sister sees her grandchildren quite often and they love her to bits.

I would be supportive of your sister but encourage her to play the long game instead of trying to 'help' whilst the baby is still young.

It's not the OP's place to try and do or say anything I agree, but of course it's her business. This is about her sister for goodness sake. It would be a hard hearted sister IMO who wouldn't be upset for and worried about her sister.

The OP hasn't referred to her sister's d.i.l. as evil Grams so let's stop acting as if anyone who posts about issues that involve a d.i.l. automatically sees the d.i.l. as evil.

62Granny

Is your Sister a smoker , pet owner or a hoarder ? Sometimes this is what puts new parents off and it can make your house seem less hygienic.

Good questions. Is your sister a fairly clean housekeeper? You mentioned she has trouble getting around. Could it be that her home isn’t especially tidy and new parents are extra cautious with these things. Perhaps “germs” is just a less direct way of saying “messy”? Just trying to brainstorm reasons for t change, but smoking or pets could also be the cause .

It was wrong of your sister to post the baby to social media without permission. Many new parents don’t want their baby posted like that and it’s always best to ask. But I imagine she knows that now.

I also think this is between your sister and her son and his family. Not your business and your riling it up will make it worse. And I say her son because it is his family - not you’re the evil dil doing it. He’s an active participant. Let’s stop acting like these grown men and fathers are all just lackeys on their relationships without voices

Is your Sister a smoker , pet owner or a hoarder ? Sometimes this is what puts new parents off and it can make your house seem less hygienic.

That should have been 'because they don't come'.

Hello pritcharddesign, I'm so sorry that your sister is being treated in this way. It's heartbreaking when the joy of becoming a GP, especially for the first time, is short lived.

FWIW, I think telling her son she wont be inviting them to anything anymore, because they come was the right thing to do. It will I doubt improve the situation but at least she has shown that she's not happy with how she'd being treated, and isn't prepare to take it lying down.

Apart from having and maintaining barriers, and letting her son and his wife what they are, I'm afraid there's nothing she can do.

I'll never understand why these sons tolerate their mums being treated this way, but as long as they do the situation is unlikely to change or improve anytime soon.

My advice would be for her of course to see her son when he visits, ask after her GC and his wife but leave it at that. Don't ask to see photo's and don't ask if/when she'll be seeing her GC.

Not easy by any means but being seemingly untroubled with what's going on, might bring about some positive changes.

Not your circus.

This is between your sister and her son

Why are you involved in this? I am asking because I am curious. Too many cooks in the kitchen makes things worse

Can you explain what "rip my nephew a new one" means please?