Lost all hope

Thats so sad, I'm terribly sorry.

Oh that’s so sad no matter what…we all carry hope in our hearts and always hope and believe it will be ‘OK’ in the end
I feel very sad for you because this makes it feel final
Do you know why that’s always a problem too
Nothing I can say Still but sending a hug your way

How heartbreaking for you 😓

How cruel ! I don’t any mother deserves to be treated so badly.
I send you 🤗 and

Still. Sorry he was so cruel . But that's what estranged children do. I am glad I live in a different part of the area so there is no chance of me ever seeing my son or daughter in law.

8 years is a long time. It's been 4 years for me and last autumn I decided enough was enough . I wasn't going to hold on to hope any longer as the only person hurting was me. And I felt better in myself for making that decision.

You are going to have to decide when to let go for your own peace of mind. But we all do it in our own time . 🌹

That’s so hurtful Still. Please accept this is where your son is. You may not be able to understand this rejection but accept you can’t change it.
Look after yourself. Many people find talking therapy helps

I don’t know how you feel but I send a (hug) from one mum to another 💐

Heartbreaking for you Still. Sending a (((hug)))

Someone on the support thread spoke of reluctant acceptance Still, and eventually we all reluctantly accept that the child who estranged us no longer wants us to be a part of their lives.

You are not alone .

Horrible that a person can react in this way to another person, let alone their own mother.
I wouldn't put myself through this torture and wouldn't go near the house again.
No one deserves to be treated this way. I am so upset for you.

Did he ever give a reason for not seeing you Still? I feel your pain but that's the person he is now. You cannot change him but accept this and have the best life you can. I lost all hope of a reconcilliation with my d. I don't know this person she's become. What I do know is she's not worrying about me or she couldn't have done what she has as I know I didn't deserve it.

I’m so sorry, it is so sad to hear this. I have struggled to maintain a relationship with my eldest daughter and her family. I have learnt never to say how I feel if I want to continue to see them. I am on the edge of being excluded from her life. I just do what I am told and pretend everything is fine. Every few years I try to talk to her as I did last weekend and I am shocked at what she says. Sending you a big hug💐

We can’t change how others behave, even if we don’t know why they are doing it. You can’t dance around them, trying to appease.

He is what he is.

Just try to get on with a happy life, and let him get on with it.

Sympathies though. 💐

I think you need a BIG (((hug))) too GrannyIvy .

Thank you all for your supportive comments and hugs. I realise that this is the next phase and yes I will go on to accept what has happened. I guess it was the initial shock of his words.

Your son has set a clear boundary with you that he does not want to see or speak to you. To him that probably felt like an ambush.

I would recommend a different approach, if you want to reconcile you could have a think about what the relationship was like and what changes need to be made for both of you to feel happy in it.

A good counsellor could help you to unpick the relationship and find where the issues were.

After that perhaps you could try a letter addressing any issues and any changes you would make for the future.

It isn't cruel for him to ask you not to speak to him when he has made it clear he doesn't want a relationship but it is painful for you and help is available

It takes time Still and you need to protect yourself from any further pain and anguish by not reaching out to him again.

Still

Thank you all for your supportive comments and hugs. I realise that this is the next phase and yes I will go on to accept what has happened. I guess it was the initial shock of his words.

It’s sad, but sometimes people do what they do. Best just avoid him next time, to stop being hurt again.

Best wishes.💐

I don't think Still ambushed a son she hadn't seen for years. I give up! You did nothing wrong, he has Still, He is not worth your tears, worry about looking after yourself. Let him get on with it.

you have my sympathy no matter what you do you get it thrown back at you sadly all you can do is let them me and hope one day they will return lots of hugs xx

No I don't think she did either Allsorts.

It's ok, no one said that

I did say that he may have felt ambushed because that might explain his reaction but no one thinks Still intended that

Hi, yes I have been to counselling, wrote letters etc. The counselling really helped as I came up with the mantra. "I have a 42 year old son with a mental health condition, who has a job, a house and two son who adore him.". It brings me a lot of comfort in difficult times.
Yes violetsky he has boundaries - when he left the house he saw me in the car, crossed the road and walked to the garage I had to irrisitable urge to speak to him in the hope that we could reconcile but you are right with my head on instead of my heart I should have stayed in the car

So sorry. We have been estranged from one of our daughters for many years, she is also estranged from her sisters. Saturday was her birthday. As usual we sent her vouchers and wished her a lovely day. We haven’t forgotten one birthday or Xmas though she never acknowledges anything, we also send our two granddaughters presents on their birthdays and at Xmas. Our other daughters keep telling us to stop this but at least by doing this we feel we are keeping some kind of channel open, just in case. But we do respect her boundaries and have never tried to see her in person though she does live a distance away so the scenario you mention has never occurred. Am not sure that my head would have overruled my heart in your position.
Wouldn’t beat yourself up for going over to him, we pussy foot around their feelings all the time, and yet our feelings can be trampled on.
Sending you 🤗 x