Red flags

Smileless2012

Yes that's right DL and the one who estranges you may well be the one who isn't safe to be around.

Well, people that cause stress, anxiety and feeling edgy and anxious are never good for your well-being.

The stress caused is harmful.🤷‍♀️

Yes that's right DL and the one who estranges you may well be the one who isn't safe to be around.

A person criticising someone else when they are actually obnoxious themselves.

I could be wrong, (wouldn’t be the first time), but I took it to mean that if someone estranges you, whoever and for whatever reason, and once you realise you can’t change the situation, whatever you do or say, then, eventually, you feel happier, calmer and less on edge/stressed, with them out of your life.

You find your happiness with other things/people.🙂

I don't know a better way of expressing it TBH VS.

Smileless2012

Which part don't you understand VS?

The whole comment

Allsorts

When someone gives advice when not asked for it. The way they talk about friends and treat them.

It's funny when you hear someone complaining about their friend and you realise they're just the same. I think if someone is nice to someone's face and then go to other people to say horrible things behind their back it's triangulation.

Triangulation can lead a person with a personality disorder to seek ways to undermine or manipulate someone they view as a potential threat. It's very damaging and definitely a red flag.

Which part don't you understand VS?

When someone gives advice when not asked for it. The way they talk about friends and treat them.

Smileless Sorry but I didn't understand your comment, can you please explain a bit more?

I agree User there's a huge difference between someone whose unpleasant and someone who can do you harm physically, emotionally or both.

When someone's the latter, even though they may have been the one to estrange and that's not the course of action you would have taken, you can realise that you are safer without them in your life.

I know we are.

00opsidia

Usually like attracts like, so we are like the five people we spend the most time with. Maybe improve your life by not spending time with someone you need to complain about afterwards?

Red flag of a bad friendship = complaining about them behind their back but being nice to their face. Better to be honest and let everyone be happy.

I agree - negative people are swiftly removed from my life. As you say, better to be honest. 🙂

Usually like attracts like, so we are like the five people we spend the most time with. Maybe improve your life by not spending time with someone you need to complain about afterwards?

Red flag of a bad friendship = complaining about them behind their back but being nice to their face. Better to be honest and let everyone be happy.

keepingquiet

I love the fun sponges thing! I've just been out for lunch with one.

'Why do bad things always happen to me?' Is a common refrain because you can guarantee something 'bad' will always happen, such as late trains, people in the cafe being too loud, people drilling stuff making too much noise, tinned salmon on a sandwich instead of fresh... the list of complaints is endless. It is very wearing and I have come to the conclusion some people just love to moan... it seems to be their raison d'etre.

Yes, tedious isn’t it. We all have bad/negative things happen in life, but we need to deal with it. I find these people quite harmful.

They sap you of feeling positive, and that can be harmful.

So, to me, it’s a no-no.🙂

When they go out of their way to exclude individuals for no logical reason

There's definitely some very different ideas of what counts as a red flag here.

When I think of a red flag, I think of danger. I don't think of an unpleasant person or a bad attitude. I wouldn't be friends with someone like that, but I certainly wouldn't call it a red flag either. Especially not in the context of estrangement. Bad attitudes call for polite detachment, not estrangement. Of course, that's just my opinion.

To each their own.

I love the fun sponges thing! I've just been out for lunch with one.

'Why do bad things always happen to me?' Is a common refrain because you can guarantee something 'bad' will always happen, such as late trains, people in the cafe being too loud, people drilling stuff making too much noise, tinned salmon on a sandwich instead of fresh... the list of complaints is endless. It is very wearing and I have come to the conclusion some people just love to moan... it seems to be their raison d'etre.

Smileless2012

I've not heard of that saying before keepingquiet or fun sponges DL maybe I need to get out more .

Perhaps it’s a regional saying lol. Or, that I’m just common…😷😉

I've not heard of that saying before keepingquiet or fun sponges DL maybe I need to get out more .

Yes, fun sponges are wearing. Constantly whinging. We all get low times, but no need to drag others into your pity-party.🙂

Thankyou! No point wasting time with people who don't energise you. There used to be a saying, 'Are you a tap or a drain?'

I keep away from those drains as much as I can!

Good post keepingquiet .

keepingquiet

I think for me it isn't always so specific, but green flags are people who go about their own lives and open to new experiences.

Try as I might I can't spend time with people who limit themselves and their lives with excuses. Self-pity, irrational fears and anxieties about other people they don't even know, doing things just because they've always done those things, constant complaining about petty stuff. Not being willing to step outside their comfort zones- those are my red flags!

Absolutely. Happy, positive people, willing to enjoy new experiences, are always good to be around.👍

VioletSky

Relationships can be outlines in such simple terms that it's so sad people can't make them positive

Trust needs Honesty
Love needs Action
Sorry needs Change

People are human and make mistakes. Many things are forgivable, but without any one of those 6 building blocks we know they aren't a safe person to be around and keeping those in mind it is very easy to see who really is not a good person

Definitely! I love the way you laid it out so clearly VS.

I also think many things are forgiveable to those who aren't bitter, but when we forgive someone we need to know that they aren't going to repeat the behaviour and that they are truly sorry and want to be different, so we need to look at their character and behaviours to check that their actions match what they are saying. That's what you meant , I think?

Obviously if someone is not even a safe person AND they are not open to change, nothing will change until they do.

I think for me it isn't always so specific, but green flags are people who go about their own lives and open to new experiences.

Try as I might I can't spend time with people who limit themselves and their lives with excuses. Self-pity, irrational fears and anxieties about other people they don't even know, doing things just because they've always done those things, constant complaining about petty stuff. Not being willing to step outside their comfort zones- those are my red flags!