Support and friendship for those whose lives have been affected by estrangement.

Welcome back Birdie

Smiles we would have never believed, 12yrs back, that we would still be on this site, still estranged, would we.

I missed the first 10mins of JV, will try to listen on catch-up. But they summed it up by saying that this estrangement has become an epidemic and P/GP have no idea why!

Thank you Whiff & Allsorts Pm you Babs

Some very strong ladies on this thread, even through heartbreak they carry on some in hope and some resigned to life as it is.
I do wonder now how changed my estrangers are, I have missed so many milestones in their lives, would a reconciliation work now...we have become different in the years that have passed by.

So sorry about that sentence of gobbledegook, I read every sentence back as I go but a gremlin got in and changed it.

Yoga, Sorry your daughter has blocked you, I probably am after all these years but wouldn't know. It's another twist of the knife. They see different people now all of them. As I have said before I dread to think how my d paints me to justify her actions, but better not to know. Why are we supposed to be perfect when they are not. Christmas is when my husband died, I still enjoy it but can't help but remember that last one with him, he loved life but would be disgusted by the girl he loved but he would have said that to her and no going back for sure. I think it's more common girls don to distance dye in a lot of cases to Dil as terry family take priority. I know a lot of people with a daughter but they have good relationships.
Whiff I haven't a tumble dryer it rusted out as did my dish dryer , I put things on the line outside and if it's too wet I hang them overnight in a clothes airer.
Sparkle I read Joshua Coleman, in fact I think there's his videos still on you tube but everything he suggested I had done, the only difference he seems to think you keep trying until you see speaking. If I had done that it would have been classed at breaking boundries and not respecting her her wishes.
Bridie, we support each other, the perpetraitors are the ones to blame

I only listened to something about estrangement once the person speaking was using all the words like narcissistic behaviour etc. I like plain speaking and it ended up that it's the parents fault and they should understand their children's boundaries. What boundaries? My son was my kind loving son on my birthday 4 days later the email and I am the worst mother ever, vindictive and manipulative was used. Never been either and we brought both children up the same and still treated them and their others halves the same . But as we all know this is the only thread that supports estranged parents the rest of the threads in this forum are anti parents . And wow betide any of us who voice our opinion on other threads there . As the latest suspensions have shown .

Thankfully everyone back where they belong . 💐

Yogin sorry your daughter blocked you it's awful but at least you know where you stand. I haven't tried to contact my son since last autumn and had abuse bad. I had decided if I got silence or abuse then I would give up hope of every speaking or seeing every again . I am very happy I made that decision. And felt a weight lifted from my shoulders. I even deleted all the texts he had sent me from my phone that went back to 2019. No matter what happens he will never be contacted by me again . If anything happens to me he will never know as my daughter won't contact him and as much as my brother would be tempted he is under strict instructions as far as I am concerned he doesn't need to know even when I die.

My son has chosen his path . I miss him and my grandsons everyday. But my kind loving son, not the cruel coward he has shown himself to be . I would never wish him or my daughter in law any ill will and still love my son . But any love I had for my daughter in law she killed in 2020 with one sentence on Reddit.

Babs never feel guilty about your mom . My children where 20 and 16 when their dad died aged 47 in 2004. I couldn't have told them how I really felt as they had their own grief to contend with . And the grief your mom felt was different to that of you and your sister. Glad she had.her church group where she was properly able to say how she really felt . If like me she thought she had to be brave for you and your sister especially as you had young children. And couldn't tell you how she really felt. She was still doing what a mom always does and that is protecting her children .

To this day my children never know what I went through in those early years or how I feel know. I thought I had to be brave for them as they where coping with their grief. Your mom wouldn't want you or your sister to know how much she was hurting . So never feel guilty. You loved your parents. And your mom knew how much you loved her and love is the most important thing .

I went to a bereavement group because my children wanted me to go but it was useless they where 20-40 older than me and the woman running it did a 12 week course and was married. Thankfully my children never asked if it helped just did I have a good time. They where nice people. But until I joined GN in 2019 and wrote on bereavement threads first time I could say how I really feel . Even my best friend never understood what it felt like until her own husband died 2 years ago. But at least I was able to help her and still do .

Estrangement is a living grief which lessens over time . But the grief for the other half of yourself never ends and for me gets worse as the years go by as my husband has missed so much . My daughter still doesn't know how much my grief still hurts and even after all these years it can be overwhelming. I lost half of myself the moment my husband took his last breath and haven't been whole since but just learn to cope .

For DiamondLily it's still very early days since her darling husband died and there are other widows here and hopefully they have people they can talk to in real life .

Grief never dies but neither does love. Babs the love for your mom and dad is always with you . So no feeling guilty about your mom you and your sister helped her by being there and loving her . Being widowed is a path we have to walk alone as the only person we want and need we can never have .

Having outside sockets will make life easier Smiles . My husband ran and cable from our living room into the shed . For the light and socket. Put out my Christmas stars in my front garden yesterday as the ground was soft . They are battery operated and has a timer which I will activate at 4 pm and stays on for 6 hours before switching itself off and comes on by itself at 4 every day. Sorted my Christmas decorations the other day and getting rid of some old ones and treated myself to some new ones from Etsy . I don't have Christmas lights on my bungalow as no outside socket but having the outside tap is great when my water butt is low in the summer . My stars line my path on my drive but have powerful lights by my front door and a light on the garage but you have to be close to it for it to come on.

A good groomers is like having a good hair dresser you don't mind travelling if you are happy with them . Especially the groomers as your dogs feel safe and you know they are well cared for . Plus gives you chance to catch up with friends. So a win all round.

I have a condenser tumble dryer in the garage but haven't used it for years since I had my first dehumidifier as it drys the washing cheaper . But last year brought 2 new ones better quality which I have on overnight just on the night setting and it dries my washing overnight . And last winter and this no condensation on my bedroom windows or black mould I had the year before. Got rid of it but don't want it back . Plus gotten so used to the sound of the one in my bedroom it's in every night and cooled my bedroom down when we had the very hot weather.

Yogin Hank you for kind words about migraine.

The gardener worked his button off and my small garden all looks organised and tidy for next year now. Fruit trees have been pruned for shape, new flowerbed under mulch and not a weed or slug in sight.

It was good to chat with someone so knowledgeable about plants too, being an amateur myself.

I missed the R2 Estrangement programme yesterday, did anyone else catch it, and was it useful?

Back off to zzzzz..

Thank you all for the support 💐

Bridie welcome home . Back where you belong . 🥂🍾

Bridie, glad you're back, we've missed you x

@Smiles don’t pinch yourself, enjoy your beautiful new home, you and Mr. S deserve it.
🌺

Great to see you back Bridie, this thread just isn't the same one someone's missing.

I know dear friend. 12 years is a long time Yogin. I love Christmas but getting our estrangement note on Christmas eve was a real kicker and although in many ways it's easier than it used to be, Christmas eve is the hardest of hard days.

You've been with me from virtually the beginning, the first to respond to me on the first support thread; thank you .

I'm glad you're doing something on Saturday, I hope it keeps dry for you.

Another milestone Babs, deciding the time is right to stop sending presents and cards after 11 years .

Had a nice day, lunch with a friend while the dogs were being groomed and Mr. S. went into town to carry out some banking business. He found the second fob for the automatic garage door at our old house when cleaning out his car, so we put it in an envelope and posted it through their letter box.

Don't miss it as beautiful as it was. No regrets and still pinching ourselves that this fabulous lodge is now our home .

@yogi being cut off like that really stings. We sent presents and cards for the GCs up until this year, did it for 11 years, not even sure they ever got any of it. A cousin of ours who still sees her, thinks not. Anyway we stopped this year, now we just get a cake and light a candle on the GCs birthday.
Is sad but we get right back up and keep going.
Life’s too short and whatever time we have left we will live well hopefully.
Take care 🌺🙏🏾

Bridie22

Yeah!
I'm back, thank you lovely gransnetters for the support, you lovely lot, and thank you Pip at HQ who sorted the glitch

👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
So glad Bridie.
You were missed 🌺🙏🏾

Yeah!
I'm back, thank you lovely gransnetters for the support, you lovely lot, and thank you Pip at HQ who sorted the glitch

Item on estrangement on radio 2 now

Lovely sunny and dry, so taking Joey for walkies now. That Jeremy Vine on estrangement is on at 1pm, I'll probably listen on catch-up, as need to go shopping after walkies.

I decided on what to do on Saturday, I've told my friend I'll pick her up to go to the Xmas lights switch on, it should be good, with bands playing etc. and then I'll drop her at the Black Soul Night, but I won't be going. I feel happy with that and she's ok with it to, she didn't say if she is still going to the BSN.

Smiles haven't contacted J since this time last year and as I have a new mobile, can't see back messages. I believe they went through last year and I got a reply, but maybe that was the year before . One-year rolls into the next and after 12yrs of this, beginning to loss track. Do feel very sad this time of year; 12th ann. of being CO, J's birthday then Xmas and New Year, all in a matter of weeks.

I had migraine once Sparkly I remember it well, even though I was just a teenager then. I closed all the curtains and went to bed during the daytime. Thankfully never had one since, but I do remember how terrible it was. So, sympathies to you.

Sorry to hear about your dad dying so young Babs and your mum having a bad time. Understanably you and your sister were busy with your own lives & grief, especially with a new born.

Yes, still can't get my head round being cut out, no reason for it. I loved and adored my D, GD & GS and would, and did, do anything for them.

Morning everyone.

I'm sorry that your D's blocked you Yogin. This must be a recent event because you wouldn't have tried to send the message if you knew you were blocked, and it wouldn't go through .

Don't feel guilty Babs. You and your sister would have been in shock too, losing your dad at such a young age, and you with a young baby.

I'm sure your mum would have understood and the help and support she received from her church and the friends she made there, would have been priceless.

It may have been 'easier' for her to talk about the pain of her loss with them because she wouldn't have wanted you, her daughters, to have to carry the burden of her grief along with your own.

Hope the weather's OK where you are Sparkly so your gardener can get those jobs done. We're hoping the electrician will be coming this week to install a second outside light to our lodge, a double external plug socket on the decking and power into our shed.

The decking Christmas tree is still encased in netting but has been put into the stand so we juts need the external power source for the lights and for our stag.

Having power into the shed will be much easier as ATM we have to run a cable into the second bedroom in the lodge if I need to use the tumble dryer.

Thanks to S, I now know how to dry only in my washer/dryer but it's not as good for drying as the the dryer we brought with us. It was great over the weekend though, as I didn't have to go backwards and forwards to the shed with the washing.

Our dogs are being groomed today. I'm using the same lady so that gives us 3 hours to kill where we used to live so we're going to a friend's for lunch .

A long day, 5 hours in total with a hour's drive each way but it's worth it because once you've found an excellent groomer who you trust, it's better to keep using them if you can.

Evening fellow estrangees. Thank you for kind words about migraines. Sometimes a type of food or slight tummy upset sets one off.

Babs lovely to meet with friends and have their love for us reset our likely self thoughts resulting from estrangement from AC.

Last week there was an article about AC estrangement in the U.K. Guardian. I contacted them and was recommended a website, an American one. I can’t do links but here’s going;

DrJoshuaColeman.com

I hope everyone’s week is as lovely as it can be. I have a Guided Prayer session this week plus a gardener coming to put in a new flower bed, tidy up and repot/plant a few things in the morning.

Off to have a ☕️

@Smiles thanks for kind words about my mum when she lost my dad so early, I now feel guilty that at the time neither myself or my sister were probably much of a help or support. I was very young and had a newborn baby, my first, he never saw the others, and my sister was also very young, and we both had our own shock and grief to deal with. Tbh the biggest source of help/support was the church, she was always religious and attended church though none of us did, and had a close circle of friends there. Am sure that is what got her through it.
🌺

Oh Yogi, what can I say, is what they do ‘block us’, am so sorry.
Nothing else you can do.
We are the ‘cancelled parents’. Just makes me wonder what they achieve by cancelling us entirely? Does it make them feel good about themselves because they can do this, more in control, wielding some kind of power over us. Or - and I think this is more likely- do they just not care at all anymore and rarely spare us a thought when our birthdays come around.
Take care 😞🌺

QuoteWhiff Sun 24-Nov-24 07:33:44 I agree.