Support and friendship for those whose lives have been affected by estrangement.

Thank you all. Sunday didn't have any spasm/ cramps in my right hamstring which is was very glad off the pain is getting back to levels I tolerate. Will try today without the extra painkillers. I had taken Boots combined calcium vitamin D and vit K tablet for 16 years no problems. But these Adcal-D3 tablets each tablet contained 1.5g of calcium plus the
vitamin D and took 2 a day. Phoned the surgery after having my blood test to tell them I have stopped taking them and why. In all the falls I have had since a child haven't broken any bones . No idea how long I have had the Osteopenia in my left hip could be decades . Never thought high dose of calcium and vitamin D would negated my painkillers also my chronic fatigue took over. It's the way my body couple for decades never felt tired but my body just shut down and slept . Didn't matter if I was at home in the car or on a bus I fell asleep . Luckily only for 10-15 mins on bus or train my snoozing always woke me up 😂.

Demonised is a apt description of what our children do to us. I hated my in laws and hated my mother in law for 40 years until the day she died but I couldn't abandon her after my husband died. She needed me . My husband always loved his parents but never liked them .

My son and daughter in law knows how my mother in law treated us. They have turned into my in laws. But I don't hate them . Have no love for my daughter in law she killed that by writing what she did about my husband a man she never meet. I still love my son but don't like him and he is a stranger to me now . My love for my grandsons is still strong they are innocent in all this . I am no longer the mom my son knew . I am stronger and have no tolerance for bad behaviour.

Smiles it's hard for both you and Mr S but do think women are stronger than men emotionally . Think it harks back to men being the head of the household ,being the bread winner and silver backed gorilla attitude that they had to protect the family at all costs . Don't think that attitude has altered even now. Even though woman have long worked and in some cases earn more than their husband or partner . Glad you had face time with your son . Bet he is very happy for you both in your new home .

I see how my grandsons are with me especially if I am not feeling well and they go into protection mode.

ThatRubyLegend and eddiecat lovely see you both .

Went to sit fit yesterday but just for the company. Instead of Christmas cards we had a collection for the food bank . Going to Brain Charity tomorrow but going in by taxi and back.

Yogin hope your door cam is fixed so nutty next door doesn't get away with anything .

Jaffa I love hearing a salvation army band play . And hope you find peace being with them . They do so much good for anyone. But I do know they have very strict rules who can join . Remember Paul O'Grady making a programme about them and all the work they do but he wouldn't have been able to join because he was homosexual.

Spring we hadn't been the same family since my husband died. But we adapted to a different family . I know my grief for him changed me but it also made me stronger and have done things I never thought I could . But I have kept every promise I made him . But it wasn't until I moved here I could live my life to the full . He died in 2004 but had people dependant on me until my mom died in 2017. As I have said before my mom had a very strong family comes first attitude which is how I was until my sons estrangement. But my daughter did say it's about time you put yourself first mom and do what you want . I had started before the estrangement doing things I wanted . But going on holiday twice this year has spurred me on to want to do more things . Plus not having the money worries I had thanks to the Braun Charity helping me get PIP,becoming a pensioner and getting some pension credit. Still careful with it but it just means I can have 2 holidays a year as long as my body lets me . Already booked to go to a classical concert in February but it's in a small venue and have ordered hi fidelity ear plugs to cut the sound so no startles and if that goes ok will go to a concert with full orchestra.

Anyway look after yourselves and thank you for being here . 🤗😊

Pleased to hear you are on the mend Whiff, just take it easy for awhile.
I'm finding it hard to comment on how I feel at the minute, as like others it's a hard time of year and whatever joy xmas brings its overshadowed by those missing.
Take care all 🎅🎄

Hope you are now feeling better Whiff, well done booking that concert, I hope you get a taxi each way and enjoy it.
Yogi hope you camera is fixed ut sounds very technical.
Hope you are ok Bridie, this time is very hard for a lot on their own, we think of whats gone, you are not alone. When I dread something i think this time tomorrow, week ot whatever it will have passed.
Smilesless , its as hard for husbands as it us
Love to all.

Morning all. I am trying to be positive in a rather unsettling time for me. Have decided to have an extended stay with R in Ireland next April,maybe for a month. He lives on the coast and it's a beautiful area. He has suggested we go on a trip to Scotland by taking his car across on the ferry. I went to Scotland camping in my youth and climbed Ben Nevis. How life changes for us ! It's all a lovely dream planning a trip that I may not be well enough to take but it's occupying my mind and stopping the worry about estrangement.
Maybe the extended stay will help the decision on whether to move there.
Have a great day everyone and carry on dreaming for a happier future

Jaffacake that's what we had planned to do . My husband was going to retire at 60 and we loved Ireland and wanted to buy a house and plot of land . Built out dream house and rent out the other house Whether we would have find it I doubt it but would probably have spent more time there as I became a nan at 58 my husband would have been 59.
So glad you have the support from your friend and if you can ,think it would be a good move for you. A new life . And your daughter would visit often .
We loved Scotland and saw wild dolphins swimming off the Black isles. I do want to go to Scotland but not stay anywhere I went with my husband. But hopefully in 2026. As already made plans for next year. The past is gone so I live for the now and future . But as long as I can get about under my own steam I will. I know in the future I will end up back in a wheelchair but hopefully got 10-15
years before I get there .

Allsorts pain getting back to levels I tolerate. When I go to the concert in February funny enough it is the date of our first date way back in 1975. I will go in a taxi there and back as no idea where it is .

Had 2 friends here yesterday. So made gluten free brownie a large one for then to take home . The daughter sent me a picture of the slice she had and said it was delicious. Will bake today to take to craft group tomorrow. Had to believe it will be Christmas eve this time next week . The year has flown by for me .

Morning all.
Whiff glad your pain is back to tolerable levels and that you have the concert to look forward to in Feb.
Be careful now and pace yourself. 🙏🏾
Jaffa I also think a new start in Ireland would be good for you, and your daughter and GCs could come for holidays with grandma,
of course it could be stressful, any move is but I don’t think anything is ever as stressful as going through an estrangement. And hopefully your other daughter can be persuaded to bring your other GCs over, but do put your own physical and mental well-being first for once.
Two docs appointments today, and a phone call with consultant later, DH struggling with prostate another UTI with blood in the urine. Always trouble at this time of year.
Take care fellow survivors ❤️❤️🙏🏾

Morning everyone.

We had an early start to take out dogs to the new vets who wanted to assess them before issuing their flea, worm and tick treatments.

We've decided to have a heart scan for our little poodle. He's very fit, running around like a puppy on his walks since we moved here, but is coughing more than he used too.

£270!!! but well worth it as it may show there's nothing to be concerned about but if there is and he needs too. we can start him on any required medication.

I've made it absolutely clear that he is not to be sedated; if they can't carry out the procedure without then it will have to be left. She's convinced due to his lovely and co-operative nature that they'll be able to carry out the scan with a nurse gently holding him.

Thanks for the hugs Bridie . It's great that the positive that's come from the recent unpleasant is seeing the support from others that we've received.

Telling us you're finding it hard to comment on how (you) feel at the moment says it all. There's no need to say anymore because we all understand .

It is as you say Babs just as hard for our 'other halves' as it is for us. Yes, we should be mindful of wishing time away as we've lost so much already .

Hope the doctor's appointments go OK. Poor Mr. B., my heart goes out to him and you because I know the toll Mr. S.'s prostate problems took on us, them especially of course. Mr. S. has a catheter for about 18 months before surgery which thank God was done just before the first Covid lock down.

Sometimes Spring it's harder to witness the pain our H's are going through than it is to deal with our own. This sadness is also a way in which we acknowledge that we care, that's so true because if we no longer cared, we'd no longer hurt would we.

It must be wonderful to have that protective love from your GS's Whiff; priceless. I'm glad you went along to sit fit yesterday just to sit and enjoy the company. It sounds as if you treated your friends to a great time yesterday with your cooking skills; well done .

That extended stay with R in Ireland sounds perfect Jaffa and will give you a better idea of what life could be like if you decide to make the move permanently.

Dreams are never wasted, even if they don't come to fruition because just the dream can give us something good to focus on, and look forward too in the future.

Hope you got your security cam sorted Yogin.

Have a good rest of the day everyone xx

Smileless, still in shock £550 for my old cat to have 4 tooth extractions, but like you, they are worth it !!

Good grief, I think I'd expect at least one gold tooth to be inserted for that money Bridie

We spent a a lot on our little critters over the years, but is good to give back when they give us so much.
😺😺

Absolutely Babs our lives would be emptier and a lot less fun without them.

Babs hope your the doctors appointments went well and the phone call to the consultant. Your poor husband UTIs are bad had a spate of them few years back some turned into kidney infections ended up with 16 courses of antibiotics. Saw a urologist and after ultrasound on full bladder and empty found my bladder and kidneys where fine reckoned it was a bad infection . Remember when my husband had one once he said it was like weeing ( that's being polite 😁) razor blades . Think it is more painful for men as they have a longer ureatha . Hope the antibiotics work soon.

Dogs and cats are your family and be honest they are better than some family . I don't have pets but love hearing about other people's. My brother and sister in law's dog never forgets gets me. But she knows when my sister in law's MS is worse as she stays by her and doesn't insist on playing. The Brain Charity had a number of people who have assisted dogs that go to various groups and into homes to help young and old . Some on my HPX thread have dogs and cats who help family members cope with their symptoms. One goes riding and has done since a young child even though when she has a startle and falls off she gets back on . But I admire her mom as it must be terrifying for her but she has never stopped her daughter doing something she loves . She's 30 now and over the years takes part in equestrian competitions for the disabled and wins lot of prizes . She shows such courage . Not far from where I live there is a riding school for the disabled and know how much it helps children and adults with all disabilities but those permanently in a wheelchair it gives them a different view on the world and no longer looking at people groins or feeling invisible.

Animals really heal all ills as they never judge but can give you a smile on your darkest day. I new wanted a pet as I didn't want anyone to to be dependant one ever again . But do love meeting other people's dogs turns out I am a dog person as I never know what to do with a cat.

It's blowing a gale here so glad I pre booked taxis to get me to and from the Brain Charity today.

Have a good day or the best you can . 🤗😊

I love most animals, love the independant but loving nature of a cat, would love a dog but couldn't put them in a kennel and so can't consider one. I do however have had them stay with me.
This time next week will be Christmas Day, so many since I saw my daughter. I know she's well and happy though.

Lots of posts to read

Thank you Ruby and best wishes to you too.

Babs & Smiles I wrote to my doorcam company and was really surprised to get a reply the next morning saying they are sending a replacement but I need to be patient

Smiles sorry to hear Mr.S is unhappy as it's the ann. of your estrangement right on top of Xmas

Hope you are feeling better today Whiff

Best wishes to all xx

Jaffa nice to hear you have a lovely holiday in Ireland to look forward to next year. I agree a move to live there, near your good friend would be a good life for you.

Whiff brownie looks yummy

Morning all,
Windy here too Whiff, hope there isn’t another storm on the way.
That story about the fellow sufferer who regularly goes horse riding shows remarkable bravery but you are right animals are healing, our little rescue dog Scout now sadly no longer with us helped me so much during the darkest days of our estrangement, just always being there, giving unconditional love and somehow tuning in to my feelings, was truly like having a best friend by my side.
@Allsorts my daughter is also well and happy and getting on with her life, she has a career and two lovely daughters, so like you I have to be content with that. It’s all we can do. We raised them and gave them the love they needed in order to have a good life. We should be proud of that even if they don’t recognise it.
We know this. That’s all that matters.

Mr B feeling sorry for himself but is recovering with some pretty strong antibiotics that make him feel nauseous. Hoping he’ll recover by Xmas but does mean cancelling some pre Xmas jollies.
Will just settle in at home with Netflix and some mince pies. 😊
Glad you are getting a replacement doorcam Yogi. So important. Hopefully will be with you soon 🤞
Take care all survivors 🌺🌺🙏🏾

@Smiles hope your little dog doesn’t have a heart problem, such a worry I know.
🌺🙏🏾🙏🏾

Hope no one saw that vile thread that appeared . Thankfully GN have deleted it and hopefully banned the poster . It was vicious and the language isn't what you expect on GN.

I am sick of the trolls 😠

Whiff I'm glad I never saw it. There seems to be getting more and more nasty posts. I often just do not bother posting on different topics because you just know someone will post back in a nasty way.

Whiff

Hope no one saw that vile thread that appeared . Thankfully GN have deleted it and hopefully banned the poster . It was vicious and the language isn't what you expect on GN.

I am sick of the trolls 😠

I saw it and reported it as did others.
Load of baloney and foul as usual.
😡

These phantom threads seem to be posted either very early morning or very late at night hopefully so it can avoid being zapped by GNHQ too soon seeing as the moderators probs haven’t yet clocked on for the day or is a skeleton crew.
I have to say it shows an unusual level of persistence and unadulterated cruelty to be able to do this
Nasty doesn’t even cover it.
😡

Morning all, a very breezy one !
Try not to worry Smileless, my old lady cat has a heart murmur and is still plodding on despite her recent surgery.
Whiff... you don't do anything with cats, they will let you know what to do, we are their mere slaves.
These trolls are getting crueller in their need for a response to fuel their egos, best to report and ignore, that way they don't get the attention they crave.
Have a good day everyone, 1 week to Christmas, best get my lists out 🎅

Morning everyone.

I'd never truly appreciated how healing pets, especially dogs can be Whiff until we got our little poodle so soon after we were estranged.

We were in such a bad place and our house felt cold, empty and depressing. The minute he arrived the entire atmosphere changed and it felt like home again; warm and filled with love.

I still miss not having a cat Allsorts but wont be getting another one. We won't put our dogs into kennels, our little poodle hasn't been in for years and our cockapoo never has, and being so sensitive I'm sure she'd hate it.

Good news about the replacement doorcam Yogin, you'll probably have to wait due to the time of the year but at least you know it's on its way.

It does make Christmas even harder, with the anniversary of our estrangement falling on Christmas eve Yogin. You couldn't make it up could you

Poor Mr. B., give him a hug from me Babs. The thing with antibiotics is they do their job but often make you feel pretty awful. I hope he'll feel a lot better by this time next week and you'll be able to enjoy Christmas .

He was diagnosed with a heart murmur last year Babs and as the vet said as I stood crying, he doesn't know and he's not showing any outward signs of being affected. It's precautionary really so if there is an issue that can be helped with medication, the sooner we get started the better.

I did see that thread when it started and was the first to respond with a polite, 'sympathetic' and 'understanding' post. I'm not surprised it descended into vile chaos. The OP was clearly goading and hoping, goodness know why, that an EP would come along and agree that we should sue our EAC for emotional stress and damage .

According to a pm I received this morning, the OP will be back with more stories to try and upset EP's and make them look stupid!!! It's only the OP's of these threads and those that agree with and/or support them that look stupid.

In my nearly 12 years of being on GN, I've never seen anything like it loveOc. It's pathetic and if they really believe that they can hurt and upset us, they're wasting their time and ours.

Whiff

Hope no one saw that vile thread that appeared . Thankfully GN have deleted it and hopefully banned the poster . It was vicious and the language isn't what you expect on GN.

I am sick of the trolls 😠

I saw it Whiff; was immediately suspicious and on this occasion decided not to respond. It is particularly sad when estranged parents respond in good faith and then get called every name under the sun and accused of whatever based on nothing! Hopefully noone has taken any notice of this rubbish. 😏

Well TBH Madgran I think it's good when EP's respond in good faith because that just shows whose at fault here doesn't it. It's not the EP' being called very name under the sun, it's the ones doing the calling.

Far from portraying EP's in a bad light, they're giving us the opportunity to show that we are what we say we are; kind, decent, loving and supportive parents.

Far from coming across as the poor victims of abuse, they're portraying themselves as the abusers.