Support and friendship for those whose lives have been affected by estrangement.

Hello ladies.
All the high calorie food is out of my house now, I can breathe and relax now.

On a positive note, I seem to have been less stressed this Christmas over my estrangement from my estDS.

How have others felt? Reading your posts about this has given me hope that Christmas can be a non upsetting time for us estranged from our AC. Bridie Allsorts Babs Yogi

Lucky friends, Whiff.

That was a bargain yogi 🎄🎄🎄
Babs03, bought my first bunch of daffodils today and the bulbs outside are pushing through, love daffs.

Afternoon everyone. Well I'm afraid I did shed tears and not just a few, it was more like a 10 minute tsunami and I was just thankful that Mr. S. was out walking the dogs.

What set me off? The end of the original 'Railway Children' when Jenny Agutter's character 'Bobby' sees her dad at the station and says 'daddy, my daddy'. I said to the tv 'well it only ever happens in films' and that was that.

I'm sure if DS wasn't so far away in Aus. it would be easier. Even without any GC, just being with our son would make all the difference but it is what it is, and one 10 minute out pouring isn't too bad even though I can't help thinking 'it's been 12 years for goodness sake'.

That certainly was a bargain Yogin and think how much easier it will be next year, not having to keep a real tree looking healthy over the Christmas period, and how much money you'll save never having to buy a tree again.

The price of ours is still on the box (we've had it years) £25 from Wilkinson's and still looks as good as new .

Smileless I have just filled up reading your post. So so sorry.

Smileless2012

Afternoon everyone. Well I'm afraid I did shed tears and not just a few, it was more like a 10 minute tsunami and I was just thankful that Mr. S. was out walking the dogs.

What set me off? The end of the original 'Railway Children' when Jenny Agutter's character 'Bobby' sees her dad at the station and says 'daddy, my daddy'. I said to the tv 'well it only ever happens in films' and that was that.

I'm sure if DS wasn't so far away in Aus. it would be easier. Even without any GC, just being with our son would make all the difference but it is what it is, and one 10 minute out pouring isn't too bad even though I can't help thinking 'it's been 12 years for goodness sake'.

That certainly was a bargain Yogin and think how much easier it will be next year, not having to keep a real tree looking healthy over the Christmas period, and how much money you'll save never having to buy a tree again.

The price of ours is still on the box (we've had it years) £25 from Wilkinson's and still looks as good as new .

Sending hugs 🤗
🙏🏾🌺

Thank you love0c and Babs. I'm sorry for putting a damper on our lovely thread, it's just been hard this year and we weren't expecting it to be.

No apologies needed Smileless or by anyone feeling low. We can not help 'feeling'. I'm glad I have them. Feel sorry for those that do not have any I say.

You didn't put any damper on the thread, you are only human, just pondering is it at all possible for you and Mr.S to fly out to see your son?
Sending lots of love 💐

Smileless Bereavement never goes away; we just learn to manage it in a new reality. That certainly doesn't mean no sadness or no weepy days etc. And Estrangement IS a bereavement. So pat on the back to you for getting through a weep; picking yourself up and moving forward as ever 💐 x

Thanks Bridie and Madgran I couldn't do it without everyone on this fabulous thread.

We too have taken down the decorations and no more nice (high calorie!) food left in the house!! Sad year for us too - not sure why except grey skies didn’t help. Had a dream last night about EC - that I was with them and they decided to give a reconciliation a go. I was apprehensive but happy. Woke up feeling grateful for such a lovely dream. No idea if it means anything, but was nice to enjoy it while it lasted. Felt connected. Main problem with estrangement is that it leaves you feeling so totally unconnected.

Yogin you mentioning panto we never went to one as kids and our children never wanted to go . Think that was down to the fact they knew I couldn't sit that long. But my grandsons school takes the whole school every year but he never tells my daughter if he enjoys it or not.
Funny enough when both mine where young they used to tell me everything they did at school. I remember the day my daughter didn't she was 8 and realised she had grown up . My son was 9 before he did it. If I ask my grandson what he did he tells me my daughter looks on amazed . His brother talks more about what he had for lunch. But then again never had to as he's covered in what he ate. Takes after his nan in that way 😂. My excuse is my hands tremble .

I brought a new Christmas tree in 2018 as I threw my old one away as it was missing a few branches . It was supposed to be for my bungalow but because the sale fell through it was first put up in my old house. Had mine cheaper from M&S they had 20% off all trees it was £15 cheaper and it's 6'. I put it up 1st December and down new years day. Same as we did from when we got married. Wow 5 sets of lights Yogin I only have 2 on my tree white as I don't like coloured lights . The first lot came off ok and all the lights from the second came off all right they have very long cables and the cable was tangled . I have to put them back into there boxes in a certain way so they are always easy to put on each year. Blame my husband for that it drove him made my dad's ad-hoc way with their lights always tangled . Thinking about Christmas tree my parents always had 2 and my children decorated the one and my brother's the other one. Before that my brother and me did one each.

My in laws tree was ancient it's what I called the bog brush tree. Some will remember the trees that had branches that looked like green toilet brushes. After my father in law died she never put it up even thought the children where young. My husband did offer buy her a new one but she said no as they where to much trouble .

Babs that was a lovely thing for your husband to do . Bet your neighbour enjoyed every mouthful . Haven't had trifle since my husband died the children never liked it but I made one for us but not an usual one . No jelly or sherry . Haven't had Eton mess for years that's ideal for next time my friends come for lunch . Did you know you can still buy Birds trifle mix ? I remember when they came out and my parents used them a couple of times but the hundreds and thousands used to melt on the cream ,so my parents made their own . My in laws always put aerosol cream on theirs but by the time we came to eat it the air had evaporated and looked like milk on top. Funny how foods bring back memories. I am amazed they still sell things like Camp coffee my nans favourite,angel delight ,hamburgers in gravy in a tin ,Heinz sponge pudding in a tin , used those when we went camping before having our daughter . Vesta dried meals you can still get .

Mentioning not crying over estranged children Christmas I never have not the run up or the day itself. I do have a cry because I miss my husband but never Christmas day. It's a pact I made with myself the first Christmas after he died. He loved Christmas so I allowed myself to cry run up and Christmas eve but never Christmas day. And have stuck to it .

Glad you enjoyed the fireworks Yogin I hate them . While my friends where here they started and I went stiff as a board . It's not just the noise but I saw the flashes so my friends daughter shut my curtains for me . I could move again after a few minutes . First time they had seen my startle reflex. As I knew they where going on then it doesn't effect again . I know it's weird but at least I understand why .

Allsorts and Bridie haven't watched Vera yet as I tend to watch on catch up TV . When I went to Berwick upon Tweed in May there was filming for the film 28 years later my GN friend had seen the crews setting up. Apparently the locals where up in arms when Vera went across the causeway as the tide was coming in when there was a murder on holy island .

Never understood when Mark McManus died and they still called it Tagget at least they changed Morse to Lewis. I watched Goodnight Mr Tom when it was first on TV but cried that much haven't been able to watch it since. My window cleaner mentioned it on Thursday as they watched it over the holiday and both of them where in tears.

Babs hope this year is a better year for you and your family . You get to move house ,your son in law quickly gets a new job ready for when his old one ends in March, as they have enough to worry about with your grandsons surgery coming up .

Also hope your daughter has a successful pregnancy this time . Unfortunately my best friend after a series of miscarriages was told she would never be able to carry an child . But she's my age 66. Medical science has come along way and hopefully your daughter can get help and have the baby they long for .

SparklyGrandma glad you weren't so stressed about you estranged daughter this Christmas. There is so much pressure through adverts about the perfect family Christmas no such thing as perfect anything .

Smiles that's another film I only watched once and had no intention of watching the Return of the Railway children. What sets me off in the film is when Bernard Cribbins rejects the Christmas presents they collected for his family. He's character is like my dad a proud man who provided for his family the best way he could and thought handouts where charity and an afront to his manhood and being able to provide for his family.

Smiles you could never put a dampener on this thread nor can anyone else . We are a group of friends sharing our lives. Estrangement brought us together but it's friendship and caring about eachother that has kept it going for 12+ years. Here is a safe haven we can talk about how we are feeling our ups and downs. And boy there have been some awfuls downs but also wonderful ups. Why do you think people find this thread and stay , because they feel safe . And any nasty ones are soon gotten rid of. We protect our own . Well that's how I feel.

Spring you are right saying it makes you totally disconnected . But thankfully here we can be ourselves. Today is my daughter in law's 38th birthday so I do what I always do wished her happy birthday to the air as I do for all their birthdays, anniversary,Easter and Christmas. I have no love for her but don't hate her . I had loved her for a long time like my own but what she wrote about my husband killed than love in one sentence. Only ever hated 2 people in my life my in laws and 40 years of hating my mother in law is enough for anyone. But I still looked after her . It's easy to walk away but I couldn't do that. As that's not me I was brought up with strong sense of family.

Haven't shed a tear for my son or grandsons since 2023. I decided I couldn't hurt myself anymore and gave up hope of seeing him or hearing from him ever again . And been happier. But I am lucky to have my daughter and family who love and care about me .

Had my appointment come through yesterday to see my cardiologist on the 22nd. But have decided if he wants to increase the tablets I take I will ,but will not take any new ones not after what the Adcal-D3 did to my body. Had to get used to a new pain tolerance and taking extra painkillers of a lunchtime. Having blood tests on Friday at my GPs so will make sure they test for my calcium levels .

Because I was a page behind had to post in chunks .

Take care everyone and hope 2025 is a good year and you achieve all you want ,and your family that care about you achieve what they want as well. 😊

Lovely post as always Whiff,
I have never watched Vera either, to went to watch them film it .I did watch Goodbye Mr. tom at christmas though...what a weepy 😭
I hope your tests and appointments are all good, you seem to have a good support team around you.
Well ladies of we venture into 2025, here's hoping its a good year for all.

Good morning all,
On the subject of trees, we have two large artificial ones we bought at different times over the years, had a real one a couple of years ago in a pot, then my DH planted it, it didn’t cause any mess but was not very big. And my DH has a thing about using a cut tree, he is a keen environmentalist.
Your tree was a real bargain Yogi. Well done.
But like Whiff I have a problem with certain lights. Suffer from migraine caused bright lights so tree lights can’t be too dazzling and cannot tolerate flashing lights, would set me off immediately and have had to leave restaurants or shops where there are flashing tree lights. Even a candle on the table can do it.
Thanks for best wishes Whiff. Certainly our family will need a bit of luck, but am ever the optimist. The daughter trying for a baby already has a gorgeous little boy, 2 and a half, but had a miscarriage before conceiving him, and then a horrendous birth with preeclampsia and a massive bleed. She is in her late thirties now and I think difficulties increase with age but is her call and we will support her as best we can but is such a worry.
Tbh I cry easily so even adverts for a charity can set me off, and cried at the final episode of Gavin and Stacey. Wouldn’t even try The Railway Children I would be a puddle.
Spring20 we do feel unconnected sometimes but at least on here we can connect with those who get what we have been through.
Take care.
🙏🏾❤️

Morning to all and welcome to 2025.
Not a great start for me. Unfortunately have been poorly with flu and a chest infection which has unbalanced my asthma. Haven't had an attack for years but now on antibiotics,steroids and inhalers. Threatened with hospital admission at beginning of week as oxygen levels low. But stayed home with heating on 24/7,will worry about bill if I survive !
R is going home to Ireland on Monday although he has the same bug but not so poorly with it. All the plans we had for new year were cancelled.
Feel sorry for him as he has had a tough Christmas dealing with my family tension and ongoing illness. Think stress has shot my immune system these last 6 months and I seem to be physically and mentally vulnerable.
Sorry but if a miserable first post for new year.
Hope all you ladies wrapping up warm,it's going to be a very cold week

Morning everyone.

Lovely posts Whiff . I always find coming onto this thread when feeling low is like receiving a big warm group hug.

That was a lovely dream Spring. I've often dreamed about our ES when much younger so before we were estranged but never about us being reconciled. Like yours, good dreams to have and ones you wish you didn't have to wake up from.

I watched Vera from the very first episode Bridie because I'm a big fan of Brenda Blethyn. I loved the final scene of the final episode which I found rather moving and last night's documentary about the series was excellent too.

Another film that always makes me cry Babs, John Thaw was brilliant as were the children. It never ceases to amaze me that regardless of how many times I've watched something, it can still make me cry .

Think I might have to give 'The Railway Children' a miss is they show it this Christmas having been a puddle because it this time.

You and your family are certainly deserving of a happy and positive 2025

Yes Bridie, we're venturing into a new year and very shortly will be venturing onto a new thread as yet another one is almost at 1000 posts!!!

So sorry that you're unwell Jaffa and that illness scuppered your plans for New Year celebrations. R is such a good friend that I'm sure regardless of anything else, just being with you and giving what support he can makes Christmas special.

You've done well to stay at home so make sure you continue to keep warm and rest up. Hope this (((hug))) and cheers you up just a little.

@Jaffa, sounds like you have had a horrible time health wise, flu is a bugger, and is so much of it around right now, my DH gets chest infections so I know how debilitating they can be. And on top of this asthma!
Rest up and just concentrate on you, push every other stress and worry to one side.
Wishing you strength and a good recovery
🙏🏾🌺🌺

That must make the worry of contracting flu even greater for you and Mr. B. so fingers crossed that you both steer clear of it Babs.

The new thread is ready and waiting dear friends.

Who will be the first to post? xx

Smiles }}Hugs{{ I know it's harder for you, with your DS in OZ. I do normally hold back from mentioning my GDs, as I feel maybe this hurts you, not having any [at the moment, aside from your lost ones]. Nor did I at the beginning, my DD said when starting her family, she did think it a good time as it would help me and of course it did. Not immediately, as somehow, I thought it was bringing my beloveds back, in reality; a whole new little being. Then another, whom I love with all my heart and yes, the healing began.

Come back and live in the UK Oz son meet a lovely lady and give your mum Smiles her much longed for GC.

You're a love Yogin and I don't want anyone to feel they can't talk about the AC and GC they have in their lives, it's nice to be able to share in the joy that they bring to you and others xx

Just read your opening post on the new thread it's beautiful Smiles .

Sorry if I hurt anyone by going on about my grandsons I never thought .Yogin thank you I will be more mindful in future .

Jaffacake sorry you and your Irish friend have both been ill . But I bet he didn't mind because he was with you. And he came to be with you so what's a few germs between close friends . Sorry it had made your asthma flare up . Hope you both feel better soon. Hope your daughter is healing well after her op and is looking forward to a future after her histology results.