So yes, I am a newbie to the forum but not to estrangement. It will be 11 years this Christmas. Its still raw, I cry so often and get jealous of people with children and gran children as I feel we will never experience that. Seems a bit too long with out reconciliation now, although I have thought about contacting but fear the mental health of the estranged child may push them to do something terrible. I have 11 years worth of cards for birthdays, Christmas etc but it doesn't get easier. I plod on but my own mental health has really suffered. I have gone from an extrovert, family orientated mum to a fractured mum, with a very fractured family that has had far reaching repercussions. I have been replaced, someone else took over my role as a mum, someone paid to look after my beautiful daughter. I have tried to move forward, have had counselling, cbt you name it but it still hurts so much 
Gransnet forums
Estrangement
All pain needs to be healed but it isn't always possible to heal completely.
11 years is a long time Flipityflop, it will be 12 years for us on Christmas Eve and only because we moved this year, did we get rid of the cards and small gifts we'd accumulated all this time, for the GC we've never known.
Even with the pain, which is so much harder this time of the year, it is possible to move on and rebuild your life but only I believe when we begin to let go, can the healing begin 
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Flipityflop
So yes, I am a newbie to the forum but not to estrangement. It will be 11 years this Christmas. Its still raw, I cry so often and get jealous of people with children and gran children as I feel we will never experience that. Seems a bit too long with out reconciliation now, although I have thought about contacting but fear the mental health of the estranged child may push them to do something terrible. I have 11 years worth of cards for birthdays, Christmas etc but it doesn't get easier. I plod on but my own mental health has really suffered. I have gone from an extrovert, family orientated mum to a fractured mum, with a very fractured family that has had far reaching repercussions. I have been replaced, someone else took over my role as a mum, someone paid to look after my beautiful daughter. I have tried to move forward, have had counselling, cbt you name it but it still hurts so much
Welcome to the forum, sorry about the trolls, sometimes we are plagued by them. Is very sad that they feel the need to intrude, but will disappear when reported.
Anyway, back to business, am so sorry you are estranged, I also am in my eleventh year. Your grief is still raw but you cannot continue like this, is just an existence rather than living, and you have every right to live your life, and to look after your mental and emotional wellbeing.
I was drastically reduced some years ago, losing my mental health and my job, don't let yourself be reduced in the same way.
Am wishing you the strength to do as Smileless has said, to let go and then start to heal.
Take care xxx
There's a support thread on this forum Flipityflop and Mandymoo which might be something you'd like to take a look at.
As we approach 2025 a new year Mandymoo, this may be the time for your own sake to stop contacting him, and focus on those in your life who you love and who love you in return .
petra 
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