Support and friendship for those whose lives have been affected by estrangement.

Morning all

Another lovely sunny day. Great pics Babs. Yes I was there walking on the beach yesterday morning, but further up in Thorpe Bay, no tourist up that bit, so nice and quiet.

Smiles sounds idealic where you live. With estrangement, it takes time for things to settled down and the rest of the family and close friends to see the wood through the trees. Hurts when those close to you believe the lies, but it doesn't last too long before they know better.

Went out last night to the quiz night, never been to one before and never again it was really boring, did win a lovely hat, scarf and gloves set, which I'll save for next winter. It went on from 7.30 - 10.30pm. We then went nextdoor to a club, which was lovely, everyone dancing and very friendly. It finished at 11pm but went on a bit longer, I was pleased to leave and go home. Couldn't sleep as I was so cold, had to get up and put some bed socks on and a wrap! must be getting old!

Its amazing how many adult children are not there for their aged parents but on the mark when the will is read.

Yoga, I am like that, I say yes to things then thing wish I were home, I think its doing things that don’t really interest, you seem to like live shows, dancing and walks. I now don’t go to stately homes they bore me as I have seen so many. Used to go to at least one a month in the summer with friends. Even pub meals are getting less frequent, i prefer a walk and chat at a cafe.
The beach looks lovely Babs, you are so lucky having it near.

Yes we live in a lovely area Allsorts but is not much countryside and no hills, so am trading the seaside for a landscape that reminds me more of where I grew up in Lancashire though it is of course almost as far south as you can go. I love nothing more than hills and moors, though I will miss the sea, (and Yogi and Joey ofc)however Brighton will be one train stop away.
Going to measure bedrooms and dining room in bungalow next week with measurements of furniture we are taking with us.
And ‘yes’ I agree that ACs often couldn’t care less about their elderly parents, is not estrangement is just that they never visit, are too busy, can’t do the journey every week/month/6 months etc.
Then it’s too late.
Estrangement isn’t the only cruelty meted out to older parents.
Take care all 🌺❤️

Allsorts yes, that's what I prefer; a nice walk, coffee or lunch with a good chat of course.

Babs I must say I do miss a walk in the woods, I was between 2 before I moved here. When it's too hot for a walk in the park or on the beach, I have driven down to Belfair's woods for a walk in the shade.

Off to see my little GD in a concert this morning, so need to get my skates on .

Smiles did you watch Crufts? It was so good, the Italian Greyhound won the show!

Morning everyone.

You're right Babs that 'innocent until proven guilty' doesn't apply to EP's; we're judged guilty regardless of anything we have to say.

Abusive parents who've been estranged wont come onto sites like this because if they care at all about being estranged, it will only be because they're no longer to carry on with their abusive behaviour. Likewise those who've estranged their decent parents wont be here either.

Things seem to be going in the right direction with your sale and purchase and going to check measurements gives you another opportunity to see again, what will be your future home .

You're sadly correct in what you say about some AC not being there for their parents when they need them, but being in attendance when it's time to know what's in the will Allsorts.

Maybe that's one 'advantage' about being estranged. We know the AC who've estranged us don't give a damn, so don't have to wait until we're at the stage we're we need some help to find that out.

Reading about your first and last quiz night experience made me chuckle Yogin. Never done one myself because TBH I can't think of anything more boring but you must have been rather good, to have won a prize .

I didn't see as much of Crufts as I usually do but enjoyed what I saw and thought the Greyhound a worthy winner. Hope you enjoy your GD's concert.

Some great, thoughtful posts here. Thank you all! What this thread does is bring together those that do understand, do get it. Yes we are strong and have to move on, build a life without our beloved children. But oh the loneliness and pain of it sometimes. This thread normalises it when nothing makes sense. 💐

Spring20

Some great, thoughtful posts here. Thank you all! What this thread does is bring together those that do understand, do get it. Yes we are strong and have to move on, build a life without our beloved children. But oh the loneliness and pain of it sometimes. This thread normalises it when nothing makes sense. 💐

Agree.
Whenever I waver I come on here and is like recharging my batteries. And even if we approach estrangement from all points of the compass we ‘get’ how each other are feeling, we have hit rock bottom and painstakingly made our way back up, to once again see the light and smell the roses.
Now is our time. Hard won and so we treasure each moment of calm and the love of those who do give a damn.
🌺🙏🏾

Yoginimeisje

Allsorts yes, that's what I prefer; a nice walk, coffee or lunch with a good chat of course.

Babs I must say I do miss a walk in the woods, I was between 2 before I moved here. When it's too hot for a walk in the park or on the beach, I have driven down to Belfair's woods for a walk in the shade.

Off to see my little GD in a concert this morning, so need to get my skates on .

Yes I do miss being able to access countryside. There are parts of Lancs that are flat also but I was brought up near the Pennines, hills all around us, and a short drive away we crossed the border and could walk for miles on the Yorkshire moors.
No moors on the South Downs but plenty of gently rolling hills, valleys, and where we will be living there are chalk cliffs and the river Ouse. Will miss our long walks along the prom, miles of it as you know, and the friends we have made, but we will hit the ground running when we move, we both like to volunteer and so will meet new friends, and are happy to join clubs/organisations, especially any local walking/rambling groups.
🌺🙏🏾

Oh and of course our very best new friend when we move will be a new little rescue dog. 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

That sounds the perfect new home gift Babs03 1👍

Spring, I agree with your thoughts. We shouldn't have to be here dumped by our child but so glad that there are others and gets it in perspective.
Babs, a dog and a hew home how wonderful. I watch all the dog rehoming programmes and it lovely to see there's a right dog for everyone. No matter how badly they have been treated they give so much love back. Dogs behaving badly us anotger goid oriframme.

Allsorts I watch all the doggie programmes too. 'In the dog house' is heart-warming and the 'Dog behaving very badly' is so funny, the last one I watched in 'The Smugglers Den' with the big Doberman, was where I used to live by the River Couch, so I've been in that club/pub quite a few times and celebrated a NYE there once.

My GD did well in her concert yesterday, she behaved herself and song well. It was in a beautiful church. There were 4 schools taking part and strangly one of them was the school at the top of my road here. One school sang 'you are my sunshine' I felt tears in my eyes when they sang; I dreamt I held you in my arms, but when I woke you were no longer there and I hung my head and I cried It made me think of my estD & GD . They asked the audience to join in and I had to be careful not to start blabbing.

Well done to your GD, was it a local church??
When you mentioned that song and the lyrics I teared up thinking of you there remembering your estD and GD. Suddenly it can hit you, it happens with me.
Sending hugs 🤗

Babs thanks. It was down Crowstone/Kings rd in Westcliff, beautiful church.

Evening all, been away for a few days in Brighton and managed to measure the bungalow for treasured pieces of furniture we want to take. Fell in love with it a bit more despite both telling each other we shouldn't. Met a couple of neighbours who seem friendly and a similar age to us.
Thinking of what you said Yogi about how words can catch us unawares. For me the words to a poem by Byron seem to sum up what we feel about estrangement though the poem is about a man separated from his wife I would imagine.
It is the first and last verses that speak volumes.

When we two parted
In silence and tears,
Half broken-hearted
To sever for years,
Pale grew thy cheek and cold,
Colder thy kiss;
Truly that hour foretold
Sorrow to this.

In silence I grieve,
That thy heart could forget,
Thy spirit deceive.
If I should meet thee
After long years,
How should I greet thee?—
With silence and tears.

Apologies to Byron, that poem is not in its entirety but includes only the words that I feel apply to estrangement.
Hoping you are all well.
Take care.
xxxxx

Just realised I hadn't posted since the 8th. Got caught up with other groups I am a member of and lot going on with them . But will post soon need to catch up with you all. Going to make some mixed berry jam now .
I will be back 😄

We put up with my husband's parents because he loved them . If they kicked off we walked out but went back the next week. Said before after my husband died his mom denied she ever had a son or had 2 grandchildren. I hated that woman for 40 years but still looked after her for 11 years after he died because he loved her and she was family . Families are hard work especially if they are vile . It's easy to walk away but I wasn't brought up to do anything the easy way . I was brought up with a strong sense of family and we brought our children up the same . My son and daughter in law must hate the fact I and my side of the family are still family even if they don't want us. I didn't stop being his mom ,mother in law or grandmother because they said so. Even when I die I will still have been his mom ,mother in law and grandmother. Think I am allowed an evil laugh.

Our estranged children think because they don't want us we no longer exist but we do . And we can live our lives without them . Had a meltdown the other week and spent the morning crying I wanted to see my son and grandsons . No idea why it happened I wasn't even thinking about them when it hit me . What annoyed me afterwards I thought I had come to terms with it . It had nothing to do with me being in hospital in January as I never thought of my son once while in or recovering at home .

I was very close with my parents and extended family . I told our daughter off once at their home and my mom said don't shout at her. Told mom if she ever commented about me shouting at my daughter we wouldn't come again . Then pointed out what she did which was dangerous. But we would never had stopped seeing my parents. My dad said D you wouldn't have put up with mom or dad telling us how to deal with our kids. So zip it. That was my dad. And yes I was a daddie's girl . As was our daughter. She would say daddy even into her teens he would say what do you want . Our son did the same . They made the mistake one fathers day buying him a card with a dads taxi sign in the middle . Every time he gave them a lift he put it on the dash board. He even at times stood outside the car when picking them and their friends up holding the sign he was a devil. Then they would say he did it again but told them it's their fault they should have know what he would do. I laugh even now at the thought of it.

He would cause havoc with our grandsons but in a funny loving way. But he wouldn't have put up with what I have with our son and daughter in law .

Yogin you are living your life to the full even if it's tiring at times. But that's the best way to be . Best to do everything you can while your body lets you. As it's very annoying when you can't do something now you could do few months ago. But we have to become inventive how we do the things we want but our way. Which keeps our minds active and hopefully delays or stops us losing our marbles 😄.

Hope you are having a lot of different birds in your garden as it's mating season. Mind you the wood pigeons are at it on my fence all year round.

The sunshine has brought everything to life early. I have daffodils in my back garden. I never planted any in the back since I moved here only a few in the front . So no idea how they are there or if they have been dormant for 5.5 years 🤔

Smiles friends on my HPX group who are in America are going made at Trump. And what he is doing to the country. What makes me laugh is he wants to get into bed with Putin. And in America there are a lot of anti communist groups bet they voted for Trump and regretting it now. Other first ladies did things with their husbands but also had lives and causes of their own . You hardly seen Trump's wife, have forgotten her name and when she appears never looks happy . Mind you who would be with that idiot. Bet Ivana is laughing her socks off.

Bridie I have never been embarrassed about being estranged as I didn't cause it. My son's choice no doubt caused by my daughter in law but he should have told me to my face .

Because I am open about things I have found people have said about what has happened in their families and thought it had only happened to them . It's not parents who fail it's just we are disposable and because we still love our children they know they can get away with it . I live in the north of the county and they live in the south. Don't laugh I didn't realise I lived in the north until I started going to the Brain Charity every week and had to get the northern line home . 🤦.
Unfortunately can't go every week since Christmas. My stay in hospital and recovering made me realise I can't do a 4 hour journey just for 2 hours at craft group every week.

Smiles I hope the 72 ducks don't leave a mess near your lodge . Soon be time for ducklings .

Babs I think our children have labelled us as guilty full stop . They are the poor innocent lambs who have devils for parents. It wouldn't surprise me if they tell people I am dead or don't want anything to do with them . Anything so they don't have to admit what they have done . But one day my grandsons and all our young grandchildren will become curious and it's easy to find people on line if you want to .

Better get up now . So will read page 17 later. 😊

Morning all, lovely sunny dry day.

Lovely poem Bab

You do marvelously Whiff in how you adapt everything to suit you. Lucky you; free daffodils popping up and lovely birds too.

My step-mother-in-law passed away last Monday. She was in hospital for a week beforehand. My father-in-law visited her, he said they were chatting and she looked quite well. When the lunch menu came, she just ordered a strawberry yoghurt. She took a spoonful and then when my f.i.l looked again..she was gone!

They had been together for 42yrs. A said she didn't want to push A into getting married as she feared it would change their relationship. My sis-in-law reckoned it was all about money. So to everyone's amazement, we all found out that they had secretly married in 2020, not even telling their AC, no one knew but them. She swore him to secrecy, as there had been a falling out about her AC's father's will and she didn't want that to happened again!

@Whiff as you know I agree with what you say about family. We also looked after my mother in law despite the fact Mr B had good enough reason to estrange. So is counterintuitive for me to be estranged from those on my side of the family including my sister who swallowed whatever my eldest daughter told them and kicked us to the curb, their choice, though a cousin who remains loyal to us as well as seeing my side of the family says that many have now realised how wrong they were. But I can’t forgive or forget. Especially remembering how ill I was for many years after suffering a breakdown as a result of the estrangement without one of them even asking how I was. Sadly is par for the course for people to believe anything an EAC says whilst disbelieving everything an EP says.
I think we all have meltdowns Whiff, because despite what our EACs have done to us we still love them and miss them.
Most of the time we can get on with life and enjoy what we are doing but then it just hits us without warning.
@Yogi sorry about your step-MiL but what a way to go, here one minute then gone the next. And such a wonderful thing that they married in secret, very romantic.
Have to go now, have the flu, got it from family in Brighton, and feeling awful. Can’t eat a thing, just the smell of food makes me feel sick.
Mr B trying his best, bless him.
Take care 🌺🙏🏾🙏🏾

That poem is very poignant Babs, I know we have to carry on despite suffering what our ec have done. However, I still have the odd time it takes my breath away and I remember when it was not like this and for me part of me is missing, the love is still there. Get well soon.
Bridie I used to feel embarrassed and ashamed because I thought I must be so bad to have her treat me as she did. Now of course I know I shouldn't have felt like I did. We either carry on or become a victim.
Yoga, sorry about mil but what a good way to go.
Smileless if your ducklings leave as much mess as my wood pigeons do, you might hope they fly off.🥴

I felt the same Allsorts, just wanted somebody to tell me what had I done to be punished this way, still waiting, but now, with blips of sorrow every now and then, I just keep moving on day after day.
I don't feel ashamed or embarrassed anymore, just bewildered!