Support and friendship for those whose lives have been affected by estrangement.

No we are not victims we are survivors!
Carrying scars nobody but we can see and proud of coming back from the bottom of that dark deep hole we had to claw our way out of.
Right, am back in bed with temp 38 .5 and rising.
Mr B made soup for lunch which I promptly threw up. Poor man.
Second year that I have succumbed to flu after having the jab.
Oh well.
🙄

Hope you feel better soon Babs, 😷

Bridie, bewildered sums it up.However for me as time has gone on, I am not anymore. They don't want the bother of parents, it seems a lot of people on other platforms, advise getting rid as they put it, before parents get needy. I couldn’t take it in at first. Some were helping elderly mothers but wished they could just disappear, no mention of love just the bother. Just why they think they have the magic ingredient that their children will feel differently I don't know.
Live the best lives for ourselves whilst we can. I am disgusted by my d whilst still loving her. It has made me appreciate so much those that do care.

Sorry to hear you have the flu again Babs, drawback of seeing GC. Wish you better soon, maybe sit in the garden with the sun on you [?]

I'm bewildered too birdie every now and again I just think Why!

Maybe not the GC then Babs

Sad Allsorts I am disgusted by my d whilst still loving her me too!

I am trying so hard to get through the day. I am a mother of 3 now adults. I got divorced through ho infadelity and mental conditions. Has anyone got advice for me as I child disowned me as I didn't want to be a Jehovah's witness anymore. As I child is happily married to his husband. I feel l am trying so hard please everyone but I fail when I am worried about saying the wrong thing. Any advice would be better than being in pain physically and mentally.

Thanks everyone managed to leave my bed and have a duvet day on the sofa today.

@Inconsoulable, is this about your AC estranging from you because you decided to no longer be a Jehovah’s Witness??
And you are finding it hard to maintain relations with your other children??
Please get back and tell me if I am right I think you are feeling overly emotional right now.
Take a deep breath and get back.
🌺🙏🏾

Just read page 17. Bab's the poem is very apt for this group.

Yogin I very rarely go out at night . I live in a safe neighborhood but things I enjoy doing I do during the day. Can't remember if I have already said but in July I will be going into the city via taxi both ways. Going to do something I have wanted to do since moving here and that's going to a classical concert at the Liverpool Phil. With my highest setting on my ear plugs I will hear the music but cut out things that can startle me. Row O of the stalls and an aisle seat. Only one row behind me so that will lesson my startle reflex. Noticed yesterday the Cornish fishermen are coming in February but am going to book my ticket as I love there music and sing along at home as I have them on the free Spotify .

Sorry your step mom in law has died but how romantic that they where married in secret . Funny enough my brother has known a couple for nearly 30 years and only recently found out they aren't married but are getting married in April in Scotland. The man only got divorced few months ago . Who he thought was their daughter who has always called him dad is actually the woman's daughter. Through my brother and sister in law I know them to and a wonderful couple . They said they never felt the need to marry . But unfortunately hate saying the woman but keeping names private . Her health is getting worse so they want to get married before its to late. Just a small wedding of close family and friends. Never to old for romance.

Yogin your granddaughter's concert sounds lovely . And song words can hit you hard when you least expect them to . Also seeing your granddaughter performing brings home how much you are missing out of with your estranged daughter and family. I am going to see my grandson's play near end of the month my daughter asked me if I want to go . He was brilliant last year in the Lion king . One of the animals and sang and danced his heart out. We then went to his brother's Easter hat parade and songs at nursery . But it does bring it home I am missing out on my other 3 grandson's.

My mother in law never wanted to go to the children's concerts , assembles ,sports day etc. She was always invited but refused . Wild horses wouldn't have stop my parents going to everything they could . My dad always had a plant stall at the primary school summer fair and all the money raised he gave to the school .

Hell it's 7 already need to go as have moved it or lose it this morning. I will hopefully catch up with everyone soon . 😊

Whiff I prefer to go out during the day. With my f.i.l getting married secretly, it goes to show you never really know it all.

Wish you better Babs

Inconsoulable sorry to read you are upset with things at the moment, being a J.W. is a difficult life, one I would not like.

Car booked in for MOT & service this morning! Looks like a beautiful day out there

Morning everyone. Apologies about not posting for a week or so.

Whiff I prefer day time events like you. It started out with my arranging lunch with my friends on a Saturday lunchtime.
When I was working. We had a very nice time, a good laugh.
Luckily I lived in an area then, packed with mid range restaurants.

Babs I hope your duvet day is lovely. Self care is a brilliant thing, especially when dealing with estrangement.

Morning everyone, can't believe it's been a week since I posted ; where does the time go?

You're right Spring that when it comes to estrangement this thread normalises it when nothing makes sense. I'm sure that the relief I felt when I first came across the second thread here on the AIBU forum 'cut out of their lives' started by nanban, has been experienced by everyone when they know they are not alone.

As you say Babs we get how each other are feeling, even when we're struggling to put those feelings into words. Each time we came here bringing the things that we wanted to keep in readiness for moving in, I fell in love with our lodge a bit more. You doing so with the bungalow shows how happy you'll be the day you move in .

A lovely poem, thanks for sharing the last line was the most impactful for me; How should I greet thee? With silence and tears .

So sorry you're unwell again, maybe you hadn't fully recovered so IMO more than one duvet day is needed to get you fighting fit again.

We watch the dog programmes too Allsorts and Yogin but TBH I do get annoyed with the stupidity of some owners who just by using common sense, could have avoided some of the problems they have with their dogs and would have happier dogs as a result .

I teared up too, thinking about your GD singing that line Yogin; you did well to keep your emotions under control. Not sure I'd have managed it but as we're very unlikely to have GC we'll get to see, it wont be a problem.

How romantic, a secret marriage {smile] and a sad example of a lesson learned due to a previous upset in the family.

I think that more and more EP's are able to talk about their estrangements has to a certain extent decreased the stigma, although I think that will always remain to a certain extent Allsorts. It's incredibly empowering and freeing when we no longer feel embarrassed and ashamed that we've been estranged.

Just as being open about our estrangements is freeing and empowering Whiff, so must be walking away from an abusive family. It's the estranging loving and decent parents that will always baffle us.

More than 12 years now we still struggle at times to come to terms with it and I don't think anyone who truly loves the AC who estranged them, ever does completely.

Those moments of overwhelming grief that seem to come from no where, happen to us all. At the end of the service on Sunday, the minister talked about the services on Mothers Day and for the first time ever, I was touched and pleased that she said that it is not a day of celebration for everyone so there's going to be an additional service at 4.00 pm for anyone who wants to go to church, but can't face the 'usual' Mothers Day service .

One of the ducks has made a nest in the hedge in front of our lodge and is nurturing 10 eggs. We're thrilled and really looking forward to seeing those adorable little ducklings in the not too distant future .

Bewilderment is the legacy that being estranged leaves us Bridie. Even if we were to ask why, I very much doubt they'd be able to provide an honest answer.

I hope you'll come back Inconsoulable. We don't have any answers but because we are also estranged, we do understand and will do whatever we can to console you, just as we console one another .

Your not alone Spring, I've not posted for a week either but have kept my eye on here in case anyone was struggling because we all need that bit of extra support when that happens.

Take care everyone xx

A bit of an odd day for me, cooking lunch for two people I've never met . Mr. S. has met them before having got to know them online due to a shared interest.

He's with them now having met up at 10.30 am to take them to a nearby nature reserve and they should be back here about 1.30 pm. I've made a chicken and mushroom flaky pastry pie followed by home made lemon meringue pie. It's a beautiful sunny spring day here so they couldn't have better weather for their walk and hopefully will have built up a good appetite.

Thanks all for good wishes.
Another duvet day - you could be right Smiles more than one is called for. 👍
I too prefer to go out during the day and get cosy at home in the evenings. In the summer we tend to go for walks after dinner though due to light nights, or sit in the garden.
Would love pics of the ducklings Smiles when they arrive, love this time of year for this reason. You are so lucky to be able to see them when they first hatch.🐣
My appetite is not what it was but am pretty sure that despite Mr Bs best efforts as chef in my absence that your culinary delights would have a better chance of tempting my taste buds.
Hope you are enjoying walks with Joey Yogi. I love the view from my top window but recently are a bunch of kids dealing drugs near the tennis courts. Has been reported but they are still there so not such a nice view anymore.
Take care all
🌺🙏🏾

Smiles We would never have thought, when we both came on here more than 12yrs ago, we would still be posting, still estranged! When I think of my estD, I think how can she be happy, cutting out her loving mother & sister it doesn't make any sense. Will she, when reaching my age, look back with regret?

You, like me, are waiting for our sons to meet a lovely girl, get married and gives us some beautiful GC. One month they are single, the next, in love and making plans for a future together. Fingers crossed.

You need to get your camera ready for when the little ducklings make their first appearance, won't that be lovely.
Hope you enjoy your lunch with your new friends today S and that all your cooking is appreciated.

Babs hope you are better today. Had lovely walkies with Joey yesterday; walked from the garage to Southchurch Hall Park, then onto Southchurch Park and was lucky that one of my park friends gave me a lift home as I'd done quite a lot of walking by then and still had to walk back to pick up my car later in the afternoon. Car passed mot and had a good service, so pleased with that. I managed to get my shopping before I dropped off my car in the morning, otherwise all the lovely freshly baked sourdough bread would have been gone!

@Yogi yes thanks am feeling more human now. Been pottering in the garden. Am eager to relieve Mr B of his chefs hat though. 🙄He does try bless him but cooking was never his forte.
Hope everyone is enjoying the weather. Fabulous forecast for next few days.
Can’t wait to get back to our walks.
Take care all 🌺🌺

Hope your meal went well Smiles., Good news about your car Yoga. Glad you're feeling better and back to the cooker Babs.
Whiff hope your Monday meeting at Brain Charity was as enjoyable as last time.
The lovely weather puts a string in our step doesn't it.?

I have sad news. The nest was raided last night and all the eggs apart from two have gone and the two that remain are broken . I suppose that's better than knowing they hatched, seeing the little ducklings and then finding out they are no more.

It's hard to believe isn't it Yogin, yet here we are and if anyone had told us then that we would rebuild our lives and find peace and happiness again, we wouldn't have believed them.

We had a lovely lunch yesterday and they were very complimentary which always makes the effort worth while.

Glad you're feeling a little better today Babs but take your time and make sure you've fully recovered before taking on too much.

A nice trip into our nearest town today, a light lunch and a lovely walk with the dogs when we got home after watching the final episode of 'Adolescence' on Netflix; a brilliant drama, not an easy watch and if you do, I suggest a box of tissues while watching the final episode.

I haven't Netflix so it will be some time before I see Adolescent but I understand how good it is. I cry at a lot of programmes and won't watch anything if I know it's a real tear jerker. I couldn't watch Ruth Ellis for example. I was only small but I remember my mom upset. Torture scenes in Tudor dramas I have to mute and look away. I always put myself in that position and can't detach.
Lovely sunny day, wish my hay fever wasn't back as unable to go in the garden despite, nose and rate drops, and histamine, and Vaseline. It gets worse every year and I should live by the sea. Perhaps live 6 months by the sea and six months here.

Smiles so sorry to hear about the duck eggs, such a shame! It's awful at my local park, to see all the ducklings swimming behind their mum but then one by one being picked off and eaten by other bigger birds, even seagulls!

They were promoting that series 'Adolescence' on Loose women yesterday [recorded]. Like you Allsorts I don't have Netflix, so hope it will come on main stream TV soon, Does sound like a hard watch though. I watched that series last night on the last women hung; Ruth Ellis, very sad!

Sad about the ducklings Smiles could be foxes they love eggs, but could have been other birds.
Out in the garden again today, so much birdsong, is beautiful, was entertained by a song thrush yesterday. Like my own private concert. Love this time of year. Hoping the great tits take up residence in one of our bird boxes. They have done this every year so fingers crossed. A likely couple have been checking out the accommodation.
Hope you are enjoying the birds in your garden Yogi. Looking forward to sitting outside next time we meet for coffee.
Hay fever is not nice Allsorts. One of my SILs gets it very badly and takes the meds but then feels super drowsy. He can’t wear his contacts at this time of year either.
Take care all
🙏🏾🙏🏾🌺🌺

Awh, that's sad Smileless, nature seems cruel sometimes.

Inconsolable I hope you do come back and it doesn't matter what you need to say here we understand. This thread has been a lifeline for me . The mention of JW.made me remember my dad if they came to the door he would chase them up the drive shouting I a blood donor and proud to be. Dad had O negative blood which they used for what was called blue babies sometimes they asked for extra blood if the stocks where low he had given 4 times a year at times. Funny enough our son is O negative and was a blood donor last time I saw him . My husband was O positive and me A positive. I don't know what my daughter is but my brother is the same as me . And was a blood donor but like our dad had to stop once he had heart problems. My dad was livid after his 2 heart attacks as he had given 74 pints and wanted the cup for giving 75 pints and he wasn't allowed to give blood. My husband gave 10 pints but past out each time so he stopped . He wanted to do it I had to have 4 bags after my hysterectomy and he wanted to give back. That's what all my side of the family where and are like .

My son was brought up with the same values as my brother and me . As my husband said he never wanted them to be brought up as he was unloved , no attention just tolerated . My son and daughter in law have turned into my in-laws . But at least my grandsons are loved and get plenty of attention as they are their world . And can't see that has changed since the estrangement.

Babs hope you are feeling a lot better and been enjoying the sunshine even if in doors . My husband could cook but more scout cooking . Still remember the one and only time I had flu and the children came to me I was in bed and said dad had done something with the rice. Still remember they wanted fish fingers ,rice and peas for dinner. My husband had cooked the rice for 45 mins it was like wall paper paste. But he always cooked Christmas lunch with the children after I had my hysterectomy week before Christmas when I was 38. He did it every year until 2003 when he was terminal. The children cooked it even stuck to the tradition my husband started of having a glass of sherry at 10am while prepping the food to be cooked. It was the last full meal he ate. Funny what can spark memories but it wasn't a sad one . Even though we talked about his funeral.

Sorry about the duck eggs Smiles but that nature for you . Where I used to live had a large bush by the shed and the blackbirds made a nest and hatched 2 chicks and saw 2 magpies attack the parents and kill the chicks and ate them . I used to love hearing them chirping when on my patio. But birds and animals do it to survive unlike humans who enjoy hurting and killing people .

Your meal sounded delicious hope your husbands friends enjoyed it and you liked their company and they have become your friends as well .

12 years Smiles and Yogin shows how much this thread is still needed for old and new friends because that's what I think of you . When you can't talk to anyone how you feel this thread is here and that's comforting. Always nice to see old friends pop on but happy to see new who need help .

Allsorts had a lovely day at the Brain Charity caught up with friends and staff . I miss not going every week but the 4 hour journey is just to much for a 2 hour class now . But will go to all day events ..Could talks and there was a bus that travelled round which showed the city as it was was from the 1800's to 70's. Touching a title on the screen showed you what it was like . There where 3 screens and the tram one made you feeling like you where on the tram and travelling through the city same when in the river. Lots of bands to see singing hit songs of the day. Plus objects to see. They took the bus to schools ,homes etc. And found people with dementia and Alzheimer's responded to it the most. The people running it where fascinating to talk to. I had been at the event since 10 but left at 3 as I was tired . Lucky I didn't have to wait many minutes for trains or buses and got home at 5. Exhausted but happy I went . Had an early night .

Lovely to hear you are recovering Whiff and adjusting to your new limitations, you are unstoppable!
Take care.

I don't pay for any TV channels and watch mostly on catch up TV the free channels as you can guarantee I will fall asleep watching in the evening. Glad to see new series of Marlowe murder mysteries on U drama but like a lot of dramas on there. Even the new Bergerac is good just don't compare it to John Nettles version . Some good Aussie dramas on there .
Tried watching the BBC version of Towards Zero but gave up as didn't know any of the actors apart from Angelica Huston. There other adaptions apart from ABC murders are good . But prefer old BBC Miss Marple with Joan Hickson and the ITV versions of Agatha Christie's books. My 5 have 3 films based on Agatha Christie which are good but made up of course but they have a good cast of well known actors . Madame Blanc is back yah.

Went to my creative Paws craft group on Wednesday had good time sat with different people. Made 2 gingerbread one gluten free. Still don't know everyone's name but one lady took a piece of my gluten free lemon marmalade hydrid drizzle cake last month for her daughter and she loved it . Made sure she took a piece for her daughter this week. She ate a piece of the usual cake during class . The organisers asked if I needed money for making the cakes. But said no it's my choice to make them and it's what I love doing plus I can have a piece and not eat the whole cake. The one next month is in the church hub round the corner from where I live ..I go there for my sit fit class and move it or lose it class.

An awful thing happened to one of my sit fit group . She is in her mid 80's and uses a 3 wheeled walker . Was going into the Hilton in the revolving door and it was going slowly then a man going out pushed it fast and she went flying into the lobby and broke her arm . I always thought the door stopped if touched. But this one didn't. She is in hospital until she is healed as she can't have it pinned because of state of her bones and then will go to rehab. This happened 2 weeks ago but we hadn't had sit fit for 2 weeks as our instructors husband had an operation. Some have visited it her in hospital as they go to the same church. But she will be hating being in. For all her limitations it doesn't stop her getting out and about .

Smiles that was good of the vicar going to have a separate service from the mother's day one for people not wanting to attend that one. An enlighten vicar. Hope you are still singing in a choir. And Mr S is still bowling .

Yogin hope your grandson had a good time with you and your Yoga teaching is going well.

Haven't heard anything about my CT scan with dye on my neck arteries so assume everything was fine .

Had to phone my neurologists secretary again, but she was on leave for a couple of days so spoke to who was filling in . Explained my GP still hadn't had a letter from my neurologist about the increase of my Clonazepam to 3 a day from 2 and they won't let me have the extra tablets without. Explained I needed to order a repeat prescription this weekend . Plus I needed to report a new symptom. Because it's rare he likes to know if I have anything new happen to me or any different symptoms my HPX group report. This is going to sound nuts but this is what happened. I was unloading the dishwasher and dropped a stoneware pasta dish and an enamel baking dish onto the floor . My floors are concrete but have Karndean flooring in the kitchen . The noise was so loud my hands shot up to cover my ears and could hear a whooshing noise and my limbs stiffen and I toplled to lean against the sink . And was stuck until my muscles loosen and could move my hands and body. But I couldn't stop shaking never had such a strong reaction to noise before where I had to cover my ears. I hear my heart beat in my left ear a present from when I had jaundice. But didn't hear it just this whooshing . Once I could move heard it again so back to normal. Shook me up so much when on my HPX as I know they would help and make me feel better. I startle at noises like others with HPX and I sometimes just jump or toppled over in a by near a fence ,bush etc or occasionally fall like a tree . Learn to walk by things as when I stiffen it pushes down on my stick and toplled sideways . In a chair just frozen until it can move . But have ended up like a board on furniture in my bungalow. I know it sounds ridiculous but this has been my life. But at least having my diagnosis I know understand why and I am not alone . Two sisters in Canada have just had their HPX diagnosis they are 76 and 88. They just thought they where weird but at least they had eachother.

Had a lovely surprise in the post yesterday my neurologist so I wouldn't run out of the extra tablets I need had the hospital pharmacy send me a month's supply. The healthcare here is amazing .

Sit fit ,move it or lose it and seeing my grandson in his school play on Thursday this week. They came last weekend and asked my daughter if I could make biscuits. She always text to see if I am free but I always ask if I can bake. Some weekends the boys at at several parties or if they have been horrors then they don't get treats. But at least I get to see them . So am very lucky to have my daughter and family. Still doesn't stop me missing my son and grandsons.But he made his choice so have to live with it .

Anyway making lemon and blueberry jam today. Lemons have been in the freezer a year . Kept forgetting to use them . Not enough to warrant making marmalade but should be nice with the blueberries.

Have a good week everyone.

Goodness Whiff I feel breathless reading your rambles, you are definitely back to your normal busy self, but do have a bit of ‘down time’ every so often, the episode with the smashed pots could have been worse because you were tired, am no expert though 🙄. All your baking etc., sounds so yummy, especially the lemon and blueberry jam. Love home made jam, still eating some quince jam I made months ago, a friend has a tree and never knows what to do with the fruit so I make jam for both of us. We have a quince tree but last year it didn’t fruit. Are postponing Mother’s Day till next week. One GC and parents down with noro virus so plans are put on hold. My DDs always want to make a fuss but I am not really into it, just a big commercial rip off, told them ages ago to never buy flowers they really put the prices up. Could easily give it a miss tbh.
Hope you are all having a great day whatever you do and wherever you are doing it.
Take care 🙏🏾🙏🏾❤️❤️