Support and friendship for those whose lives have been affected by estrangement.

It's so good of you to keep us updated Babs. We miss you of course but you are never far from our thoughts and hearts
xx

Thanx Smiles 🌺

Thank you for keeping us in the picture Babs it seems your husband is getting very good care and has you by his side. Take care of yourself and everyone thinking of you🙏💐

Babs03 so sorry to hear this and I hope * MrB makes a good recovery which includes not having another stroke.
Hoping you have strength that supports you being his side.

Morning everyone. I saw some of the bad people’s comments over the last few days. Why the drive to be hurtful that some people have?

I go onto Mumsnet and the comments on there sometimes about going NC with older family members, are many. And suggested by some in the flash of an eye. Lots about NC their MIL’s but not restricted to them.

Anyway. I am here very early as one of my cats woke me up, she was banging on my door in a rhythmic fashion. They want me to open the window, now, at 04.41 when they know 05.30 is the earliest I will open the window.

I let them out at 05.30 as there is no one around, cats love dawn, and they are only out for about an hour, which protects more birds than if they were out for longer.

I was having bloods taken on Friday by a very nice district nurse, and he asked ‘ have you any children?’.

My heart did a jump and I heard myself saying (with a lump in my throat) yes but they live very far away sadly. He was being kind but …….

SparklyGrandma have never on Mumsnet nor ever will. Did you know it was because of Mumsnet the paperclip disappeared for so long . I emailed GNHQ about why it wasn't here. They were having problems with what those on Mumsnet where posting and needed to add safe guards . That's why now if you post a picture it doesn't appear straight away but later .

If people ask how many children I have always say 2 and 5 grandson's. If they ask do I see them all . I tell them the truth . I have been amazed at the number of people who have estranged adult children or other family members. And the times I have been told they thought they where alone and close friends didn't even know. As they felt ashamed.
I tell them the same thing if they didn't cause the estrangement then they have nothing to feel ashamed about . Their child,children or family member made the choice to cut you out of their lives . It's they who should be ashamed ,but of course they don't and act as if we never existed.

But we do exist and boy it must piss them off something awful that we do . I think my son and daughter in law wanted to destroy me but they haven't . As nothing they have done has hurt me as much as my husband dieing . That is a hurt that gets worse as the years go by and grief for the other half of yourself gets worse.

I do miss my son and grandsons. But I miss the kind loving son I had for 32 years no idea who he is now and doubt I would even like him . He is a stranger to me know. But still love him and my 3 grandsons are innocent in all this . They have probably been told I don't want to see them or I am dead. But will never know.

But the best thing we can do even though I do have wobbles is live our lives to the full doing what we want when we want . I am lucky I have my wonderful daughter and family and know I will always have them until the day I die .

Will read rest later. Need to go out early today.

Morning all, lovely and sunny!

Nice to see your post DL and that you are finally getting back on your feet after almost 2yrs!

Babs good to read your post and that your DH is still fighting through. That's the trouble with meds, it has to be set just right otherwise it can cause more problems. Fingers crossed he improves day by day this week.

Good morning everyone, it looks as if we're set for another lovely sunny week .

I think Whiff's hit the nail on the head as to why some have the need to be hurtful to EP's Spring. It's because we talk openly not just about our estrangements but the lives we're enjoying despite being estranged; we do exist and that alone seems to piss them off.

You make a good point about birds being safe when your cats go out so early. I hope they'll re set their 'clock' and start waking you up at a more appropriate time.

It's one of those questions that people think makes for an easy conversation, especially with someone they don't know, but it can be like opening a can of worms depending on the circumstances.

I say one son and no GC. If I get to know someone at a deeper level I may tell them but not always, and that's not because I feel guilty and/or ashamed anymore, it's because I can't be bothered and there are more interesting things about me I can talk about; well I hope so .

I didn't know that was why the paper clip disappeared Whiff. I remember there being something on GN about photo's of child porn appearing on MN; a terrible thing to have happened.

Hoping to spend an hour or two outside in the sunshine with my book this afternoon now we've lost that very chilly, rather strong breeze while Mr. S. is bowling.

Whiff yes I think someone had been sending photos of an adult nature - and unasked for - to other MN users.

Hence the site blocking all photos for a while.

Sunny afternoon, enjoy..

Babs Mr B is a fighter . At least the team looking after him are on the ball and doing everything they can to get him back to himself and you and the family.

Morning all

Went to my step m.i.l funeral yesterday, in London. Very good service, managed to hold back tears as we sang the first hymn, so I'm much better than before. The wake was pleasant, seeing all the family. I joked to one about us being in the 'Ex-wife's club' as there were 3 of us .

Going to a surprise [lunch time] birthday party on Friday, Saturday meeting my sister at Bluewater for lunch, so busy week this week. On returning home, my DD,GDs & s.i.l are coming over for late afternoon tea, but big thing is; they are dropping off their 4 guinea pigs for me to look after for the week they are on holiday. I'm worried as no spare room to put them in and close the door, worried how Joey will be with them. The few times I've been to my DD with Joey, he has taken no notice of them, but on his territory, I think he may be different. If anyone has any advice, I'd appreciate it. The lady that normally looks after them is on holiday too and s.i.l's mum is in hospital as she fell and broke her hip .

Just a quick think I mentioned posts getting deleted on food threads . Just saw soft food thread saw GSM thought great she's back . Then looked at the date Cabbie started it 11-5-24. But it was top of the list there are 4 deleted posts and a couple of reported . What on earth could anyone say about soft food that got deleted 🤷🤷🤷.

I'll put my thinking cap on and get back to you Whiff.

Yogin maybe put the guinea pigs up high enough so if your pet Joey accesses the room, up high will protect them a bit.
Just saying. I might even be tempted to have them in a cage near me downstairs so you can keep a watchful eye on them during the day.

A beautiful golden sunset here in S Wales, sat outside for the second time this year. My dwarf cherry trees are flowering. It’s so spirit raising to have flowers back.

If I feel overought about my estranged state, sitting in fresh air helps.

Dear fellow estrangees, hoping you have lovely calm restorative moments when time allows.

Yogin don't envy you looking after 4 guinea pigs. Joey will be ok once he has gotten used to the weird noises they make . When a child 2 of my cousins had them but they lived in the garage at night as no one could sleep with them noises they made. I think guinea pigs are one of those pets you either love or hate . I would never go near to my cousin's and when they got them out of the cage I disappeared.

SparklyGrandma my damson is full of white flowers for once the wood pigeons haven't eaten them so may get a some damsons this year. My son and daughter in law brought it for my 60th birthday only had one damson off it in nearly 7 years. I miss seeing damsons for sale in the shops as I loved making damson jam . It's like gooseberries you don't see them and haven't for years.

Going out today via the bus instead of bus and train . Takes a hour to get there but love the old buildings and veranda over the pavements so Victorian ladies where sheltered from the sun and rain. Have a M&S voucher to spent so go and see what takes my eye . So will have lunch out .

My daughter and family off on holiday tomorrow for a week. Already had instructions on not over doing things and no accidents or trips to the hospital.

Hopefully another sunny day . Sorry for any hay fever suffers. Pollen count forecast high today.

Good morning everyone.

You must all have fond memories of her Yogin for 3 of her ex d's.i.l's to be at her funeral.

Good advice from Sparkly about having the guinea pigs off the ground so they're not at Joey's eye level that said, when I had my last two, our dogs were fascinated and used to go up to the cage (I kept them indoors) and the more out going of the two who I called Cruella, would put her little face right up against the mesh so they were almost touching noses!!!

I love them especially when they'talk' to you and always had them when I was a child. You'll probably find they're at their most vocal when it's time for food.

This time of the year is good for lifting our spirits Sparkly and like you, I always feel better for going out in the fresh air. We have loads of pansies all around the patio and in 9 hanging baskets courtesy if Mr. S.; welcome splash of colour .

Just couldn't think of anything about food that would warrant deletion Whiff . Treat yourself to something nice with your M&S voucher.

I've never had hay fever, but last week had started sneezing so I've taken the advice of one of the tv doctors and am taking an antihistamine every night which is helping.

Looking forward to more later today when the clouds have cleared so I can sit out with my book.

Have a lovely day out Whiff not too hot today, but predicted to be at the w/e.

Sparkly nowhere up high to put them, it's a big cage, & daddy GP has to be in a separate one until his 'done' otherwise more babies! I did say to my DD I could put them under the table in the kitchen, we only eat in there when my DD&GDs come for dinner. Enjoy your Welsh sunshine.

Hope you had a lovely day Whiff, what did you buy with your M and S voucher?
Yoga, what a busy time you are having. Four Guinea pigs will keep you entertained. They must live happily together. We always had a hampster as well as a cat who voted existed very well. One hampster we had was expert at escaping, once in the chimney. He came out black , just two little eyes blinking. He had to have a bath.
Do hope Babs is ok and her husband improving.
Smileless, my hay fever has been bad this week and I couldn't go in the garden, I might as well be living in a flat. The pollen count has been very high do many if us that always get it are struggling. What book are you reading as you sit onside by all your floweres.

Allsorts your most local honey will help with hay fever.

Going for a lovely walk on the beach this morning and then have the surprise party, yepee.

Whiff fingers crossed you get some fruit this year. A fruit net might protect them from the birds, you can get very cheap ones off A%+@#&.

Yogi hearing you about the male waiting to be neutered.

Smileless fresh air and flowers, the joys of nature.

My cherry tree flowering;

Just another update on Mr B. He is still very poorly and intubated, is occasionally coming round a bit but becomes very agitated and confused. They have had to restrain him with surgical mittens because he tries to pull out his tubes. Is horrible to watch knowing what a proud and dignified person he is. Thankfully our estranged daughter hasn’t shown her face though she knows what is going on. One of our daughters asked if she should contact her, I said no because Mr B and I had discussed this very situation and he stated that he wouldn’t want her to come to the hospital if he was very ill/vulnerable. And the subject was promptly dropped.
This is going to be a marathon rather than a sprint.
Thanks again for being there.
And take care all 🙏🏾❤️

Babs, thank you for keeping us informed. It's a dreadful situation I know but things can change albeit slowly. Thoughts and prayers for you all. If I were in your husband's position I wouldn't want the daughter you loved but caused such pain any where near. I am so glad you have your other daughters and grandchildren.

Babs Mr B is fighting and that's a good sign. It must be frightening seeing he confused and trying to pull the tube out . But he must frightened that he can't speak . The tube is necessary but it must have been put in when he was out of it and now he is fighting it. He must desperately what to talk and ask what happened and is happening . Hopefully you talking and explaining to him why it's there he will eventually realise it's for his own good. Glad your daughter doesn't know he's in hospital one less stress in your life. But glad you have your other daughters and family supporting you.

I wasn't as ill as Mr B but I decided long ago if I ended up in hospital for any length of time my son would never know. As if he didn't care when I was ok he wouldn't care if I was in hospital or when I die .

Estrangement means we have to make decisions early on who knows what.

As always my thoughts are with you and your family .

This must be so distressing for you and your DD's Babs

It's awful to have to do it but the fact you and Mr. B. had that conversation, has enabled you to carry out his wishes that your ED not be given detailed information and wont be coming to the hospital.

As you say Whiff being estranged does require us to have these difficult conversations and plan to the best of our ability to deal with whatever the future may hold.

Keeping you all in my prayers Babs xx

So sorry to read your DH is still poorly Babs. It must be awful having that tube stuck down your throat, did they say when it can come out? Right decision in not informing your estD about your DH, it wouldn't be nice for him to wake and see her standing over him. Every day that passes is a new beginning in his progress, so one day soon he will fully wake up and it will be over, just needing time to get back to normal health. Must be hard on you Babs, good to hear your DDs are supportive. Take care xxx