Estrangement

ALL of them that have been estranged have been because of a DIL.

Because I've only ever been refering to this part when I speak about multiple DILs.

I'm afraid your post makes no sense.

And neither do you.

Of course I'm OK March why wouldn't I be and yes pascal is talking about the d's.i.l of her friends who have been estranged; not all d's.i.l.

I've no idea who you're responding too Luminance and without knowing, I'm afraid your post makes no sense.

Who has said it's ALL of the DIL's March?

when I look at my group of friends, lots in other parts of the country, ALL of them that have been estranged have been because of a DIL.. so I would strongly question the comment made by Luminance

Here. I've always been talking and replying to this comment.

No, I am afraid it is the relationship between the parent and child that needs to be worked on. Outside input is an external factor no one can control or mitigate so the primary relationship is where the focus should remain. Telling a child your thoughts on their spouse is a rather terrible idea and so is blaming their spouse for your failed relationship. Be a loving supportive parent who simply listens and gives asked for advice gently and hope they see the truth for themselves. Never put yourself at some sort of competition the same way a DIL should not be speaking unkindly of a mother or be in any sort of competition with her. Abuse must be reported. Other than that leave the partner out of the relationship and for goodness sake, try at least to be polite.

You need help OhMyF. Pity there's not a lot available.

when I look at my group of friends, lots in other parts of the country, ALL of them that have been estranged have been because of a DIL.. so I would strongly question the comment made by Luminance

Are you ok? I honestly don't care about your situation. I've never mentioned it.

I was talking about this comment here and replying to this one.

Who has said it's ALL of the DIL's March?

Unfortunately is isn't always the case that the relationship is between the parent and child when that relationship is interfered with. If for example the m.i.l. is regarded as competition and the relationship they have with their AC is envied, that can result in the relationship being destroyed.

The same can happen if the m.i.l. interferes with her AC's relationship.

The evening we went out with our ES and his then fiance to celebrate their engagement with her parents, she told me that she had 'only child syndrome and didn't share' so tell me March if she with our son's compliance wasn't responsible for our estrangement, who was?

I simply remarked that the relationship is between parent and child and that is the relationship that needs to be worked on.

It absolutely is.

It's also not one situation, it's ALL of the DILs. How many are we talking? 2? 10?
Are they in a cult?

All these women all over the country, in different walks of life are the sole and only reason, in every relationship, has been the cause of estrangement? In multiple different relationships?
That the poster is getting third hand information from. That's not their situation?
I'd say that's ridiculous.

I don't think my comment in anyway placed any blame anywhere at all. I simply remarked that the relationship is between parent and child and that is the relationship that needs to be worked on. I would add that no one needs to be "estranged" to have an understanding of parent child relationships or the problems that occur or indeed how to have a good relationship with a child. It's rather a given that estrangement itself is something that most would wish to avoid. Any advice on how to do so should, I feel, be gratefully received by struggling parents?

when I look at my group of friends, lots in other parts of the country, ALL of them that have been estranged have been because of a DIL.. so I would strongly question the comment made by Luminance

It's not a personal experience is it?

If it's been an EP's personal experience that their d.i.l. is the sole reason for their estrangement, who are you or anyone to say that that's ridiculous March?

Unless you personally know those concerned you're not in a position to judge.

I wasn't talking about my experience or yours I was commenting on that specific comment.

No of course I'm not, apologies as it's the way I've typed it out.

DIL, well all of them, have been the reason for estrangement, like all women are the same, across the country, within every friendship group, DILs have been the sole reason for estrangement and that's a fact is ridiculous.

That's good to know March because when you posted Of course it is, you've only heard one side of the story. It's easier to blame the DIL than look at their own action and what could of caused the divide. I was under the impression that you were questioning whether it's ever due to a d.i.l.

I can agree every case is different which is why I responding to pascals comment, and that one only, as I highlighted it.

A lot of us do agree that every case is different stillawipp and have been saying so here on GN for years, but there's always someone who'll come on and suggest that it's the fault of the EP regardless of what they say.

The EP's on here aren't stupid. We've seen posts from EAC who eventually managed to break free from their abusive parents and have given our support and understanding.

IMO it's not the EP's who are the problem; we're the ones repeatedly given a hard time as the deleted posts demonstrated.

Or you could just all agree that every case is different! Sometimes fault lies with the DIL, sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes fault lies with the EAC, sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes fault lies with the EPs, sometimes it doesn’t.
Things are very rarely 100% one way or the other, and we should all be able to respect each other’s views based on our own unique experience, & not project our own situation on to someone else’s different one.

My opinion stands too March.

I never said it didn't.

Well I saw no value in your posts OhMyF and neither did GNHQ which is why they were deleted. If someone has anything of value to say they should be able to do so without resorting to childish and offensive responses.

My opinion stands too March.

And I was responding to yours March.

Ok?
My opinion still stands.

Message deleted by Gransnet for breaking our forum guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Smileless2012

I've reported both OhMyF's posts Norah, they're offensive rather than dismissive and the poster's chosen name says it all.

Correct. Offensive is better term than dismissive.

This bit is logical I don't think you have any real clue what love is; which is self-evident given that you have lost your "love" for your child because he didn't baby you enough with cards and visits however poorly written.

I've reported both OhMyF's posts Norah, they're offensive rather than dismissive and the poster's chosen name says it all.

OhMyF

Oh my god you sound exhausting to have as a mother. Your child couldn't meet YOUR (very needy) expectations so now you no longer feel love for them? The most evidence of "love" you can muster is that he was smiling in every photo? That is so damn shallow, I don't think you have any real clue what love is; which is self-evident given that you have lost your "love" for your child because he didn't baby you enough with cards and visits?

Jesus christ, get a grip. Who is the parent and who is the child in this relationship? You may be 80, but you sound like a child. Thank goodness this world won't have to tolerate your presence much longer.

OP was expressing her angst. No need to be dismissive.