Estrangement

That’s very sad Marg75 I’m so sorry, especially if there are grandchildren involved too. It must be very hard for you both.

There are no grandchildren involved which has made it sort of easier as I know there are many estranged parents with grandchildren children involved.

Yes indeed, but that doesn’t mean that your hurt isn’t equal to that. Estrangement is estrangement and is always very tough for one or both parties.

I'm so sorry Marg75, I can feel your heartache in your words. It's hard to understand how a much loved son or daughter can let this happen. Our oldest son is on this path. It's both painful and bewildering for us. There is no estrangement, anger or hostility. His family life is very stressful and they live a two days drive from us. It seems that he just doesn't care enough to make an effort to reach out and he seldom responds to a text or email. Just nothing. I can see myself 10 years from now in the place you are and my heart goes out to you.

Thank you. I was sitting here this evening and just felt like putting my feelings into words but there's so much more over the years that I can't begin to cover.

I'm so glad you posted. It give me a lot to think about. In our case, there are still young grandchildren. If it weren't for them begging for an occasional video chat, I've no doubt there would be no communication whatsoever.
Take care of yourself.

I’m so sad for you, hopefully sharing might just alleviate a small part of the pain.

Take care

I am so sad to hear your confusion and pain Marj.. there are an extraordinary number of estrangements nowadays and I know it doesn't help but you are certainly not alone.. I think social media seems to encourage this entitled, uncaring behaviour..

Thank you, you're all so kind.

You are by no means alone, Marg75, and I hope by being brave enough to post on here you will realise that. There are so many sad stories - but also happy tales of reconciliations and also those with happy lives after no reconnection. No two estrangements are the same, and everything you feel about yours is valid and perfectly understandable.

Thinking of you Marg .....I'm very sorry 🌻

Hello Marg 12 years is a long time with nothing at all; it's been that long for us too .

pascal is right about their being an extraordinary number of estrangements now and I also agree that social media plays its part.

You are not alone and I remember how important it was for me when I first posted here on GN 12 years ago to know that there were others talking about their own estrangements.

There's a support thread on this forum where we chat about our lives and share those times when we're struggling if you want to join us.

❤️

I'm so sorry Marg. It's heartbreaking to be cast away. I understand why you feel the way you do. It's really hard to have had a loving relationship with your child even as they reach adulthood and to have everything just go away. Sometimes it's a spouse, sometimes it's their peers or lifestyle, sometimes drugs and sometimes they just change into someone you don't recognize anymore. I know the pain doesn't ease. Truly sorry.

What I have gathered from many situations here is it is best to take the DILs out of the situation. The relationship is with parent and child. It's always rather a good idea to talk to them and ask where the relationship may be improved I feel.

Well it depends on the situation Luminance. Sometimes it's a d.i.l. or s.i.l. whose the source of the problem and creates problems in the parent/AC relationship.

Luminance

What I have gathered from many situations here is it is best to take the DILs out of the situation. The relationship is with parent and child. It's always rather a good idea to talk to them and ask where the relationship may be improved I feel.

Do you have personal experience of estrangement @luminance? ....or are you a professional in supporting people with estrangement? ..... because your posts do not seem to be adding anything to this thread .....anything meaningful that is....sometimes its better to keep your mouth closed if you've nothing kind or helpful to add I've found .

I believe strongly that in some situations other people's comments are none of my business. It's a rather healthy outlook.

I feel for all those parents who are
estranged from their AC, thankfully
I have no personal experience I but feel your pain. Marg, I hope posting on here and engaging with those who have experience of estrangement will bring you some comfort and strength.

Smileless2012

Well it depends on the situation Luminance. Sometimes it's a d.i.l. or s.i.l. whose the source of the problem and creates problems in the parent/AC relationship.

Even in those cases , and I think they are fewer than someone would like to believe , the best course of action would still be reaching out to and engaging non with one’s own child first. They are the one you presumably had the relationship with. Though at a certain point reaching out only becomes part of the problem If they’d made it clear they don’t wish for contact.

I have been longer than 12 years and now it's acceptance for me, I get upset thinking about family hurt, no longer here, who really loved her, so I try not to go there as none of us were able to alter anything. I am glad I never did it.

Whether or not cases where a d.i.l. or s.i.l. has created problems in the parent/AC relationship are fewer than someone would like to believe is irrelevant Grams if that is someone's experience.

You don't live with your AC, you are not the one who is influencing them 24/7 and pressurising them to go no contact, so the opportunities to reach out become fewer until they disappear completely.

Thank you for your kind comments, I have transferred to the support group on this forum, so won't post on this thread again.

Smileless2012

Whether or not cases where a d.i.l. or s.i.l. has created problems in the parent/AC relationship are fewer than someone would like to believe is irrelevant Grams if that is someone's experience.

You don't live with your AC, you are not the one who is influencing them 24/7 and pressurising them to go no contact, so the opportunities to reach out become fewer until they disappear completely.

when I look at my group of friends, lots in other parts of the country, ALL of them that have been estranged have been because of a DIL.. so I would strongly question the comment made by Luminance