Not seeing grandkids

BlueBelle

*I'd be in a lawyer's office in a heartbeat* starfire I find that such a strange thing to say it would cost a LOT of money and would probably break down the whole.e relationship, that’s really taking a sledgehammer to crack a nut .

I still find the whole thing strange

I saw my son Monday, was supposed to collect kids from school but the day got away.Which is why yesterday was suggested.And I text and they said they're not too well

What does ‘the day got away’ mean do you mean you failed to pick them up from school as arranged if so then that’s the reason she didn’t want to trust you the following day
I m sure there’s more to this than we are hearing

No thet brought me shopping and by the time we got back to my house,they aid they were bringing the kids to the park.
Which is why Tuesday was suggested.

Look I don't blame my dilemma,the only reason I mentioned her and where they live is because someone else asked for a backstory.
Its down to my son to make arrangementsand to bring his kids ,thats not on Dil at all.
.

BlueBelle

*I'd be in a lawyer's office in a heartbeat* starfire I find that such a strange thing to say it would cost a LOT of money and would probably break down the whole.e relationship, that’s really taking a sledgehammer to crack a nut .

I still find the whole thing strange

I saw my son Monday, was supposed to collect kids from school but the day got away.Which is why yesterday was suggested.And I text and they said they're not too well

What does ‘the day got away’ mean do you mean you failed to pick them up from school as arranged if so then that’s the reason she didn’t want to trust you the following day
I m sure there’s more to this than we are hearing

Well, of course, I thought I mentioned that as a last resort. If you are being completely cut off, for an indefinate period.

I mean, at that point, wouldn't you say the "relationship" is pretty much done anyway? What would we be trying to save in that case, other than getting to be a part of the grandkids lives.

Yes, costs money. The bad part of that is some people may not have it. Just like dads who have to still fight for their rights to their own kids; used to be, dad's had no rights, really, kids and home automatically went to the wife.

Now joint custody is a right, it did take a long time. But still, money.

I just talked with a nice man, a contractor doing my concrete work and he mentioned his struggle....he continues to pay and pay because his former wife comes up with more demands for money he doesn't have, he already pays child support and alimony, but it's just not good enough. Even when he wins, he is out money for court costs.

Felt bad for him. It sounded too, like some parental alienation was going on with his son. We talk a lot here about grandparent alienation, but some unfortunate parents go through the same thing with ex spouses.

He was sad, but hopeful that when his son gets out of high school, things will be different. The mom never showed up to plays, ball games, competitions; he did and hopefully his son will realize someday what a great dad he has.

L1ort138562

NiceDream

That sounds very reasonable to me., that would mean if they cancel 9 times out of 10 you only see them 2 or 3 times a year?

I think you do need to talk this through. Maybe there are other ways to make this work, like meeting at a park or arranging meals. Talk to them, see what is said.

Ok, so on top of whatever stress this young adult is facing, he should now also worry about how his mother feels.

Every weekend, he needs to think whether he gave his mom enough attention.

Make it make sense.

I'm out. Good luck.

When those 2-3 visits a year turn into 0 visits every year, make sure you learn nothing.

Good that you’re out. Posts made just to be unpleasant are helpful to no one. 👍

Yes, DiamondLily!!!!!

Why is it down to your son to make arrangements to bring his kids and not down to dil? Do your ds and dil not live together? I presume they do and if this is your view then I am not surprised dil has taken against you and keeps visits to a minimum. If you talk to your son I think you could well make the situation worse and even end up estranged. Do not go down that road. Parents make arrangements together.

25Avalon

Why is it down to your son to make arrangements to bring his kids and not down to dil? Do your ds and dil not live together? I presume they do and if this is your view then I am not surprised dil has taken against you and keeps visits to a minimum. If you talk to your son I think you could well make the situation worse and even end up estranged. Do not go down that road. Parents make arrangements together.

Well why is it Dils job to facilitate bringing the kids to me or making arrangements.
And nowhere have I said dilemma has taken against me,I think that's your imagination.

None of this makes any sense.

They took you shopping, drove you back to your house and then went on to pick the children up and took them to the park? So your son and daughter in law spent time with you shopping, but you wanted some more time with the grandchildren as well?

I don’t see how taking you to do your shopping is ‘pushing you out”. I think it’s way above what anyone can expect, because you can’t be very old if you have teenagers at home.

Unless you can post a bit more sensibly I’m afraid you won’t get any sensible suggestions to your “dilemma”. Just a forum for people airing their own grievances.

Which is maybe what you’re looking for?

Lathyrus3

None of this makes any sense.

They took you shopping, drove you back to your house and then went on to pick the children up and took them to the park? So your son and daughter in law spent time with you shopping, but you wanted some more time with the grandchildren as well?

I don’t see how taking you to do your shopping is ‘pushing you out”. I think it’s way above what anyone can expect, because you can’t be very old if you have teenagers at home.

Unless you can post a bit more sensibly I’m afraid you won’t get any sensible suggestions to your “dilemma”. Just a forum for people airing their own grievances.

Which is maybe what you’re looking for?

I haven't seem my other 2 grandkids in a month.
Like I'm sorry I act want a relationship with them.
If I couldn't be bothered with them,that would be another story.

I'm jot asking for lynch every Sunday.
Or to go down every morning ( something my own dm did)
I just want a bit of inclusion, a bit of time with them.
I don't want to overtake or do anything that they don't want to do.

Oh, sorry, this has become all very unreasonable now

You are asking for lunch every Sunday?
Or to go down every day?
Because your own mother did?

I'm sorry you are feeling a little short-changed but this is the experience of many GPs now and you have to accept the 'crumbs from the table' as is what I was told.

Young families are very busy these days and I am afraid your needs are not up there on their list of priorities.

My situation is slightly different as my GCs aren't close by but if they were I would hate to be there every day, or feel obliged to cook for them every Sunday.

Living your own life is important here...

Starfire
You have no legal right to see your grandchildren in England and wales.
Read this. It explains what other routes you can take.
But be aware that if you go down this route you will destroy any relationship you have with your son.

commonslibrary.parliament.uk/what-rights-do-grandparents-have-to-see-their-grandchildren/

I wrote the post last night because I was upset.

1.i don't expect to see them every Sunday for lunch
2.nor would I go down everyday.
3.i know they are busy.
4.i just want to be included sometime.
5.
I'm in Ireland and I wouldn't bring them to court.
6.i brought my own dm in to show that I understand boundaries.
7.im allowed to feel annoyed and have my feelings hurt over being cancelled.
8.
I've decided to leave it and let them contact me.

DubAngel leaving people do as they will is best. Nice decision.

DubAngel

25Avalon

Why is it down to your son to make arrangements to bring his kids and not down to dil? Do your ds and dil not live together? I presume they do and if this is your view then I am not surprised dil has taken against you and keeps visits to a minimum. If you talk to your son I think you could well make the situation worse and even end up estranged. Do not go down that road. Parents make arrangements together.

Well why is it Dils job to facilitate bringing the kids to me or making arrangements.
And nowhere have I said dilemma has taken against me,I think that's your imagination.

I did not say it was dils job to facilitate bringing the kids or making arrangements. Neither is it your sons as you previously asserted. It is for the parents to work between them. A lot of what you write is contradictory and confusing as well. First you say you want to have lunch on Sunday and see gg every day and then you don’t. You said when you do visit you only get to stay for an hour which made me think with all your other comments that perhaps dil did not like your attitude.

DubAngel

I wrote the post last night because I was upset.

1.i don't expect to see them every Sunday for lunch
2.nor would I go down everyday.
3.i know they are busy.
4.i just want to be included sometime.
5.
I'm in Ireland and I wouldn't bring them to court.
6.i brought my own dm in to show that I understand boundaries.
7.im allowed to feel annoyed and have my feelings hurt over being cancelled.
8.
I've decided to leave it and let them contact me.

I'm glad you're doing the right thing.

Now instead of focusing on how upset you are (I don't know the full story behind the cancellation, but if they are completely in the wrong than I'm sure a respectful, adult-to-adult conversation will suffice).

Focus on becoming more likeable instead. Since you can't make him like you or spend time with you. He's not a little kid under your total control anymore. He's actually so grown that he has a child of his own, so his parent's feelings shouldn't really be a priority for him right now.

Once again, glad you aren't making it his problem.

Though I have the fear that your comment:

"I've decided to leave it and let them contact me."

Means you're going to go the petty route and give them the silent treatment.

If that is the case, than your silence will be a true gift to them, not a curse.

25Avalon

DubAngel

25Avalon

Why is it down to your son to make arrangements to bring his kids and not down to dil? Do your ds and dil not live together? I presume they do and if this is your view then I am not surprised dil has taken against you and keeps visits to a minimum. If you talk to your son I think you could well make the situation worse and even end up estranged. Do not go down that road. Parents make arrangements together.

Well why is it Dils job to facilitate bringing the kids to me or making arrangements.
And nowhere have I said dilemma has taken against me,I think that's your imagination.

I did not say it was dils job to facilitate bringing the kids or making arrangements. Neither is it your sons as you previously asserted. It is for the parents to work between them. A lot of what you write is contradictory and confusing as well. First you say you want to have lunch on Sunday and see gg every day and then you don’t. You said when you do visit you only get to stay for an hour which made me think with all your other comments that perhaps dil did not like your attitude.

"A lot of what you write is contradictory and confusing as well. First you say you want to have lunch on Sunday and see gg every day and then you don’t. "

She isn't contradictory, she just made a typo ("jot" instead of not).

Leaving them to contact you is the right decision DubAngel and please disregard L1ort's post as it is clearly a rather childish attempt to try and upset you .

Focus on becoming more likeable instead.
🙄

A Llort by any other name…….. (and there’s been quite a few )

We can all read backwards🙄

Focus on becoming more likeable instead.
Wow talking about kicking someone when they're down @Llortl38563.

Just ignore it DubAngel.

DubAngel

I wrote the post last night because I was upset.

1.i don't expect to see them every Sunday for lunch
2.nor would I go down everyday.
3.i know they are busy.
4.i just want to be included sometime.
5.
I'm in Ireland and I wouldn't bring them to court.
6.i brought my own dm in to show that I understand boundaries.
7.im allowed to feel annoyed and have my feelings hurt over being cancelled.
8.
I've decided to leave it and let them contact me.

You really must stop letting your emotions move the goalposts.

You need to sit down and have this difficult conversation but if you go into it feeling angry and upset it could go very badly.

Don't wait for them to contact you, they will likely interpret that as some sort of sulking.

Just have a calm conversation, ask what their idea of a reasonable visiting schedule looks like and see if you can meet in the middle.

Please don't end up in this estrangement boat. It hurts everyone involved

I thought the trxxx had been removed from this thread how come it’s back to hurt DubAngel
Take NO notice of Llort read the name backwards and you ll see what sort of person they are Dubangle
Or
Just carry on being friends with your daughter in law don’t try to make you son take sides and offer what you can maybe take them out for a meal or offer to babysit so they can go out and try not to take it all to heart
And take NO notice of the nasty old Trxxl

FGS I do wish people would stop going to the OP about estrangement, it doesn't help.

Smileless2012

FGS I do wish people would stop going to the OP about estrangement, it doesn't help.

I didn't realise at first because I look in the active threads but for current ones...

But this is in Estrangement