Support and friendship for those whose lives have been affected by estrangement.

My cats have had a slice of premium roast chicken each this evening. I swear both are smiling in their sleep.😴

Lucky cats Sparkly 😋- how are you doing ? I will pm you one of these days - just come back from The Riverdance - treat from my daughter - good show - not too long - I couldn’t handle more than2 hours 😂

Yogin all the benches in my local park have plaques on may seen odd to I say hello to the person or persons name on it . I have been on a bench when the wife of the person who died came for a sit down and she told me it was for her husband. As both widows we swapped funny stories about or husbands and laughed. She thanked me and said people seem to think she is going to burst into tears talking about him as he died during covid lockdown from cancer and could only have few a his funeral. But she said he wouldn't have wanted a fuss. But he loved the park and walked their dog 3 times a day in it . Their dog died not long after her husband she said she thinks he died of a broken heart. But family said no it was because he was old. But I said she was right . Animals especially dogs do understand and feel things and you know your dog and how much he loved his walks with your husband. She cried and gave me a hug . Haven't seen her since .

As you know I don't have pets but I do like dogs and I do talk to them like people nuts I know . I only got over my fear of dogs after being attacked twice as a child once when a toddler and a dog pinned against a railing and my mom beat it off. And playing over the school field 2 Alsatians ran at me and my friends . They ran faster than me as they knocked me down well I know realise I fell because of my HPX but they pinned me down growling . Luckily adults came and chased them away . They didn't hurt me but had deep seated fear of dogs after that .

When my son and daughter in law had the dogs they used to put them in the kitchen when I visited . Then they moved to the house they brought and the dogs slept in crates so they where put in them .

They had them for 3 years and had kept asking my son when they where going to be done . They where male and female . He said they kept them apart. Then I had a phoned call and said how many pups had she had . He said how did you know told him it was only a matter of time . She is a small he Jack Russell the male jack Russell now can't spell but here goes shitsu cross . Poor thing had to have a c section as she had 3 pups and was sterilised . Aggie my brother and sister in law's dog is one of the litter she's 9 as they where born before my oldest grandson was born and he will be 9 in October. The other male went to a lady who wanted a friend for her jack Russell and they kept the other male.

Before I moved here they couldn't have the 2 males loose at the same time they had the one neutered but not the dad . So they fought. I now it was only a matter of time before one of the boys got hurt . Won't say what happened as it makes my blood boil. And I am the bad parent 😡😡😡.

After my grandson was born my son said I was upsetting my daughter in law but having to have the dogs penned because of my fear. So as they had the 3 I decided when I went up that Christmas I had to get over my fear as I didn't want to hurt her .

Looking back I think it was an excuse so I wouldn't go to their home . But I only visited when I son took me . I don't think she thought I would get over my fear . I am glad I did and now realise she hated that I did .

Oops pressed post. My hands shake more since January and my right is a lot worse . Lost control so please excuse spelling and typos.

Will have to go back to page 9

Yogin grandchildren can wear you out but it's lovely to beable to play with them.

Today is my son's 38th and my grandsons 7th birthday. Haven't sent anything to them for any celebration since 14th August 2020 when my son sent everything back all unopened and my baby grandsons presents crushed and his letter telling me he didn't want my vindictive and manipulative behaviour anywhere near me or my family ever again . Zero contact. I will never let him hurt me like that again . My pregnant daughter and grandson where here when it arrived . I gave my daughter the baby clothes and cuddly toy to give to the baby bank she supports.

I always wish them happy birthday out loud. What hurts is my grandson if he knows I still exist will think I don't love him . He was 2 last time I saw him .

It's my adopted dad's 93rd birthday so I took his card and present when I went to visit them last month . Already sent what's app message and GIF . At least I can celebrate his birthday.

Smiles I loved That's life and remember that dog saying sausages but the owner was moving it's jaw. Cyril Fletcher and his odes . Good fun show. Remember Ester Ranson getting arrested for blocking the pavement when she stopped people to try new products or ask a question. It used to the highlight of the week. Far better than these so called reality rubbish shows.

Hope you and Mr S and the dogs of course are enjoying your holiday. It is a pity we can't all get together . I have now meet 3 from GN in the flesh and we got on like a house on fire . Meeting the one near me I had lunch with in October. As they are going on a long holiday to Italy via train next month and I go to Harrogate for 5 days . My choice of restaurant this time . Will have to ask my daughter for recommendations. I have been to a lot with her and by myself. But can't remember where she took me 🤦. My friend came by train . We have a very good transport system. Which includes free local train travel once 60 .

Smiles my daughter and family always stay in air b&b here and abroad . I know they take the Amazon fire stick with them when they go abroad don't know about in this country. Did I say they had been in Copenhagen for 5 days then 5 days in the Legoland hotel . They didn't tell the boys until the day they where packing to go too Legoland . They would have drove them made about going . The hotel looks like a castle made from Lego bricks .

Sparkly hope you are well . I have only been to one burial my best friends husband's. Be 3 years since he died. She picked a plot in the sun for them both . He's coffin was made from weaved willow different colours. May sound strange but it is the most beautiful coffin I have every seen. But must have cost thousands. It was -5° and snow on the ground but had stopped snowing for the interment . Luckily it was only 10 mins service outside . Didn't take part in the service as I just cried . It should have taken us 90 mins to get there but my daughter allowed 2.5 hours which was a good job it was 0 ° here but as we got closer it snowed and high drifts along the roads . We arrived just as the vicar started the eulogy. There where hymns plus the Wrexham football club song sang in Welsh . My friend had a Wrexham scarf put in his coffin and one in the wreath from her. Rest was donations to the 2 charities they support. I did direct donation to the charities. Always give donations as flowers waste of money.

At my husband's funeral can't remember name of the song when we went into the crem but it was a Franz Ferdinand song my daughter picked,Damian Rice for the lowering off the coffin sons choice and Mr Blue Sky by ELO my choice went well left as we where fans of them . It was ironic as it was pouring with rain .

I always read the plaques on benches in the park and imagine the person sitting there once upon a time, I must be morbid because I also look around graveyards in quaint old churches and imagine the families on the earliest gravestones.
Anyway, morning all.
Hope your holiday is going well Smileless, the weather is fantastic so get out there with your doggies, and Mr S of course, and enjoy the pants off it.
Let me know which bench gets the plaque for your friend Yogi and will say hello each time I see it.
@whiff, we have always had dogs but I feel nervous when I see a large dog off it’s leash running towards me, dogs are gorgeous but can be unpredictable so is always wise to be careful, and if you have a dog, and we have always had small ones, it can be scary sometimes because you fear the attack of a bigger dog off its leash. We always kept ours on our leashes whilst out and about for that reason.
Take care all and have a good day ❤️❤️

Babs lovely to read you and hubby can take a walk in the park, that will do him a power of good.

Whiff we are going to put a plaque on the bench where Dave sat, no point getting a bench at the back of the park as it wouldn't be the same and as Dave bought the bench for his friend it is all in order. Sorry you got attacked by those dogs, especially the Alsatians, not surprised you were scared of them for most of your life thereafter. I keep a wide berth of any big dogs in the park and am ready to pick Joey up if anything were to happen!

Whiff re: birthdays xx

I love looking at old grave yards . It's the variety of headstones that I love ..The graveyard in the village has a headstone that is just a pile of rocks cemented together from 1800's and the inscription you can tell was probably made by the family it's my favourite as the family wanted to mark their loved but we're poor. But I think that is priceless as it was done out of love .

Yogin having the plaque on bench he sat on will mean a lot to people who meet him even if was just to say hello. I like reading the plaques and some benches in the park by me have several on and I like to think they knew eachother. As you know I am odd but I always say hello to the names on the plaque . To me they are a more fitting tribute to that person than a gravestone . Plus they give people pleasure sitting there .

The biggest dog I have stroke was a breed that has been banned and has to be muzzled now. Something bully in the name . She was very gentle and her head came to my boobs .

I have had big and little dogs run towards me but I haven't been frightened. If they did attack I have my walking stick . I would never hurt any animal on purpose but wouldn't hesitate to defend myself or anyone else. Letting go if my fear of dogs freed me . I miss 3 of my neighbours dogs but they all died at old ages . My next door neighbour had a giant German shepherd who used me as a leaning post . If he heard me on the drive and he was with his owner on his drive he always came to see me . Then his owner would come to see where he was.
My husband would laugh his socks off if he saw me .

I have changed such a lot since I moved here . I think it's having a home again and the people here . Seeing my daughter and family regularly is great but I am very independent. And do things I never thought I would by myself and for myself . I always put others first but now I put me . I know that sounds selfish. But I have been looking after others since I was 11. I was 61 when I moved here . My daughter and son when he was still in my life told me it was about time .

We know how we have all changed and many here are doing and done things they never thought they could and that's something to be proud of . We are all survivors.

Re graveyards Whiff I find them interesting too. In Switzerland and Austria many grave stones have a china plaque with a photo of the person buried there. Seeing them and then reading about the life/family of that person on the stone makes all these very moving "pictures" of individual lives. The photos tend to not fade and surprisingly the china plaque appear weather resistant

So pleased you're having a plaque on the bench Dave sat on Yogin .

Today is the 2nd anniversary of the day we lost S, our gorgeous girl. We went to Lanercost Priory today and I lit a candle for her and said a special prayer .

Smiles that 2 years has gone by quickly . She and her partner helped you and Mr S through tough times after you moved and they became your neighbours after years of estrangement. I remember you writing about the meals together and the laughter especially after a few wines. They became family to you . And you both grieved for her like she was your daughter. 🌹

So sorry Smileless. Hold your memories close.
🙏🏾❤️

Time passes so quickly Smileless, she and her partner brought joy to your lives, cherish the good times.💐

Ah! so sad Smiles it's awful when someone passes and everything just carries on as normal, without them there. Did you see or hear from S's partner?

Hope you’re beginning to feel better Smileless - it’s funny how emotional ruts creep up on us, but we’re all living proof that they don’t last. Hold on. Tough that you have the anniversary of your friend’s death to deal with too. You and Mr S have a brilliant ability to see new possibilities and grasp them though. Moving to your lodge being one example.
I too wish folk here could meet in person. I know some estrangement support groups exist in the Bristol area (too far for me) and personally would love to speak freely with people who understand and don’t judge.

Smileless Anniversaries can be so hard x 💐

Morning everyone and thank you all for your lovely responses .

No Yogin, we don't hear from K nowadays. We messaged her on Wednesday but didn't get a response which is but not unexpected, just disappointing.

I always tell myself that 'this too will pass' Spring and you're right of course that these lows don't last and everyone gets them don't they, whether or not there's estrangement in the family.

Being away has been a real tonic and the weather couldn't be better. On Wednesday we went to the lovely gift shop where the Priory and remains of a Monastery are. I was hoping to be able to get some more of the lovely perfume I bought last year, but they'd sold out.

Cheered myself up by buying an unusual and rather lovely flamingo vase. When we got back to the Air B&B I regretted not buying them both (Mr. S. thinks I'm mad) so yesterday we went back. I was hoping the other one was still there; guess what Mr. S. was hoping .

The owner served me and I said I'd been in the day before and bought the other one and how disappointed I was that there was no more perfume. I couldn't remember the name of the scent so told her it was in a red bottle but she knew which one it was.

She always buys the range in for Christmas so even though I thought it would sound a bit odd, I asked if she could keep me a bottle because we'd be coming again next year. She said she could post one to me but as we use my friend's address for postal deliveries, I said it would be better for me to wait until I was back.

She then started rummaging around in a drawer and pulled out a tester bottle. It was almost full and I thought she'd got it so I could check it was the right one which it was, but she said she'd let me have it for half the price!!!

I was thrilled. Two very unusual and rather lovely flamingo vases and the perfume I didn't think I'd get .

Now that's what I call great customer service.

Smiles so glad your day turned out to be a happy one . Picture of your vases please . Brilliant customer service and you got your perfume. Poor Mr S he will have to buy something you thing is odd to cheer himself up.
Funny that has brought back a memory. When our daughter was about 2 we where on holiday in Cornwall and she went into a shop with her dad to get a present for me . It was hideous plastic pixie key ring with lime green eyes . But she was so proud of it as she had paid for it as well . So I said wouldn't it look lovely hanging from daddies rear view mirror. His face was a picture it's making me smile thinking about it. It go transferred from car to car and when she was about 10 she said why had he still got that horrible thing . So he took it down . When we cleared out the garage and loft year after he died we found it along with a pair of her favourite butterfly sandals that had broken . She didn't want them repaired but he kept them . Mind you he also had kept the old plastic toilet seat and was changed the day we moved in to a nice wooden one ..

Spring is not the estrangement that gets to me but the grief for my husband that can just hit me out of the blue. I end up a sobbing mess but I always feel better afterwards. Remember asking my son years ago when does grief end he said probably 20 years but for me it gets worse as the years go by . February it will be 22 years since he died the length of time we where married . But because of him I carry on living my life to the full everyday since moving here been 6 years now . Love living here more every year. But this heat is killing me 30° fan going full blast curtains shut and still melting 🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵. One of my friends loves this heat she has osteoporosis and will still have a cardi on.

Try and keep cool everyone.

Smileless what fantastic purchases, I can just imagine the flamingo vases, do send pics. Also lucky with your favourite perfume.
Am hoping you are feeling more yourself now 🙏🏾
As you know whiff am not a fan of the heat,
and Matt really struggles, neither of us are really sleeping. He has two tower fans in his room, is a big bedroom, but he turns them off in the night because he thinks they are medical equipment and doesn’t like them.
Back to the drawing board.
We were supposed to have an appointment in Queens hospital Romford to check on a poss bleed on the brain that is as far as we know stable yesterday. One of our daughters and SiL took the day off to drive us there, I took a grab bag. But half way there in blistering heat we got a text to say our consultant is ill so not to turn up at the clinic, a member of staff would ring later.
So we drove all he way back again. And nobody rang us. Tried to ring the consultants Secretary but she had gone home.
Was fuming.
Matt was upset and then depressed, sat in the bed holding his hand last night until he slept. Is so difficult getting him anywhere right now and dealing with how it affects his moods.
So are left with A&E if we have further worries over the weekend.
Will certainly be ringing the consultants sec on Monday and will not be taking prisoners.
Take care all and keep cool xxxx

Sorry you had such worry, desperate when you cannot contact those you need for information.
I hope you have a peaceful weekend

Lucky girl Smile, I always say that saying; this too shall pass.

That is really bad Babs, couldn't they have got you in with another consultant, they must know how difficult it all must have been for you all and they must have known you were on your way there .

Whiff isn't it funny the little things we keep, I've kept lots of things like the once your DH saved, but not the toilet seat .

Well, it's a lot cooler today, meeting up with a few friends for lunch, so we may be able to sit in the gardens if it stays cool.

Nice weekend all xx

All my family have been cremated but if I lived in a village with family around I would be buried and like tge photograph on the headstone. I miss my husband all the time and don't find anniversaries so upsetting now, birthdays get to me remembering happy times together. Same with my parents I remember their birthdays and out flowers by their photograph.
Would love to meet up with all of you some time but somewhere central. Going on a coach break later in year as its almost door to door, no taxi, train, then taxi again, it's all the waiting about and I find it stressful all the waiting, same with driving long distances, used to do it but no more. Fifty mile radius from my home enough.
There used to be Bristol Support Group, a lovely lady ran it but had to stop as her husband became unwell, I often think of her and wonder if they got to see the granddaughter they adored but never saw, how are people so cruel? , I would resent my parents if they had stopped me from seeing mine,they were a major part of my life.

Whiff ((( hug )))

Have infection, better reply over the week. Smileless

Hello everyone.

Hope you'll feel better soon Sparkly .

I'll see of Mr. S. can put on a pic of the vases but the last time he tried to put one on for me it didn't work .

I'm so sorry you've had such a stressful weekend Babs. It really isn't good enough when you've been through so much already. Picturing you holding Matt's hand until he fell asleep bought tears to me eyes . I hope you managed to get some satisfaction when you 'phoned the consultant's secretary today.

It was a good journey home yesterday and we were home by 2.00 pm, the holiday was 'just what the doctor ordered' but it's lovely to be home again.

You're right Allsorts about how cruel some people can be. You'd think there would be enough pain and suffering in the world, without inflicting it just because you can .