Support and friendship for those whose lives have been affected by estrangement.

Smiles when Mr W died even though we knew from the start he wouldn't live 5 years. I didn't know how I could face the next 30 years without him . Having the children home for 2 years while helped in some ways but in others I would have preferred to be alone . I went to bereavement group once a week while they lived with me .I didn't want to go and only did it for them . The people where nice but no help at all . I was 45 the nearest to my age was a 68 year-old man and they never had children. The woman where all in late 70-80's . And the woman leader was married and did a 12 week course . Luckily the children only asked me if I had a good time and never if it helped . As I don't lie I would have told them no . Only person who helped me was me and the promises I kept to Mr W and still do .

Some on the bereavement threads where widowed in their 30's and some had children die through illness , accident or by their own hand . How they cope I never know and would never presume to know how they feel as I don't know that grief .

I was always prepared to die first and knew the children would have to stop their dad drinking . I am glad my dad died before mom because my brother and me knew he would have been dead within 6 months without her he would have pined away . My best friends mom died beginning of the year and her dad died months later she said he gave up .

Because Mr W was determined to live life as normal only the 4 of us knew he was dieing everyday . As in his words he didn't want to be treated as a dead man walking. We treated eachother the same as ever even when he was terminal . Which meant we still argued and acted the same as always kids where the same . I don't know and never asked how they coped as it was private. And Mr W and I decided how the children would be brought up before they where born and that was how I was. The day our daughter came home from school she 8 and didn't tell us in detail about her day we knew she had grown up. After that her bedroom was her private place and it was up to her to keep it tidy and clean once a week and I only changed the bed and put clean clothes on her bed for her to put away. Once our son was 8 he was treated the same .

The past is gone but it does change us . I live for the now and future. My life goes forwards never backwards. That's why when I decide where to go on holiday I will never go anywhere where I have to change trains in Birmingham. I will never go back to the black country or anywhere in the west midlands. That existence has gone . It's not bad memories that I don't want to go back but I am happy here that was my past it's gone . I am even losing my black country accent and my brother who had a very thick black country accent is toning it down .

My brother and sister in law are going to see their grandson tomorrow. I say they are nannie and grandad but my daughter says because my sister in law is stepmom she can't be nannie . Because she is blood I have came to realise since I started going out with Mr W blood doesn't count . It's love and caring that make a family. My brother's children love my sister in law very much and she has always treated them better than their own mom .

We make our own families. Can't remember the old saying about blood being stronger. As we on here know it doesn't mean a thing when your own children turn on you .

Who we choose to be in our lives I have found is important to me . Yes I am lucky to have my daughter and family but I am not dependant on them I have made my own life . A life I will not give up . I lived 61 years putting others first . Now nearly 68 I live for myself and put myself first . Funny enough when I moved here both my children say about time.

Some may thing that is selfish but I have been a carer since I was 11. Having jaundice and finding out I should have died made me determined to live my life to the full moving gave me back my life and gave me a home again . I found me again plus finding out the 2 things I was born with changed my world.

Smiles you and Mr S did the right thing moving I know you dread if he dies first as no doubt he does you . But you are in a home you chose not like your old house which I know you loved but it was to escape seeing your son and grandson.

All those that have moved it's wasn't easy but from what you write it was the right thing to do for you . Babs and Mr B estranged daughter doesn't know nor will know they have moved and knows nothing about her dads health . Like my son knows nothing about my health nor will he ever know when I die as there is no need for him to know.

Smiles glad Mr S did well in his golf tournament. And glad you have friend from church over for a meal and enjoy eachothers company .

Allsorts reading that diary must have been upsetting but put things into perspective. But that has past . Live for the now and future. I know what you are going through at the moment but that's between us. We found moms diaries after she died going back 20 years . All she put in them was birthdays and anniversary and what the weather was like that day. They went into the recycling.

Babs and Mr B have some hurdles to overcome with his health but life will be easier for them in their bungalow.

A ramble so you can see I am back to me again 🤣🤣🤣🤣.

Take care everyone . 💝

Whiff, when younger lived on the edge of the black country, with relatives who were true black country people. I have not heard anyone talk with the accent for years and l would love to hear it again. I'm sorry Birmingham doesn't have happy memories for you. How long ago did you live in the west Midlands?

It's not Birmingham I just don't want to go there . No bad memories. But it's not the Birmingham office my young years
I lived in the black country until I moved when I was 61 in 2019. My brother's black country accent was lot stronger than mine . But I don't sound so black country anymore . But still call people ,love ,darling or sweetie. At least I don't say 'ah bin ya'.

Mom was born in Smethwick and still have relatives that live in Smethwick and Oldbury. But I was brought up in the black country . Dad was born in Guernsey.

But I love it here in the north west people are so different to black country folk . Plus my life is so . different. I existed after my husband died I had no life . I was on duty 24/7 looking after my parents and mother in law. I lost me after my husband died . Our home was just a house .

Moving here I found me again joined things I never thought I would . Love my life to the full like my husband wanted me to . My son estranging me hasn't stopped me being happy and loving my life . In fact I joined a contemporary choir tonight. Turns out I am an Alto .

I have a whole never life here I got forwards not back wards .

Whiff, my ancestors lived in the black country for generations, around Dudley, Cradley Heath. We have a family bible with old information. My husband was not from there but briefly worked in Smethwick but was transferred to the South East, he had relatives in Guernsey.
I never had the black country accent but had relatives with it.

We lived in a better area of the black country near to the country side. Dudley was our local council . They where a rubbish council. Healthcare was hit and miss. Don't miss anything about the black country. Especially being snowed in every winter for a week or more .
Unfortunately Dudley and Cradley heath may have been nice areas when your ancestors lived there but not when I did . Dudley and many areas in the black country where run down because of the bad councillors not caring about making life better for people . They ruined what used to be a good market in Dudley with stupid rules and fitted stalls so generations of stalls holders left and all the good fruit and veg sellers.

Life and people here are so much better . No abuse shouted at me only kindness .

My nephew and nieces live there and when my brother visits he only stays for the day he can't wait to get home .

Morning all.

It's not been a good week for me as I woke up on Tuesday with a stomach bug which only significantly eased yesterday afternoon!!!

Your brother and s.i.l. must have been thrilled to see their GS 'in the flesh' for the first time on Wednesday. I hope that your s.i.l. is called 'GM' or the equivalent because she'll be one to that little boy. We all know don't we that blood isn't thicker than water, and it isn't the blood that runs through your veins that matters, it's the person that counts.

Having just seen the weather forecast is another in a long list of the benefits of moving here. It was always a lot cooler and often chilly where we were as we were right on the coast. When we go back for the dogs to be groomed, even in the summer the difference in temperature is discernible.

Shopping day today and lunch out with a quick visit to our flat which we do every week to keep an eye on it and collect any mail. I do feel guilty that we hardly use it as Mr. S. put in so much work making it look fab but we'd just rather be here, which without having a permanent address off site, we couldn't have done.

There are some who use an AC's or parents address as their 'permanent' one but that's not something we'd have ever done, even if we could.

As some of you ladies seem familiar with the middle of England, can you offer any suggestions about where would be a good place to stay over on our next trip 'up north' to see friends later this year? As we live in southern England, we need to break up our journey there and back. Thanks.

Sorry Debbie but I don't know of anywhere to recommend.

Debbie in what county will you be visiting yours friends? As the middle of England is not up north . May be to you going from the south it's up north but living in the north west I have different definition.

Whiff, we will be visiting two sets of friends. One in the Lake District and the other in Newcastle. Each about a 7 hour drive from us, so we like to break the journey up. So any county that's about half way.

Harrogate is worth a visit Debbie, i think Whiff has been there on her travels, nice shops, some pricey, lots of cafes and a shopping centre, if you are heading further up Whitby and Saltburn are worth a visit, Whitby can be very busy though.

Thanks Bridey. We've been to Whitby and I love it there but as you say, it's busy. Saltburn is somewhere I've never been. I'll take a look.

Bridey is right Harrogate , Knaresborough is a must , Ripon ,Whitby and Saltburn on sea are very good. All hilly . People are lovely and plenty to see and all have quirky shops . Lincoln is hilly but lots of lovely villages and small towns .

I always stay at Premier Inn as they have accessible rooms for walking and wheelchair disabled.
Places I have been by myself Berwick upon Tweed while there visited Bamburgh ,Seahouses can go on boat trips to Farne isles and Holy island . Stayed in York, Harrogate, Llandudno, Sleaford Travelodge when I visit my brother and sister in law they live 30 mins from Lincoln . They live in a little village . This year going to Lancaster, Sleaford,Lewes and Dundee.
Always travel by train with travel assistance.

Thanks Whiff. Lots of helpful info. 🙂

If you go to Knaresborough you must go to the cathedral/church can't remember what it was. I have been in lot of old cathedrals and churches but Knaresborough is the beautiful. Arts and crafts pulpit . And padded cushions which took 5 years of embroidery showing the history of Knaresborough. Wednesday is market day a proper market . The cheese stall alone is worth the visit

Thanks Whiff. I have had a look at at Knaresborough and it does look nice. It's 4 hours from home so would be a good stop on our trip to the North. I think 4 hours is the longest I could go without stopping 😂

Morning everyone, hope you all had a good weekend.

Knaresborough is lovely Debbie as is Harrogate. There are some lovely places in York but it's not as nice as it used to be with a lot of the independent shops having closed, or been taken over by chain stores with signage that isn't really in keeping.

We had a young man round this morning offering to clean our carpets. I was getting dressed but could hear how pushy he was, telling Mr. S. that the carpet cleaners us ordinary folk use don't clean properly.

I had to stifle my laughter when I heard Mr. S. say "I'll have to ask the missus" . In more than 45 years he has never referred to me as 'the missus'. I gave him a slap after he'd got very carried away calling me 'she who must be obeyed' and 'her in doors'.

I don't think there's a day goes by when one or both of us don't laugh about something .

So glad you have Mr S Smiles he would have gotten on with Mr W. They have the same sense of fun. Mind you if we meet someone out who he knew he would forget to introduce me. I used to see them looking at me was tempted a time or 2 to say I was his mistress and not my name and I was he's wife . My brother still does that but say I am his sister. Some have said we know where the looks went in the family which makes me laugh.

I have joined a contemporary choir. My daughter said watch out for cats appearing .I told the choir leader if I sound like a fog horn to tell me as I don't take offence . Turns out I am an Alto . Wednesday was the first night and have joined . Learning Earth song and Because of you. Been practicing while doing my pedalling . I know understand which bits I sing . I did ask a few questions on the night but because of my HPX I don't take in information straight away if I need to remember it .

I find Dr Beckman brilliant for removing stains . I have a sign on my wall by the bell that says no cold callers and not faiths of any religion .

I gave Mr W many a slap for calling me her in doors . He was cheeky . When my dad, husband and brother where together it was hell and if at a wedding with my uncles the sparks flew my mom once found a brush and hit them with it .

Love hearing about you and Mr S as it sparks memories for me.

They say laughter is the best medicine and I think that's true . Will have fun at sit fit in a while as it's circuit week. So the boxing gloves and pads will be out . We all love those . Plus 6 other exercises things .
I like the yoga hoop that goes between your thighs and you have to squeeze. Plus there will be weights . Should be static pedals as we had the stepper last time.

Looking forward to my day out Thursday on the train going to somewhere I have never been but don't want to stay in for my birthday and feel like going further than I normally do.

Never to old to try new things or go to different places.

Take care all .

Smileless, good job you kept the flat, its good you have back up. Hope your tummy trouble has gone.
Whiff I am going to do as you do, never mind whats going on in my life and there's always something, will visit a different place each week for most of the day out whilst able. Going out on your birthday such a good idea too.
Debbue, I went North, to Seahouses and Bamburgh last year and it was the best surprise, beautiful beaches, lovely food and people, if my ties were not here with family I would live up there. Enjoy yourselves, I have a soft spot for Whitby and must go back, love their fish and chips. I remember running up all those steps with my husband but he always beat me, he was fitter than me yet he has gone and I am here. I have never gone back to anywhere I went on holiday with my husband though so I put if off.

Afternoon everyone.

Just got home having been to the cinema to see 'Michael'; a must for any MJ fans. His nephew Jaafar Jackson took on the role and was breath takingly brilliant.

The last scenes were of the 'Bad' world tour and the concert in Wembley Stadium which I went to with my brother. Seeing the sheer size of the audience made we wonder how I ever had the nerve to be there but so glad I was as I could never go to a concert of that magnitude now.

Happy Birthday Whiff.🚉🌝💐enjoy your mysterious day out. Looks as if the sun is out today for you.

Hope you've had a lovely birthday Whiff xx

Our hearts are breaking as we lost our beloved little Poodle today. He had a stroke yesterday afternoon and lost the use of his back legs.

We had a lovely lady here at lunch time who made his passing the most peaceful I've ever known. His sister made her goodbyes before he was taken away. She knows he's gone because she's sad but not looking for him.

We've always dreaded this day as he came into our lives not long after we'd been estranged and brought us back to life again.

I knew it would be hard but still had no idea how hard it was going to be.

Smileless, I am so sorry your lovely dog has died. I know you both must feel so lost and heartbroken but take comfort his passing was peaceful and quick. He bought you both had much needed comfort and love when you both needed it. He had a wonderful home with you both. 💐

Smiles and Mr S very sorry about your beloved poodle. But since you moved he has had the time of his life living on one, level lots lovely walks ,new sights and smells . He was your family just like any human and your are both grieving and your other dog will be lost and not understand where he has gone . But know you and Mr S gave him an wonderful life full of love and attention and he gave you that back . Pets are better than many human relations especially dogs and cats. He came into your lives when you most needed him and nothing will fill that void . But he brought you both such love and happiness when you needed it the most . A fitting epitaph.

I did have a lovely birthday went to Arnside on the train with travel assistance as I had 2 changes to make . Lovely journey and a beautiful place it's not far from Grange over Sands . Had lots of naughty treats. You know me found plenty of people to talk to..
Sat on the small pier eating homemade ice watching sand pipers as it's an estuary.

I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your beloved dog Smileless2012 - it is so devastating to lose them, & the hardest part for me is always watching the other one looking for them. I’m sure he had a wonderful life with you and it sounds like the end was as gentle and peaceful for him as possible. That is the best we can all hope for . Best wishes