My son will not allow me access to my granddaughter

Babs03

A rather sweeping statement @TheTaxWoman, is a bit like saying all estranged ACs are just entitled snowflakes, which would be totally unfair and incorrect.
The OP may be making assumptions about the DiL but that doesn’t indicate that she is unable to analyse her own possible mistakes or lack of understanding, in my own experience the first thing estranged parents ask is “what have I done wrong?’
But perhaps you know many more estranged parents than I do.

Very well said.

I am currently going through similar. My default mode after having suffered emotional and verbal abuse as a child is to think that I am to blame and that there is something wrong with me, however my adult child has PTSD and has had something of a personality change. It is heartbreaking as PTSD sufferers become emotionally disconnected.

I think the one heart felt really heartfelt letter is worth a try but after that

I think you could be a much loved and loving Step-grandparent. These days it's not at all unusual. Yes it would hurt deeply if it were my DS

but dont let it take away from the present spaces where there is happiness.

Babs03

A rather sweeping statement @TheTaxWoman, is a bit like saying all estranged ACs are just entitled snowflakes, which would be totally unfair and incorrect.
The OP may be making assumptions about the DiL but that doesn’t indicate that she is unable to analyse her own possible mistakes or lack of understanding, in my own experience the first thing estranged parents ask is “what have I done wrong?’
But perhaps you know many more estranged parents than I do.

Don’t be daft. Estrangement happens for many reasons. 🙄

DiamondLily

Babs03

A rather sweeping statement @TheTaxWoman, is a bit like saying all estranged ACs are just entitled snowflakes, which would be totally unfair and incorrect.
The OP may be making assumptions about the DiL but that doesn’t indicate that she is unable to analyse her own possible mistakes or lack of understanding, in my own experience the first thing estranged parents ask is “what have I done wrong?’
But perhaps you know many more estranged parents than I do.

Don’t be daft. Estrangement happens for many reasons. 🙄

Sorry. Meant that for the previous poster. 🙄

Some people can be so daft! They have no idea the many different ways estrangements can occur. It's not always a sign of bad parenting!

Sometimes your children can be whisked away in the middle of the night by extraterrestrial beings, never to be seen again.

Or like in my case, they sometimes unsuspectingly open an ordinary closet and end up spending decades helping a lion win a great big war against a witch of ice.

It's not just bad parenting.

The title of this thread bothers me. What the OP is compaining about is access to her grand daughter, not even access to her son.

Her son is not denying her access to her grand daughter. She is estranged from her son and that estrangement means she has yet to meet her grand daughter as his marriage and her birth has happened since the estrangement - and that is a very different thing indeed to the title.

Given the falling out over the business and estrangement that followed, I cannot understand why she should have any expectation that she should see her GD until the estrangement is first dealt with and she is reconciled with her son.

Like others, it bothers that she blames her unmet unknown DiL for the continued estrangement. The fault lies with her and her son and until she faces up to that and makes positive attempts to reconcile with her son - and this may mean being more conciliating about the cause of the business disagreement. I can see no solution to this problem.

Touche

I'm trying to work out exactly the timeline here as it seems a bit confusing

1. 10 years ago you fell out with your ds over a family business that you ran with your ex-h - I'm a bit confused here as in some posts you say it was a family business and everyone had inputs and in others that your DS was just an employee. Is that what the fallout was about? That he thought his made a big contribution but was told he's just an employee and felt pushed out?

2. But it seems that ds is still on good terms with your ex-h as he moved in with him. Did your ex-h think that DS was more involved with the business that you do?

3. 7 years ago he had a daughter with his wife. Did he meet his wife before or after the bust up? I am presuming they were not married because your son moved in with your e-h at some stage. I don't see how you can expect "access" (an odd choice of word) to a GD if you haven't spoken to the parents for 10 years. Why is it you blame the DIL?

4. At some stage during this estrangement you have divorced, remarried and gain 6 sgc and want contact with your biological GD. Is your current husband the result of an affair? Did your son take his dad's side in the divorce? (I'm just asking because it might make your DS less amenable if he blames you for the divorce)

As it is it seems like a lot has happened during the years
Your DS felt forced out of the business
After DS left the business it shut down
You divorced your husband and remarried a new husband
DS lived with his dad for a bit
DS married and has a 7 year old
DS refuses to speak to you but you blame DIL and want access to a 7 year old you have never met

It sounds very messy but I think it's clear that DS does not want you to send him things