Absolutely Broken Mum

Strugglingmum86. I am so sorry you are so down having to deal with this very difficult situation with your son. So heartbreaking for you.
I was a single Mum. Few years ago when my son was a teenager he was so angry all the time. Knives out threatening he would self harm, holes punched in walls, screaming at me and hit me breaking ribs!! I never reported any of this at the time. Months later I did call police when he decided to go to rail track to end his life. They found him and returned him home. I tried to get him help but no one listened to me… not even family! My adult daughter(years older) was very very angry at me for calling police. He went to uni, suffered severe anxiety and very dark days. One late afternoon he called me and said he was going to a train station to end his life. I begged him to go to uni student mental help office. He turned his phone off. He jumped from platform in front of a fast moving train. His timing was off so ended up hospitalised and sectioned. Oh yes he then got instant help & for many months!! Only by chance he survived and diagnosed with severe depression and treated for same.
From me to you please take care of YOU!
Your son needs help with his mental health and a professional diagnosis is only way to go so that he will receive treatment he needs! He has to want it first. So I do hope you get some relief from your pain soon!

You might find others with similar experiences on Mumsnet. Sorry you are going through this.
The only thing I would add is that you should not make contact with him, because of the restraining order. If you do it could lead to him being charged with breaching the order. Courts are regularly faced with such cases and sometimes it results in prison for the offender.

I feel for you so much, nobody can hurt us as much as our children.
He sounds to me as if he’s got a lot of anger inside him that he is unable to deal with in an appropriate way, I know this is a long shot but as a retired mental health professional I’m wondering if there is a chance he has been abused in any way, I don’t mean by you or your ex husband but by anyone else.

I am so very sad to learn of your distress.
Of course you love your son , however your priority is your physical and mental health. Your son is ill and no amount of good parenting or an abundance of motherly love will change that. I can only imagine the pain you are in . Your job now is to not blame yourself and to put your own welfare at the top if your ' to do ' list. This is not your fault!!!!! You MUST keep yourself safe, you don't need anyone telling you that your son is violent and unpredictable- you already know that.
Goodness knows what he is putting his girlfriend through , if she has a loving family they must be extremely worried.
( if they are aware of the situation)
Please put yourself first, detach if possible and seek help through your GP.
Take great care - you must do that. 💐💐💐

Oh Masey what an awful story, you did the right thing calling the police. I had similar scenarios with my now estD.

Judging by her terms of reference, I think the OP is American.

Sourcing medical help, of whatever sort, including mental health issues, is very different to here, and often chargeable.

Strugglingmum what are you doing to get help for yourself? Th time has come when your needs should be more important than your son's. Councelling or other talking therapy, would , I think, help you cope. So start to think about yourself. it will make the unbearable more bearable.

Sounds like mine adhd and/ or pda .

What exactly do you want support organisations to do for you?
Boys generally are much more affected by the loss of their biological father than divorcing couples are prepared to admit.
Family therapy with a good counsellor with the boy's birth father present would be the best thing to aim for.

I can fully understand your pain Strugglingmum, your son obviously has severe problems with his mental health. You cannot cure or alter that. What you can do is start to prioritise yourself. I know it consumes your every waking hour. Ask yourself this, has any of your involvement or advice been helpful, has it altered anything in any way.? The answer will be no. Allow yourself a certain hour to mull over things, the rest of the time concentrate on you and your life, get out more, decorate, start a project, listen to music, fill your time with positivity. If people ask you how you are find a good thing to chat about, ask them how they are, in fact fake it until you make it and you can. Do not waste another day with regrets, they are past. If and only if your son gets help and manages to get on an even keel he will come to you, however long that takes and you will be a whole not a broken person able to welcome him, because now your life is passing you by.

I doubt if the op is coming back to this site any time soon.
Op dated October 25