Thoughts in the early hours

Don't give up hope. We were estranged from our daughter and two grandchildren for 14 years. After ten years we stopped hoping and decided to make lives for ourselves. We had suffered enough. Then out the blue three years ago we got a message on Facebook asking to meet up. Everything is fine now and we know how lucky we are. We do own up to playing a part in the original argument (we had an opinion) and have learned to never interfere anymore, even though we were only trying to help first time round.
My heart breaks for the parents suffering this, but please look after yourselves and try and live your lives in the best possible way.

i too am suffering estrangement.
just before christmas 2020 my daughter walked out with my 2 grandaughters (they'd been loving with me since 2015 - long story).
i wasn't allowed to know where they were living and this went on until april 2023 when my daughter died from breast cancer - i didn't know she was ill. and neither my ex-husband nor my son told me - i has to hear it from my ex-son in law's aunt!
i saw my grandaughters at the funeral but the eldest refused to acknowledge me.
my son was there with his 2 daughters but stayed with his father rather than speak to me.
fast forward to christmas 2023 when my son sent me a very hurtful message saying he did not want to hear from me by phone, post or social media. i haven't heard from him since.
so i have 4 grandaughters, one of whom might have had a baby of her own, and a son who have all estranged themselves (my son's 2 probably don't know this though).
it's all very sad and hard to bear and to cope with it i just tell myself that i have no family and try to get on with life - i'm 78 now and just get on with it.

that is great jusnoneed!

That's amazing jusnoneed.

My eldest son cut contact with us in 2009, his youngest child was only a few months old so we only ever saw him once. We had no contact with the other children either. I was especially close to the eldest granddaughter. I had to track him down when my dad left him some money in 2021 but nothing from him after, he was quite chatty so hopes rose but it's not to be, so that's a lost cause and I no longer worry about them.

Then out of the blue about 3 months ago she got in touch via the Ancestry website! She had been thinking of doing her family tree and when searching my name popped up, so she messaged me. We have emailed since and she has filled in the news about the others, turns out I also have 5 great grandchildren!

not the live not the life

I don't believe the heartache ever ends Sally but for us, it's no longer at the forefront of our minds and hasn't been for sometime.

13 years estranged from our youngest son and only GC, the youngest never seen and the eldest not seen since he was 8 months old. It was only when we accepted that the relationship was over and we'd lost him and them for good, that we began to heal.

A totally unexpected but related event just before Christmas concerning my brother, taught me that despite the pain of not having someone you love in your life the benefits can and do outweigh that pain, and having for the first time in 13 years been able to enjoy Christmas, I can see how that also relates to our ES.

11 years on and at 70 you not only need to make the most of the life your life, you deserve to make the most of it. If you have other AC, treasure the time you spend with them and their children if they have any. If like us you don't have any other GC, I say that we were never meant to be GP's and there's more to life than being one.

We will always be heartbroken. Estrangement is called a living bereavement because we grieve for the AC and often GC too that we've lost because they're living a life that we have been excluded from.

This is not the live we ever envisaged living but it's the life we've been given so focus on what you have and not what you've lost .

The thing that I found hard to understand was how someone that I loved so much would want to hurt me it's incomprehensible isn't it MayBee and also led me to question if our ES ever really loved me at all.

It’s happened to me several times but, thankfully it was only for a few weeks or months each time. The thing that I found hard to understand was how someone that I loved so much would want to hurt me. We never have discussed the whys and how’s of it happening so I guess I’ll never know the motivation behind it but I still get pangs of hurt when I think about it. I’m really sorry that you’re going through this .

Hi Sallywally1 i understand a little of how you feel as years ago I had a falling out with my eldest daughter who at the time had two little ones, she stopped contact and therefore I didn’t see my grandchildren who I was really close to and they used to sleep over mine regularly.
It’s sad to say but I knew my daughter was using them as a weapon to hurt me and it worked I was crying constantly thinking they thought I didn’t care about them and I missed them so much, I longed for the day they were old enough to visit me on their own
I’m lucky it was only a few months before my daughter came to her senses, ( she did this several times over the years) I realise it’s far worse for you as it’s been so long
Do you still send birthday/ Christmas cards I think it’s important that you keep doing that, what about your daughters father or siblings do they have contact with her if there’s nobody that could reason with her on your behalf I would try writing her a letter, don’t make it all about the children say how much you miss her I wouldn’t mention whatever made you fall out, it maybe an idea to apologise if she feels you have caused her any hurt or distress that’s not saying it was your fault just that you are sorry if she has been feeling that way
Good luck 💐