Today on BBC - does anyone know the mum?

bd dispute
Oh for a five minute edit facility!!

be due to

Sago

The young man himself is an author and qualified counsellor, it is probably unfair to refer to him as an influencer.

He has Instagram/Facebook/TikTok accounts so is easily contactable.

Obviously there are two sides to every story, I was an abused and neglected child in a middle class family.
Outwardly even looked fine, private schools, holidays, well dressed, attending mass every Sunday etc.

I was physically and mentally abused, my parents had lots of nasty little tricks up their sleeves.
I once had to pack my bags, say goodbye to my brother (golden child) I was going to be dropped off at an orphanage.
We got in the car drove somewhere, I was given a beating then told we could go home, I was given a second chance.
I was 9.
I was starved of affection, told I was a “guttersnipe” whatever that is and put down and ridiculed at every turn.

My parents were clever, they told everyone I was a fantasist therefore if I tried to tell anyone I was wrong and they were proved right.

Even as an adult my mother told family,friends and neighbours lies about me.
How she always had to bail us out financially, how we bullied her and coerced her for money.
The most money I ever received from my parents was £40 for my fortieth birthday.
She told one friend she had never been to our home when we moved back, we had lived there 5 years, she came nearly every Sunday!

I tried to go no contact but she made my life hell, it was easier to tolerate her.
I wish I had stuck it out.

I think it’s possible but rare for a child to fabricate abuse.

I cut contact with my emotionally abusive mother when I was 20 I was married with two children, and my gentle lovely father was to afraid of her to have any contact with me or my children.
I hadn’t been told she had died until I found out by chance a year after her death, I can’t honestly say I cared or cried as I hadn’t had contact for 40 years, I new my family were better off without such a toxic person in our lives, there were many times in my life I would have loved a mother to talk to, but I knew she would never have been there for me.
I parented my children doing everything opposite to what she had done and they always say what a fantastic childhood they both had.
Some people are just not meant to be parents.💐

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I’m saying they should try and be more understanding of their parents and talk to them rather than simply cut all contact.
On SM the AC seem to vie with each other to say how toxic their parents are/were, in the same way that anyone with marital problems is advised to LTB.

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What an absolutely vile post NoNews! You should be ashamed of yourself, but in your certainty of your own perfection you won't have the necessary awareness.

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You may want to report the post cossy but I hope enough people read it to make their own judgement on what appears to be a very new poster.

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NoNews

Rosie51

What an absolutely vile post NoNews! You should be ashamed of yourself, but in your certainty of your own perfection you won't have the necessary awareness.

Everything I said is true. Especially anxiety + depression, those rarely materialize out of thin air. Just do the research.

But I can see how my words can be considered vile to an ignoramus.

I've seen this style of posting before in posters that have been banned..............

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💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐

For Cossy.

I really don’t know what else to post 😱🙁

Oh the naivety, banned posters come back under a new name........and I didn't say you were a previously banned poster only that I'd seen this style of posting before in posters that had been banned.
What's that old saying "if the cap fits....."

Lathyrus3

💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐

For Cossy.

I really don’t know what else to post 😱🙁

I don't know what to say either Cossy, but have some from me too.

What an appalling post.

The man referred to in the OP is thirty, has four children and his academic qualifications are described as Diploma in Psychology and CBT.

He set himself up as an expert on estrangement. I’d be looking for a therapist with better recognised qualifications and wider knowledge base. The article refers to him as an influencer.

One of my extended family had what can be described as a difficult childhood. Abandoned by dad, mum with huge difficulties, lots of upheavals, broken attachments and more. They are now a joiner aged thirty, recently married to long term partner. Recently when reflecting on childhood, they commented - I used to wonder why they (parents) did these things. Growing older means I recognise they loved me, did the best they could.

Not a therapist but a young person maturing into a stable, sensible, compassionate adult. I don’t feel it helps to make your living by blaming your mum for everything

I wish as a young adult there had been as much awareness around toxicity, NPD, BPDO and abuse as there is now.

Had I been able to talk openly without shame and to be believed would have made a huge difference to me.

I lived in a house were everyone hated me, I was permanently frightened and I really thought it was all my fault.

When a GP flagged up my weight, my Mother told him I was to spoilt and a picky eater,
Nowadays further action would be taken.

If this young man is drawing on his own experience to create awareness and help people then great.

Yes there will be attention seekers who will fabricate stories but I reckon he will have given hope and guidance to many.

I'd be looking for more than a Diploma in Psychology and CBT in an 'expert' on estrangement and I agree Iam that it isn't helpful to make a living out of blaming your mum for everything, even if it does pay the bills.

I ve only just read this thread and I m now really curious as to how someone can have so many posts deleted, 13 posts in one thread, is that a record ?

Looks like it was a previously banned poster BlueBelle. Someone just keeps coming back and may well have broken their own record for deletions.

I don’t feel it helps to make your living by blaming your mum for everything

It is very immature, Iam64.

Ahh, I did wonder if the now deleted poster had a familiar take on estrangement

Sago, I’m so sorry you had such A tough time. Many abusive parents are ace manipulators

Sago The young man himself is an author and qualified counsellor, it is probably unfair to refer to him as an influencer. He has Instagram/Facebook/TikTok accounts so is easily contactable.

Obviously there are two sides to every story

Always two sides, I agree.

Orange juice bit is a daft excuse -- or maybe I abuse?

I think mum is well shot of him.

I am not sure we can say much against the young man in the article. It's very difficult to judge when an abusive person, parent or otherwise, is never going to tell the truth. Sometimes there are clues because of differences in what an abusive person seems acceptable but they all lie to cover it up. Very hard to unravel.

InRainbows, yes, some abusive parents are adept at lying and blaming their victims. The same goes for some adult children, even a small number of adolescents. It’s usually clear when allegations are made there is truth in them but the occasional fantasist can cause havoc. Parental alienation therapists……