Estrangement just over a year

I am posting to bump this, I cannot offer you any advice unfortunately.

I have a friend going through the same pain.

She has put some boundaries in to protect herself.

I hope you get some advice and support.

I have amazing friends 🧡 but it's hard as they are not living this.

I feel such sadness and hold onto hope.

I believe that the outsider influnce played a big part in this heartbreak.

Very hard at kne point holding myself together.

Workplace "wellbeing" is not what you think it should be.

More support is needed for working grandparents.
I just want to find other grandparents who work and navigate this.
Thanks though for the reply.

Appreciated

Hello Shirazza and welcome to the estrangement forum although it's always sad to see someone else living with the pain of estrangement.

I suggest you take a look at the support thread on this forum; one of the regular posters works and those of us who don't will offer what support and comfort we can .

Hi Shirazza. On the support thread there are also posters who might not be working now but were working when they were originally estranged. Do take a look as there will be understanding and support there when you need it. 💐

Hi Shirazza - it depends on what you are looking for in terms of support... I set up a food bank during our estrangement (thankfully now reconciled), and was working pretty much full-time on that, but do you mean GN members who can relate to support/no support from employers?

Hi thanks.

Posted in another bit to find estranged nanna's and mums.

Heart breaking 💔

How do we juggle work and all this mess.
Do we ever get a chance to reconcile.

If people ask about "do you have kids. I say yes and I am open about it.

Wish it wasn't like this...

Of course you wish that, we all do when estranged. It is truly heartbreaking and I was fairly open about it too - just the fact, not the details. Hiding it is too hard and takes too many lies. I found work to be a great distraction from the heartache, and keeping myself busy was the best way through it.
I never gave up hope of a reconciliation and, very happily, that happened after 4 years. We now have a wonderful relationship with them all and I am so thankful for that. Some don’t get that chance, I know, but until you are absolutely sure that there is no hope, then there is always hope.

How did your reconciliation happen?
If you do not mind me asking?

I believe my daughters husband has put a wedge between us.

He has a very shady past.

I really tried to get back in.
The damage was done!

Well, every situation is different of course - in my case, although it took a while, I eventually realised that I had played my part in it, and there were things I could change/do something about.
So basically I wrote a heartfelt 'mea culpa' letter, genuinely apologising for my behaviour & saying that I had now recognised certain things in myself & was going to change them. We started off from there, really, as it opened a chink of light - baby steps, but thankfully we got there.

Shirazza

How did your reconciliation happen?
If you do not mind me asking?

I believe my daughters husband has put a wedge between us.

He has a very shady past.

I really tried to get back in.
The damage was done!

Shirazza There are a number of posters who feel that their estrangement was triggered by an ACs partner. Every estrangement is different but third party involvement is one of the themes that can be identified for some

Thank you.

It is a hard journey and no one knows until you go through it.

I did all that but didn't work for me.
Fuel for the fire....

Glad you had a postive outcome.

I will hold on to hope 🙏

Well at least you tried - well done for that. Yes, it’s good to hold onto that hope. If you feel up to sharing more background to your situation some time, I know there will be lots on here who can offer advice.

​May 2025 after a painful family fallout with my adult daughter. Almost overnight, the lines of communication were completely snapped.
My husband and I went from being a constant, loving part of our granddaughter's daily life to being entirely shut out.

​My daughter has turned to public social media, using apps like TikTok to create a completely warped narrative and post about her life while ignoring the real-world impact on her child.
The digital chaos!!!
Our granddaughter is caught in the middle this is absolutely heartbreaking.

​We are currently going through the formal mediation process to try and establish stable, real-world boundaries and regain contact.
Still working and not retired, balancing the emotional toll of estrangement with a daily work routine has been isolating.

How do we ever explain this....
When I read it, makes me feel like I am crazy

Ma'am it sounds like you don't understand what boundaries are. Boundaries aren't used to control or stop others from doing what they want, boundaries are about controlling what is done to you.

If you're upset about your daughter posting a warped narrative on social media than you could try to stop stalking her account.

Also it sounds like you're pursuing legal action to force contact with your grandaughter, despite her parents whole hearted wishes. If that is the case than that definitely will burn any and all hope for reconciling with your daughter, just so you know.

It's funny how in almost every family estrangement, perspectives on both sides wildly differ. Children claim something happened, while parents deny it ever did. There can be no real relationship when such strong differences in memory exist, so maybe it's best to move on? Your daughter can live in her world where her reality is true, and you can live in your own world where your reality is true. But both realities can't exist at the same time as they are polar opposites.

Thank you for taking the time to reply and for sharing your perspective.

You are right that boundaries are ultimately about protecting our own peace of mind, and stepping away from the social media noise.
(I do not have Tiktok, but I am aware of the chaos, and safeguarding our granddaughter).

​My intention forbmediation is not about forcing control or burning bridges, but rather about trying to find a safe, constructive way to keep a loving connection alive for granddaughter. I miss my daughter before she became someone else.

You make a very good point that family difficulties often involve deeply different perspectives,
I appreciate the reminder to focus on what I can control, and hoping to find a peaceful resolution for everyone.

Hi Shirazza - you are not crazy, It is a highly emotional and overwhelming time for you, and we all try whatever we think is best to try and get through it.
The previous poster is obviously coming at things from the child’s perspective and, whilst I wouldn’t agree with some of the advice, I would agree that any formal action taken by yourselves is not likely to help matters at this stage. I totally understand the heartbreak at not seeing your granddaughter (we had the same), but without mending things with your daughter, anything you achieve with your granddaughter through formal channels is likely to be counterproductive and cause more harm in the long term. Bypassing your daughter to get contact with your granddaughter will never, in my experience, create long term harmony. Forcing someone to do something, taking away their control of a situation, is at the heart of many relationship problems.
I know you feel desperate, and I can only say what I would do, but personally I would ditch the formal approach and instead ficus solely on my relationship with your daughter. Go back to that ‘painful family fallout’, and work out what was behind it. Put yourself in her shoes entirely and try to envision how she saw the situation and why she took the action she did. Only when you can acknowledge that there may be another point of view, whether you agree with it or not, can you start to work from the two polar points of view (yours and hers), and bring them closer together.
Like I say, that’s just what I would do, heartbreaking as I know it is not to see your grandchild whilst working on that.

It's hard for both sides. I feel so stressed I haven't been able to do much the last day. I think I'm about to hit low contact with my parents (and a third party has nothing to do with it).

I'm so sorry lovethepuppies - situations like this are so hard on both sides. Rather than combining with this thread, would you like to start a separate one so that we can concentrate on you on that one? Or if that is too scary, I could start one for you?

stillawipp

I'm so sorry lovethepuppies - situations like this are so hard on both sides. Rather than combining with this thread, would you like to start a separate one so that we can concentrate on you on that one? Or if that is too scary, I could start one for you?

Sorry. Yes, I'd love to share but don't really want to post specifics. It would be rather identifying. I just wanted to say that both sides are hurting.

Absolutely understood. Yes, of course it's so dreadful for both sides, I'm so sorry. You can always PM me or anyone else who you think may be able to help you, rather than asking openly. Take care

stillawipp

Absolutely understood. Yes, of course it's so dreadful for both sides, I'm so sorry. You can always PM me or anyone else who you think may be able to help you, rather than asking openly. Take care

Tried to message you but I won't send for some reason. Thanks for the offer.

Oh dear! I'll try too...

stillawipp

Oh dear! I'll try too...

I can see there's something there but I can't use PM until I've been signed up for a day or two, it says. I'll be in touch when it opens up. thank you.