Torn over Granddaughter

I m with others on this My grandchildren are all in their 20 s I either send them a present, if I know what they want, or put money in their currant account for them to spend as they wish.
I always get a thank you although the eldest one is the tardiest at messaging me, the others do it instantly.
They won’t get a lot when I die there are seven of them but they are all personally named in my will for a small amount each so they ll know I loved them and remembered each one of them

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I have no relationship with my three older granddaughters,the eldest one listened to gossip and had a rant at me by text ,she was 21 at the time and called me the c word...I did try with the presents but nothing so now I don't bother, I know what she was told isn't true and I'm refusing to chase after them, sometimes you have to think of yourself

I buy my DGC actual gifts. They don't need money and it's impersonal.
I enjoy shopping for them. I don't always see them so I post the parcels. They thank me.
It doesn't go through the parents now they are older. (20, 19, 17, 16, 14, 11 and very nearly 9.)
I haven't fallen out with the parents and sometimes ask the parents for ideas for presents, or sizes etc.

Well buying presents is fine while they are younger but over 20 and it’s rare that you ll be able to, especially if it’s clothes, shoes, make up stuff, etc etc that they want, and even more if they live away and you don’t know their tastes

She can't thank you for a ' gift' she has yet to receive!!! However when you told her she would eventually receive the cash she should have acknowledged your communication.

Can you imagine how strange it would be to say "I have purchased a present and put it in a cupboard for you with other presents that you will receive one day". It might make her feel she has to earn it in some way and I don't think that is how gifts are supposed to feel. I don't know that she would know how to respond to that.

If she doesn’t have the money I’m not sure what she would be thanking you for, but I don’t think that’s the main issue.

The issue is that you two don’t seem to have much of a relationship and it’s not clear if she feels entirely comfortable having one with you considering the state of your relationship with her father. She is 21 and allowed to choose her relationships. It is possible she is choosing not to have one with you. Her 15 yr old brother is neither here nor there when it comes to her own decisions for her own relationships. They are allowed to behave as the individual people they are (provided the minor is not disobeying his parents).

I think the most practical thing is to take a step back. You clearly have good intentions here, but you may not be picking up the cues. Sure, it could very well be she is busy and aloof like many young people, but with your family conflict you have to accept that it’s possible she is following her dad’s lead.

Please also note that whether true or false, the perception of you saving away money for her may not land as the sweet gesture you intend. It’s very possible that she may perceive your gesture as a “way in” or emotional bribe. She may be put off from communicating or may still be contemplating what she feels is the best way to respond. Either way, you must be feeling hurt by the state of your family and for that I am sorry. Family conflict is so terribly hard when it involved those you love the most .

Elless, I’m so sorry that you are in this situation but, sadly it is not uncommon. My DH’s GDs rarely say thank you to him and we never see or hear from them. Left to me I wouldn’t send them anything but it’s up to him.
If I was in your situation I’m afraid , unless she does contact you, I would stop putting money in her account and just leave it to her in your will. If your GS continues to keep in touch then continue saving for him and give it to him at 18 or 21. If he doesn’t then do the same for him.