people questioning my ability to care for sick grandson

To cover their inadequate facilities they have turned the tables and put the focus on you .Not many people could handle a wheel hair without a ramp .Go back there and tell them that you are not being used as a decoy for facilities that they are not providing (ramp etcetera ) . Don’t let them remove you ,you stay put .

Sorry this has happened to you Mebster.

Unacceptable they phoned your daughter, rather than having a private conversation with you first. Like others, I question how the situation was made public?

I understand your hurt - I am 62 and volunteered with my 23 year old daughter at a wildlife centre and was unable to do one of the tasks, which involved walking a mile whilst juvenile baboons jumped on you for a ride down to the river.
The owner called me in and said 'what can you do' as though I was useless. I could do absolutely everything else, apart from being jumped on and clawed at by baboons in forty degree heat. During the hour everyone else did the baboon walk I was able to stay in the baby cage where they still jumped on you, but weighed a lot less.

Your grandson loves and needs you, rise above it all, and return with a smile.

Did they take your suggestions as criticism of their care I wonder ? Then felt the need to retaliate somewhat ? This child is clearly your whole world and you’ve obviously done an absolutely amazing job, am sure it is draining but your love and devotion gets you thro. As others have said, nose in the air, strut right back in there and resume your caring role, regardless of what anyone may say. When you feel as tho you are giving 100% and others then criticise, it hurts and has obviously cut you to the core .... but no one matters except you and your boy, remember that ?

I wouldn’t worry what others think. Ask yourself, how many of these people have been in your situation and selflessly put all their efforts and life into looking after their sick GC for months on end? Until a person has done the same as you they have no right to judge you. You are exhausted and deserve support from the Trust and the community, not criticism. Pick yourself up and continue being the amazing woman and grandmother you’re being. Stuff everyone else. ?

Maybe they felt the parents should be involved more, so we're phoning to say they didn't think you were coping because they felt you needed more support there. That's how I looked at it. You are doing a marvelous job and I know from experience how hard it is to care for a sick person long term in hospital. You're fantastic.

I'm 65, still work part-time and have just finished with the summer holiday from school routine of having my Granddaughters for overnighters one night a week and all day the next day, until their Mummy picks them up at suppertime. To say it completely shatters me (although I thoroughly enjoy having them here, they fill my otherwise empty house with so much fun and frolics!)would be an understatement and thankfully, I don't have to go to work the next day. What you are doing is so commendable but perhaps the parents are being somewhat unreasonable in having you do the main caring for your Grandson. I also would have expressed my opinions about the ramp and thermometer so I see nothing wrong with that. What input do the other grandparents have? I wish your Grandson complete recovery and a healthy future.

Do as BlueBelle says. Oh and I totally agree with the ramp being put in. I would suggest you just avoid the beef...nor good for you anyway.

as a mother of a disabled daughter, I can only congratulate on what you are doing for your grandson.
I empathise with you, as professional people do not like to be questioned about what or how they are doing things. I know that from experience.
however, if you don't express how you feel about these things,
they will build up inside you and you will explode. sounds to me that you had every right to ask questions about these concerns you have.
keep up the good work on behalf of your grandson, you wont forgive yourself if you don't as obviously you have a wonderful relationship with your grandson. and he must be missing you.
I am not sure that having a break, nice as it might be, will help at this moment. just put on a brave smiling face and do what you have been doing. once this has all been forgotten about, maybe that's the time for you to take a break.

Your argument is really with those faceless administrators that contacted your daughter!
Raising concerns over the care facilities is certainly not wrong at all - I just wonder why they felt the need to query two things so basic with your daughter?
The kindest side of me would like to say that maybe they are concerned that after spending so long with your GS, that your daughter needs to be aware you need a break for a bit.
The other side makes me think they have something to hide!
I would take a chance to make the most of being able to sleep in, catch up with laundry, reading a book or just going shopping with no time limit, meeting a friend or two then maybe, you, your daughter and son in law need to sit down and work out a care rota for your GS and other grandchildren for future. Don't give up.

Hello Mebster,
So sorry to hear about the difficult time that you and your family are going through.
I can just imagine how upset you are, it’s perfectly understandable.
It sounds as though ‘concerns’ have been handled very badly by the house manager. Unfortunately, it probably got their backs up when you asked about the thermometer and the ramp although they are perfectly legitimate queries. It was very unfortunate that you tipped the wheelchair, but this was a one off occurrence, in all the months you have been caring for him. You say that no harm was done and I believe you. For goodness sake, the care of anyone is about calculating the acceptable risk and this was a one-off during months of your care. ?
But basically it all depends on what his parents feel about the situation. They must have been so thankful for all your help, but it sounds as though the house manager has planted doubts in their minds. Would it be an idea to help out a week in their house with the other grandchildren, then alternate weeks in the Ronald McDonald house? His parents would be more involved with his daily care then too. Could one of them have some compassionate leave from work to enable them to do this? Just an idea.
It sounds as though you have been a fantastic help and I can understand what a deep bond you and your grandson have and how much love you have for him. Take care ? xx

Nothong more to add as a mother of a child with additional needs .I applaud you.

Mebster...... Bravo ... what an extraordinary grandmother you are. Pull up your head .. dry the tears... and look the world in its ‘ oh so critical’ face .... deep breaths and back to your darling boy.

Webster, you're doing a great job.

My dad told me when I had his DGS1, you must look after yourself in order to look after this precious person.

Take care, you're doing an amazing job x

It’s so hard to ignore what other people think/say about you. I do know that. But I believe you should carry on with your grandson as before and rise above the tittle tattle. Your family is lucky to have you. And locals will soon find something else to talk about. Best wishes

I am a bit concerned about the suggestions that its not ok for you to have a good cry. Sometimes we all need to do that. It used to be that boys were told not to cry; lets not start doing it to women now. As you say, you had your cry and are now gearing up again for the amazing job you are doing. Love and best wishes to you and your grandson x

Yes, cry but not too much as this will bring you down even more.
Could you not mind the children at home and let the parents attend RM and their sick child?

Mebster - Feel free to cry and ignore unhelpful comments on here. Crying is a great release mechanism and there’s nothing wrong with it.

As you say your grandson isn’t aware you’re upset. Sounds to me like you’re doing a fantastic job of caring for this much loved boy.

Some silly jobsworth has made a stupid, uninformed comment and, understandably, caused you to feel this way.

Accept the manager’s apology. Don’t let on it’s made you emotional and carry on doing all the good caring of your grandson. Take the opportunity this weekend to rest and spoil yourself.

I have nothing but admiration for you. Love and best wishes to you and your grandson x

Mebster, you are wonderful. As a wheelchair user myself I can say that ramps are far more comfortable to be moved on than kerbs so well done on speaking out. I suspect staff at RM House are not used to suggestions that they perceive as criticism, most people there will feel too vulnerable to say what they're thinking so I applaud you for speaking out. I hope you can have a relaxing weekend and go back to your grandson next week to continue the fantastic job you are obviously doing. As to the gossip, that shouldn't be happening, I have to question their attitude to confidentiality. Sending a big hug, you really are being a wonderful grandmother, your family are lucky to have you helping them.

Looks like you hit a nerve with your very sensible suggestions and some jobsworth retaliated. Ignore them and carry on your loving care knowing what a difference you are making. The email community will seize on the chance of a gossip without considering the truth. Take not a bit of notice and prove them wrong.

What a wonderful granny you are, aren’t your family lucky to have you? As others have said you’ve Dom
Ne a wonderful thing in giving so much of your time to love and care for this darling little boy. The bond with grandparents is so special, mine were dead before I was born but I saw the lovely relationship my children had with theirs.
I’m not surprised you’re upset but I think you should carry on, just think how much your DGS would miss you if you suddenly stopped. But do also make sure you take rest time and look after yourself. Let us know how you get on, p,ease.

You must be so, so tired and distraught , not only with this latest horribly unpleasant development but with the burden of this little boy's illness. You sound like an absolute Trojan; have a rest, and then continue to help the child who clearly needs you so much, as do his parents. If they had had any doubts about your abilities they would surely hinted by now; is it possible that in your current upset and tired state you are reading more into what they are saying? I'm sure I would in your exhausted shoes. As for the suggestions you have made, it would be wrong not to if there are things that you feel might be improved upon. Criticising you and your suggestions sounds like the classic shouting and pointing - it deflects others from seeing what should have been done and turns attention on to you. Don't allow it - whoever phoned your daughter and questioned your ability needs to be spoken to about your suggestions - they sound eminently sensible to me, and how do those ideas you have had suggest you are not capable? Quite the reverse. Good luck to you and your deal little Grandson

Rosina has said exactly what I was going to.

Did the manager call your daughter and explain that the previous call was unjustified, incorrect and that those who made it are being disciplined?
If not, then once you've had a bit of a rest (perhaps a little holiday away for you?) I'd seriously consider paying for a solicitors appointment, explaining what has happened and seeing if any action can or should be taken.
It sounds very much as though your sensible suggestions have worried those in charge so much that they have deliberately undermined your credibility in the most crude and brutal way, with no thought for you, your daughter or the well being of your grandchild. I would say it is analogous to landlords evicting tenants when they request repairs to a property.

Do you think you could have misinterpreted the Administrators words? Could it be that after the few incidents you mentioned, they have realised how exhausted you are and have called the parents because they can see that you need a break?

As for the gossips - sod them! Your grandson (and you) are the only things that matter.

How lucky your family are to have you like have said go back there with your head up high . Best wishes to you and your grandson .