Gransnet forums

Everyday Ageism

This one thing about being older

(47 Posts)
Bluebird64 Thu 26-Dec-19 13:44:32

At 64 I've never had much interest in social media other than Facebook and Viber, finding it mostly very superficial, but I'm increasingly anxious about being seen by younger people as an 'oldie' they can't contact because I don't 'do' Instagram, WhatsApp, Snapchat etc. I'm busy in the real world and have to carve out time to scroll through mostly uninteresting content. I'm not bothered about 'likes', I'm happy with my looks, weight, even my changing facial features - so why does this bother me so? My husband is the same but it doesn't bother him at all. I have two stepsons and their partners, and a daughter of my own (my son passed away seven years ago at 28) all in their 30s and all lovely people, but I can't ask them what they think of me in this respect. I've just been in tears over this! Does anyone else worry about this? I don't want to start a lot of superficial stuff just so I'm not seen as a fuddy-duddy.

Septimia Thu 26-Dec-19 15:30:51

Apart from Gransnet and Linkedin (which I will probably pack up soon because I'm retired), I don't - and won't - do social media. I just don't feel the need. Maybe I'm old-fashioned. People can email me, SMS or phone - or even write a letter shock. However, if I found that I had a use for e.g. Facebook in the future I suppose I might change my mind.

Do what suits you and let them cope!!

dragonfly46 Thu 26-Dec-19 15:34:28

I find Whatsapp very useful as we have family groups and can have a family discussion or I can be sent pictures of the grandchildren without them being splashed all over Facebook.

GagaJo Thu 26-Dec-19 15:40:13

I use Facebook a lot. It's a way of keeping in touch with people for me. Now that it has adverts and 'filters' your feed, I find it less useful though.

I've had Twitter, Snapchat and Whatsapp but didn't really like any of them.

I DO use Wechat, the Chinese social media app because I have a lot of Chinese friends and they all use it. Again, it's a way of staying in touch.

I only use social media that has a use or function for me. And Twitter, Snapchat and Wechat weren't that useful therefore I got rid of them. I've had younger people think I'm past it and colleagues think I'm stupid for using social media (it's VERY frowned on in teaching circles) because stalking is possible (and has indeed happened to me) but I'm not being pressured into what I do or don't use by others.

GagaJo Thu 26-Dec-19 15:41:18

Oh yes, I DO use Linked in. Indeed, I found my new job there.

NotSpaghetti Thu 26-Dec-19 15:59:33

I'm sure they don't think they can't contact you, just that they can't contact you so easily.

If you are used to WhatsApp for example, it's possible to send/receive photo messages very easily (and at no cost). They can be direct and personal or serve several people at once in "groups". It has no "added" content to scroll through so maybe it's worth a go if it's that aspect you don't like?

My adult children use it to get a quick heads-up whilst out shopping for example "do you think this suits me?" "will you go halves on this xyz for so-and-so". They obviously could phone me/each other but are unlikely to as it takes longer. A quick yes or no can be sent even from lots of workplaces without being a disruption.

My mother in law uses the phone and email only. They will not quickly fire of a quick video of their children to her as it involves time, but they do to me as it's at their fingertips.

So no, they won't think less of you, of course not, they will just accept you as you are, but they will know you are a bit harder to contact.

SueDonim Thu 26-Dec-19 20:22:57

I think there’s something deeper going on here than simply being seen as an ‘oldie’. I don’t think it’s normal to be in tears over social media or lack thereof. Is there something else making you feel unsettled?flowers

I’m only on FB and that’s enough for me. Neither of my sons is on SM although my dd’s are. However, we all communicate by messaging services easily enough and I don’t feel I’m missing out. I get the impression that a lot of SM is simply an echo chamber anyway.

lemongrove Thu 26-Dec-19 20:32:26

Same as SueDonim..... no need to be at the beck and call of social media.
It’s meant to help you if you use it, not to have you upset.
I use it very little.

M0nica Thu 26-Dec-19 20:37:42

I do Gransnet and nothing else. DH is on Facebook. The only 'young ones' contacting me are AC and DGC and they know they can email me or text me and that is fine by them.

Otherwise I do not care a what anyone else thinks of me. I am old, each birthday reminds me how old. I see no point in trying to pose as younger than I am.

Doodledog Thu 26-Dec-19 20:55:19

I don't think that anyone should feel obliged to use social media, but at the same time, nor do I think that anyone who chooses not to use it should feel that they should drive the agenda for those who do, if that makes sense?

I have friends who complain that groups we use (things like craft groups or coffee mornings - all loosely 'run' local things, with no charge or organisation behind them) have Facebook groups that are used for communication (eg cancelled meetings, or changes to arrangements) because they (the friends) are 'not on Facebook'.

The choice is theirs - either use it, (even if only for that), or don't, but it is very entitled to expect others to ring round to let everyone know something, when they can just send a message that everyone who has bothered to sign up, free, on a computer, tablet or phone that we all have, can get in seconds.

I think that information sent by organisations such as councils or the government should be available on and offline for now, as there are still people with no access to the internet who need to know about services they need, but can see a time coming when this will no longer happen.

Farmor15 Thu 26-Dec-19 21:30:13

I’m not on Facebook or other social media, apart from Gransnet. I do use Viber and WhatApp, e-mail and text and don’t feel I’m seen as an oldie. If you can use Viber, Bluebird, WhatsApp is very similar and might be be worth considering as it’s used a lot by groups such as Doodledog mentioned.

MiniMoon Thu 26-Dec-19 22:10:28

I've just started using WhatsApp.
Tonight I have been admitted to the Boxing Day family group, and received lots of pictures of extended family at the annual party. We couldn't attend this year, so it was lovely to see them all.
I don't do Facebook or anything else.
I received a new tablet for Christmas, and reckon I'm pretty tech savvy. I'm better than DH anyway.

bluebirdwsm Thu 26-Dec-19 22:25:55

I don't do any of them. Tried Facebook and Twitter in the past, don't like them. I don't have a smartphone, just a dumbphone [and a laptop]. I am contactable via landline, mobile, texts or e mail where I can receive pictures and video's of the GC.

I'm not bothered what other people think. If anyone thinks I am an oldie that's fine because I am [70]. However I was the first of all the family to have a PC and show friends and family how everything worked, they followed a couple of years later!

I worked in the computer department in my first job in the 60's...when the company's computer took up the whole of the basement!

I do not know why not having app's should make you cry OP. Why do you worry what younger people think? Be your own person. Keep life simpler, much less stressful.

Harris27 Thu 26-Dec-19 22:32:04

I never even thought I would ever use a mobile phone never mind laptops an WhatsApp. But I have but I don’t feel the need to share with th eWorld everything I do and work with younger girls who seem to know everything that each other are doing outside work! However I do love gransnet and my iPad and yes I do use my mobile phone!

Doodle Thu 26-Dec-19 22:36:37

Only on GN and What’s App. What’s App is useful for being in contact with the family but have no interest in anything else. I am 70 and have 2 children and 3 grandchildren and what’s app is the only communication we need. If we don’t phone

welbeck Fri 27-Dec-19 02:25:55

what is this really about OP ?
as it stands it doesn't make sense to me. I thought it was about social media, but you are worried about younger people thinking of you as an oldie, and you have been in tears about it.
can you explain further.
the emotional content seems at odds with weighing up the usefulness or not of modes of communication.

JackyB Fri 27-Dec-19 06:12:33

I have never done Facebook and none of my DC (nor their wives/girlfriends) think any the worse of me for it as they are all sceptics themselves.

I use WhatsApp (reluctantly) because I am in a few groups which use it for all communication, such as choir.

I've not heard of Viber, but perhaps it's not available in the country I live in.

Dottynan Fri 27-Dec-19 06:36:04

WhatsApp is definitely worth thinking about. I am not on anything else but WhatsApp keeps me in touch with my immediate family and I get lots of photos daily of my new granddaughter

BradfordLass72 Fri 27-Dec-19 07:13:17

This isn't about Facebook, it's about your anxieties.
You need to look at what's really at the bottom of this worry and only you really know.

all in their 30s and all lovely people, but I can't ask them what they think of me in this respect

Ask your husband to do it then, just to put your mind at rest.
But I'd like to bet that if he says, 'Do you think less of Mum because she's not up to speed with social media?'
They'd be astonished and say, 'Of course not!'

So that'll be one thing out of the way at least.

You are also still mourning your lost son and at this time of year, the people we've lost are in our minds and hearts even more strongly.

Is it for his sake you feel you want to keep up with the the digital world?
And would it be he who said, 'Come on Mum, get onto it!' ?
Do you feel (perhaps) that you're letting him down by not being online with eveything?

All your children sound wonderfully understanding and sensible people so please trust in their love for you and don't feel you have to jump through Internet hoops to earn or keep it.

kittylester Fri 27-Dec-19 07:21:24

I use most of the things my children use as it keeps me in touch with friends and family with out making a big thing of it.

My sister in law, who only uses email from her desk top, seems quite upset that I can 'chat' to her daughter more than she can. Is that a problem for you, op?

Liaise Fri 27-Dec-19 07:43:26

I use Gransnet, text and emails. If the children need to tell me something they will.
Like MONICA I'm not bothered about being seen as modern and I get on with life, strange though it seems sometimes.

henetha Fri 27-Dec-19 11:31:06

I use WhatsApp as it's marvellous for keeping in touch and for sending/receiving photos, videos, etc. But I don't use any of the others, can't really be bothered with them and don't want to get caught up in any nastiness.
Just do what you are comfortable with, Bluebird64. no-one will think of you as an oldie. You are in fact still young, 18 years younger than me!. Good luck and don't worry. smile

oldgimmer1 Fri 27-Dec-19 11:58:52

I like WhatsApp. Apart from Mumsnet and Gransnet, I don't do social media. I particularly dislike Facebook, which is full of bollox.

You're older, OP - own it!

Who gives a shiny sh***te what others think?

wildswan16 Fri 27-Dec-19 12:21:00

Hardly anyone I know uses Facebook, Instagram etc. They are all totally unnecessary.

Anyone who wants to let me know about anything can
a) phone me
b) text me
c) message me on WhatsApp (close family only)
d) walk round and see me
e) write me a letter

I really don't want to know every little detail of other people's lives, or want them to know mine.

I suspect many young people might like to get rid of their social media accounts but are too scared to do so.

lovebeigecardigans1955 Fri 27-Dec-19 12:29:43

I assume they have a mobile phone and can text. I'm only on Facebook so I can see friends/family holiday photos and that's about it. My profile picture which I very reluctantly put on is of my late cat and I point blank refuse to post pictures of anything.
If I go out for lunch/dinner I'm not going to take a photo of my meal though plenty do. It's a nonsensical sign of the times.