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Everyday Ageism

The Golden Years, what's your take?

(92 Posts)
Spangler Wed 29-Jul-20 15:37:24

There's a crude poem about getting old, I won't print it all but if you want to see it just Google the last two lines:
"The Golden Years Have Come At Last.
The Golden Years Can Kiss My **!
When I was 19, I remember coming out of a dance venue as the heavens opened up. As luck would have it I saw a taxi with the "For Hire" sign lit up. I hailed the cab, and as it pulled over and I made a dash through the rain, a little old lady got in the way. We did one of those street dances, I went left, so did she. I went right, so did she. To my eternal shame I muttered: "Doddering old fogey." She heard me. A crooked arthritic index finger was raised. "You'll be old," she screeched. "Not as old as you," I replied and just laughed as I jumped into the taxi.

Down through the decades that voice has rattled around my head whenever some age related medical complaint has risen. And now I am old, or so the distance between my birth and now dictates.

How do I deal with it, much the same way as when I was young really. We struck lucky in that we bought a house in Hackney in East London when it was a district you only lived in because you either had to, as in a council house, or you couldn't afford to buy a property elsewhere. Then somehow Hackney became a hotspot, it became gentrified, desirable. When we sold up we made a tidy profit. Who would have thought?

Today, we enjoy a wonderful social life with a wide circle of friends, a great mix of generations and although we don't have any children, our Godchildren who have all grown up and whose weddings we attended have all produced their own children. It's like surrogate Grandchildren.

My wife and I have known each other for over 54 years, been married for 52 of them. Now retired, she indulges her life long passion of making her own clothes, and others, mostly mine, but recently she made a friend's wedding dress. She has a bespoke cabin that I treated her to, a collection of vintage sewing machines adorn the cabin walls and she has a couple of modern machines and an overlocker. She loses herself in her cabin.

My hobbies are the old vintage car that I have and a collection of records that go back to the pre-war swing era, I have a jukebox to play them on. My other hobby is work. I get some flak about that, but as my wife said, "If he's happy working, let him do it. There's not many who can say that they get paid for indulging in their hobby." I only work two shifts a week, job sharing with someone whose military pension left him with too much month at the end of his money.

We have been life long ballroom dancers and it was dancing that got us into the social circle that we so enjoy. The lockdown, or house arrest as I prefer to call it, has curtailed this year's events and that's how I managed to get on line. Never had the time nor the inclination previously. Well not exactly, I have lurked on this site for quite a long time. Reading about other's grandchildren and other facets of life is fascinating.

It's curious to me, I certainly don't want to live forever, on the other hand, I love life, not ready to pop off just yet. But this getting old malarky does have a few pitfalls, like the hip replacement that I had a while back. That, coupled with the house arrest, is going to make tripping the light fantastic something of a challenge when our release date comes. But in the meantime the everyday posts here keep me motivated.

Esspee Sat 01-Aug-20 16:06:44

Nannan2. I am so sorry to have upset you. It never occurred to me that anyone might be offended by me having spent January in the Caribbean. If it helps I only go there to be with my wonderful extended in-law family. None of us are getting any younger so I now visit them as often as I can even though my husband died 16 years ago.
The flight cost (originally) about £450. That would get you 5nights B&B where I am in Scotland.
The Egypt trip was connected to my university archaeology studies.
I was intending to illustrate that being old (in my 70s) doesn’t necessarily mean conforming to the ageist agenda.

Esspee Sat 01-Aug-20 16:18:26

Hi Spangler Yes indeed, my name on here is simply my initials. As I wrote on a previous thread I have no imagination and do so admire those who can come up with witty names.
My 9 year old granddaughter came up with the name *Kitty Purry ” for their new cat. I was so envious of her imagination.

Are you going to tell us what Spangler means to you?

annep1 Sat 01-Aug-20 16:24:41

A very nice post Kittylester.

annep1 Sat 01-Aug-20 16:26:47

Spangler I don't get the connection either. ?

Esspee Sat 01-Aug-20 16:28:13

Rosina, love the poem. Did you write it?

Glorybee Sat 01-Aug-20 16:34:23

I agree that Spangler’s comments to nannan2 were unnecessary and he has acknowledged that, but Esspee, please don’t feel you have to justify anything you’ve done or spent! Good for you and all power to your swimming against the ageist agenda!

Spangler Sat 01-Aug-20 16:38:42

Esspee Sat 01-Aug-20 16:18:26
There's a famous actor of the 1940's whose real name is Spangler. I share his stage name.
Are you going to tell us what Spangler means to you?
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_Taylor_(actor)

annep1 Sat 01-Aug-20 16:26:47
Spangler I don't get the connection either. ?
Sorry Anne, have I been rather ambiguous.

Urmstongran Sat 01-Aug-20 16:54:01

Oh kitty I’m not so forgiving ... Or consider that other people might not be in a good place when they post not that they are being unnecessarily negative

In my opinion if someone is feeling grumpy, negative or just wants to suck the joy out of a pleasant thread - why not step away from the keyboard ⁉️

It’s a choice you know.

To Engage. Or not.

Why should we feel we always have to pander to the lowest common denominator?

Orangerose Sat 01-Aug-20 17:12:42

I agree don’t read the thread, and Esspee you have nothing to apologise for. Good for you. Sounds like you had an amazing trip!

BladeAnnie Sat 01-Aug-20 17:28:25

I've really enjoyed this post - thank you all for sharing. I'm in my late 50s and had LOTS of ups and downs but I'd hate anyone to think I was boasting or moaning so I'll just say life is generally good. Although I have health problems and have bad days I'm more at peace with myself now than when I was younger

Spangler Sat 01-Aug-20 17:37:56

Urmstongran Sat 01-Aug-20 16:54:01
Oh kitty I’m not so forgiving ... Or consider that other people might not be in a good place when they post not that they are being unnecessarily negative

In my opinion if someone is feeling grumpy, negative or just wants to suck the joy out of a pleasant thread - why not step away from the keyboard ⁉️

The difficulty that we have with forums is that we can only communicate with the written word. In life, when engaging with someone else, we have body language, eye contact, nuance, hand movements and countless gestures.

I'm with you Urmstongran, leave alone threads that bore you, I leave the political threads alone because politics incites me so easily, but I do think that Kitty made a valid point.

When you perceive a post about your own entry to be rude it's so easy to rise to the retaliatory position and defend your corner. Posting a copy of that book was childish on my part. It really doesn't matter whether the person making the comment that caused my heckles to rise is having a bad hair day or not. Retaliation only causes spats, so I shall endeavour to ignore perceived insults in future.

MawB Sat 01-Aug-20 20:34:17

Actually Spangler I too am old school

Post script: The spellchecker is having heebie jeebies over the spelling of rooves. It's roofs. No it's not, I'm old school and the plural of roof is rooves

And it’s roofs - not like hoof/hooves.
That’s OK. Don’t mention it.

Spangler Sat 01-Aug-20 21:20:52

MawB

Actually Spangler I too am old school

Post script: The spellchecker is having heebie jeebies over the spelling of rooves. It's roofs. No it's not, I'm old school and the plural of roof is rooves

And it’s roofs - not like hoof/hooves.
That’s OK. Don’t mention it.

I know better than to argue with one so knowledgeable.

Peardrop50 Sat 01-Aug-20 22:00:35

Great story Spangler, you've obviously worked hard, enjoyed life, made the most of everything, been lucky and have an appreciation of life.
I'm another who met the right person at a young age, have a good life, great family, good close friends, happy home, we have lived in other countries but enjoy the UK the best. Have been blessed with four sons, alas now only have two daughters in law but friends with all the mums of our lovely grandchildren. Have coped with some ups and downs together, remain mostly on the same page. Always thought I was very sociable but actually am enjoying our peaceful time just the two of us in lock down.
I am well aware that not everyone is as lucky but like the opportunity to count my blessings and share that happiness with others who feel the same.

annep1 Sat 01-Aug-20 23:24:07

Spangler
Sorry maybe I'm a bit slow but I don't get the point you're making with the story about the poor little old lady and the voice rattling in your head.

Anyway my take on the Golden Years.
I'm not very active now and have many days when I feel bad and can do little. So I make the most of the good days, like many on here I'm sure. Someone upthread said "If you keep fit you can have a good golden age for a long time". Yes that is true. But not everyone can.
For me life is being content and appreciating what you can do.
My husband plays guitar with friends. I paint with friends and we enjoy walks and doing crosswords and jigsaws together on the good days. And we both love reading. We are very fortunate to have a mobile home on a lovely site in a beautiful area. But even without that we would be very content. And nothing we enjoy costs very much but we get great pleasure from treating our children and gc.
For me that's the good thing about being older, being content and knowing what is important.

annep1 Sat 01-Aug-20 23:28:08

I forgot to say we have had many great holidays in the 20+ years we've been together and although we rarely travel now have wonderful memories to share.

Spangler Sun 02-Aug-20 00:18:19

annep1 Sat 01-Aug-20 23:24:07
Spangler
Sorry maybe I'm a bit slow but I don't get the point you're making with the story about the poor little old lady and the voice rattling in your head.

It's not you that's slow, it's me that's left too much out. Re-reading my post I can see why.

At 19, I'm never going to be old. At 19 I was very rude to a senior citizen, it wasn't the way that I was brought up. The lady's reprimand came back to haunt me whenever an age related ache or pain came along.

Shame on me for being so disrespectful. Even today, knowing, and denying, that a knee joint replacement is on the horizon, I still hear: "You'll be old!" Only now there's a prefix, "I told you that you'll be old."

annep1 Sun 02-Aug-20 09:44:46

Nanna2 what is your take on the GY? ?

Spangler Sun 02-Aug-20 13:21:26

GY? The only GY acronym that I know is the Grey symbol, Gy? The one that is a derived unit of ionizing radiation dose in the International System of Units? It is defined as the absorption of one joule of radiation energy per kilogram of matter.

How sad am I?

Orangerose Sun 02-Aug-20 13:27:51

Oo how clever Spangler. I think the poster means GY= Golden Years

MerylStreep Sun 02-Aug-20 13:35:17

annep1
I hope your not referring to me, those are my initials ?

Spangler Sun 02-Aug-20 14:01:54

Orangerose

Oo how clever Spangler. I think the poster means GY= Golden Years

Golden Years, of course. When you hear the phrase “the golden years,” there’s no mistaking the topic. We are talking about retirement. A time of relaxation and leisure. The crowning achievement of a lifetime of hard work. A time to travel, play golf, take up a hobby, and make time for the grandchildren. A time for anything but work.

This concept of retirement as an endless holiday, however, isn’t even as old as today’s retirees. The actual phrase “The Golden Years” was coined in 1959 in an advertising campaign for America’s first large-scale retirement community. It was a gamble to see whether the fifty-fives and over would embrace an active new way of life, move away from their families, and buy one of the modest homes on a $2 million golf-resort development in the middle of the Arizona desert.

The campaign was a success. On the first weekend, 100,000 people showed up to see for themselves if a lifestyle free from responsibility and the constraints of working life could actually be possible. For many seniors in the 1950s, retirement was a lonely time of decline. They had the financial support of the State pension and some had a second pension, but once they left the workforce, they had little purpose in their lives. Retirees saw themselves as “too old to work, too young to die.” No wonder The Golden Years concept was successful, the idea of retirement was being sold as a second childhood!

Is being in my seventies my golden years? Well, I have no children, so no grandchildren, I work, socialise and enjoy a lasting relationship, all of which I enjoy. I have no financial difficulties and I live in a house that, fifty years ago, would have been a, flight of fancy. So that's my golden years.

lemongrove Sun 02-Aug-20 14:10:09

Every dog has it’s day!?

lemongrove Sun 02-Aug-20 14:13:48

My golden years were the ones when the children were young
And DH and I were in our 30’s.We had a wide circle of friends, not many cares, our health and vitality and it was a wonderful time.
Not that it’s all that bad now, but those were the true golden years for me.

Puzzler61 Sun 02-Aug-20 14:22:05

Unequivocally Now! More than once a week we say to each how fortunate we are.
We lost a house, for bad business reasons (our own), we lost a baby (not down to us, it wasn’t meant to be at that time), but we have come through, had 2 children we are proud of and we have each other and good health for our age.

DH can play his beloved Golf 3 times a week, and I can see family and friends whenever I want as they all live near.

That is a good life, these are our Golden Years.