Patronised!

Yes, I concede that I may have been a little harsh. My tongue runs away with me sometimes although I've mellowed slightly as I've got older.

I suppose it stems from my own approach to life which is to assume everyone can can do everything unless and until they tell/show me that they can't. I might have been less critical if the sales assistant had been a 16 year old in her first job but I felt that someone of this woman's apparent age really should be a little more savvy about how to deal with people.

Another time, in a different frame of mind, it may have just passed me by un-remarked. Actually, I feel a little bit chastened now about my snotty exit so I guess that's some kind of justice.

Doodledog I think we all accept that the OP felt patronised, and no-one has said she shouldn’t have felt that way, or ‘invalidated her feelings’ as you put it.

What we are taking issue with is her reaction to feeling patronised.

If you think someone is patronising you, you have the choice of feeling upset, and responding unkindly or even rudely, or you can get your sense of humour out, see the funny side and rise above it.

I don't think anyone can tell anyone else how to feel, and it's not fair to invalidate someone else's feelings. If Scribbles felt patronised it doesn't matter whether anyone else would have felt the same, and to suggest otherwise is patronising in itself.

I’m sorry but I think you were grumpy and took offence where none was intended. The young girl was very helpful in my opinion, you have to think to a youngster everyone over 50 or so are ancient, perhaps her grandma can’t use the internet. Poor girl did her best.

Give the girl a break. Were we all perfect in our 20s when dealing with the public? Don't have a go at her. I admire the fact she was polite and helpful even if she got it slightly wrong.

I think it was rude of her, and I don't blame you for being annoyed, Scribbles.

It's one thing to say that the assistant was trying to be helpful, and to be honest she probably was, but if she'd said 'Here's the number. If you know someone who can read they can help you to check if they're in stock', who would have thought she was being helpful?

Not everyone can read, but it wouldn't be considered helpful to assume that someone probably can't, particularly just based on their age. It would have taken a few seconds to ask if the OP has access to the Internet, and offered a different way to check the stock (eg a telephone number) if the answer was no.

Scribbles, I think you were a bit touchy, lighten up a little, you should have laughed it off.

Screw her. I personally think that being condescended to is poor customer service. I think you were absolutely right to leave. A call to the store manager wouldn't be a bad idea, either.

I think you were rather unkind scribbles, unlike the poor young girl who was just trying to help you.

You couldn’t blame her if the next old person who goes into the shop needing help is met with a wall of indifference.

And then posts on Gransnet complaining about how unhelpful young people are. ?

I am sure she just meant to be friendly and might have presumed you needed help. I've had one or two instances when I've had the 'my dear' thing which makes you feel patronised. I can remember in my 20's thinking 40 was so old!

I suppose she’d been told not to assume everyone had internet access but didn’t know how to word it in a less patronising way. My bugbear is when someone’s replies to something I’ve said with ‘oh, bless’.

Help, this elderly numpty needs help!

I used ^^ around my quote, without spaces, but it didn't work ?

but it didn't work

How very rude of you, Scribbles, considering how helpful she had been.

Plenty of old people don't have access to the internet even though plenty of us do.

Oopsadaisy1

I feel sorry for the poor girl, she was just trying to be helpful
MissOops often had customers take offence at what seemed to be a perfectly reasonable conversation and it would upset her for the rest of the day.
A more reasonable response from you would be to have thanked her but but to have said that you can manage. Along with a thank you for being so helpful. Which it seems she was until you got upset.

Just so. What's wrong with disabusing someone who is trying to be kind of their misconception in a kind way with something like: "It's OK I can do that myself" instead of getting all uppity?

Callistemon
That seems a very odd thing to say, don’t you think?

Oopsadaisy1

I feel sorry for the poor girl, she was just trying to be helpful
MissOops often had customers take offence at what seemed to be a perfectly reasonable conversation and it would upset her for the rest of the day.
A more reasonable response from you would be to have thanked her but but to have said that you can manage. Along with a thank you for being so helpful. Which it seems she was until you got upset.

^She then added the store's website details, adding, "That's so, if you know someone with access to the internet, you could ask them to check for you if they're available.^"

I do hope MissOops would never say that to an older customer, *Oopsadaisy!

I feel sorry for the poor girl, she was just trying to be helpful
MissOops often had customers take offence at what seemed to be a perfectly reasonable conversation and it would upset her for the rest of the day.
A more reasonable response from you would be to have thanked her but but to have said that you can manage. Along with a thank you for being so helpful. Which it seems she was until you got upset.

A couple of years ago, after a hospital procedure, a young nurse came to organise my discharge and directed all information at my husband (who hasn't a clue about my conditions). I was furious, I was neither old, (64), nor in my dotage and have dealt with all my medical needs myself.

I think he soon realised his faux pas and quickly changed tack.

There is a fine line between being helpful and being patronising- and she crossed it!
How simple to ask if a customer has access to the internet via her phone or a laptop (well occasionally in the deepest depths of the country coverage can be patchy) and take it from there.
It reminds me of the time I chatted with the woman on the checkout at M&S, I would say in her /50’s and I commented that I did not like driving to a particular store (privately because it is in a not very nice part of town, but in case she lived there, I said on account of the dual carriageway and all the big roundabouts.)
Oh, she commented, you are good still driving, my mum has given up now.
How old did she think I was? And yes I still drive round the M25 to London, up to Birmingham, or Norfolk (OK not at night if I can help it)
Didn’t do my self confidence any good.

It's a similar thing that happened to me at a local supermarket. I was heading towards the tills and got a tap on my shoulder by a member of staff. She addressed me as 'dear' to start with then suggested I go to the self check out. To add another insult she said she would get someone to help me scan my shopping. I promptly told her I had ran a business for over twenty years and I am perfectly familiar with technology. I also said I was puzzled why she would think I was not capable was it my white hair? I know the staff are told to get the customers served as efficiently as possible. Patronising and stereotyping customers should not be apart of the training.

I think she should have asked you first. My brother is totally hopeless with technology but I can do most things.

We recently went to a science museum, while signing in at venues was still applicable, with DD2 and family. They were asked to scan in while we were led away to fill in the paper version. I was quite cross about it - possibly unreasonable so!

I can well understand how this made the OP feel, but also feel a bit sorry for the young assistant. Yes, she wrongly assumed that as a more mature lady, she would not know her way around the internet, but at least she had been helpful and courteous, so often not the case with young and not so young staff.

Perhaps not quite such a cutting put-down would have been more appropriate?

The girl was probably trained to ask the question, although I know the feeling.
Recently, when having a flu jab.. the girl doing the computer admin. alongside the nurse, asked me if my memory was ok.
I was very annoyed and told her so. I reported her to be desk to be told that they "have" to ask this questlon of the elderly.
I found it patronising.

I think I would just have laughed and said 'I can probably do it myself, thanks. If I can work out how to plug it in.'

The poor girl was trying so hard to be helpful, she was young, she was doing her best, even if you think her best wasn't good enough.

Sometimes I think there is little point in talking to anyone these days, or trying to help them - whatever you say, whatever you do, someone somewhere will find someway to be aggrieved by it.