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Everyday Ageism

Do you not have someone to help you?

(58 Posts)
Grammaretto Mon 24-Oct-22 10:14:55

This is the second time in a week someone has spoken these words to me. It's over the phone when I am calling the helpline.
I almost shouted at the poor man just now when he suggested I take photos of the forms (all 27 pages of them) sign in the relevant places, find a neighbour?? to witness my signature and send them in digitally.

This is an ongoing feature of my new life since being widowed and now trying to apply for an energy savings grant or loan to improve my energy efficiency.
The process has already taken more than 6 months, the work has been done and now all I have to do is send in the claim form. shock
Boy do they make it difficult. He even told me to send proof of ID and utility bill although I have sent in those already.

Perhaps my photo ID will have changed so much after 6 months as I limp, white haired, to the photo booth.

Have any of you had similar experiences?

lixy Mon 24-Oct-22 17:01:00

Much sympathy from here. I live a couple of hundred miles away from my hard-of-hearing mum and trying to get things sorted for her is very hard work.
No matter how much I tell them to make an appointment so that she knows when to expect them - and so will be ready and listening for the doorbell - utilities persist is just turning up and then telling me that no-one was home. And no, I really can't just pop down to be there. It's infuriating.

biglouis Mon 24-Oct-22 17:39:25

Being single (and glad of it) Ive always had to do for myself. things like online shopping, banking and bill paying. My next door neighbour (NDN) who abdicated financial responsibilites to her OH and was widowed in December 2021 is now in a real muddle. After knocking on my door without success she tried her other NDN and started pestering them for help. She was wandering around in what appeared to be a nightie and I have suspected dementia for some time. Her children live a distance away. A few years back I mistakenly got myself into the situation of being a "virtual PA" to a needy neighbour and dont intend for it to happen again. This is one situation where the ring type doorbell is worth its weight in gold.

Lathyrus Mon 24-Oct-22 17:43:58

growstuff

Grammaretto

I am so sorry Growstuff but what a ridiculous situation. I am glad you were eventually seen face to face.

I hope the brown spot turned out to be benign.

Calendargirl I have decided to write all these complaints to their email. If that is the only thing they understand, it's probably much quicker than the helpline,

Yes, it was benign (thank goodness), but I was told to keep an eye on it hmm. I'm trying to develop a swivel neck!

I’ve sometimes thought there should be a mobile van that visits the town centre where you could just walk in and ask a nurse to check your back.

I had a rough patch that I could feel but not see. Felt very bad about taking up a doctors appointment with a bit of ageing rough skin?

Grammaretto Mon 24-Oct-22 18:07:41

I wonder if you could ask a pharmacist? Lathyrus
My DSis suffered a cut on her head and severe bruising at the weekend after a fall. She opted not to go to A&E so went to the chemist who sold her various dressings and she thinks she will survive. She will have a scar as she needs stitches but battle wound?

welbeck Mon 24-Oct-22 18:54:44

kircubbin2000

I've been told that if I read the meter myself I will get a discount. However they have given me a new meter whose numbers are so small I can't read them.

i bought a magnifying glass with in-built light, which helps for this purpose.
i think i bought it in poundland. was £2.

welbeck Mon 24-Oct-22 18:55:19

www.poundland.co.uk/332228-2-x-magnifier-with-light/

Wyllow3 Mon 24-Oct-22 19:53:56

I do get the occasional nightmare in sorting stuff but in asking to younger people they have had the same being messed about problem.

I am fairly techie ie photographing/sending documents after signing and so on never a problem. I'm actually separated not widowed but it was me used to do most of the stuff.

But I've been gratified as there ARE some lovely younger people out there on the other end of the phone when I start off by saying... now I'm xx years old and you need to speak clearly and slowly to me I'm nt very techie, and do a lot of thanking and "I'm so gratefuls" and some do go the extra mile for you. Many of them like being given a chance to behave like a real human bean too.

Deedaa Mon 24-Oct-22 20:10:40

Nowadays I am making a point of demanding to speak to someone on the phone rather than emailing or looking at the website. In a lot of cases I would be fine doing stuff on line but there must be plenty of people who can't do it or perhaps don't even have access to the internet and I feel I am speaking up for them.

Witzend Mon 24-Oct-22 20:18:00

I well remember a situation not long ago where a frail and very elderly couple lost their landline connection after a violent storm.

A friend or neighbour phoned BT for them to say that given their frailty, repair work was urgent.

The evidently young bloke on the end of the helpline said, ‘Can’t they use their mobiles?’

ParlorGames Mon 24-Oct-22 20:36:21

Grammaretto

I was hoping that my venting on here would make me feel better but, hearing these dire stories has actually made me feel worse.

I am equally alarmed at these comments too! Basically, if we aren't totally fit, well and flexible, completely tech savvy, tall enough to reach the supermarket top shelves, lithe enough to bend down to the bottom shelves, have 20/20 vision, have perfect hearing, a business degree, total comprehension of every benefit/claim form imaginable, AND the patience of a saint.............WE ARE STUFFED!

Wyllow3 Mon 24-Oct-22 20:45:18

I find a lot of kindness. That doesn't mean it isn't scary at times. and lonely, and one wonders looking further forward and so on but sometimes it brings out the best and there is help there.

Grammaretto Mon 24-Oct-22 21:32:41

Yes Deedaa I was also thinking of all those older and even less computer savvy than me when I had the rather patronising young man on the phone. He was indistinct so I couldn't quite hear him but the WiFi cut out twice and the first time he phoned me back so I must give him his due. The 2nd time, I gave up and wrote the email.
I have heard nothing back all day.
I asked a neighbour to witness my signature and I photographed both the forms and attached them to the email.

Callistemon21 Mon 24-Oct-22 22:44:07

I do think there is a lot of inefficiency in organisations now.

It's not us.
It's them!!

growstuff Yours wins the prize for most ludicrous.

FarNorth Mon 24-Oct-22 23:06:57

The evidently young bloke on the end of the helpline said, ‘Can’t they use their mobiles?’

Even if people have mobiles and want to use them, there are some places with no mobile signal - another fact that is incomprehensible to some.

CanadianGran Mon 24-Oct-22 23:37:04

I feel bad for all those here with tales of troubles. I know my elder sister is not very paperwork/computer savvy, and my younger sister had to a lot for her when her husband passed away.

It certainly doesn't help that most places have closed their offices and everything needs to be done on line. It makes me realize how lost someone with limited English or reading ability would feel, and no wonder they slip through the cracks for benefits, etc.

BigBertha1 Tue 25-Oct-22 07:15:40

The woman in Specsavers recycling my details were correct barked 'Ethnicity' at me. I said 'well that hasn't changed'. She was not amused.

Llamas99 Tue 02-May-23 00:25:54

I have the same problems that you have. Impossible to rewire my brain to understand this new world.

Sparklefizz Tue 02-May-23 10:44:31

BigBertha1

The woman in Specsavers recycling my details were correct barked 'Ethnicity' at me. I said 'well that hasn't changed'. She was not amused.

Love it. grin

M0nica Tue 02-May-23 11:36:59

Your cheques will have a bnk address on them. That is what I use.

paddyann54 Tue 02-May-23 12:47:41

lathyrus dont worry about the doctor get it seen .

I speak as the woman who as a newly wed sent my 20 year old husband to the doctor with a "lump" in his chest .
The GP was very kind she examined him and told him it was....his ribs,but not to worry about coming back if I found anything else that worried me .I've never lived it down and its 48 years ago

pascal30 Tue 02-May-23 14:38:27

Sparklefizz

BigBertha1

The woman in Specsavers recycling my details were correct barked 'Ethnicity' at me. I said 'well that hasn't changed'. She was not amused.

Love it. grin

obviously a lot brighter than her..

LRavenscroft Tue 02-May-23 14:44:37

We are having this problem with a certain famous high street bank. They have taken all their cashiers off the cash desks and installed automatic machines. The queue for the one cashier left is 15 deep and it takes an hour to get to them. If you want to do something more than just pay in or take out you have to wait for ages for someone to be available. They are trying to get everyone on line. If you phone you end up in a cul de sac with 'Please check our website' when you want to ask a simple question. Shocking!

M0nica Tue 02-May-23 15:42:08

Fine when the machines work. Ishop for a friend who gives me a cheque each week. For some reason the machine struggles tonread her writing.

DH has just returned from a trip to the bank, the machine struggles to read my writing as well.

Before we go all automatic they need to improve the technology.

Allsorts Wed 31-May-23 05:27:34

I think this drive to get everyone on line and talking to robots and dealing with automated advisors is disgusting. I am ok on a computer and drive, but know loads that are not, lots relying on already busy members of family to sort out things they could do themselves, if all the banks hadn't gone and the showrooms off the High Street.

grandMattie Wed 31-May-23 05:50:29

BigBertha1

The woman in Specsavers recycling my details were correct barked 'Ethnicity' at me. I said 'well that hasn't changed'. She was not amused.

I had something equivalent when asked for proof of age again for a discount when paying for my AE Spanish classes. I replied that as far as I was aware, age went forwards and it backwards, so I wasn’t suddenly going to get younger. I was never asked again!