Why are all the derogatory comments about old grannies never Grandads?

Marydoll

Believe it or not, I had a similar situation today.

I had a gas emergency, (very long story) called the national hotline to report it, was told by the call handler to contact my provider, because he couldn't help.🤬
I called my provider and after a 9 minute wait, I was advised to immediately phone a certain number, because it was an emergency. Guess what? That number was that same number I had phoned in the first place and been dismissed.
I read the riot act and defaulted into teacher mode, just like dealing with an obstructive difficult parent. it was so hard to remain polite.
Within an hour, the faulty gas meter, which sounded as if it was ready to explode (no exaggeration) was replaced with a spanking new one. It was my neighbour who heard it, as she was getting into her car.

Fortunately, as soon as I knew there was a problem, I shut off the gas and opened windows and doors. The third and final call handler was surprised that this elderly lady on Scottish Gas' vulnerable list had done all those things, prior to making the first phone call.
Thank goodness I still have most of my marbles.

Unfortunately, DH was on the golf course (there were a few naughty words said) and I was looking after my poorly granddaughter. It was also blooming freezing! ❄
Guess when DH arrived? Immediately after it was all resolved.

Good grief - how scary. Your neighbour heard the faulty meter?

Boy oh boy, you really do have to be your own advocate these days.

I'm on British Gas' 'vulnerable' list - hmm, I must remember your experience for future reference.

This lark of being passed around a ring of telephone numbers only to end up being told to contact the number you rang in the first place is becoming a regular occurrence. As you said previously, what do people do who don't have the mental or emotional stamina to put their foot down?

Glad you got it sorted out - but one can really do without all this trouble. It shouldn't be like this!

Believe it or not, I had a similar situation today.

I had a gas emergency, (very long story) called the national hotline to report it, was told by the call handler to contact my provider, because he couldn't help.🤬
I called my provider and after a 9 minute wait, I was advised to immediately phone a certain number, because it was an emergency. Guess what? That number was that same number I had phoned in the first place and been dismissed.
I read the riot act and defaulted into teacher mode, just like dealing with an obstructive difficult parent. it was so hard to remain polite.
Within an hour, the faulty gas meter, which sounded as if it was ready to explode (no exaggeration) was replaced with a spanking new one. It was my neighbour who heard it, as she was getting into her car.

Fortunately, as soon as I knew there was a problem, I shut off the gas and opened windows and doors. The third and final call handler was surprised that this elderly lady on Scottish Gas' vulnerable list had done all those things, prior to making the first phone call.
Thank goodness I still have most of my marbles.

Unfortunately, DH was on the golf course (there were a few naughty words said) and I was looking after my poorly granddaughter. It was also blooming freezing! ❄
Guess when DH arrived? Immediately after it was all resolved.

Marydoll

I am fortunate that the GPs I usually see are on the ball and take time to listen to what I have to say.
I suspected I was being dismissed as an old biddy nuisance by the trainee.
I went home, phoned my cardiologist, lo and behold, he contacted the surgery and an experienced GP organised another face to face appointment, which resulted in three different consultants being involved.
I often wonder how those who are less robust and savvy deal with this dismissive and ageist attitude, not only in medical situations, but in every day life.

I was wondering the same Marydoll.

Not everyone, regardless of age, has the tenacity to deal with these situations - and they are often 'hurried' appointments with a lot of information being thrown at you which you don't have the time to digest.

I've found most medical professionals considerate though and willing to listen, but I've had a couple of unpleasant experiences - and one was definitely because the person I was dealing with had an 'attitude' towards older people. In fact, it was that bad I decided to report it, but I was so ill at the time that I couldn't face it and it's too late now. I did however mention it to a ward sister in another hospital who I knew slightly. She wasn't at all shocked and told me she'd heard similar stories and would report it along the 'grapevine'.

I am fortunate that the GPs I usually see are on the ball and take time to listen to what I have to say.
I suspected I was being dismissed as an old biddy nuisance by the trainee.
I went home, phoned my cardiologist, lo and behold, he contacted the surgery and an experienced GP organised another face to face appointment, which resulted in three different consultants being involved.
I often wonder how those who are less robust and savvy deal with this dismissive and ageist attitude, not only in medical situations, but in every day life.

Marydoll

I had that same attitude with a GP trainee a few weeks ago. She won't do that again in a hurry.
I politely reminded her that she had omittted to organise some blood tests, which are a requirement of meds I am on.
On checking my record, she promptly backtracked.

So it's a good job you were on-the-ball then isn't it?... some meds require regular blood tests - especially those tests that are needed to check the body's ability metabolise certain drugs.
Good for you!

I had that same attitude with a GP trainee a few weeks ago. She won't do that again in a hurry.
I politely reminded her that she had omittted to organise some blood tests, which are a requirement of meds I am on.
On checking my record, she promptly backtracked.

Marydoll

It was the dismissive tone and manner of the nurse who was treating me, as if I was incapable of understanding and in my dotage, which annoyed me.
I have already stated that I fully understand it is a medical categorisation.

Yes, I get that. I've also heard that dismissive "tone" on the odd occasion. Hard to define exactly, but you know it when you hear it.

DaisyAnneReturns

Dickens
You are inventing and then assigning motives to me

The words mote and eye come to mind when reading this. I admit the BBC put it better than I did but I was actually, and in passing, showing a brief concern for lack of digital inclusion and for digital poverty and how "grannies" may allow themseves to become deskilled and, therefore, less independent. Except I didn't put all that because that wasn't the topic of the thread, just a remark in passing.

But all you and others can focus on is the use of the word "grannies" on a forum called Gransnet!

And here you go again Dickens
I have simply explained why I believe that demographic labels attached to people denies their individuality and their possible capabilities and can be a form of stereotyping. You know as well as I do that "grannies" are not a homogenous group any more than "mums" or "dads" are.

What did any of that matter at the time? Or to be honest - now?

I really do see the "older women" of the past, leaning across the back fence, hand hiding mouth, saying "did you hear her say (whispered word). It would then continue as an attempt to destroy all those who didnt follow what they believed should be societies rules. Now we are all much better educated and you can do personal attacks for not obeying what you believe should now preoccupy society, on forums. No hand in front of the mouth because we can sound as if we have studied this and are some sort of expert.

Life is not perfect. I am not perfect. You are not perfect but I do wish the nitpicking of the vocabulary of others would stop.

The OP asks When did the word granny become shorthand for all the bad things about aging. For many, if not most it didn't and it hasn't. But you and a few others are determined to tell us why we are using the "wrong" word.

DAR
I think the picking out of words as "verboten" and the way that you - the groups who do this without any authority - do, is far worse than "over the top".

Pray tell me where I have said that words should be forbidden? You can't, because I haven't. I have explained why I personally object to them. It's not a decree, It is an opinion, is all. Everyone and anyone is free to use whatever terminology they choose - as I am likewise free to say why I might object to it.

I'm still waiting to hear from you which extremes I am "blindly" following... Why do you always have to blindly follow each and every new extreme? ???

You've accused me of extremism previously. I don't align with any political party - and certainly not the extreme ends of them. I am neither Right nor Left. So, again, please give me the evidence of my extremism, or kindly stop accusing me of it, please.

The OP asks When did the word granny become shorthand for all the bad things about aging. For many, if not most it didn't and it hasn't. But you and a few others are determined to tell us why we are using the "wrong" word.

NO - I am not telling you or anyone else that you are using the wrong word. I am explaining why I personally object to the stereotyping that I think the word portrays. IT IS AN OPINION which you are free to ignore or debate.

No one is "nitpicking" or "bullying". The OP proposed an opinion, we have all contributed what we think on the matter. Some agree, some don't. Neither have decreed what we should or should not say in future. For goodness' sake, it's just a flippin' debate as is usual on such threads.

A spanner in the works and arguments we do use grandpa in a derogatory way,how about the stream on here" Grandads shed",you can even buy a ladybird book of the title we have one in the house. When asked by `DD's "Wheres Dad ?' I always say in his shed. He might be in the study or the small sitting room but the family know if we say in his shed he wants to be left alone.

Dickens
You are inventing and then assigning motives to me

The words mote and eye come to mind when reading this. I admit the BBC put it better than I did but I was actually, and in passing, showing a brief concern for lack of digital inclusion and for digital poverty and how "grannies" may allow themseves to become deskilled and, therefore, less independent. Except I didn't put all that because that wasn't the topic of the thread, just a remark in passing.

But all you and others can focus on is the use of the word "grannies" on a forum called Gransnet!

And here you go again Dickens
I have simply explained why I believe that demographic labels attached to people denies their individuality and their possible capabilities and can be a form of stereotyping. You know as well as I do that "grannies" are not a homogenous group any more than "mums" or "dads" are.

What did any of that matter at the time? Or to be honest - now?

I really do see the "older women" of the past, leaning across the back fence, hand hiding mouth, saying "did you hear her say (whispered word). It would then continue as an attempt to destroy all those who didnt follow what they believed should be societies rules. Now we are all much better educated and you can do personal attacks for not obeying what you believe should now preoccupy society, on forums. No hand in front of the mouth because we can sound as if we have studied this and are some sort of expert.

Life is not perfect. I am not perfect. You are not perfect but I do wish the nitpicking of the vocabulary of others would stop.

The OP asks When did the word granny become shorthand for all the bad things about aging. For many, if not most it didn't and it hasn't. But you and a few others are determined to tell us why we are using the "wrong" word.

sodapop

I absolutely agree Dickens when you say that demographic labels attached to people denies their individuality. That is why I dislike " the disabled" or " the elderly".

sodapop - but if you are using "the disabled" or "the elderly" in the context of, say, the planning of organisational structures and access to various facilities, then it's relevant.

But I do understand what you mean - I can imagine that anyone who has a disability might wince when being referred to as "the disabled" - there are varying degrees of disability and capability for a start, but it's a necessary distinction if, for example, we are talking about the effects of spending cuts and their effect on the disabled, the elderly, and "the poor". These are specific references for specific purposes. It's the casual and cultural use of terms like "grannies", "mums" (especially if they are blonde!) etc, that just stereotype. If you are a 'granny' - you are a granny to your family, to the rest of the world, you are an individual - or should be.

Hey ho, this is just my opinion - it doesn't mean I'm right in it, I'm just throwing it into the discussion together with the reasons why I hold such an opinion.

It was the dismissive tone and manner of the nurse who was treating me, as if I was incapable of understanding and in my dotage, which annoyed me.
I have already stated that I fully understand it is a medical categorisation.

Marydoll

sodapop

I absolutely agree Dickens when you say that demographic labels attached to people denies their individuality. That is why I dislike " the disabled" or " the elderly".

Ditto! ....or the nurse, who at 60, said to me, ^ Oh we give this to all our geriatric patients^. I had a responsible full time job, but he was so dismissive.

I do understand that it is the medical term for the elderly, but I didn't like it!

I think that being categorised - medically - as "geriatric" (60+ I believe) is quite acceptable. Because there are unique problems associated with ageing and a branch of medicine = Geriatrics - deals with them!

Same as there are also diseases etc that affect men and women differently - or pregnant women, or new mothers, teenagers, etc. etc. I think that's quite different from (for example) "blonde mum-of-three rescues puppy from drowning"... which is a headline I saw years ago now in a local newspaper! Have you ever seen a strap-line, "blond dad-of-three?

... or, "granny fights off intruder by hitting him with her handbag"... OK, I made that one up .

Being labelled "geriatric" by the medical profession might come as a bit of a shock when you're aged 60, fit and healthy - but, medically, it's relevant!

sodapop

I absolutely agree Dickens when you say that demographic labels attached to people denies their individuality. That is why I dislike " the disabled" or " the elderly".

Ditto! ....or the nurse, who at 60, said to me, ^ Oh we give this to all our geriatric patients^. I had a responsible full time job, but he was so dismissive.

I do understand that it is the medical term for the elderly, but I didn't like it!

I absolutely agree Dickens when you say that demographic labels attached to people denies their individuality. That is why I dislike " the disabled" or " the elderly".

that is not an argument, that is not debate, it is simply confrontational. You are playing the man instead of the ball., I have never heard this before, but will certainly be using it in the future!

DaisyAnneReturns

It seems we agree that this whole subject is "over the top" Dickens.

I think the picking out of words as "verboten" and the way that you - the groups who do this without any authority - do, is far worse than "over the top".

You, Dickens, appear to think those opposing those trying, without any jurisdiction, to silence others, are "over the top" in their complaints.

If I seem, in your eyes, to be "over the top" on this subject, it is because I feel this is a form of bullying. It happens all over-the internet, usually by cliques or groups, containing people who don't present themseves as either linguists or psychologists, and is both excessive and unacceptable.

You are inventing and then assigning motives to me - and then arguing against those motives.

I have not decreed any words to be "verboten". I have simply explained why I believe that demographic labels attached to people denies their individuality and their possible capabilities and can be a form of stereotyping. You know as well as I do that "grannies" are not a homogenous group any more than "mums" or "dads" are. People are quite free to disagree with me, as I am with them. It's an exchange of opinion - I supported mine with my reasons, that is all.

From this you have extrapolated "extremism" and accused me of following "each and every new extreme". Though you have not elaborated on this 'extremism'' nor backed up the accusation with any evidence. Disagreeing with you does not make me an extremist. Nor does it mean that I am attempting to "silence" anyone. As I said, these are all motives that you have concluded, attributed them to me - and then verbally berated me for holding them! Which is quite absurd.

Also your general accusations - presumably to those who hold opposing views to your own - of lacking a backbone, "whingeing" and "wimpishness" is, quite frankly, goading, and you should not be surprised that such insults garner a reaction.

Why don't you debate what is actually said, rather than attempting to find ulterior motives from somewhere inside your head with which to berate me? I explained rationally why I didn't like 'group' labels... you're perfectly at liberty to disagree with my argument with one of your own. Your only response was, so what.

... that is not an argument, that is not debate, it is simply confrontational. You are playing the man instead of the ball.

It seems we agree that this whole subject is "over the top" Dickens.

I think the picking out of words as "verboten" and the way that you - the groups who do this without any authority - do, is far worse than "over the top".

You, Dickens, appear to think those opposing those trying, without any jurisdiction, to silence others, are "over the top" in their complaints.

If I seem, in your eyes, to be "over the top" on this subject, it is because I feel this is a form of bullying. It happens all over-the internet, usually by cliques or groups, containing people who don't present themseves as either linguists or psychologists, and is both excessive and unacceptable.

Where I was born grandmas were called mother or even mud or ma, and no one found it offensive. I don't care what mine call me but it's usually grandma and DH is granddad or grandpaw by the ones who lived abroad or maybe a silly old bat behind my back which I was caught calling mine.

DaisyAnneReturns

Dickens
When you identify a person based on the demographic they are in, you immediately, to some extent, remove their uniqueness, their individuality.

So what?

People are both individuals and members of group. Groups can constrain us but they also sustain us. Individualism can lend us agency or it can leave us lonely and alone.

Why do you always have to blindly follow each and every new extreme? Why despise naturally occurring groups while belonging to a fabricated one which seems to want you to destroy, at least verbally, those who do not agree with your group.

Whatever happened to "live and let live.

Why do you always have to blindly follow each and every new extreme?

Huh? Do I? What "extremes" would those be then?

Why despise naturally occurring groups while belonging to a fabricated one which seems to want you to destroy, at least verbally, those who do not agree with your group.

Erm, I was questioning your assumptions; arguing the point; quizzing your use of terms like "whingeing" and accusations of "wimpishness"! Good Grief - I'm not trying to "destroy" anything, LOL! And I'm not in a "group" - that's the whole point!

I think you've gone rather over the top on this

Dickens
When you identify a person based on the demographic they are in, you immediately, to some extent, remove their uniqueness, their individuality.

So what?

People are both individuals and members of group. Groups can constrain us but they also sustain us. Individualism can lend us agency or it can leave us lonely and alone.

Why do you always have to blindly follow each and every new extreme? Why despise naturally occurring groups while belonging to a fabricated one which seems to want you to destroy, at least verbally, those who do not agree with your group.

Whatever happened to "live and let live.

There does seem to be a spate of wimpishness on GN, a lack if backbone. There are words that people need to learn about but that will come over time but really, a fuss over one granny using "grannies" to describe a group on "Gransnet" is petty and childish. The more you make a fuss over comparatively little things, the less people will listen to the really important ones.

DAR

When you identify a person based on the demographic they are in, you immediately, to some extent, remove their uniqueness, their individuality.

The popular media do this frequently. They will report on an incident, or event, which happened to a "mum-of-three" - even though the event or incident may be totally irrelevant to the fact that the woman is a mother. But once the woman has been identified as a "mum" then automatic assumptions will be made about her. They do the same with "dads" too.

And so it is with "grannies". When a particular product is advertised- "grannies will love this simple-to-operate device", the assumption is that those in this age-group aren't able to grasp modern technology. The reality is that there are many people in a wide variety of age groups who, for various reasons, have problems with modern technology.

I don't lose any sleep over it - nor give it much thought unless the subject comes up, as it has on here, because I like to "delve" into these things. My vertebrae is quite intact and I only become a 'wimp' when the dentist reminds me it's time for a check-up.

Neither do I believe that exploring something like the issue posted by the OP should be deemed "whingeing" if one happens to hold a sympathetic view and wants to enlarge on it. That's a tactic sometimes used by those who want to invalidate others' opinions by denigrating the person, and I'm quite surprised at you using it.

I tried a Clouche hat on yesterday and My partner said it look like a Granny’s hat ….I said noooooo I’m a Nana (50’s)😂😂😂

I’m known as Grandma to my 22 month old Granddaughter.
I love it as not keen on the more modern version as Nana.

I'm proud to be a granny. My DiL 's maternal grandmother was known as granny and I hope to be a bit like her as she is a lovely lady. I wouldn't want to be grandma as that is the name my MiL chose and I don't want to be like her. I was concerned that the other granny might want that name, and she did, but it seems to work fine with both of us being granny. The children don't seem to be confused by it. As for the connotations of being old and doddery, I tend to suggest that about myself and people say "you're not old" and seem surprised I'm the age I am! Long may it continue!