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Everyday Ageism

Why are all the derogatory comments about old grannies never Grandads?

(154 Posts)
Cambsnan Tue 31-Oct-23 14:20:23

When did the word granny become shorthand for all the bad things about aging? A grandad is never used in this way! I became a grandma in my 40s and don’t feel old even 25 years on.

nanna8 Wed 01-Nov-23 22:33:19

Here they tend to respect older men and women, a different vibe if you like. I am really glad I don’t live in the UK judging by some of the comments. I think the many people from China,Malaysia, Vietnam,etc have influenced us in a very good way.

Oreo Wed 01-Nov-23 22:07:18

Thank you Doodledog for stating the facts of the matter,

I think older women are the most looked down on in society in a way that men never are.

Doodledog Wed 01-Nov-23 20:53:52

Not strictly true, DAR. You were 'called out' because you said that you got your news from podcasts and other online sources unlike 'grannies' who were averse to clicking on links, creating a 'huge division in knowledge'.

I don't understand what you mean by 'there was reasoned concern for me quoting this cohort', but what you posted came across as very superior. On a board set up for over 50s the term 'grannies' was used as a pejorative. You implied that older people only used 'mainstream media' and thus were less well-informed than those who, like yourself, used 'modern sources', as though the 'modern sources' are immune from bias.

Anyway, GN etiquette discourages people dragging arguments from thread to thread, so I'll say no more - I just wanted to say that Oreo wasn't deliberately manipulating anything, (and I can't see any way in which the OP has done so either).

Galaxy Wed 01-Nov-23 19:30:48

I am afraid that aggressive men are currently using those insults to try to dismiss the views of women on safeguarding, prostitution, etc ( basically any issue that benefits men). In my experience men who use those insults tend to be worrying to say the least.

Baggs Wed 01-Nov-23 19:23:49

The MeToo movement was and is not about petty name-calling, M0n.

Standing up to real abuse is a quite different matter from dismissing dismissive comments as simply not worth one's attention – even if one does notice them "all the time" all over the place, which I never have.

DaisyAnneReturns Wed 01-Nov-23 19:17:36

No, it isn't GSM.

You didn't have to call me out Oreo; you are not GNHQ. You chose to, and I have to say I found your objection to the plural for grans on a forum entitled "Gransnet" quite ridiculous.

Many members of Gransnet have said they don't like to "click on links".
There was, of course, reasoned concern for me quoting this cohort and "clicking on links". You ignored this concern in what seemed a deliberately manipulative way (just as this thread is). You chose to ignore the point I made in order to harangue me instead.

I would guess one reason a group of older women are more often called grannies is that they self-identify with their grannydom more than men do. With the days of women being only identified by their relationships with their children and husbands dying out, I imagine this way of identifying this particular group will die out as well, all in good time.

Playing the 'prefect' on GN is not a good look. It is not a position GN or its "grannies" has elected anyone to.

JaneJudge Wed 01-Nov-23 19:06:28

maybe hail stone is the equivalent gran version of snowflake? smile

Germanshepherdsmum Wed 01-Nov-23 17:17:11

I just don’t notice it - that’s not ‘I’m all right Jack’.

Jackiest Wed 01-Nov-23 17:14:27

Or is it we notice insults that are directed at us more easily than those that are directed at grumpy old men.

M0nica Wed 01-Nov-23 17:06:12

Older women are often targeted for various insults. It's often because they are good at establishing boundaries and saying no

If only, too often they are chosen because they are an easy target and do not answer back, especially if they are no longer mentally at their best and have physical problems.

There seems to be an awful lot of 'I'm alright Jack' about many of the responses.

Doodledog Wed 01-Nov-23 15:59:27

Oh, I can deal with it grin.

That doesn't mean that I can't recognise it as dismissive and ageist though - the two things are far from mutually exclusive.

Allsorts Wed 01-Nov-23 15:50:52

I don’t take offence at all, I used to think 30 was ancient at 18.

M0nica Wed 01-Nov-23 15:45:24

There are some here, like me, who can deal with stupid dismissive remarks about age or sex like swatting flies.

But there are many who can't and #Me Too movement and other ground swell campaigns happen because people like me and others, are prepared to step forward on every woman or old persons behalf and stop the casual thoughless pejorative use of words like 'grans'

JaneJudge Wed 01-Nov-23 12:32:38

Galaxy

Older women are often targeted for various insults. It's often because they are good at establishing boundaries and saying no.

This is so true

Doodledog Wed 01-Nov-23 12:20:30

I would like to be called Granny if I have grandchildren, which I really hope to when my children are older.

That's not the point.

Calling a woman Karen if her name is Karen is very different from calling someone called Ermintrude 'a Karen' because you don't like something she's said and your vocabulary doesn't stretch to using a non-cliched insult. This is very similar, IMO.

rafichagran Wed 01-Nov-23 11:36:43

I am a proud Gran to 3. My friend is a Nan, what does it matter.
If Gran or Granny is used as a pejorative, it does not affect me.

nanna8 Wed 01-Nov-23 11:19:24

Teenagers, grannies, grandads, yuppies, bogans, groupies, yummy mummy, woke, leftie, there’s a lot. Some others which are not worth repeating because they are unpleasant. We do tend to categorise. Granny is not that bad compared with some of the foul things people come up with. I actually have to admit
I quite like it thought I am nanna. My mum was really ,really proud to be called grannie, used it as much as she could.

Doodledog Wed 01-Nov-23 10:59:31

nanna8

We have a Grumpy Old Men social group near here. They just laugh it off and go with it so why shouldn’t we?

Being called a grumpy old woman is different from being called a granny though. Old women, grumpy or not are individuals defined by their age and sex (both immutable), and if they are being grumpy, fair enough - we are all grumpy from time to time. We are not all grannies, and if we are, that is not the only thing that defines us.

What is the collective name for a group of 35 year old men?

Norah Wed 01-Nov-23 10:55:27

Baggs

*Just listen Bluebelle, you hear it all the time, in conversation and in the media*

Not the sort of media I read or listen to or the sort of conversations I hear 🤷

I never hear negative granny references, but I tend to a positive view.

Baggs Wed 01-Nov-23 10:40:20

Just listen Bluebelle, you hear it all the time, in conversation and in the media

Not the sort of media I read or listen to or the sort of conversations I hear 🤷

Norah Wed 01-Nov-23 10:37:03

Cambsnan

When did the word granny become shorthand for all the bad things about aging? A grandad is never used in this way! I became a grandma in my 40s and don’t feel old even 25 years on.

We were GP before age 40. We'd babies and GC the same year - our own children are in 2 groups about 20 years apart. They call me by the name our first GC formulated. Doesn't seem shorthand for aging - I'm not offended.

nanna8 Wed 01-Nov-23 08:47:19

We have a Grumpy Old Men social group near here. They just laugh it off and go with it so why shouldn’t we?

Nannarose Wed 01-Nov-23 08:31:09

Yes, it is the references to sex (and some other things) that make me smile, when you think what most of us have experienced!
But really, any stereotype makes me wince. Sure, occasionally as an ironic joke with someone you know, but otherwise, make no assumptions!

Doodledog Wed 01-Nov-23 08:30:59

Every generation likes to distance itself from the one before (‘Don’t trust anyone over 30’grin), and moan about the one after. It’s the law. Plus, when people discover sex (or first love, at least) they really can’t imagine that anyone has ever felt like that before. It’s too intense to be anything other than a one-off thing, never before experienced by anyone ever before.

It’s like when you have your first baby - oh yes, all those other people have babies too, but they aren’t like yours, are they?

JackyB Wed 01-Nov-23 08:21:40

What I don't understand is when young people get embarrassed or, stranger still make jokes about Grandma hearing or seeing anything to do with sex. Or they giggle that old ladies know, say or do anything "naughty". How do they think we became Grandmas? Have they no idea about what went on in the 60s?