People trying to "help"! And my reaction ....

In Malta we say that if an egg had two handles, it would be better for two people to carry it. Help is not always offered, and sometimes, it is churlish to refuse it, even though we can manage without it. It's nice if someone gives up the seat on a bus, or carries your bag if you are going the same way. I, for one, don't offer again if someone refuses first time. If it makes a person happy, yes, I allow them to 'help' me cross the road. Next time, I may be the one to decide to help someone across, and I would be disappointed and hurt if they shooed me away.

I love nothing more than a man holding the door open for me to enter first. But try this - when you know a man is behind you going in the same direction, hold the door for him. I smile and say “after you.”

The reactions are priceless! It can go any way - they either pass through, say Thanks and scurry on… or they stop and still insist on holding it for you.

I love turning the tables sometimes, just for the reactions.

Hennahead, you do sound a bit of a bitch actually. Do you have any manners ? If so please be kind and use them towards the people with their kind offers to help you. As you say you are an intelligent woman surely you can realise that you are looking as an elderly, disabled woman, unfortunately probably not youthful as you wish.
Please respect the kind offers of help towards you and be pleasant, I’m sure you could manage that.

Don't fret about it - just take it for what it is - an offer of help. Hence a "yes please - you are too kind", or a "no it's okay, I can manage thanks", is all that you need to say. Would you/could you just walk past someone who you thought was struggling, with asking them a similar question? I couldn't.

Cossy. Oh dear, you do sound like you’re Stalin some days and I honestly believe people are just being kind and think they’re helping. A brief smile and a no thank you will suffice smile
——-
I do hope you were not referring to me
The guy in question waited while I got up and commented that he wished his mum had half my determination and laughed when I said I needed help to get down and helped me
Guess it depends how well you know the person and this guy has been with me for four years

I got on a crowded bus the other day and I am quite capable of standing for the two mile journey home …but a schoolboy of about 12 I’d say, jumped up and offered me his seat…I took it …I thought how well brought up he was, and wouldn’t have offended him for the world. I hope his parents are proud of him .
I dont drive and walk or bus most places …
so 30-40 miles a week is nothing to me …. but I’ll always accept a politely offered lift by car but only if I know the person. Never would I accept lift from stranger .

My local railway station has two platforms. On the return journey we have to climb a fairly steep set of steps in order to reach the bridge to cross over the rails before descending on the other side. Every time I have done this, a kind man has offered to carry my bags for me. I am always very grateful. I am nowhere near old age but l appreciate it very much.

I was educated in a Catholic girls' school in the 70s. Helping others, giving up your seat etc was drummed into us from age 11, and 50 years on, I still do it. Having struggled myself with suitcases, pushchairs, toddlers, been on crutches with broken bones, I have always been so grateful when people offered to help, human kindness. Lookimg out for each other . We need more, not less.

I receive all offers of help with gratitude whether I need them or not. A ‘thank you, that’s kind of you’ costs nothing, even if help is not required. A polite refusal and thanks if I don’t need it. I hope good manners are automatic to me; it is the way I was brought up after all!

When someone offers help and is kind, I don't see it as patronising. We need more kindness not less. If you do not require assistance, just smile and say, thank you so much but I can manage. I will carry on as I always have, never had anyone rude I must admit when I've offered help and equally never been upset by someone offering it.

Adding to this, a few years ago I was in a record shop and saw a man holding a cd, which was almost touching his eyes as he was struggling to read it. He was obviously blind or partially sighted. I thinkasked him if he would mind if I read out the information for him. There was no hesitation with his yes, please. I think your reaction is very unfortunate and unusual, Hennahead, not to mention ungrateful. Most people only want to help. In our minds we still feel and would like to think we look as if we are still 21. The reality is that we are not and it really does not matter. We have to accept the fact that others' perception of us is very different and far more realistic from our own. I would never advocate going back to my grandparents' generation's idea of being elderly at fifty and old by sixty, dressing and behaving in a way that befitted this view but l think that they had some things right by accepting help graciously when it was offered. My grandparents were born between 1905 and 1916. Many, many things have changed for the better between their generation and ours but in our quest for eternal youth we have lost some things along the way.

fancythat

I am getting sick of things the other way around, personally.

People [men especially] can no longer
Open a car door for someone
Walk on the outside of a pavement

Women can no longer say
"are you alright chuck" or some such similar words

No one
can offer to help with IT
Offer an arm
Say hello over the garden fence
Say hello in a village street

Others can then become hurt, angry, humiliated, disempowered, insulted.

The world is becoming upside down.

Why should men walk on the outside of a pavement? It started as a protection for the other person from his sword. How many prople do you know wear them these days?

As for people not saying hello, I suggest you move. One of the things I live about our small market town is the pleasant smile or greeting you get as you move around it but I know other places that are not like that.

live love

people are just trying to be kind and don’t mean any harm. I’m in my 70s and have been disabled since I was a toddler. I am university educated, independent and look younger than my age. It can be a bit annoying to be asked if you can manage but , I’m sure , that it’s from a good place.Better than when I was a child when I was made fun of and made to feel shy or ashamed of my condition.

I always offer to help someone who is struggling. My precious granddaughter has a genetic illness with mobility issues and is presently using crutches, and a wheelchair if she is really suffering. I would hate to think that someone wouldn't offer help if she needed it.

Lots of really personal abuse on this thread. Is it really OK to call another gran -hennahead- a bitch? No.

Fancythat It all depends on whether you take any notice what other people say.

I went up to London and someone offered me a seat on the train, otherwise I would need to stand. I accepted with a smile.

I offer my seat to people who need it more - a mother, holding a baby, for instance, or someone disabled.

Common sense ought to be your guide and compassion for others.

They have the right idea in Istanbul. When I had to stand on the crowded Metro my white hair was soon spotted and I was always offered a seat. One elderly local lady, dressed head to toe in black, climbed aboard, biffed a young lad on the shoulder and demanded his seat. He obliged, albeit sheepishly.

I’m over 65 (just!) and have had mobility issues since I was in my 50’s. Twice a year I would take the train to see my sister. If it wasn’t for the many kind people who offered to help me, I would have struggled to make it across London on the tube. I’ve always been grateful and never felt patronised. I feel that if you don’t require help, a polite no thank you and maybe a smile would be the way to go. Snapping someone’s head off for being kind is both unkind and rude.

It can be a bit annoying to be asked if you can manage

It astonishes me that people get annoyed, even bit, about such trivia. Someone who doesn't know one or one's background makes a judgment (guess, if you prefer) from what they see of a situation in a second or two and offers help in, most likely, a Good Samaritan way. What's not to like?

Annoyed, grumpy people, get over yourselves, for goodness' sake!

*even a bit

I can't work out whether such attitudes are down to low self-esteem or grandiose self-esteem. Yeesh!

Haven't people got anything serious to worry about?

I am 81 today and I am the one offering my seat to another elderly person who is not as fit as I am because as sure as eggs are eggs, the younger people I have come across don't offer because they are on their mobile phones.

Happy birthday TurtleDove🎂💐

My brother volunteers for the National Trust. I was surprised when he told me in their training they are told not to offer assistance to visitors who appear to be disabled unless the person asks for it themselves as they might find it patronising.
Thought it sounded like political correctness gone mad but it seems they’ve got a point.