People trying to "help"! And my reaction ....

Some people still like to feel independent and are only grateful for help when requested.

I think all people like to feel independent, but a stranger can't be expected to know what your individual issues are.
So they may offer help or the wrong kind.
My neighbour once ironed all my tea towels for me.

Just say - in a nice way and with a smile - no thank you, I can manage. People are just being friendly you know 😊

It amazes me that you could be so rude and overreacting to a bit of kindness. Maybe you need to change the way you react to be offered help as one day you may need it

I always chastise self but really hate it when people stand up and offer their seat. I do appreciate the kindness the courtesy the manners but still just simply hate it. Respond with grace of course and thank profoundly but shiver indignantly but secretly. Love it though when muscular beefcakes take my usually extra heavy cases off the carousel. Obv am a hypocrite but managed to forgive self.

I swear at myself, and give myself stern talkings to.
Under my breath.

Also is the OP saying that anyone that does need the help (old or not) is an 'old has been'? See, you've to be aware that what you're saying is also insulting or hurting others Hennahead- i too look youthful at 60 (good young- looking genes in our family) but also having osteoarthritis among other things, sometimes i DO need help, sometimes im ok- but if folk kindly offer i say either thank you and accept the help or on a better day i say no im fine but thank you.And as for in the bank well they ask everyone dont they? Theres always a person near the door in our bank whose job is to offer help as people come in, regardless of age or ability.Those who dont need it say 'no thanks' & go do it themselves.No need to be hurt & angry.🤔

It will be a sad day when people don’t offer to help. Perhaps just say “.thank you but I can manage”

Blooming difficult but you’ll never stop well meaning people offering to help ..,there maybe a day when you do indeed need help …All you can do is change Your attitude and as already said say thank you so much I got with a smile

*I got this

Snapping at people who offer help may put them off doing so again to others. Please don’t do it.

As an over 70 year old, on a trip to New York in 2019, I was surprised, impressed and pleased at how much help I was offered. I made my own way by subway from JFK to the holiday residence I was sharing with friends. At no point did I have to lift my suitcase onto escalators or up or down staircases by myself. Someone always offered to help. When we asked for directions, people looked on their phones to find directions/answers, and even offered to lead the way at one point. I was capable enough to do most things by myself, but it would have been rude to be unappreciative.

I for one was profoundly grateful to the lovely man who, without asking, just picked up my fairly heavy suitcase and carried it up a longish flight of steps at Victoria station.

I had come all the way from Dijon on my own, still had another train and a bus to catch, and was knackered.

Somebody did that for me at Victoria, too.
Most appreciated.

I for one was profoundly grateful to the lovely man who, without asking, just picked up my fairly heavy suitcase and carried it up a longish flight of steps at Victoria station.

I had the same, most welcome, assistance in London.
What was embarrassing though, was my husband watching from the top of the steps.
He'd just left me to it! 🙄

The people who are offering help see an older person who may be in need, Whether we once held down jobs as Secretaries, Accountants, Lawyers etc is irrelevant. Judgemental maybe but we also often judge younger people too, it goes both ways. It is lovely to know that there are still caring people around willing to offer assistance.

People can't win with you, can they Hennahead? I'm 58.

If they ignored you thinking ''silly old bag can do things without my help'' then you'd be moaning and groaning and tutting about ''typical younger generation, no manners'' etc. etc. but because some people have been kind enough to at least try to help, you see it as being patronized. Your ungrateful attitude is nasty and bitchy.

Did you sue the charm school?

I'm physically disabled and in excruciating pain 24/7/365, if someone offers to help, if it's just something basic like keeping my shopping bag open while I drop things into it, or just asking ''are you OK?'' then I very much appreciate any help offered.

''Thing is I am an intelligent, well educated woman not a person who needs looking after''. I'm not well educated, I only have 4 Basic Level 2 Certificates to my name as I'm not the academic type but I'm far from stupid and sometimes us ''mere uneducated commoners'' need help.

I am reminded of a screaming toddler stamping their feet at the effrontery of a grown up doing up their coat or shoes and yelling “Me do it” !

I agree with 'auntieflo'. I'm disabled but always thank people if they offer.

What's it coming too when an offer of assistance is thrown back as an insult. Just hope you never reach tge stage when a little bit if help would be useful and you are ignored. Be kind, say thank you, I'm okay, fine, can manage, and be grateful.

I do understand how you feel, but I'm afraid I'm one of those who tries to help. I sometimes feel a bit unsure of what the reaction will be, but I feel guilty if I don't offer....it is very difficult to judge. I am 67 years and still mobile, but Ireally don't like it when young shop assistants keep saying "Oh, Bless", when I am explaining what I want, but I suppose people mean well, really.

Well I guess the Op must feel well and truly chastised by now. If she's got any sense she's joined the Navy and run away to sea.

In Pompeii on a group trip (mainly single women age 50's to 70's) - I offered my arm to one lady who seriously not going to make the step up without assistance (upper age and clearly struggling), and I waited to offer my arm to the next lady, mid-60's with a very obvious disability (thinking cerebral palsy, both legs). "oh look, I've got my own cripple helper" she said. Loudly.

It was unexpected and unnecessary. A simple "I'm fine", maybe, or wave me off with a hand. "Cripple helper". I was miserable for the rest of the day. And horrified at myself for not being more sensitive. But the option would have been to have helped the first woman (who received arms from just about everyone else at different points of the tour) and then turn my back on the second woman - would that have been considered rude?

Miserable for the rest of the day, and absolutely avoidable.

Gosh. It has all been said. I had a year of being visibly disabled. Sometimes help was awkward (I prefer cars didn’t stop for me to cross, too much pressure) but mostly so welcome. I was so distressed at my disability and pain that kindness nearly undid me but also helped me feel life was worth it. I don’t think I’m “past it” and have just been to a funeral of the most wonderful woman who did everything despite a disability but she was unfailingly gracious when offered any support.