Out with the Old, In with the New

TaraLee yes I think times have changed a lot. I think they have changed both "nationality" and within individual families.

We lived in America for a while and we were amazed at the commercialisation of it (even 40 years ago). It was pretty low key over here in the UK at the time but that has certainly changed with Mother's Day everything now. This year even my gym had a Mother's day Spa day (where presumably the young mums would have been expected so work to service the other mums with massages and pedicures etc).

When I was young, like my contemporaries, I'd have made my mother a card but in our case my dad would have bought flowers (he was always SO excited and grateful to be a father that he was definitely "over the top" for a UK dad).

Then when I became a mother my parents wanted to make a big fuss of me - but I wanted to thank my own mum and let my young children "spoil" me with (often) burned toast, jam (which I don't like for breakfast) and not very nice tea etc!!

Since the death of my own mum I have appreciated my mother-in-law much more. It's only the last few years that I've lived close enough to visit her though.

I had five children and now all but one are living relatively close to me (within an hour). They tend to visit if they can and if not, may pop in one day over the next week or so.
This year they bought flowers from our local very lovely florist and which my husband collected when he picked up some for his mother.

My son who lives abroad called me at bedtime - presumably prompted by the photo of the flowers on the family WhatsApp!

I am sorry you were hoping for some recognition which didn't come.
I hope your husband held you close that day.
Those of us who still have loving husbands are truly blessed.

I think you are right TaraLee in that a lot has changed though.
I am happy my own adult children are the no1 in their own little family life though.
Them being loved and cherished is my insurance for their future happiness.
I do wonder if me being an "only" child when my parents wanted a bifg family made Mother's day more important somehow to my parents than I see it myself. They were certainly unusual amongst their friends.

I do not really remember Mothers Day being celebrated in any way when I was a child (1950s) and I do not remember any talk of Fathers day until the 1960s/70s (an American importation).

Mothers Day was something the priest might refer to in church in a sermon, talking about it as a something hat happened in the past whe servant girls had the day off and visited their mothers picking flowes as they went, but that was all..

My sister was a very good daughter, and she used to say, there shouldn't be a special day. Every day should be Mothers Day. Very true.

One of my children doesn’t believe Mothers or Father’s Day should be acknowledged so I don’t get so much as a text message 😢. That’s what his wife decided. Fortunately my other children still call or see me. That’s not the way he was brought up. Total disrespect in my book especially as I was a 1 parent family

Bellasnana

Lathyrus8 the OP was asking if this generation has changed. Clearly some of them have and others haven’t.

Are we only supposed to contribute if we are also feeling miserable and left out?

I think it’s possible to comment n the original post with sensitivity.

Triumphalist? I didn’t ‘get’that at all. Just happiness and grateful mothers. Oh well, some read one thing, some read others. I love all my children, grandchildren and great grandchildren but some I don’t see all that often. Nevertheless I feel they are all a blessing and I am grateful to God.

Bellasnanna What has disliking the triumphelist tone in Some posts got to do with jealous of other people's happiness.

You have got it completely back to front, neither I not anyone else feels any jealousy at all for those enjoying mothers day with all their family.

It is those who write their posts in a tone that makes it clear that they want either to make people jealous of how they spend mothers day with their familieso r that spending they day like that makes them somehow morally superior to the rest of us that I dislike.

As I said further up, not all writing about family parties write like that, but some undoubtedly do.

In response to the OP:

Yes. Mother’s Day has changed in lots of ways - some good, some not so good but I view it with the same attitude I have to people who can afford cruises or have holiday homes in the sun. I can’t afford any of that or a fancy new car but have I ever posted to criticise their enjoyment?
Of course not, in fact I enjoy hearing about the fruits of their labour as I count my blessings.

Lathyrus8 the OP was asking if this generation has changed. Clearly some of them have and others haven’t.

Are we only supposed to contribute if we are also feeling miserable and left out?

Thank you, Bellasnana for totally getting my point.

Hmm. I can see that it might be thought “mean-spirited “ not to be happy for the lively times others have with their families.

On the other hand Bellasnanna is a post where the OP is feeling unhappy and left out, quite the right place for someone to post about what a lovely inclusive time they are having with all their family.

Perhaps a separate thread might be more appropriate

The other side of the coin to mean spirited might just be insensitive?

Well I wish I’d never posted now. Are there really so many jealous people who can’t be happy for others and call it ‘virtue signalling’ or ‘smug self-satisfaction’?

We all have tragedies of one kind or another, and children who live far away. My own two eldest live 6,000 miles away as does my only granddaughter who I haven’t seen for three years but it doesn’t make me resent other families being able to have a lovely time together.

Honestly, I can’t believe how mean-spirited some commenters are.😞

Unfortunately merlotgran there is an element of smug self-satisfaction about some of the posts on the family mothersday parties, that somehow suggest that there is something lacking in your families if you do not also have a big family party. I am sure that does not apply to you.

If your family live too far away, or it is just not your family's tradition to make a big thing of Mothers day, is not a judgement of a family's worth or devotionto each other. It is merely exactly what it says on the tin - that your family live too far away or it is not the family tradition.

All these 'value signalling' family parties are all based on families all living close enough to each other to make them possible.

Value signalling? What’s that when it’s at home?

Yes I’m lucky to live ten minutes away from DD but it took the loss of my elder daughter and DH to prompt me to leave my home of fifty years and it took me all my courage to do it so THAT’s why the family make a big deal of Mother’s Day.

The day begins with me messaging my two grandsons who don’t live nearby and who will never again be able to treat their own mother to a special Sunday lunch. DD2 will never stop missing her sister so it’s a day tinged with sadness.

I’ll signal as much as I want that I’m still here to enjoy being a mother and grandmother, especially after a cancer scare and subsequent operation last year.

Mother’s Day is different for everyone. You do yours and I’ll do mine.

I was so fed up eith all the Mother's Day hype advertising and seeing prices rise as items had a piece of cellophane or sticker wit Mother's Dsy on it I told my DC not to send any gifts and defimitely not flowers. Both DC do not live near, even for a visit. I was happy both complied. Now I see all the junk in stores for Father's Day.

Nanny27

I'm going to stick my neck out here and say I think its rather sad when children forget about their own mothers as soon as they become parents themselves. It's so easy to feel a little sidelined as a mum once your children have left home and have children of their own. 'Elaborate gestures' are certainly not required but a card and a phone call shouldn't be too much to ask.

It is nto about 'forgetting' grandmothers, it is about prioritising younger children making the most of the day with their mothers.

All these 'value signalling' family parties are all based on families all living close enough to each other to make them possible. Many of us have AC living 100s of miles away, or with jobs with shift systems that make these events almost impossible.

I get a card, and I am quite happy with that.

TaraLee we also celebrate Mother’s Day here in Malta on the same day as the US (and most of Europe).

Back in the day I always cooked Sunday lunch and had my mother over whether it was Mother’s Day or not! Lovely, happy memories of all the family around the table, I enjoyed every minute and never would have wanted to go off somewhere with just my husband and children.

I’m glad to say history is repeating itself, last Sunday DD3, her husband, his brother and partner, in-laws and myself went out for a family lunch with our much loved twin grandsons. It was lovely to be included especially as I’m now a widow.

We just had Mother’s Day in Australia this last Sunday. We got together with some of our children and grandchildren at our house and had an afternoon tea and a good yack. Others live too far away but they did send a nice text at least. Usually we go out to a restaurant but we all liked this better, more relaxing.

I agree with you. My sons ex-partner celebrate with 3 generations of Mothers and family all together. When people talk about times change its not necessarily for the best and we are losing the point of families. There are alot of broken & disjointed families in the world. People are missing the point of these special days as it is a reminder to make an effort.

We also celebrated Mother's Day last Sunday. I see it as a day to show love and respect for mothers, whether young or old.

My son offered to take me out with his wife and kids to a buffet lunch, but they are very expensive and hard to get a reservation on MD. I suggested that he come by with fixings for brunch, and he and children could cook while DIL and I sat and had coffee. It was really nice. 11 year old made pancakes (I did the batter prior to them coming). 9 yr old set table and cut strawberries, DS did sausages and eggs. It was really nice. They also cleaned up afterwards.

Later that day I went to the cemetery to lay flowers on MIL's grave, since DH was out of town. My sis does this for our mother in my home town.

TaraLee, I would expect that your SIL let his wife have a nice Mother's day, but would expect a phone call or quick visit from her at some point in the day.

I think it's nice that my sons usually remember to send a well chosen card, give me a ring or bring some flowers over. I don't stress if they forget, they have busy lives. This year I got 3/3 which was very good, and we have a laugh about it. I expect my daughters in law to get priority with
their children at home. Our church celebrates all our lady attendees with daffodils and chocolates, making us all feel valued.

My thoughts exactly, I’ve always thought that these days were a silly idea, I’ve five children and although they do buy cards,flowers and visit I have always disencouraged it.

I agree with Nanny27

I am a mother and a grandmother but I'm fortunate to still be a daughter and daughter in law.

Visiting MIL involves a drive to far for DP to do there and back in a day nowadays, so we went to her city the day before. We stayed in a hotel, had a bit of a date night, then visited MIL in the home she is in in the morning. We then drive back, stopped at my mums, which is around halfway between the two.

My DD, the one who has blessed me with grandchildren, messaged me to tell me I was rude not to be home when she'd popped round! (Joking of course) We then made arrangements for me to pop in when we got to our home town.

DS has presents and cards waiting for me. Only middle child didn't bother.

I do think it's possible to be an adored mum AND pay homage in even just a small way to your own mum on Mothers Day.

Why not agree on another day, when you can feel special? I often see my daughter a week after or before, depending on her commitments. It's better to suggest this then feel sad!!