Out with the Old, In with the New

Are you in the USA?

Mothering Sunday was a while ago, in March, in the UK.

yes, USA.

And before anyone wonders if we have a good relationship, we do. Next weekend, they are dropping the kids off while they go away for their anniversary. Last week, we cared for the kids when their in-home childcare provider called in sick.

I rarely see my kids on Mother's day... not an issue for me.

It’s not so much as issue as a commentary on the “new wave”.

I have never really "got" the fuss made about Mothers' and Fathers' days.
If your grown-up children care for and about you, want to spend time with you then why does it require a special day?
Just get together at times which suit all of you!

Once my daughters had children of their own, they would see me with card and gift on the Saturday and let their children enjoy spoiling them on mother's day. Exactly as it should be I think.

I would have been happy with a card on Saturday.

But, it’s all good. Just different from when I was young. Things change.

‘Nuff said.

TaraLee you don't say how old your grandchildren are but I'm guessing they're quite young.

In that case I think Mother's Day is more about the little children having the opportunity, with their daddy's help, to look after, spoil and treat their mummy on her "special day."
They will probably have seen it advertised all around them and will be excited to take part.
It will be a special day for them as well and I think you could respect your son-in-law for taking this approach.

My husband and I did the same when our children were young, and my daughter and her partner do the same with their two now.

As adults we can take a broader perspective of these things surely?
(I do like receiving a card though!)

I’ve just got back from the USA. It is a much bigger deal over there than here TaraLee. I was totally thrown that camp,eye strangers, salespeople, waiters and bus drivers wished me Happy Mother’s Day.

I did actually remark to my friend that it could be quite hurtful and even devastating for some people who weren’t mothers or who had lost a child or were alone.

So I think where you live could be a big factor in the way you are feeling💐 I think lots of people in the UK wouldn’t expect to see their children on Monday Day.

Disappointed expectations are the root of all misery, it seems to me

camp eye - complete 😳

I personally see Mothering Sunday as a day mainly for mothers with children at home not mothers whose children are now adults and no longer live with them. However, I went to tea with DD and the GSs, her children gave her a card and flowers and she gave me a card and chocolates.

When I was child, in common with many people in the UK, we did not mark the day in any way as it is a Church of England special service day and we were not members of the CofE. As mentioned before, times change.

In my family it’s, ‘any excuse for a celebration,’ so on Mother’s Day we all (three generations) go out for lunch. DSiL drives so DD and I can enjoy the pre lunch cocktails and a glass or two of wine with the meal.

My grandchildren are all adults now so I get pressies from them as well. 🍾🥳

Thank you, Lathyrus3, for your perspective. I appreciate you.

I thought it was all about mums and children and, yes, the younger generation had precedence.

When my children were small, they made the day special for me and I sent my mother a card and spoke to her on the phone, my parents - and parents, and parents in law lived 60 miles away. Now I expect mothers day to be all about my grandchildren and their mother and I am happy just to have a card.

Its no big deal, I know my children care for me, so I do nto want extravagent gestures on mothers day.

I always included my DMiL in every family celebration especially Mother’s Day, as without her son I wouldn’t be a mother. My DD usually takes me out for afternoon tea after the actual day, which is lovely. Don’t see why your DH and SiL couldn’t have got their heads together and made it a special day for both you and your DD, after all you do so much for them.

I'm going to stick my neck out here and say I think its rather sad when children forget about their own mothers as soon as they become parents themselves. It's so easy to feel a little sidelined as a mum once your children have left home and have children of their own. 'Elaborate gestures' are certainly not required but a card and a phone call shouldn't be too much to ask.

I get what you are saying and when I was a Mum with young kids, the generations came together so no one got left out. I actually don’t mind too much but I find it difficult to understand why my son can’t do anything for me because his wife doesn’t have a mother. 🤷‍♀️

I remember hearing that Mother's Day is not about BEING a mother but about HAVING a mother. They are not around for ever and I have always felt sorry that I didn't get the time to spoil her.

I rarely saw my mother on Mothering Sunday once I was an adult. I lived usually a few hours away and had my own children too. I sent her a card and flowers and called her for a chat. My own daughters (all adult mums) do the same. I dont think twice about it to be honest. I dont think its a new phenomina

On the continent of Europe we celebrate mother's day at the same time as Americans do.

I don't know what the tendency is here.

I wasn't brought up to celebrate Mother's day and never expected my children to do so, as I have always regarded it as a stupid idea. After all, we had children because we wanted them, so why on earth should they be expected to celebrate us on Mother's and later Father's day?

My mum (in the UK) was firmly of the opinion that the way Mothering Sunday had developed into Mothers Day was all about big business seeing a sales opportunity, and luring people into spending money they could ill afford. When we were small, she would let us go and pick her a bunch of flowers, or make the lunch, as a treat for her, but nothing that Cost Money. Having said that I agree with the viewpoint that it makes a grand excuse to have a celebration if money is no problem! D-i-L goes totally over the top, planning her big day months in advance (the grandchildren have to fall into line). Many different views - but it is hard on childless people, especially those who really wanted children.

Why not agree on another day, when you can feel special? I often see my daughter a week after or before, depending on her commitments. It's better to suggest this then feel sad!!

I am a mother and a grandmother but I'm fortunate to still be a daughter and daughter in law.

Visiting MIL involves a drive to far for DP to do there and back in a day nowadays, so we went to her city the day before. We stayed in a hotel, had a bit of a date night, then visited MIL in the home she is in in the morning. We then drive back, stopped at my mums, which is around halfway between the two.

My DD, the one who has blessed me with grandchildren, messaged me to tell me I was rude not to be home when she'd popped round! (Joking of course) We then made arrangements for me to pop in when we got to our home town.

DS has presents and cards waiting for me. Only middle child didn't bother.

I do think it's possible to be an adored mum AND pay homage in even just a small way to your own mum on Mothers Day.

I agree with Nanny27