Feeding the grandkids. Man cannot live on toast (and cocopops) alone!

GraceQuirrel

I think fussy eaters are bred not born. Can you imagine years ago (I’m talking 50’s and 60’s back to when we lived in caves!) a child wanting to eat something different from the parents? Definitely did not happen in my house, I know what my dad would have said!
You give in once and that rod for your back has been made.

Didn't happen in your house but it happened. Doctors will tell you it happens, children used to die. The earliest known cases of anorexia nervosa were recorded in 1689 as Nervous Consumption to explain the wasting away of two children who weren't eating.

There are various reasons why children don't eat, it can be after an illness where the child has lost their appetite and don't seem to regain it, children with ASD who have issues with textures and children not eating from cultural input e.g. the desire to be thin or the desire for holiness or purification. One explanation for Elizabeth Barrett Brownings illness was Anorexia Nervosa. She became ill at 13.

I have 4 children and 3 were what people would describe as good eaters. Not fussy and would eat plenty, the fourth had serious problems. Hers started when she was ill with a serious chest infection at 13 months, she just lost the urge to eat. I have photos of her at 1 year old tucking into various foods with her brothers, by 14 months she was underweight and still losing. Her diet got more and more restricted until she had marmite sandwiches and one sort of yogurt that she would eat plus the cake our local baker made her every week. She would only eat small amounts and by 4 she was so underweight she was told quite bluntly by our GP that she would be going into hospital if she lost any more weight as she was in danger of her organs being damaged. With very careful management over the next ten years she gradually started to eat more, eat a wider variety and get to a normal weight.

So yes just imagine children have had eating disorders for hundreds of years, even when food was scarce.

Yammy

greenlady102

Yammy

I have the same problem with one set of GC. One lives on peanut butter and choc chip ice cream and will starve all day until someone gives in. not me I might add. The sibling was like this but now tries what they think is," grown-up food," steak, duck, broccoli, etc.
The one from the other family who attended nursery from a very young age just says I'll try and if I don't like please may I leave it.,I feel this is alright and they have quite a varied diet.

I think we see this from the "stressed adult" side of things but what about the "stressed child"?
You say "until someone gives in, not me I might add" as though this is a good thing.....IMO there shouldn't be "giving in" because it shouldn't be any kind of clash.

I don't give in because I never have to. I keep clear of all family issues be it food, bedtime or computers. My family know this and know it is their children and their problems and we do not interfere. I should have explained.
My grandmothers never interfered when I was a child my mother had sole control and I was allowed to often eat with an Italian relation who lived next door. If I had to stay at their house my grans asked what time was bedtime and I realised I went to bed then .
Mixed messages from different grans and parents can only cause confusion and make the child even more upset or manipulative which refusing food can be. My grandchild is fed when their parents feel they should be. They lay down the rules and I comply with them even when there were sleepovers and I would probably have disagreed with their decision.

what a lovely Gran you must be

I have no recent experience of this, so just throwing this in as a idea. Would he like cereal - porridge or any thing like that? Then he'd be getting milk (use whole milk) and grains with maybe more fruit and nuts. But agree with the others saying don't make a miserable thing of it. You are minding them and hoping they enjoy their time - the rest is optional.

I’m told I was very picky as a child, ate very little. At 75 I still don’t have an enormous appetite . I have led a busy and active life, am still enjoying a very healthy life. Don’t worry!!!!

Our family trick was sit the child next to there favourite person , only put food on there plate they liked, and there favourite had full meal its amazing how good it tastes from there plate and its grown up food ,the rest of the table pays no attention. Not a big deal then found it to work no matter there age .

I don’t think you should worry too much. Enjoy your time with them. One of my grandsons lived on pasta with cheese and green beans for a while at that age. He’s now a big strapping teenager with a big appetite and will eat anything except cheese ?

Don’t let it wear you down - they will be grown before you know it and this phase will have passed. They aren’t likely to starve - I would like to promote healthier and more varied eating but it’s like wasting your time - better to enjoy them while you can - their eating habits will change in time. I can remember a time when my stepson existed in chocolate cereal, hamburger or chicken nuggets - he is now a strapping, good looking and fit 36 year old !

My wonderful 9 yr old grandson is tiny in stature and has a tiny appetite. And, talk about fussy, his food has to be HIS brand, so no good buying a supermarket spaghetti, he will only eat a specific named spaghetti. His limited foods are fortunately fairly healthy choices. In contrast, his sister will eat anything, and when she's finished her food, she will very happily finish any food not eaten from other plates (she's small but very active). Both cook and love nothing more than to visit and be allowed to cook for us. Much easier for us!

When my grandchildren visit they know they will have meals they will eat Far less stressful for all involved

Been there done that and my 4 grandchildren are fine. 19, 17,14, and 11. Its for their mums to deal with and not your job. They grow up and more often than not survive quite well. Don't make a fuss treat it as if your not worried about food and chances are they won't be worried either about food.

Maybe a doggy bag for an hour later to eat up the remaining food he couldn’t or would finish at meat time?

greenlady102

GraceQuirrel

I think fussy eaters are bred not born. Can you imagine years ago (I’m talking 50’s and 60’s back to when we lived in caves!) a child wanting to eat something different from the parents? Definitely did not happen in my house, I know what my dad would have said!
You give in once and that rod for your back has been made.

yep I can imagine and you are wrong, as I said, one of my older siblings would only eat semolina. Thankfully the GP was sensible and said give her what she will eat and my lovely Dad wasn't your Dad and she grew up strong and healthy.
Enough of this giving in and rod for your back nonsense!

My DH and I would agree with you Grace Quirrel and so did my parents and grandparents.
Food for the family was put on the table and you ate or went hungry or as I said in an earlier post I was allowed to go next door to my Italian aunt whose food I loved.
Friends tell of poor families who fought over the skin on custard and seconds during free school meals. When food was short you ate it or gave it to someone else.
Why should mums cook different meals for each child what if you have 4 or 5? They weren't being cruel they were teaching us life skills.
When I trained as a teacher you were told to control your class by setting rules right away, these could be slackened as the term progressed To do the opposite was very difficult. It's the same with food if they think they can make a fuss and eventually get something else they will. Just like the semolina everyday.

Yammy

greenlady102

GraceQuirrel

I think fussy eaters are bred not born. Can you imagine years ago (I’m talking 50’s and 60’s back to when we lived in caves!) a child wanting to eat something different from the parents? Definitely did not happen in my house, I know what my dad would have said!
You give in once and that rod for your back has been made.

yep I can imagine and you are wrong, as I said, one of my older siblings would only eat semolina. Thankfully the GP was sensible and said give her what she will eat and my lovely Dad wasn't your Dad and she grew up strong and healthy.
Enough of this giving in and rod for your back nonsense!

My DH and I would agree with you Grace Quirrel and so did my parents and grandparents.
Food for the family was put on the table and you ate or went hungry or as I said in an earlier post I was allowed to go next door to my Italian aunt whose food I loved.
Friends tell of poor families who fought over the skin on custard and seconds during free school meals. When food was short you ate it or gave it to someone else.
Why should mums cook different meals for each child what if you have 4 or 5? They weren't being cruel they were teaching us life skills.
When I trained as a teacher you were told to control your class by setting rules right away, these could be slackened as the term progressed To do the opposite was very difficult. It's the same with food if they think they can make a fuss and eventually get something else they will. Just like the semolina everyday.

So in your family a child like my DD would have been so undernourished she would have had organ failure and died. She wasn't looking for a different meal, she wasn't being naughty, she was wasn't spoiled, she could barely tolerate food. How clever is it to claim you know the perfect answer.

What you have just told us is that no one in your family has had a serious eating disorder.

Kids are born with their own personalities a including food preferences.

Stop blaming the parents when something is not up to your satisfaction and expectations

I always used to make fruit plates for mine when they were little- fruit chopped up into bite size pieces and arranged attractively. As fruit isn’t an issue could you use this to - slowly- introduce raw veg, starting with sweet things little super sweet toms and baby carrots alongside the fruit? Even turn it into a game - blindfolded tasting, what colour is it, is it a fruit or a vegetable etc

Yammy

greenlady102

GraceQuirrel

I think fussy eaters are bred not born. Can you imagine years ago (I’m talking 50’s and 60’s back to when we lived in caves!) a child wanting to eat something different from the parents? Definitely did not happen in my house, I know what my dad would have said!
You give in once and that rod for your back has been made.

yep I can imagine and you are wrong, as I said, one of my older siblings would only eat semolina. Thankfully the GP was sensible and said give her what she will eat and my lovely Dad wasn't your Dad and she grew up strong and healthy.
Enough of this giving in and rod for your back nonsense!

My DH and I would agree with you Grace Quirrel and so did my parents and grandparents.
Food for the family was put on the table and you ate or went hungry or as I said in an earlier post I was allowed to go next door to my Italian aunt whose food I loved.
Friends tell of poor families who fought over the skin on custard and seconds during free school meals. When food was short you ate it or gave it to someone else.
Why should mums cook different meals for each child what if you have 4 or 5? They weren't being cruel they were teaching us life skills.
When I trained as a teacher you were told to control your class by setting rules right away, these could be slackened as the term progressed To do the opposite was very difficult. It's the same with food if they think they can make a fuss and eventually get something else they will. Just like the semolina everyday.

then my beloved sibling would have died if they had been your child or your parent's child. How would that have made them feel?

My eldest grandson was born with a rare condition and as a result was fed solely by PEG feeds for the first year of his life. As a consequence he didn’t experience real food and used to chew and spit his food out as he was fearful of swallowing.
He is on a no/ reduced salt diet now and enjoys a wide variety of food. However he cannot have processed food so everything needs to be home cooked. He is now 4, and been injected daily as he is not producing growth hormones, he also takes medicine 4x daily to keep his kidneys working.
He enjoys cooking and this has helped him widen his diet.
Grammajules enjoy your grandchildren they are so precious, encourage them to get busy in the kitchen it’s amazing how much food pops in their little mouths when they are chopping.
I have three other grandchildren and they all eat anything and everything…

Ask the parents for a list of food he eats. Buy that food. Make that food available. Let him eat when he's hungry. Stop stressing. Enjoy your grandchildren, they grow so fast.

I have had a thought about the "rod for your own back" "wouldn't have happened in my day"-ites
...well two thoughts actually
The first is that unpleasant views and opinions from people who have no eperience of the problem are spectracularly unhelpful....and the second which is kind of linked, is if you were a young Mum (actually or a grandma) in the 50's say, well you know who the arrogant judgy I-know-best other Mums and grandmas are and are you going to discuss with them the things that worry you that they can judge you on?..so they are not going to ask for advice on late toilet training, not sleeping at night, picky eating because they know they are going to get harsh unhelpful (let them cry/punish when they wet themselves/make them eat or starve) advice.
oh last thing I don't see on here is any "I starved my child till they ate and now they are grown and healthy and love me for it advice"

My Grandson now 5 would only eat cheese sandwiches and bananas or cheese and biscuits, that’s what I gave him and didn’t make a fuss. He decided when he was 5 he would try other food and now a balanced diet. As you say not in our day but I didn’t want to upset the applecart!

Hi there I look after my granddaughter and meal times in pm had become fraught , so now I ignore her , go ahead with our own dinner , occasionally will eat dinner but it had become a battlefield , let parents deal with it , occasionally will take cereal. And sometimes takes dinner , ignore it I’d my advice

greenlady102

Yammy

greenlady102

Yammy

I have the same problem with one set of GC. One lives on peanut butter and choc chip ice cream and will starve all day until someone gives in. not me I might add. The sibling was like this but now tries what they think is," grown-up food," steak, duck, broccoli, etc.
The one from the other family who attended nursery from a very young age just says I'll try and if I don't like please may I leave it.,I feel this is alright and they have quite a varied diet.

I think we see this from the "stressed adult" side of things but what about the "stressed child"?
You say "until someone gives in, not me I might add" as though this is a good thing.....IMO there shouldn't be "giving in" because it shouldn't be any kind of clash.

I don't give in because I never have to. I keep clear of all family issues be it food, bedtime or computers. My family know this and know it is their children and their problems and we do not interfere. I should have explained.
My grandmothers never interfered when I was a child my mother had sole control and I was allowed to often eat with an Italian relation who lived next door. If I had to stay at their house my grans asked what time was bedtime and I realised I went to bed then .
Mixed messages from different grans and parents can only cause confusion and make the child even more upset or manipulative which refusing food can be. My grandchild is fed when their parents feel they should be. They lay down the rules and I comply with them even when there were sleepovers and I would probably have disagreed with their decision.

what a lovely Gran you must be

Sarcasm never becomes anyone.

My daughter has very specific likes and dislikes, as does her dad. I’ll eat most things but I have dietary requirements for health reasons. But we muddle along without any stress. OH’s family try and make a big deal out of my daughter being ‘fussy’ but then they have a lot of rules surrounding food, with rewards and punishments etc; eating disorders are rife in his side of the family, so we’re fairly relaxed about what she eats (she’s ten). She knows that my mum will always make her a nice (made from scratch) tea that she enjoys whereas with OH’s mum we need to take food with us (usually for both me and daughter).

She used to love being involved in the kitchen when she was younger- but that didn’t make her want to eat food that she didn’t previously like!

Just feed the child what he will eat. We’ve always put veg in bowl on the table so she can be in control of how much she wants. When she was a toddler she would often have some of her meal, eat her pudding and then go back to her meal. Again, not a problem. No bribery, no rewards, no punishment. She’s very good at self regulating with food and knowing when she’s full unlike her cousins who have food rules foisted upon them.

Yammy

greenlady102

Yammy

greenlady102

Yammy

I have the same problem with one set of GC. One lives on peanut butter and choc chip ice cream and will starve all day until someone gives in. not me I might add. The sibling was like this but now tries what they think is," grown-up food," steak, duck, broccoli, etc.
The one from the other family who attended nursery from a very young age just says I'll try and if I don't like please may I leave it.,I feel this is alright and they have quite a varied diet.

I think we see this from the "stressed adult" side of things but what about the "stressed child"?
You say "until someone gives in, not me I might add" as though this is a good thing.....IMO there shouldn't be "giving in" because it shouldn't be any kind of clash.

I don't give in because I never have to. I keep clear of all family issues be it food, bedtime or computers. My family know this and know it is their children and their problems and we do not interfere. I should have explained.
My grandmothers never interfered when I was a child my mother had sole control and I was allowed to often eat with an Italian relation who lived next door. If I had to stay at their house my grans asked what time was bedtime and I realised I went to bed then .
Mixed messages from different grans and parents can only cause confusion and make the child even more upset or manipulative which refusing food can be. My grandchild is fed when their parents feel they should be. They lay down the rules and I comply with them even when there were sleepovers and I would probably have disagreed with their decision.

what a lovely Gran you must be

Sarcasm never becomes anyone.

Can I ask what help you would give if a grandchild was a fussy eater? You appear to have a lot of experience of it perhaps you would like to share it.
Also, would your children appreciate your point of view if given to them or see you as a bossy interfering lady? Which I strive not to be. Perhaps if they read this they would not like the idea of you sharing their problems with all and sundry.
No, I have never had a child with an eating disorder that is not to say I have not had a child who was life-threateningly ill

My youngest GC are 2 and 6 and have just come into our family by adoption. The 6 year old is very picky, we suspect because of the limited range of fried foods she's been given whilst in foster care. She likes anything crunchy so I make crispy wedges from baked potatoes and root vegetables. I use different colours of peppers, tomatoes, peas, sweetcorn and anything that can be cut small and mixed into rice or pasta which both go down reasonably well.
They don't like chewing meat so I often give them small chunks of fish or cheese mixed in instead. She also likes making herself wraps.
They both like fruit and really love making trifle so we have some lovely variations on fruity/custardy puddings and pancakes.
I agree with others that even a diet that seems very limited doesn't seem to have damaging effects long term, provided they have enough milk/yoghurt and fruit.