Feeding the grandkids. Man cannot live on toast (and cocopops) alone!

Been there too and have the t shirt. I’ve learnt to ignore whether dgd eats or not, she generally eats more that way. I allow her to fill up on fruit and bread and butter. At snack time I sometimes put a variety of small amounts of different foods, including some she doesn’t eat, in a muffin tray. She enjoys the novelty and sometimes eats a new food. I never comment, just add it to the list for next time. My initial instinct was to go down the “if you don’t eat you go hungry” route but I’m glad I learnt better.

My grandchildren are quite good eaters but they became even better when they were in the Reception Class and the whole class tested different schools. Personally, I think your daughter has the right idea about accepting her sons' choices. If you make an issue out of food, it can become a life long issue. If you make the nicer things a "treat" when they get older and can suit themselves, the tendency is to have treats all the time.
We also have different levels of sensitivity with out taste buds too. What is a "strong" flavour for some, is bland to another. One thing for sure is that the sense of taste changes in intensity as we get older and things we found disgusting as children become more tolerable. Just sit back and wait for things to change.
My daughter went through a stage of only eating ice-cream (softened in the microwave, not less) and I was so anxious about it. The GP just laughed and said things would get better, not to worry. He was right! She doesn't even eat ice-cream any more but eats lots of other things.

My grandson is now 10. When he first went onto solid food he would try anything, some he liked some he didn’t - bit like us really. But as he’s got older he has become much more fussy. He loves all kinds of meat, but eats vegetables as little as possible. He doesn’t even like chips now. He only drinks water, or apple juice as a treat, disliking anything fizzy. However, he is active and well, plays football 3 times a week, does gymnastics and swimming, so I think he must be getting his nutrition from somewhere.

I was a fussy eater as a child, and am still quite picky.
My mum used to make a huge deal of it, was always telling people what a problem I was! There was a lot of tension around food.
She wasn’t a bad mum, we had a lot of fun together, but meal times were rarely enjoyable, which is quite sad, I now realise.
Even now, I don’t really enjoy eating with others, fearing comments and judgements on my small appetite.
At least I don’t turn to food for comfort!

As a child I preferred to drink plain water and that is still true over 65 years later.

Food wise I was strict with DGC on some foods being No because my DD was always giving them too much sugar.

We found that my eldest DGC preferred our porridge, scambled eggs and other dinners and would eat them with no fuss but refused same at the mums.

We involved her in the preparation of food and I agree with other PP's that doing so really does open up children to trying different foods.
Best of all she stopped pushing for junk foods while visiting and I always supplied some chocolate treat for her and her siblings. Just not very much.

My son is on the spectrum and still refuses fruit and vegetables despite being almost 30. However he never catches anything. I eat very healthily and catch it all, colds, stomach bugs etc. It’s annoying! My grandkids (two girls, 6 and 9) used to be terrible eaters, of anything! I used to call them food dodgers. They’re a lot better these days but it used to be a nightmare.

Ealdemodor

Alis52
Surely, when you have guests of any age in your house, you would want them to be happy and relaxed, and enjoy themselves.
Most people have dislikes, it is not about being silly, as you put it.

I love this!

The idea of getting them to help you prepare what they are going to eat is a good one.
Even at the age of 4, there is quite a lot that they are capable of doing to help and enjoy themselves. They will often pop things in their mouth without thinking while they are doing it!
As others have said, there is nothing wrong with fish fingers! One of my nephews used to enjoy the vegetable fingers as well and there is always things like chicken dippers, fish cakes and a whole lot of other things coated in breadcrumbs that you may be able to slip in!
The main thing is to try not to worry. You could go all formal, no doubt like many of us had of making them sit at the table until their plate is empty, but this can cause more problems than it cures. If your GS says he is hungry not long after a meal, maybe he will be one of life's grazers, so you could always try leaving small dishes of food out for him to help himself - anything from cheese cubes or sliced fruit to toast etc.
The one thing I will say is to keep an eye on the amount of drinks especially milk he has as they could be filling him up instead of the food!

Ealdemodor

I was a fussy eater as a child, and am still quite picky.
My mum used to make a huge deal of it, was always telling people what a problem I was! There was a lot of tension around food.
She wasn’t a bad mum, we had a lot of fun together, but meal times were rarely enjoyable, which is quite sad, I now realise.
Even now, I don’t really enjoy eating with others, fearing comments and judgements on my small appetite.
At least I don’t turn to food for comfort!

It was what mums were supposed to do. One of my older siblings was quite ill as a small child (before I was born) and once she would eat anything again, would only eat semolina. Luckily the GP was sensible and said give her what she wants, anything to keep her eating...and this wasn't months, it was years. Eventually she wanted other things and she is having a long and healthy life. It was a big lesson for my parents and while I won't say we were pandered to, food choices and eating were never made an issue and we all grew up fine and healthy.

What a helpful thread! I have two GC, little boy (15 months) will eat almost anything, but the almost 3 yr old girl is very picky! But likes red peppers, banana, ham, cheese and is now starting to eat bread. I was mortified about her not liking bread, my father was a master baker and confectioner as was his father before him. We had never had a family member who wouldn't eat bread! It's a minefield isn't it - just try not to put your big foot on a mine and cause trouble with their parents. Step GD stayed with us at 6yrs old. Mealtimes ... well I was a nervous wreck! She's a very well adjusted young woman of 21 and away at uni now. So I take heart from that experience and hope you all do too!

well I don't like gin and it wouldn't matter who had made it what an odd thing to be mortified about!

My DGD, four in September, was always a fussy eater. Refused point blank to eat meat and green veg YUK! She would only eat cheese, potatoes, pasta, baked beans and pizza. However once she started to go to Grandad’s allotment and help him to pick things she was very keen to eat the veg she brought home. She now asks for cauliflower,carrots, broccoli and beans. Grandad has now given her her own little allotment and she is really excited and can’t wait until they can be harvested She has also started to eat chicken and minced meat so her tastes are changing.

We have 7 grandchildren and they all have their likes and dislikes like adults do. We don’t make a fuss when they come to us it’s open house they just take what they fancy on the food front. They all like fruit so they have plenty of that. My husband held the fruit bowel to one of our grandsons 6 years old and said take your your pick and he did, he took the whole bowel out of my husbands hands. We just ask them what they want and give them that. Fish fingers, Baked Beans, spaghetti, meat balls, bolognese is normally the most requested.

Don’t stress. My daughter was a dreadful eater but came to no harm. Her son is the same and won’t eat fruit though he did when he was little. He’s a fine , healthy, energetic lad though it’s s puzzle to me and his other gran how he got that way as he eats like a mouse. I think the best thing is not to press too hard for proper food. It just makes fussy eaters more determined.

What does he like on his toast? Would be eat scrambled eggs? Or peanut butter? Or mashed banana? All nutritious but not too challenging!

Fish fingers, toast and fruit will give a child all the macronutrients and some micronutrients needed - probably a bit short on fat.

My four children all were fussy eaters so i understand your pain! As a gran you really don't have to worry, just give them what they like. Do they like pizza? My gs loves making a pizza with me. We buy a ready made base a jar of topping and he can then add what he likes.

I have a treat box. They are allowed one treat a day which they pick ftom the box. In between meals they have fruit or salad veg. GS loves the mini cucumbers or a stick of celery. He is a picky eater and will not eat a 'normal' dinner. He will eat Ham and Cheese so we usually give him a portion of these on a plate with cucumber and some fruit. He loves helping me make pancakes so as a special we have those too. We ensure he has a daily vitamin too. GD will only eat crisps and McD Nuggets and Fries. Funnily at Granny's she will try a little something different but I have yet to convert her.

I would stop.worrying about it. They are only with you a short while and will.carry on.as usual when they get home. I would give them what they want and make no comment about what they eat. If you tell them.they can't have/do something they just want it more.

I think fussy eaters are bred not born. Can you imagine years ago (I’m talking 50’s and 60’s back to when we lived in caves!) a child wanting to eat something different from the parents? Definitely did not happen in my house, I know what my dad would have said!
You give in once and that rod for your back has been made.

We have a 3 year old great grandson who is picky as, but luckily he loves his PaPas macaroni soup . My husband makes it with chicken and heaps of vegies, blends them together and adds pasta. I always have serves in the freezer for when he comes. I also try to find low fat snacks, sugar free juice, things like that so he thinks hes getting a treat but its not too bad for him. I actually find that vegan snacks are quit good as alot of them are low fat and are baked not fried.

greenlady102

Yammy

I have the same problem with one set of GC. One lives on peanut butter and choc chip ice cream and will starve all day until someone gives in. not me I might add. The sibling was like this but now tries what they think is," grown-up food," steak, duck, broccoli, etc.
The one from the other family who attended nursery from a very young age just says I'll try and if I don't like please may I leave it.,I feel this is alright and they have quite a varied diet.

I think we see this from the "stressed adult" side of things but what about the "stressed child"?
You say "until someone gives in, not me I might add" as though this is a good thing.....IMO there shouldn't be "giving in" because it shouldn't be any kind of clash.

I don't give in because I never have to. I keep clear of all family issues be it food, bedtime or computers. My family know this and know it is their children and their problems and we do not interfere. I should have explained.
My grandmothers never interfered when I was a child my mother had sole control and I was allowed to often eat with an Italian relation who lived next door. If I had to stay at their house my grans asked what time was bedtime and I realised I went to bed then .
Mixed messages from different grans and parents can only cause confusion and make the child even more upset or manipulative which refusing food can be. My grandchild is fed when their parents feel they should be. They lay down the rules and I comply with them even when there were sleepovers and I would probably have disagreed with their decision.

My GC have all had their food fads - and still do, but I give them something that I hope thy will like, that they have eaten previously, and if it is picked over or refused, I take the plate away without comment. I had enough wrangling with my own DD whose eating habits almost drove me to an early grave when she was small. Any complaints about hunger are always met with the comforting remark that lunch/dinner will be soon - they also know that Granny doesn't buy sweets. What a tartar!

Make some bread with him, put things in like healthy foods, linseed raisins cranberries, bananas. As long as he is eating other healthy foods I wouldn’t worry. Just do a snack tray, toast, fruit, raw carrot, yoghurt and add things, I do this for my granddaughter as she always wants pizza, so I do pizza on the snack tray. Toast and fish fungers… it could be a lot worse.

GraceQuirrel

I think fussy eaters are bred not born. Can you imagine years ago (I’m talking 50’s and 60’s back to when we lived in caves!) a child wanting to eat something different from the parents? Definitely did not happen in my house, I know what my dad would have said!
You give in once and that rod for your back has been made.

yep I can imagine and you are wrong, as I said, one of my older siblings would only eat semolina. Thankfully the GP was sensible and said give her what she will eat and my lovely Dad wasn't your Dad and she grew up strong and healthy.
Enough of this giving in and rod for your back nonsense!