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Do you feel conspicuous eating out on your own?

(104 Posts)
biglouis Mon 21-Feb-22 01:42:44

Someone began a discussion on this over on MN. So I wondered how the older generation here felt about it.

As a very young woman (say 16-18) I used to feel conspicuous as though people were judging me for not being with a companion. Nowadays Ive travelled so much on my own I never think about it. I like to sit outside (weather permitting) and people watch. I also find that I get better service as the waiter/ess has no one else in the group to listen to.

Barmeyoldbat Tue 22-Feb-22 11:27:22

I went out last night on my own. I am staying in my daughters house while she is in hospital and last night I just did not want to cook . Drove around and found a lovely small pub doing food. Walked in, it was an old fashion pub with people mainly drinking, they all turned and looked at me, I just smiled and said I am in badly in need of food, everyone was just so friendly, even had a drink bought. For me. I am quite happy in my own company and don’t need a book or phone, I will just sit and people watch.

MaggsMcG Tue 22-Feb-22 11:30:17

Depends where I am. I sometimes do if I'm in London. I get some weird looks and comments when I ask forward table for 1. I was once told they were only seating minimum of 2 as they were very busy. That was a few years ago now. If it happened now I might mention discrimination smile

halfpint1 Tue 22-Feb-22 11:34:00

Freya5

No it doesn’t bother me. Often pop to my lovely local garden centre, for a seat by the window, coffee and a scone. People watch or read my Kindle, I find it relaxing not having to talk all the time.

Same for me. I live in a small town and combine a walk with the prize of a coffee. It gets me out everyday

Marmight Tue 22-Feb-22 11:36:36

When I first worked many moons ago I used to go to a local cafe for lunch on my own. I was so nervous that my hand visibly shook. I had to give up on soup. I can remember it so well. As soon as the spoon was half way to my mouth the wobbling started. Fast forward 40 years and I was back to eating alone again thanks to widowhood. With age comes maturity! I thought nothing of it and like others enjoy people watching, listening to conversations around me blush, reading a book or newspaper, or just sitting & staring. If you’re hungry you need to eat. I’d much prefer to be with others but it’s not always possible.

SparklyGrandma Tue 22-Feb-22 11:47:04

Before 2020, I would have coffee or lunch on my own. Before that I had many holidays alone, with lunch alone often. Never phased me for a minute.
However, never been abroad on holiday alone.
If anyone feels slightly nervous about having a cuppa on your own, head for a M&S if you are in a big city, you will not feel alone there!

kwest Tue 22-Feb-22 11:47:27

Usually it does not bother me and I am quite confident. I would not choose to eat out alone in the evenings but lunchtime is fine. If I feel a bit insecure and hesitant about eating out alone then that gives me a fairly clear indication of my confidence levels on that day. I think we nearly all have good days and not so good days. I don't think I would leave home solely to go out for lunch alone. I would have lunch out if I was already out on a busy day. I am a fairly good cook and could make most things at home for a fraction of the cost of eating out. I have a lovely garden with nice areas to sit and eat with a glass of wine if I want one so the incentive to just go out to eat is not strong for me.

ALANaV Tue 22-Feb-22 12:25:18

No, not all all.....go all over the place on holiday on my own and try out different restaurants ..........some people say ' How can you go on your own ?' and I say, well, I go on my own or I don't go at all. The only thing that REALLY upsets and annoys me is one of a couple saving a table which means there are none left for me ...........being alone I can't reserve one ...sometimes I do put a coat and carrier bag on a seat, if I can watch it from the queue if it is somewhere I have to queue ..........or I am thinking of buying a blow up doll to take with me to reserve a place.....SO angry about that ! grrrrrrrrrangry

coastalgran Tue 22-Feb-22 12:44:21

I love eating out alone, going into a nice coffee shop or restaurant and sitting alone people watching, sometimes I do think that restaurants give better service to single diners, maybe they think that we are the undercover mystery shoppers appraising the place or local inspectors.

Nannashirlz Tue 22-Feb-22 12:51:40

When I was younger I wouldn’t eat out felt like ppl watching me. Then I was with my husband and kids etc. but now it’s just me it doesn’t bother me after all just because we alone doesn’t mean we don’t eat or drink. I’m also a ppl watcher it’s great watching ppl also had ppl ask if can join me but I don’t mind I’m a chatterbox, got to say thou when first on my own I wouldn’t sit. But now couldn’t careless.

timetogo2016 Tue 22-Feb-22 12:51:55

Not for me tbh,if on the very odd occasion i have a Mc-donalds i eat it in the car.
I feel uncomfortable sitting on my own,daft but true.

jaylucy Tue 22-Feb-22 13:01:18

I know in the past when travelling I have had the "only one for a table?" from waiting staff and on more than one occasion have plonked myself in a vacant chair when there have only been 2 or 3 people on a table for 4 (after asking if they minded of course) and have met some very interesting people.
I think that these days , there are so many people - women or men that eat on their own, it means little, so you can read, or people watch!
The one drawback is that if you have been shopping and have bags, or away from home and have a suitcase, there is no one to watch your things should you decide to go for an extra cup of drink or a dessert! ( Apart from Morrisons where you can lock your shopping in a locker)
The

TillyTrotter Tue 22-Feb-22 13:02:52

DH and I commented how nice it was to see 4 single, older ladies having meals at their regular table in the local pub.
2 brought their dogs who lay companionably underneath.
They said they do it twice-weekly and it saves ‘cooking for 1’.

TillyTrotter Tue 22-Feb-22 13:04:02

BTW I would eat alone - absolutely. Lunchtime or Early doors.

MissAdventure Tue 22-Feb-22 13:07:11

Some of the cafes here do lunchtime specials.
A little set menu.
It's an excellent idea, I think, to get people out and about and mixing.

icanhandthemback Tue 22-Feb-22 13:12:40

It doesn't bother me at all but my daughter won't even sit in a car on her own to eat her lunch let alone a restaurant. Why she feels anybody would notice is a mystery to me but the anxiety it induces isn't worth pushing the issue. Even when I was young, I would go to the pub on my own, sit in a corner and read my book. The locals were used to me and never gave me any problems. Sometimes people would chat to me about what I was reading and I quite enjoyed the interaction most of the time. It beat sitting at home on my own feeling lonely and it saved on electric bills!

Secondwind Tue 22-Feb-22 13:27:34

I don’t like eating out alone, so haven’t much of it. I feel so self-conscious, which is ridiculous, because I can’t imagine why people would be interested in me for a minute.
In fact the last time I did it was in Australia in 2005. I met another lone woman paying at the till and we ended up keeping each other company for a couple of days. Thanks to email, we’re still in contact now!

Nannina Tue 22-Feb-22 13:34:07

Not since I got older, all my friends are younger than me and ,due to the pension age changes, are still working so I go nearly everywhere alone including days out and holidays. I get talking to all sorts of people if I want or can sit in peace with my book

Grantanow Tue 22-Feb-22 14:03:55

Not at all. It means I can pay more attention to the food and wine.

CBBL Tue 22-Feb-22 14:18:12

I have been on holidays alone (I was widowed) including to Kenya and to Cyprus, but I do still feel self conscious if I eat alone at a Hotel, Pub or similar places. It is easier since the advent of mobile phones, as you can pass the time more easily, without comment or looks from others.

Georgesgran Tue 22-Feb-22 14:26:44

I feel there’s ‘eating out’ and ‘eating out’. I have no problem with coffee/lunch out if I’m shopping or just because I’m hungry, but last night DD2 and I went to a local pub/restaurant and it was all couples, fours and even a table of 10 out for a birthday meal. I think I’d have felt quite self-conscious on my own there. I sat on my own for 10 minutes until DD2 came later and both waiters had already asked if I was waiting for someone to join me.

grandtanteJE65 Tue 22-Feb-22 14:41:24

I haven't eaten out on my own for years. I don't think it would bother me in the least now.

It did make me feel awkward when I was youg and unmarried because I was terrified that anyone would try to pick me up.

Now that I am seventy, this is not a concern any longer.

nipsmum Tue 22-Feb-22 15:09:09

I don't' like eating alone. If I don't have my Kindle with me I usually buy a magazine to look at.

Happysexagenarian Tue 22-Feb-22 15:56:17

I've been happy to eat out alone since my teens. Also to go into pubs on my own. I very rarely took a book to occupy me, I quite liked 'people watching'. If I wanted to enjoy my meal or drink on my own I'd politely (and sometimes not so politely) rebuff anyone who tried to 'rescue' me from loneliness. Still happy to do things alone.

madeleine45 Tue 22-Feb-22 17:27:16

I am the eldest in my family so I think I always was the one who had to find the loos or whatever so have always been perfectly happy doing my own thing and going wherever I wanted to. I speak several languages and so often find myself being the person going to find out what food is available if in a group and just enjoy trying things when on my own. Lived in syria and portugal and travelled all over. In Istanbul on my own at a cafe the waiter came over and said something I did not understand then he took my hand and led me into the kitchen so that I could see what the food was. I was offered samples and it was very good and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Wandering in cafes or in the souk if you are interested in the food you are made very welcome. I expect to be as other people and do as I please. No body is telling me when and where I may go, and if you travel with a pleasant smile and attitude you are usually very welcome. I am now 76 and still intend to do as I please. If I want to read my paper or book I will if not I will just sit and watch the world go by. I have in two places refused to sit in a scrubby little area next tot he kitchen, when there were better places to sit, Just shook my head and walked to another table and sat down and totally ignored whatever was said, looked at a menu and ordered. The food in one place was really good so I did go back and then was greeted in a better way and shown to a much better table. Dont care anyway, I am paying , I will get whatever appeals to me or go elsewhere.

sweetcakes Tue 22-Feb-22 17:36:32

I quite like sitting at a coffee shop or a deli and passing the time of day watching or reading, however not sure I would like to in the evening in a restaurant! I would feel lonely.