Do you feel conspicuous eating out on your own?

Eating or just having a coffee on my own is not the problem.
Finding a lone place is and usually means having to ask 'is this seat taken ? or, do you mind if I share your table.?

I was just thinking Bluebelle that what I said was rather more serious than most but then many people lurk on GN and read rather than post and some of those people will be more affected than others.
Airing a deeper response may help someone and social anxiety and social phobia are both recognised by the NHS and CBT is readily available. The UK always seem such an emotionally closed society but it you have any dealings with mental health charities, you will know that there are many anxious and troubled people out there.

Many years ago on a business trip to London, when I came down for breakfast on the first morning, a table had been set for me, single setting, right in the centre of the dining room. All the other guests were men, sitting around the sides of the room. I sat down turned to all sides and said loudly 'Good Morning' to all. they all ignored me and went back to their breakfasts not catching my eye at all..
The waiters did not catch my eye either, and the next morning I also had a side table.
That was in London, I have never had any problems here on the Continent.

Some people have confidence some don’t some people have confidence in some situations but not in others
I would have curled up and probably gone without breakfast in your situation felice but I have given a talk about domestic violence to a roomful of policemen

We all have different strengths and weaknesses

No it doesn’t bother me. Often pop to my lovely local garden centre, for a seat by the window, coffee and a scone. People watch or read my Kindle, I find it relaxing not having to talk all the time.

Jilliejosie to suggest anyone who feels uncomfortable eating out a lone has social phobia does an injustice to all those people who have this problem which goes far beyond a fairly mild and trivial event like eating out.

I am happy to eat on my own in a restaurant. The first the I did I was a bit nervous but the staff were so friendly that I soon relaxed and enjoyed my meal.
You soon realise that nobody else is interested in you eating alone so no need to feel uncomfortable.

I seem to have upset you Monica, that was quite a sharp reply. I wasn't suggesting that anyone who feels uncomfortable eating out alone has social phobia. You said it never bothered you so how would you know?
Actually I have had this problem in the past and something very similar at a later date. I was referred by my GP and got some very good CBT treatment and social phobia was what they called it. No one said I was desperately mentally ill, they just said this is a problem some people have like fear of public speaking. It may be something that got triggered by one incident and then set up an anxiety. You're jolly lucky to be so robust but not everyone is. Is there a problem with saying that?
There are many articles about this, here's one - www.verywellmind.com/why-am-i-afraid-to-eat-in-front-of-people-3024319

That article was some serious shit.
“Do you fear you might vomit or lose control of your bowels?”
We are chatting about eating out alone. Not facing a firing squad.

If you have a genuine phobia, then it probably feels like facing a firing squad.

Yes, exactly MissAdventure and those who don't suffer will never know. As it happens, I agree that that particular sentence is a bit over the top but probably not for some. I had a friend years ago who held down a responsible job, had friends and a social life and everything seemed fine - until she committed suicide. Probably someone told her she was imagining things or over reacting.

I'd go out for a coffee and a cake but not a full meal. Many years ago I took lunch at a cafe and the waiter was so over attentive it was embarrassing. When a female couple asked if they may sit at my table I readily agreed as I stood out less like a sore thumb and felt more comfortable.

I don't like it but do it. Especially nice restaurants where you tend to get a bit of attention from waiting staff, I'd rather be left alone.

When I was younger I hated it, and would have room service if possible in a hotel, but as I had to do it a lot in my twenties when away on various training courses and then business meetings I got used to it. My real fear is not having anything to read when I'm sitting alone ? I gradually realised that most people have zero interest in anything but themselves and their immediate surroundings and everyone else was just wallpaper, and I started to relax a bit.

When i was younger ( in my 20s ) i was painfully shy, i would think that everyone around me were staring.

Now, i couldn't care less, i order, I eat, but there again, so does everyone else. I too like to people watch ( outside on a lovely day, with sunglasses perched over eyes )

I always tell myself its how you eat that matters
I say that because some people shovel it in and eat with their mouth open, ughhhh, i have to move from their sight, its either that or i give them the Paddington stare.

Doesn’t bother me, I used to travel abroad regularly for work, always had a book. I haven’t done it it often since I retired as we eat out together, but I would if MrJ was away.

Eating out alone has nothing to do with confidence. That suggests you approach the event with trepidation, but are confident enough not to worry about it.

As a child I ate out with adults in cafes and restaurants - mainly Lyons Corner Houses, when we went up to London to shop, and when we went there I could see lots of people, male and female eating alone, as well as other group types, so when I went up to London on my own and needed to get some lunch I just walked into a suitable establishment where, probably, half the clientele were already sitting on their own and ordered my lunch. It was as ordinary or banal as catching a bus or train on my own.

To be honest, I prefer my own company. So much nicer than small talk.

We went out to eat the other day and there was a very old lady at the table opposite who looked so lonely. I was desperate to speak to her, but didn't want to seem condescending- but I felt bad about it. When she left we both said good bye and have a nice day, and she had a big smile.

Most people who eat on their own these days spent all the time tapping on their mobile phone.

But you should appreciate you come from a totally different world Monica I don’t think I ever ate in a restaurant as a child we never had money for restaurants and living in a small town I m not even sure there were many, We didn’t go up to London or any other city to shop we had a little High Street
I remember the first time I ate in a restaurant I must have been 16/17 and a boyfriend took me out for a meal I was so nervous I could hardly swallow the food
It was not second natured for all of us you were obviously privileged to a much more affluent lifestyle and I totally disagree eating out does have a lot to do with confidence it was an unknown world to me so I needed to build my confidence to enjoy it I loved eating out after I got used to it and of course I do sometimes eat alone when out but for me eating out is a very social thing to do, so eating in a restaurant alone is only done if necessary and not for pleasure the main pleasure would be in the company
And yes as an adult I ve eaten all over the world from roadside stalls to hotels but I m still more comfortable with people or a person to chat to and enjoy the meal with

Not at all. Why should I?

I'd go into a cafe, probably, but not a restaurant, but then I'm not bothered about restaurants, really.

It's pretty obvious I would have thought, that the things we experienced growing up would shape how we react to things as adults.

A trip to a cafe when I was a child might have been 3 or 4 times a year, and it was a very big deal.

MissAdventure

If you have a genuine phobia, then it probably feels like facing a firing squad.

Exceptionally perceptive MissA

In my teens and early twenties I was ridiculously shy and gauche in social situations. I rarely had cause to eat out in public, but when I did I would occasionally be physically sick beforehand. Even now, although it’s much rarer, in some social situations I still occasionally experience the sweaty palms and feelings of nausea of my youth.

Once I hit my thirties (and married my rock of a husband) I had dealt with many of the underlying causes of my social gaucheness and began to enjoy social situations, including eating out alone. However, on one solo holiday abroad (with TUI) I felt that my dining experience was very inadequate. Arriving to dine alone I was invariably placed at a table that was so tucked away that my only views were of walls or columns, with my back to the room. I’m more than happy to dine alone, but I do enjoy ‘people watching’ so several times I declined the offered table and asked to be placed elsewhere.

well, I love this thread, so good for me... never ever lived on my own, so rarely been ,, had to eat alone outside.. dh died just before covid.. so I have struggled to be "happy" nay content at home on my own. still struggling with that..

I have made myself go to a local, small really "KIND" cafe,, run by volunteers and mentally disabled (is that the correct word)

so that helped me to break the ice a little, I still struggle there though.. local Morrisons, very small supermarket, has an extremely small coffee area,, and I am ok. there,

so slowly slowly catchy..... did I say I am elderly? well many years of not being alone, not having to go out on my own.. a huge disadvantage...

don`t think I could do a restaurant yet, but the lockdown stuff doesn`t help me with that aspect, hopefully I can come to do that next

thank you everyone for these comments, really encouraging

When I was younger yes definitely .

Now I'm older and I need to eat drink and take my meds -no .

People often chat and vice versa .

To be honest , when eating /drinking out occurs when shopping - I far prefer to shop alone after one of my friends hijacked my shopping trip in London .

Her behaviour shook me .

She was rude , impatient and inappropriate.
I had to return to reshop the next day and the assistants said, how do you put up with her ?