Limericks - 2

The lights on my tree just keep flashing
They're causing a lot of tooth gnashing
The fairy's head's aching
The baby keeps waking

Oops, sorry.

The lights on my tree just keep flashing
They’re causing a lot of tooth gnashing
The fairy’s head aching
The baby keeps waking
My Christmas is going to be smashing!

My neighbour has built a huge snowman

My neighbour has built a huge snowman
And on it I stubbed my big toe, man

My neighbour has built a huge snowman
And on it I stubbed my big toe, man
His carrot's gone wonky

My neighbour has built a huge snowman
And on it I stubbed my big toe, man
His carrot's gone wonky
He looks like a donkey

My neighbour has built a huge snowman
And on it I stubbed my big toe, man
His carrot's gone wonky
He looks like a donkey
The whole thing's one long tale of woe, man!

The adverts on telly are silly

The adverts on telly are silly
They really get on my willy

The adverts on telly are silly
They really get on my willy
People always so smug
With their tables of grub

The adverts on telly are silly
They really get on my willy
People always so smug
With their tables of grub
And their baguettes of Welsh Caerphilly

I once had a cat with two tails

I once had a cat with two tails
He was French, and he liked eating snails

I once had a cat with two tails
He was French, and he liked eating snails
Les escargots sont parfaits

I once had a cat with two tails
He was French, and he liked eating snails
Les escargots sont parfaits
As mange par Maigret

I once had a cat with two tails
He was French, and he liked eating snails
Les escargots sont parfaits
As mange par Maigret
Unlike fish, they're not covered in scales.

The French for policeman is flic

The French for policeman is flic
An American detective was Dick

The French for policeman is flic
An American detective was Dick
who employed a guy as his sidekick

This is the Limerick thread travelsafar

The French for policeman is flic
An American detective was Dick
who employed a guy
as his sidekick, why?
To help get the crook in the nick.

Tomorrow's my seventieth birthday

Tomorrow's my seventieth birthday
I'll be rocking and rolling my own way

Tomorrow's my seventieth birthday
I'll be rocking and rolling my own way
Three score and ten

Tomorrow's my seventieth birthday
I'll be rocking and rolling my own way
Three score and ten
Don't you dare to say 'when'!

Tomorrow's my seventieth birthday
I'll be rocking and rolling my own way
Three score and ten
Don't you dare to say 'when'!
I'm just living it up in my own way!

There once was a blushing young bride

There once was a blushing young bride
Who swore she had nothing to hide

There once was a blushing young bride
Who swore she had nothing to hide
But inside the safe

There once was a blushing young bride
Who swore she had nothing to hide
But inside the safe
A letter from Rafe

There once was a blushing young bride
Who swore she had nothing to hide
But inside the safe
A letter from Rafe
Confirmed that to him she was tied.

The gifts are tied up and labelled