Limericks - 2

If Santa gets lost in the snow

There once was a Santa called Joe
Who often went out in the snow

Nice one Squiffy

There once was a Santa called Joe
Who often went out in the snow
He would trudge round all night

There once was a Santa called Joe
Who often went out in the snow
He would trudge round all night
But his belt was too tight

There once was a Santa called Joe
Who often went out in the snow
He would trudge round all night
But his belt was too tight
So bad for his digestive flow!

Santa’s sat nav went really wrong

Santa’s sat nav went really wrong
Cos his carrot nose was really long

Santa’s sat nav went really wrong
Cos his carrot nose was really long
He asked Rudolph to guide his way

Santa’s sat nav went really wrong
Cos his carrot nose was really long
He asked Rudolph to guide his way
But Rudolph decided to play

Santa’s sat nav went really wrong
Cos his carrot nose was really long
He asked Rudolph to guide his way
But Rudolph decided to play
On his bells for that day!!

There was an old man with the blues

There was an old man with the blues
With enormous holes in his shoes

There was an old man with the blues
With enormous holes in his shoes
His trousers were frayed

There was an old man with the blues
With enormous holes in his shoes
His trousers were frayed
His wet feet were splayed

There was an old man with the blues
With enormous holes in his shoes
His trousers were frayed
His wet feet were splayed
And sadly he'd run out of booze

I'll hang up my stocking tonight

I'll hang up my stocking tonight
I sincerely hope Santa gets it just right

I'll hang up my stocking tonight
I sincerely hope Santa gets it just right,
I didn't ask for a lot

I'll hang up my stocking tonight
I sincerely hope Santa gets it just right,
I didn't ask for a lot
Just some gems and and a yacht

I'll hang up my stocking tonight
I sincerely hope Santa gets it just right,
I didn't ask for a lot
Just some gems and and a yacht
And a room full of Turkish Delight

There is something quite festive 'bout jelly

There is something quite festive 'bout jelly
Said a jolly lady, named Shelley

There is something quite festive 'bout jelly
Said a jolly lady, named Shelley
When it sits on the plate

There is something quite festive 'bout jelly
Said a jolly lady, named Shelley
When it sits on the plate
I know I won't put on weight

There is something quite festive 'bout jelly
Said a jolly lady, named Shelley
When it sits on the plate
I know I won't put on weight
Unlike when it reaches my belly

Has Santa had his Christmas dinner?

Has Santa had his Christmas dinner?
I doubt he'll be any thinner

Has Santa had his Christmas dinner?
I doubt he'll be any thinner
He's still portly and round

Has Santa had his Christmas dinner?
I doubt he'll be any thinner
He's still portly and round
Not a rib to be found