Limericks - 2

Has Santa had his Christmas dinner?
I doubt he'll be any thinner
He's still portly and round
Not a rib to be found
And everything hides in his chinny chin chinner

My house is in such a great mess

My house is in such a great mess
Haven't vacuumed for a week, I confess

My house is in such a great mess
Haven't vacuumed for a week, I confess
Pine needles and paper and stuff on the tables

My house is in such a great mess
Haven't vacuumed for a week, I confess
Pine needles and paper and stuff on tables
Confusion of illegible scrawls on labels

My house is in such a great mess
Haven't vacuumed for a week, I confess
Pine needles and paper and stuff on tables
Confusion of illegible scrawls on labels
But it's Christmas so I couldn't care less!

It's snowy and icy outside

It's snowy and icy outside
So under the duvet I'll hide

It's snowy and icy outside
So under the duvet I'll hide
It's too cold for walking

It's snowy and icy outside
So under the duvet I'll hide
It's too cold for walking
So I'll just stick to talking

It's snowy and icy outside
So under the duvet I'll hide
It's too cold for walking
So I'll just stick to talking
Till all around me have gone goggle-eyed.

A man once got caught in the rain

A man once got caught in the rain
He was going to work on the train

A man once got caught in the rain
He was going to work on the train
His trousers were wet

A man once got caught in the rain
He was going to work on the train
His trousers were wet
His coat he did forget

A man once got caught in the rain
He was going to work on the train
His trousers were wet
His coat he did forget
So sogginess addled his brain.

If the snow and the ice did not melt

If the snow and the ice did not melt

And no more global warming were felt

If the snow and the ice did not melt

And no more global warming were felt
Then we'd skid round all day

If the snow and the ice did not melt
And no more global warming were felt
Then we'd skid round all day
And when we were tired, we'd say

If the snow and the ice did not melt
And no more global warming were felt
Then we'd skid round all day
And when we were tired, we'd say
It's time we sat down or knelt

I think I should throw out this fish

I think I should throw out this fish
Oh my goodness it's stuck to the dish

I think I should throw out this fish
Oh my goodness it's stuck to the dish
It's eyes, they keep staring

I think I should throw out this fish
Oh my goodness it's stuck to the dish
It's eyes, they keep staring
The poor thing’s beyond caring

I think I should throw out this fish
Oh my goodness it's stuck to the dish
It's eyes, they keep staring
The poor thing’s beyond caring
And the smell's put me in a real tish.

My new year resolutions I'm listing

My new year resolutions I'm listing
Though most of them I'll be resisting

My new year resolutions I'm listing
Though most of them I'll be resisting
No booze and no chocs

My new year resolutions I'm listing
Though most of them I'll be resisting
No booze and no chocs
Reg'lar visits to the docs