Limericks - 2

My new year resolutions I'm listing
Though most of them I'll be resisting
No booze and no chocs
Reg'lar visits to the docs
But in Feb will I be persisting??

My new year resolutions I'm listing
Though most of them I'll be resisting
No booze and no chocs
Reg'lar visits to the docs
But by Feb will I still be persisting??

Next new line please Elrel.

Elrel must be too busy celebrating!

I'll wish you a Happy New Year, now

I'll wish you a Happy New Year now
'cos later i 'll be wiping my brow

I'll wish you a Happy New Year now
'cos later i 'll be wiping my brow
I'll be down at the gym
trying to get trim
after gorging myself like a sow!!!

There was an old woman called Sue

There was an old woman called Sue
Who was forever losing her shoe

There was an old woman called Sue
Who was forever losing her shoe
She wore holes in her socks

There was an old woman called Sue
Who was forever losing her shoe
She wore holes in her socks
The size of Fort Knox

There was an old woman called Sue
Who was forever losing her shoe
She wore holes in her socks
The size of Fort Knox
Which couldn't be mended with glue.

I really could do with some sunshine

I really could do with some sunshine
Just an hour would do me just fine

I really could do with some sunshine
Just an hour would do me fine
Dont want to be pickled
like meat in a brine
just glowing like a glass of red wine!!!

Can i tell you a story of woe

Can I tell you a story of woe
About a handsome bloke called Joe

Can I tell you a story of woe
About a handsome bloke called Joe
His girlfriend's quite bandy

Can I tell you a story of woe
About a handsome bloke called Joe
His girlfriend's quite bandy
And our Joe's quite randy

Can I tell you a story of woe
About a handsome bloke called Joe
His girlfriend's quite bandy
And our Joe's quite randy
So a lot of time's spent down below!

A man bought a hat in a junk shop

A man bought a hat in a junk shop
Because he had felt the first raindrop

A man bought a hat in a junk shop
Because he had felt the first raindrop
The old hat full of holes

rydoll

A man bought a hat in a junk shop
Because he had felt the first raindrop
The old hat full of holes
Was no good for baldy souls

A man bought a hat in a junk shop
Because he had felt the first raindrop
The old hat full of holes
Was no good for baldy souls
And the brim was a massive big flop!

I dreamt I was a Unicorn

I dreamt I was a Unicorn
Whose horn was permantly curled

I dreamt I was a Unicorn
With a unique and lovely curly horn

(apologies travelsafar, 'curled' didn't quite work as the first two lines have to rhyme, and also the 5th line)

I dreamt I was a Unicorn
With a unique and lovely curly horn
I said,"I am a handsome guy,

I dreamt I was a Unicorn
With a unique and lovely curly horn
I said,"I am a handsome guy,
Why don't you give me a try?

I dreamt I was a Unicorn
With a unique and lovely curly horn
I said,"I am a handsome guy,
Why don't you give me a try?
'Cos this "limerick" deserves only scorn.

A Limerick should fit to a tempo